


An Unexpected Attraction

by thegingerhairedlass



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, Multi, Romance, blackinnon, jily
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-19 09:29:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 97,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14234310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegingerhairedlass/pseuds/thegingerhairedlass
Summary: A telling of the Marauders Era and the romance that shaped it all. Lots of teenage angst & romance spanning from the Marauders' seventh year until the end of the First Wizarding War. It's going to be a bumpy ride!





	1. Some Velvet Morning

Lily Evans was sprawled across the couch in the Gryffindor common room. She had both legs dangling over the end and a Transfiguration textbook between her hands, eyes clinging to every word intently. It was a surprise when a face appeared over hers and she was met with a pair of soft lips. Lily smiled.

"How am I expected to get my studying done with you sneaking up on me like that?" When she opened her eyes James Potter was smirking over top of her. He plopped down on the couch, lifting Lily's legs to place in his lap.

"Hey, you're only going to be this young once Evans," he teased, making Lily blush. He loved to act like school meant nothing to him but she knew that was a facade.

"You can't survive a five-minute break?" Now he was kissing her. His lips on her neck, moving up towards her lips. "Not even for your boyfriend?" Lily's eyes flung open in shock. Her  _boyfriend_? Lily's surroundings came to life and then suddenly she was awake, distracted by an owl's beak tapping against her window.

 _What the hell had she just been dreaming about?_  Dating  _James Potter?_  Hell would have to freeze over before such a thing were possible. Lily's stomach churned as she scrambled to get the window open and let in her owl, Apollo.

"Sorry," Lily apologized as she stroked Apollo's head, tearing open the wax seal of the letter she'd had delivered.

_Lily,_

_France is wonderful. Mum left after the first few days, had to get back to work, but it's better that way anyhow. Amy's been showing me all around, introducing me to her friends, taking me out to the pubs. Have I mentioned how much I absolutely fucking love being seventeen? I love it. Being officially legal is like a breath of fresh air if you ask me (perks: we will no longer be restricted to muggle bars that can't tell our IDs are charmed!)_

_The only downside to so far has been Amy's lack of free time with work and all. She tries to leave me maps and lists of things to do but I always end up getting lost or confused (you know me). In more exciting news, I've recently acquired an incredibly helpful guide to show me around. His name is Anton and before you ask yes, we are a little more than just friends. Wipe that look off your face! You wouldn't be able to resist it either if you had a fit French lad showing you around Paris!_

_Only a few more days until I'm forced to return to reality and kiss my French romance goodbye. On the bright side, I'll be able to spend the next two months running around, wreaking havoc, with you, Mary, and Alice. I can't believe this is it, our last summer as students. Well, no matter, we'll certainly make the most of it, lots of drinking and partying to go around. Talking about parties, I'm keen for your boyfriend's little get together (which I am incredibly thankful he is throwing a day after I get home). Try not to be too glum without me, I promise to return home with loads of prezzies._

_Lots of love,_

_Marlene_

Marlene McKinnon's letter left a smile on Lily's face. She'd hurried off to France to visit her older sister, Amy, the day after they'd returned home from Hogwarts. Lily had wound up missing her friend more than she ever could've imagined. It was only a two-week separation and yet, somehow those weeks had been the most complicated for Lily.

Lily found the rest of her house quiet. Her mother would be working at the hospital by now and Petunia was still away on vacation with Vernon's family. It was no bother to Lily, who rather preferred all the time to herself. She strode around her kitchen with no pants on and a  _Holyhead Harpies_  t-shirt that would've driven Petunia mad.

Downstairs Lily managed to shake the last of the Frosted Flakes from the cereal box, eating her bowl in front of the television. It was the same way she'd spent Saturday mornings as a kid, a comforting ritual to get her wonky morning back on track. It was rare she got such alone time in the morning when the three women of the house were usually on top of each other the most. It had been like that for the past year, ever since the passing of Lily's beloved father.

It was his armchair that Lily sat in that morning, feet curled beneath her, as she fiddled with the remote, desperate to find the right program to soothe her anxious mood.

Lily was the only one who ever sat in her father's chair. Richard Evans had been taken from his family at the age of forty-five. One morning, when it'd been just Lily and him at home, he'd gone into cardiac arrest, leaving behind his teenage daughters and doting wife. Lily's mother, Katherine, had been devastated. She'd spent the summer of her husband's death on paid leave, barely rising from bed most days, needing Lily or Petunia to remind her to eat.

Lily's dad had been her role model. She'd shared a special bond with him from a young age, the two of them on a frequency neither Petunia nor her mother could ever reach. Lily had the fondest memories of her father slipping her treats on their drives home from school.

"Don't tell your mother and sister okay?" he would instruct Lily warmly as she struggled to chew on a mouthful of toffee. "This is our little secret." It always was, too. Never once had Lily shared those moments with the rest of their family.

It was ironic, Lily thought, that her father should die from heart failure, considering he had the biggest heart in their family. He'd never been one to watch his diet. Her father had always been a portly man but it had suited him. Lily could remember her mother nagging him constantly about his eating habits but she'd never realized how serious it was.

"Rich, you have to pay more attention to your fat intake," her mother would sigh time and time again. "It's not good for you, especially as you age." Her father would simply grin.

"Would I be the man you married if I worried about my fat intake?"

"I would just like to keep the man I married around long enough for our golden wedding anniversary." Sadly, Lily's parents would never make it.

Her dad's death had come the previous summer. While her mother and sister had been out shopping, Lily had come downstairs from a shower to find her father frozen in his armchair, a cigar still burning between his fingers.

Sitting in that same chair now, all Lily could think about was that last morning with her dad. She couldn't even remember her last words to him, not that it mattered now. She looked down at her now soggy bowl of cereal and placed it aside, no longer having the appetite for it.

This summer would be better than the last; Lily had already decided that. She'd spent her time off the year before mourning the loss of her father and avoiding her friends. Lily refused to repeat the same mistakes this time around. A lot had changed in a year. She'd grown her hair out, turned seventeen, and been steadily dating one of the cutest boys in her year for the past six months.

Fabian Prewett had been a crush of Lily's for years. When he'd finally worked up the courage to ask her out halfway through sixth year, she'd been thrilled. Lily had been good friends with the Prewett twins since her first year, two of the few Gryffindor boys in her year that she could stand. Fabian was kind, funny, and strikingly smart. Not to mention, he was incredibly good-looking; thick auburn hair and warm brown eyes. He could be found often taking runs around the campus or soaring around on a broomstick during Quidditch games.

Lily had been on cloud nine, until recently. It wasn't Fabian; no, he was still absolutely amazing, It was her. Since returning home, Lily's dreams had been plagued by a familiar messy haired boy. She winced just at the thought of it, terrified of whatever unconscious thought was causing this to happening.

It wasn't as though she and James were on bad terms; they'd gotten over all of that last year. For most of the past year, they'd managed to co-exist quite cordially. James had stopped asking Lily out three times a day and she'd come to the startling realization that he wasn't really an arrogant toerag - most of the time anyway. They'd even spent the journey back to Kings Cross together, playing a round of Exploding Snaps and making plans to see each other over the summer. So what the hell was Lily doing dreaming about him?

Was she going mad? She'd have to be to ever think that the two of them could ever work. Lily Evans in no way fancied James Potter, that was a fact. The pair becoming friends was shock enough, but Lily having an actual crush on him? Hell would have to freeze over first. James may have grown up a little but he still managed to behave like a complete asshole when it suited him. Not Lily's type at all. No, Lily enjoyed the quiet brooding type, specifically her lovely boyfriend.

That was the problem, Lily decided, the lack of Fabian Prewett in her summer. She'd been so distracted recently she'd barely given her boyfriend much thought but that was all about to change. Lily would prove to her subconscious just what man she should be fantasizing about.

* * *

James squinted up at his friends, soaring high above his head, and adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. Peter, Remus, and Sirius were in the air, playing a small game of Quidditch as they always seemed to wind up doing. James put his broom beneath him, shooting up to meet the rest of the boys, quaffle in hand. He looked towards Peter who was gripping onto the end of his broom for dear life, his knuckles going white.

"You alright there, Pete?" James asked. He struggled to keep the amusement off his face.

"I hate flying. Why do we always have to do things that involve flying?"

"Quidditch is a religion Wormtail, get with it," came Sirius' unsympathetic voice. Peter shook, adjusting his hands carefully around the broomstick. The four of them played for at least an hour, Peter loosening up over time as he always did. In the end, it was James and Remus that won, much to Sirius' disappointment.

"I still say that goal Wormtail got was legit!" He had been moaning on for at least five minutes now, refusing to accept he'd lost. The rest of the boys knew the drill, sharing knowing smirks as they made their way back up the field towards the Potters' manor. James could see his mother standing at the back door, hand waving to catch their attention.

"Lunch!" she called to the group, all four boys picking up the pace with the incentive of food.

"So, are we going to the party at the Prewetts on Saturday night?" Sirius asked casually. He posed at as a general question but was James he was staring at as he asked. He hated when his friends did that, acted as though they were all supposed to hate Fabian because of him. James and Fabian had always gotten along well, since they were just first years, and in fact, Fabian had done the courtesy of asking James first how he might feel about him and Lily dating. James had told him his crush on Lily was a thing of the past, but he was lying. It had just become abundantly clear in the past year that if James Potter was ever going to become appealing to Lily it'd have to be of her own accord.

"I don't see why we wouldn't," James shrugged. "The twins are always a good time."

"Have you talked to any of them recently?" Remus wondered. "The girls?"

"Marlene wrote a few days ago. Apparently, she's having the time of her life in France, shagging some French guy-" James cut off quickly as they reached his house. His mother was standing close to the door and it was best he kept information on Marlene's love life quiet around her. She and Marlene's mother, Maureen, were best friends; they had been from the time James and Marlene were in diapers; destined to become best friends as well. In fact, at one point their mothers had plotted a union between them, but neither had ever been very interested.

"Wow Care, did you make those all yourself?" Sirius teased Caroline Potter. She gave him a stern look. James' mother couldn't cook for her life. Perhaps growing up with a house elf always around did that to a person. James knew that he had been spoiled rotten by his family's house elf, Mimsy, who would do just about anything he asked her to.

"You know, Sirius, I don't  _have_  to feed you," Caroline reminded him in jest. While James' mother was older than most she still managed to be an absolute knockout; tall and thin, her once jet-black hair had grown streaks of grey and her smooth, freckled skin now wrinkled along her forehead and under her eyes.

She took the boys to the dining room, the table already set, and placed the sandwich platter in the middle. "Now, what am I getting you boys to drink? Is pumpkin juice fine?"

"You'd forget we have a house elf," James quipped before being smacked across the side of the head.

"Have some respect for the person who does all your cooking and cleaning, this family would be useless without Mimsy around." James bowed his head guiltily. He hadn't meant the comment to come out with such arrogance, it just had - as most words that came from James Potter's mouth did. Once Caroline had left the room again, satisfied with her fulfilment of hostess duties, James returned to his story.

"Anyway, like I was saying, Marlene is planning to become French." Sirius made a gagging sound. "Frank and Alice have that summer training program at the Auror office," James continued. "Oh, and Mary is definitely shagging Amos Diggory."

" _Seriously?_ " Peter choked. "I was stuck partnering up with him in Defense fifth year, he's awful." Remus nodded in agreement.

"Mary's not an idiot, what does she see in a piece of work like that?"

"Don't ask me to rationalize what Mary McDonald does," James took a large bite out of his Ham and Swiss sandwich. Silence came over the group and then Sirius coughed, suggestively, grabbing everyone's attention.

"I think you've left out one name there, Prongs."

"Well, I don't know… it's not like we're best pals."

"But you two did seem to be getting along well last year," Peter noted optimistically.

"Yeah, I think she only came to me cursing about you once," Remus added. James rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair so the two front legs lifted off the ground.

"Well, we'll see her at the party I guess. Anyway, I'm sure Lily Evans has spent the past two weeks thinking of nothing but her boyfriend. They couldn't seem to get enough of each other last time they parted." James couldn't pretend the words didn't hurt him to say but he shoved them out with an air of casualty all the same.

If James had to watch Lily be blissfully happy with any guy at least it was Fabian, not any of the other tools pining for her. You always knew Fabian's intentions were pure and he would never mistreat her. It hadn't been easy for James to accept, but after watching them for a few months he saw the truth. He was never going to be the guy Lily Evans needed. She wanted someone without edges or dark corners and that would never be James. He would always be a little too sarcastic and his arrogance would follow him no matter how hard he tried to erase it. The best he could do was try and be a better version of himself, less of a git. Anything other than that wouldn't be James Potter. If Lily didn't like him she never would, it was simple as that and James was slowly coming to terms with it.

"Fuck it, we're getting smashed Saturday night," Sirius decided for the four of them. "And we're all getting laid." James watched Sirius turn his cool grey eyes in Peter's direction. "Even you."

* * *

Mary woke up with her long, chocolate brown hair covering her eyes and a small line of drool slipping from the corner of her mouth. She wiped it away quickly, rolling onto her back so that she could stretch, letting loose a small sigh of pleasure. She was in a small, broom closet of a room, cramped into a twin-sized bed with a snoring Amos Diggory. The small line of sunlight, which streamed in between his dark grey curtains, told Mary it must have been late morning. Carefully she climbed from the bed, tiptoeing around the bedroom, scooping up the various pieces of clothing she'd lost in last night's fun.

How Mary McDonald, one of the most sought-after girls at Hogwarts, had ended up fooling around with Amos Diggory was beyond her. He was quiet, academically driven, and spent most of his days buried in history textbooks on magical creatures. Mary found magical creatures interesting but that didn't mean she wanted to spend an entire night reading about them.

Once fully dressed, Mary paused for a second, admiring the sleeping figure before her. No one paid much attention to Amos, but staring down at him now Mary couldn't seem to find anything faults. He had shaggy, light brown hair and soft features. He had more meat on his bones than most of the guys she slept with who were completely obsessed with their bodies. Mary couldn't help but admire these things about him. He wasn't terrible in bed either; it had been a shock to her.

Their introduction had come in the Care of Magical Creatures class. Mary spent the entire year complaining to her friends about how obnoxious Amos was, shooting his hand up to answer any and every question the professor asked. Mary could have pushed him into the container of Blast-Ended Skrewts. Somehow, halfway through the year, she'd been doing terribly in the course and ended up getting tutored by him. It was torture - she bickered with him most of the time. Then, one night, on the way home from the library - after a long evening of Mary sighing exasperatedly and Amos struggling to understand how she couldn't get it - he'd kissed her. She'd meant to smack him but instead, she'd kissed him back.

Amos stirred in his sleep and Mary jumped, realizing how insane she must have looked just staring at him. She stood, frozen for a moment, struggling with whether to leave or say goodbye. Finally, she stepped forward, shaking Amos delicately.

"Hey… Amos?" His round brown eyes fluttered open, glassy from sleep.

"Mary?"

She smiled, running her fingers through his hair.

"I'm heading out, okay?" He nodded. "Am I going to see you tomorrow night?"

"What's tomorrow night?"

"The Prewett party?" she said it like he must have been the only person on the planet not to know what was happening.

"Oh, um… not really my scene. I have some reading I really need to catch up on." Mary looked at Amos blankly, blinking a few times. Was he passing up a Prewett party for some reading?

"I'll see you around, Amos." She knew he wouldn't be able to stay perfect for very long.

Mary could have gone home but she wasn't in the mood. Her younger siblings would all be awake and running around, her mother chasing after them tirelessly. Mary was too exhausted to deal with that and the questions she'd be bombarded with immediately upon walking through the door. Instead, she made a quick stop at the bakery down the street from Amos' and then apparated to Cokeworth.

Mary walked down the familiar street, knocking on the house with the blue door and well-kept garden. A sleepy-eyed Lily Evans, still sporting bedhead, answered the door.

"McDonald?" she asked curiously, blinking at her friend. "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you're still alive, distracting myself, the usual." Mary pushed past her friend and stepped inside, making herself at home. She led the way into the kitchen, passing Lily the large coffee she'd brought over - two milk one sugar, just the way she liked it.

"This smells like heaven." Lily licked her lips.

"I know you well. Here," Mary said as she pushed a croissant in her direction, "my treat." Lily must have been one of the prettiest people Mary had ever met. Mary's beauty was generic; tall, thin, dark hair, dark eyes. People were drawn to its commonness. Lily's beauty was unique. Her long, slightly wavy red hair and startling green eyes were attention drawing. It made you never want to stop looking at her. It didn't hurt that she was sharp as a whip either. Lily Evans was lethal to men. James Potter had learnt that the hard way.

"Excited for Fabian's party tomorrow?" Mary asked, picking at her own food.

"Yeah, I visited him the other day. He and Gideon are pulling out all the big guns for this one."

"Wouldn't expect any less from them." Mary was thrilled about the upcoming event. She loved a good party. It was an excuse for her to get all dolled up and flirt - and Mary loved a good excuse to flirt. Besides, it was their last summer as students and the first time all summer the whole group of them would be together.

"Hey, have you seen Mar yet?" Lily asked, her voice suddenly jumping with excitement. "She must have gotten in from Paris yesterday." Mary nodded, tucking a loose strand of dark hair behind her ear.

"She probably just went to sleep, exhausted from  _excessive_  Anton shagging," Mary said the last part with dramatic emphasis, which made Lily laugh so hard she spit out the coffee in her mouth.

"How does she manage to find love anywhere she goes?"

"That's our Marley, a dick magnet." Mary could see Lily pursing her lips together hard to hold in the laughter and she smiled proudly.

"It'll be so nice to see Alice though, won't it? She and Frank took these summer internships and we never see them anymore!"

"They might as well already be Aurors." Mary hated that it felt like their last big summer was being wasted. Shouldn't they be fighting to stay together? Wanting to spend every night having sleepovers, shopping, and braiding each other's hair? The braiding might have been a bit excessive but Mary felt it necessary nonetheless. She felt robbed of their last summer holiday together.

Last summer had been awful, with Lily losing her father. No one had known what to do or how to comfort her. Lily was the glue to the group and without her, they were lost. The girls had been distraught, trying to figure out what to do to fill the void Lily's father had left in her life. Mary wasn't sure if they'd ever succeeded.

"You have to promise me we're going big tomorrow night," Mary begged. "Seriously, you, Marlene, Alice, and me altogether. Lil, let's do a big sleepover, just like we used to!" Lily looked hesitant but Mary's big, pleading, puppy dog eyes seemed to draw her over.

"Okay, okay. I think a sleepover can be arranged." Mary jumped out of her seat with excitement.

"Marlene is going to be so happy!" She couldn't wait to throw her arms around her bony little blonde friend for the first time in two weeks.

* * *

It was eleven AM on a Friday and although most normal people were awake by this time, Marlene McKinnon knew James Potter would not be. She made her way up the Potter's front path, towards the tall gorgeous home, which had green vines climbing up its red brick walls. Marlene rang the doorbell, a bag of presents hanging from her wrist.

Her curly blonde hair was gathered into a high ponytail and her face was clean of any makeup so that her newly obtained freckles were clearly visible. Marlene's skin had tanned just a few shades darker during her three-day trip to the South of France and it gave her a healthy glow.

Mrs Potter was the one to answer the door. A large smile spread from cheek to cheek when she realized it was Marlene waiting on her front step.

"Hello, sweetheart!" She opened her arms, Marlene jumping into them. "How was your trip?"

"Wonderful."  _And filled with lots of sex_ , Marlene wanted to add.

"And your sister?"

"She's doing great. She really loves her job over there." Caroline nodded with approval. Marlene had never been so happy to see someone in her life. Over the years she'd grown to see Mrs Potter as a sort of mother figure, being there for her in the ways her own mother couldn't be. "Oh! I almost forgot…" Marlene rummaged around in her bag for a moment before producing a small, navy, jewellery box. " _Ta-da!_ " Caroline gasped.

"Oh, Marlene! You didn't have to do this."

"It was screaming your name," Marlene shrugged. Truthfully, she'd spent days searching for the perfect gift for Caroline Potter. Inside the box were two lavender pearl earrings that went perfectly with a necklace Marlene had remembered seeing Caroline wear.

She heard the sound of footsteps above her head and then Mr Potter appeared, walking down the large spiral staircase that took up most of the entry hall.

"Marlene McKinnon!" he called out warmly. "How was France?"

"Fabulous. Think fast!" she exclaimed, tossing a box in Alec's direction. He caught it with ease, reflexes just like his son's, opening it up to find the nice striped tie Marlene had purchased him on her visit.

"Do you think there's still enough time to convince Maureen to trade kids?" he joked with Caroline, making Marlene smile proudly. "This is great, Marlene, thank you."

"Another to add to that collection of yours."

Alec nodded, smiling in his wife's direction. "Should we get going?"

"Yes, off to work for us Mar, I wish we could visit more." Marlene gave Caroline another tight hug.

"We will, soon! James is upstairs, right?" Caroline nodded.

"Yep, him and Sirius both. See if you can get them up and fed."

"Now that's a challenge I'll accept," Marlene said with a wink, turning towards the stairs.

James's bedroom was on the third floor, his own little oasis. It was huge, the house's attic, which his parents had renovated for him before he left for Hogwarts. The outer wall had two large windows so that the room was always awash with natural light. Otherwise, the decor was to James' taste, Quidditch posters everywhere, a desk filled with scribbled on parchment and empty ink pots, a couch littered with clothing. Regardless of the sometimes questionable odour, It was Marlene's favourite room in the house.

She tiptoed up the attic stairs and opened the bedroom door to find just still snoring in his queen sized bed. Marlene could've shaken him awake peacefully but that wasn't really their style. Instead, she bolted towards the bed, jumping up and down over James to wake him up.

" _I'm home! I'm home! I'm home!_ " Marlene cried as James groaned below her. After a few seconds, she collapsed beside him, planting a big, sloppy, kiss on his cheek. They often played the role of siblings; in fact, many people at school had mistakenly assumed they were related. Had their mothers had their way, they would have been married the minute it was legal. Luckily, their platonic feelings for each other had made that impossible.

"Wake up you lazy lump, I've got presents for you." That got James moving a little faster. He reached for his glasses, lying on the bedside table, and sat up in bed.

"You look different…"

"I'm tan!" Marlene enthused. it was a very exciting thing, especially considering it was nearly impossible for her to tan on a regular basis. She handed James his gift, but, before she could even watch him open it she was tackled down by Sirius.

"McKinnon's home!" he shouted, despite Marlene's protests. He kissed the side of her face the way she had James' and she cried out with disgust. "I hope there's another gift in there for me," he said, winking at her. Marlene rolled her eyes but produced one anyway. She knew that when James got a gift Sirius needed would need something as well. They were children. Marlene brought James a new book on Quidditch and Sirius a comfy black sweater.

After she'd made them sufficiently happy with presents they were forced downstairs so that Mimsy could whip up some breakfast.

Have you visited anyone else yet?" James asked. The three of them were sitting around the kitchen table, growing hungrier by the second as Mimsy made them all pancakes.

"Nope, you're my first stop."

"You just couldn't stay away, could you McKinnon?" Sirius said in his sleaziest tone. Marlene stuck her tongue out at him.

"You two are going to the Prewett's party right?" They nodded. Marlene was excited to know everyone was going. She knew James hadn't been in the highest of spirits at the end of the school year. He'd been forced to spend the last half of sixth year watching Lily Evans fall head over heels for Fabian, all the while playing the role of her friend. It had broken Marlene's heart. It was also the most selfless thing she'd ever seen James do.

"I heard a rumour that Penelope Frasier is single again," Marlene noted casually, her eyes planted on the plate of food in front of her.

"Penelope's single?" Sirius was practically drooling. Marlene glared at him.

"She's not really a one night stand kind of girl." Marlene and Sirius shared a glance and then both turned to look at James.

"I don't even know Penelope Frasier," he said defensively, his mouth full of pancakes.

"Well get to know her! She's really great and you know I wouldn't just say that. Besides she's smart, funny-"

"-Really,  _really_  fit," Sirius added. Marlene could have torn his head off. Why did James keep him around again?

"Right, well… that too. Anyway listen, I know you won't admit it but you've been moping since I left, haven't you?" Marlene pointed her fork at James accusingly. "I'm not blaming you, I'm just saying, you're a great guy, Potter, and you've come a long way in the past year." James smiled gratefully. "I just don't want you to feel like it was all just for her… maybe she was just the one to get the juices flowing."

"Thanks, Dumbledore," Sirius muttered as she finished.

"Seriously though James, I  _will_  murder him."

* * *

Lily's home was bustling with estrogen as her friends began to show up one after another. Mrs Evan was downstairs in the kitchen preparing snacks for them all. Lily hadn't been planning on dressing up much but when Alice and Mary had arrived they'd practically fainted upon seeing what she was wearing.

"Lily, is this some kind of sick joke?" Alice asked. She held her head in pain dramatically. Lily was wearing a simple blue cotton sweater and ripped jeans. Neither of her friends seemed very pleased with this choice. Lily hadn't felt much need to dress up considering it was her boyfriend throwing the party, and why did she need to look like she'd spent hours getting ready anyway?

"Evans, this party is going to be brimming with hot, well-dressed ladies, all pining after your adorable boyfriend. Is this really what you want to wear to say 'be jealous of me?'" Lily looked down at her clothing choice unsurely now.

"I am a genius," Alice assured them, "because I went shopping before showing up here, of course, I knew you'd pull something like this…" She fiddled around in her tiny purse, which was much larger inside than it appeared, and produced a shopping bag. "Voila!" Alice tossed it in Lily's direction.

Alice herself looked beautiful. She was wearing a pair of skinny black ankle jeans, an oversized black sweater, and open-toed large black heels. Lily admired her choice of colour. On anyone else, the outfit might have looked ridiculous, but on Alice, it was the height of fashion with her bright red lipstick and short pixie cut.

"Al, this is a slip, not a dress!" Lily complained

"You are wearing that!"

"Of course it's green." Lily groaned. Why was she always forced into green? Yes, the colour looked great on her but the leprechaun jokes got old about fifteen years ago.

"Because you look fucking great in green, now put it on!" Lily rolled her eyes but did as her friend instructed anyway, slipping out of her clothing of choice and into the tight and uncomfortable dress. It was a short curve-hugging, deep green lace dress with spaghetti straps.

"I look ridiculous," she fretted, pulling at the ends of it.

"You look like you're going to be the most gorgeous girl in the room," Alice assured her, looking proudly at her friend. "Do her hair, Mary! You're always great with hair."

The truth was, Lily, didn't really want to do her hair, or put on makeup. Really, she would've rathered slip back into her sweatpants and spend the night at home with her friends, possibly some popcorn, and a really good, tear-jerking film. None of her friends really understood movies, except for Mary, but they'd put up with them from time to time to appease their muggle friends.

"There," Mary announced proudly. She'd gathered Lily's thick red hair into a neat bun on the top of her head. "Fabian is going to die when he sees you."

"Is Molly going to be there?" Alice asked from the edge of the bed. She had a handheld mirror in one hand and a mascara brush in the other.

"I highly doubt it, she's got two young kids at home and she's ready to give birth to her third any day now."

"Wow… how many little Weasleys do you think we can have running around this country?" Lily shrugged, turning back towards her vanity mirror, fiddling with her hair a little bit. Mary had made the bun so tight Lily felt like the skin was being pulled back on her face.

"Where is Marlene?" Alice pouted. "I've been excited to see her all day!"

"Just like McKinnon to make us all wait for her." Mary plopped down on the bed beside Alice now to stick on her heels. Lily couldn't pretend she wasn't desperate to have Marlene back around; it was just so easy to talk to her. Marlene wouldn't judge her but she wouldn't soften the picture for Lily either, she was straightforward and yet the most caring person Lily had ever met.

"Should we leave without her?" Lily suggested uncertainly. Like magic, there came a tap at her door. Her mother stepped in, smiling at the group of them.

"I have some snacks for you guys." She carried in a tray, placing it down on Lily's desk by the window. "Also, you have a very pretty blonde friend waiting to see you." Everyone in the room cried out happily and then, from around the corner, came Marlene, a huge grin plastered across her face.

Lily could have cried she was so happy to see her. Marlene looked much of the same but she was tanner than she had been the last time Lily saw her. She seemed well rested as well; the usual bags under her eyes had disappeared. She carried a big bag in her hand and then proceeded to move around the room and give each of her friends a present.

"I couldn't go to France and not bring you guys gifts!" Lily loved her for it. She'd gotten her a gorgeous golden-chained necklace with a little leaf on the end of it. Lily loved it, she never wanted to take it off.

"I missed you so much, Marley," she said, throwing her arms around her friend and breathing in the familiar vanilla bean scent she carried everywhere. Lily wanted to sit her down on her bedroom floor and pour her heart out right then and there but she knew it wasn't the right time.

Who's ready to party?" Mary called out, the girls all hooting back with enthusiasm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering why certain names are different (i.e. James' parents are not Fleamont & Euphemia) it is because this fanfic was started many years ago and this is a revised and much cleaner version of the original! Caroline and Alec are simply my versions of James Potter's parents and I love them very much despite their rather traditional and boring names.


	2. Anthems for a Seventeen-Year Old Girl

The Prewett home was filled to the brim with people. Sirius and James moved slowly through the crowd inside, searching for alcohol. Sirius needed some, and quickly, if he was going to have to spend his night in such close proximity to loud, obnoxious, drunk teenagers. He decided he might as well join them in the endeavour and get absolutely smashed.

"Do you think Remus is here yet?" James called to him, Sirius' heart soaring as he spotted a table piled high with drinks of all kind.

"Probably not, he'll come later. Peter might be though…" Sirius would have searched the room but his mind was too set on the drinks in front of him. He grabbed a glass and filled it to the brim with Firewhiskey, proceeding to do the same to a second, which he passed to James.

"Are you trying to kill me?" James stared down at his cup apprehensively.

"I'm trying to prevent you from spending this entire party looking for Lily Evans." His friend froze up at the mention of the name. Sirius sighed. "Listen, Prongs, McKinnon was right about what she said, you've changed a lot. You don't have to sit around and wait for Evans to notice.  _Make her_." James grimaced, taking the cup in his hand and chugging half of it. Sirius hooted with pleasure.

"That is the James Potter I love! Come on, let's see if we can get you drunk enough to want to talk to Penelope Frasier."

"You're terrible."

"Hey, I'm your wingman, have some respect!" Sirius and James ended up in a large sitting room cleared of all furniture so that people could move around in it. There were couples dancing and a game of Exploding Snaps taking place in the corner. Remus had shown up, Peter as well, and the four Marauders all leaned against the back wall, watching everyone else around them having fun.

"Hey Moony, that girl has been staring at you for the past twenty minutes," Sirius whispered in his friend's ear, hoping to get something exciting going. In truth, she'd only looked over once or twice but Sirius didn't care.

"Which one?" Sirius nodded his head in her direction. She had dark hair, bangs, and a captivating smile. If Remus didn't take her Sirius sure would. He looked over at his friend, noticing the small flicker of interest pass across his eyes.

"There's no way she's been staring at me," Remus denied, shaking his head. "You must have gotten confused-"

"Would I lie to you?" Sirius threw back the rest of his Firewhiskey. That was his second cup and he could feel the liquid courage begin to flow through his blood. "Look." To Remus' horror, Sirius stood tall and strutted over to the small group of girls, tapping the dark haired one on the shoulder.

"Hello." He smirked.

"Yes?"

"Well, my friend over there-" Sirius turned to point at Remus, who waved back anxiously. "-He thinks you are absolutely gorgeous." The girl's cheeks grew rosy with a blush.

"Does he now?" Sirius nodded enthusiastically. "Well, you should tell your friend if he finds me so gorgeous he should come ask me to dance himself."

"Gotcha." Sirius returned to Remus who looked about ready to pass out.

"What the hell did you say?"

"Go get her!" Sirius gave Remus a little shove and without any more protests watched his friend slowly approach the group. Five minutes later he and his new date were one of the many couples swaying around in the middle of the room, the night's dedicated dance floor. It was some of Sirius' best work.

"You're terrible," James chuckled, giving his friend a little shove. Suddenly the group of three grew quiet as a new figure entered the room. Lily stood in the doorway, her eyes roaming around nervously; she looked like she wasn't quite sure what to do with herself. Sirius' eyes flickered towards James for a fraction of a second. His friend stood still, watching Lily in awe. Even Sirius couldn't deny that she looked positively jaw-dropping tonight.

Lily's emerald eyes spotted the Marauders in the back of the room and Sirius watched, rather excitedly, as she and James shared a look, which was quickly interrupted by Fabian's entrance. Sirius could have thrown him out the window, although that might not have been very fair considering it was his party. Just as James had been getting his one shining moment the big redheaded git had to come and ruin it.

"Why don't we go see if Penelope's shown up yet?" Sirius suggested as Fabian kissed Lily on the cheek and then pulled her along to dance. Sirius could see the slow rise and fall of James' chest as he watched the pair of them looking happy as clams. It wasn't often that James Potter didn't get what he wanted. Sirius was sure it was an odd feeling for him.

"I could get more drinks?" Peter offered, watching James tensely. Sirius gave him a nod and Peter shuffled from the room as fast as his legs would carry him.

"Come on mate, torturing yourself is not going to do anyone any good." James' eyes turned to meet Sirius', filled with pain. Lily Evans was the one thing James had always wanted and never known how to get. He'd tried everything from the desperate pleas to fixing up his personality but it was a no-go. Sirius just had to stand by and watch in agony as James fumbled it time and time again.

Sirius wanted to hate Lily. It was usually how one felt about the person who hurt their friend so consistently, but he couldn't. Over the past year, Sirius and Lily had formed their own sort of friendship and even he could see she was drawing. Lily was kind, funny, and she never made you feel like you were a burden. Despite the fact that Sirius had spent years bullying her best friend she'd still showed him the benefit of the doubt, which was more than most people in his life ever had. Lily's warm nature and likeable personality were what made the whole situation even harder. It was impossible to hate Lily Evans and James Potter knew it.

"I'm fine," James assured him. "Seriously, the whole Lily thing was a long time ago; it's not like I've never seen them together." Sirius watched as Lily and Fabian began to kiss, his own stomach sinking at the sight.

"Yeah, well I'm not. PDA is disgusting, let's go."

"Coming from the PDA master," James scoffed, following anyway. Out by the drinks again Sirius spotted Marlene surrounded by a group of guys.

"Come on boys, let's not get me completely trashed my first party back," she grinned, accepting a shot from one of the many suitors surrounding her. She cleaned up nice. She was wearing a white t-shirt and a leather mini skirt, all of which seemed to make her look more fit than she already did. It seemed no one could take their eyes off of Marlene McKinnon tonight, not even Sirius.

"How does she do it?" James asked in disbelief. "You'd think she'd slipped them all love potion before showing up." Sirius chuckled as Peter came hurrying over towards them, struggling to hold all the drinks in his hands.

"Thank you Wormy, here's to James finding himself a nice snog by the end of the night." James rolled his eyes but Sirius was not joking in the slightest. He was finding James a distraction if it killed him.

* * *

Mary twirled her hair around her finger subconsciously as she listened to Vincent, a wizard from Germany, go on and on about how much better their Quidditch teams were. If Mary happened to be interested in Quidditch, like Marlene or Lily, she might have had the mind to listen, but Mary McDonald was anything but a Quidditch fan.

The only reason she'd stuck around and listened to Vincent for so long was because he was the most attractive guy in the room. He had short blonde hair and piercing blue eyes, and Mary's sights had been locked on home all night. Of course, she'd expected much less talk and more action from the guy, but Mary did not give up easily. She could work with this.

"Hey Vincent, have you seen the gardens here yet?" Mary proposed hopefully. He shook his head. "Oh, you have to see them! They are the most stunning gardens I've ever seen… would you like me to take you?"

"That sounds nice." Mary might have been terrible at flying, and the worst studier in history, but she was the most extraordinary flirt in the world and an even better kisser. Just as the pair of them were about to reach the back door a small tap on the shoulder grabbed Mary's attention. Alice stood behind her, a bemused expression on her face.

"I need your help," she stated in the least desperate tone. Mary wanted to turn around and pretend she hadn't heard her. All she wanted was one amazing hook up with an attractive German tonight, was that too much to ask?

"What?" she demanded through gritted teeth.

"Marlene is about to allow three sixth years to take shots off her stomach." Mary could've killed her. Marlene had gotten to shag an attractive French guy for the past two weeks, couldn't she at least give Mary this one?

"Where is your big Auror-in-training boyfriend? Get him to stop her."

"We've tried! She won't listen to reason and Lily is off with Fabian. Marlene is too drunk to understand the crippling regret she will feel in the morning for this."

"Fuck, where is she?" Mary demanded, ready to murder these sixth years. If she wasn't getting her moonlight hook up with Vincent they weren't getting anywhere near Marlene.

"Kitchen." Mary turned, smiling at Vincent.

"Wait for me?"

"Uh… sure." She knew that at the time she was gone another girl would most likely snatch him up as quickly as possible and Mary McDonald would be left with some mediocre looking drunk for a hookup. She followed Alice off into the kitchen anyway, her friend hadn't lied.

Marlene was rolling up her white sweater and preparing to lie across the Prewett's kitchen island, a group staring on at her in anticipation. Frank stood in the corner of the room, horror on his face.

"Absolutely fucking not!" Mary called out, everyone turning to look at her. "Marlene McKinnon, pull your shirt back down and get yourself some water," Mary ordered. She hated when she had to play the mother but she did it well. Lily was too lenient and Alice too kind.

"Mary," Marlene whined, making big puppy dog eyes at her friend. "It's the first party of the summer!"

"And I'm not letting you give body shots to this lot," Mary answered pointedly, crossing her arms. Marlene slowly shimmied off the counter, taking Mary's hands. The room filled with disappointed groans and a few people booed but Alice and Frank did the job of shutting them all up. They were better than Mary at that.

"Body shots seemed like a good idea at first…" Mary wrapped an arm around her friend's shoulder.

"Maybe not so much now. That's okay honey, we all make mistakes." Marlene scrunched up her face with displeasure. "Here." Mary filled an empty glass with water with just the swish of her wand and forced it into her friend's hand; watching her drink it slowly. Across the room, Remus was chatting very closely with some pretty, dark-haired girl Mary had never seen before and Peter stood off to the side alone. Mary's heart went out to him. It often felt like Peter just trailed behind the rest of the Marauders, never really a part of the pack.

"Please tell me the rumour is true?" Sirius asked. He'd come up behind them, grinning from ear to ear. Marlene grimaced at him over her cup of water.

"Guess you're too late to ever know," Mary replied with a slight shrug.

"McKinnon, you, my friend, are a legend." Sirius cupped her on the shoulder.

"I hate you."

"Come dance with me." Mary watched with amusement as Marlene protested.

"No, go away Black. I'm not drunk enough for this."

"Come on, if I don't get to see sixth years take body shots off of you I at least get a dancing partner to make all the other girls jealous." Finally, Marlene broke, taking his hand and letting him guide her into the other room in which everyone was dancing. Mary watched on with a smirk, turning in Peter's direction once they were gone. If she wasn't going to get Vincent at least she could keep Peter some company.

* * *

Fabian and Lily were sat on the bottom of his stairs, his arm wrapped tightly around her. Lily rested her head on his chest, feeling completely at ease. Every once in a while Fabian would kiss the top of her head affectionately and she'd cuddle a little closer into the embrace.

"You look beautiful tonight," he told her, making Lily smile. "Have I told you that yet?"

"Only about a hundred times, but it's nice to hear again." They watched as a small group of people made their way to the door, waving at Fabian before leaving.

"You're so popular," Lily teased him.

"Truth be told they're mostly friends of Gideon's and the minute anyone hears about a party there are crowds running over."

"Well, I for one hate parties, I just find one of the hosts kind of attractive." Lily heard Fabian chuckle above her and she sat up now so that she could see his face.

"Only kind of, huh?"

She smirked slyly."It's always on the edge with him…" Fabian tickled her so that Lily burst into laughter and then proceeded to kiss her all over her face until she changed her answer.

"Okay, okay! I love him!" Fabian stopped then. He slowed down and then their lips met slowly. Fabian was the first boy Lily had ever said I love you to; it had felt like a big step at the time. She was never really sure what love meant or how it should feel but one night Fabian had said it to her while they sat by the fire in the Gryffindor common room and without much thought, Lily had said it back. She figured that's what it was like when you were in love, not much thought.

"I should probably make sure no one's caused any serious damage around here," he said as they pulled apart. "Don't want Molly stopping for a surprise visit tomorrow and seeing this place a mess." Lily nodded, pressing her forehead against his.

"I'll be right here waiting for you." With a final peck on the cheek, Fabian stood up and walked off into the other room. Lily's dress felt too tight and her hair was beginning to give her a headache. Truthfully, she didn't want to be right here waiting, she wanted to be home in her bed, free of any makeup or uncomfortable clothing, reading a book.

The party was beginning to die down. She caught sight of a group of her friends playing spin the bottle in the next room. She could have joined them but she decided not to, stepping out the front door instead to catch some fresh air. It felt nice outside, the warm summer air filling her lungs. Lily stepped forward onto the front lawn, soaking it in. She pulled the high heels she was wearing off of her feet, burying her toes in the dewy grass. It felt nice.

"Are you okay?" Lily's eyes flung open and she turned to see James Potter, a half-smoked cigarette between his fingers. Lily's cheeks warmed and she was glad it was too dark out here for him to be able to tell.

"Yeah… I was just getting some fresh air." He nodded, running a hand through his already messy hair.

"Me too."

"That's not very fresh though, is it?" Lily nodded towards his cigarette. She hated the smell of them - they reminded her of her father.

"I guess not…" James chuckled nervously, tossing the thing away. "How's your summer been so far then?"  _Overrun by thoughts of you_  Lily thought, but she made sure to keep that one to herself. It was almost hard looking at James Potter after all the dreams she'd had; it made the hairs on her arms stand on end. All she could think about now was the time she'd dreamt about him pushing her against the wall in that deserted corridor on the fifth floor and kissing her passionately. Lily's heart fluttered and her palms sweat. What was she doing thinking about that in front of him? What was she doing thinking about that  _at all?_

"Uneventful," she replied, struggling to keep her voice steady. "Yours?"

"Nothing too spectacular."

"That doesn't sound very James Potter of you," Lily teased him. A smirk spread across his face.

"No, I guess not." Lily couldn't believe how intense it felt standing a few feet away from him. A month ago she could have done this fine but now, all of a sudden, her mind was playing tricks on her. James Potter was just a metaphor for something else in her life, she was sure of it. There was no way in hell she could ever be attracted to him; they would never work. James and Lily together would be like putting orange juice in cereal. Not even a good idea in theory.

"You look really great," James told her. Not in the arrogant manner in which he'd said it to her many times before but with true sincerity. His eyes didn't leave hers once, not even bothering to blink.

"I feel kind of ridiculous," Lily admitted for the first time all night. She kept tugging at the end of her dress self-consciously. He was the first one she'd admitted it to and she had no idea why. "Alice and Mary made me do it…"

"It's a gorgeous dress," James assured her. "But it's not really you, is it?" Lily's eyebrows drew together. How had James Potter of all people got it? How did he see what not even her own boyfriend had? "It looks like a dress for someone who has something to prove," James said, taking a step forward. "And you, Lily Evans, don't have to prove anything to anyone." Lily swallowed nervously, her heart pounding in her chest.  _Since when had Potter become so smart?_  Sure they'd gotten along well for the past year but she'd never heard him speak like this. He looked like he was about to leave but Lily spoke up, stopping him.

"Marlene told me about Penelope Frasier!" Lily didn't know why she decided to bring it up. The information had just come to mind and she hadn't wanted to see him go. For the first time ever Lily was enjoying James Potter's company.

"Did she?" James wasn't facing her as he asked. Marlene had only mentioned it in passing. When they'd first arrived the two girls had been standing in the back, drinking, and when Penelope had walked by Marlene had mentioned how great she thought James would look with her.

"You guys would be… nice," Lily said, trying to sound supportive. "Penelope's really great. I tutored her in Charms once and she was friendly. You two would look really great together and you'd probably find her funny… she's got a great sense of humour…" Lily didn't know why she was babbling on in the way she was but once she got on the topic her nerves kicked in and words were flying from her mouth at a rapid rate. James turned back around, smiling at her.

"Maybe I'll try talking to her." Lily didn't know why it made her heart sink a little.

"You should," she told him. There was a pause where her and James just stared at each other. Lily couldn't pull away, no matter how hard she tried. He was mesmerizing, and the way he stared at her with such awe made her feel like the only thing in the world. It was hard to tear away from a look like that. Of course, she did eventually.

"I told Fabian I'd be waiting for him…"

"You should go then." James was still giving her the same look. Lily didn't want to go. She wanted to stand like that forever, just the two of them, but then the front door opened and people's laughter filled the air as they made their way towards the street to leave. Lily was shaken back into reality.

"Hope to see you around again then." She smiled and turned back towards the house.

* * *

Sirius and Marlene's one dance had turned into five. They spent the majority of them bickering, but that was usually how it went between the pair of them. They stopped once the ache in Marlene's feet was too much and she collapsed off to the side of the room, breathing heavily.

"I hate high heels," she complained, resting her head on Sirius' shoulder.

"So why do you wear them?"

"Because height is everything." Marlene pulled her shoes off her feet, aching with pain. "Do you think the Prewetts will care if I use their bathtub to dip my feet in hot water?"

Sirius shrugged. "I doubt anyone will notice." Marlene stood unsteadily, dragging him up with her.

"Let's go."

"Why do I have to come?" he whined.

"I'm drunk and someone has to make sure I don't accidentally fall in and drown." Sirius rolled his eyes but Marlene ignored him. They'd been like this since they were kids. They'd both come to visit James and argue the whole time, fighting for his attention. Of course, James had loved it. Somehow the behaviour had travelled through from childhood to adolescence. When they reached the stairs Marlene stood in front of them, frowning.

"What?" Sirius sighed.

"My feet hurt."

"We've established that." She stared up at him, offering her best puppy dog eyes, which were very convincing in her experience. She pouted her bottom lip just slightly. "No," Sirius shook his head immediately once he realized what she was begging for.

" _Please_." Of course, after a few more heavy sighs Sirius agreed, she always got her way with him. She had since they were kids. He bent down and let Marlene hop onto his back, carrying her up the stairs.

"Merlin, you got heavy. I thought you were supposed to eat less in France?"

"Shut up." Even though the deal had only been up to the stairs, he carried her all the way to the bathroom, setting her down on top of the toilet seat while he started up the water.

"Sleep with anyone in particular recently?" Marlene inquired casually.

"No one I can think of off the top of my head…" His attention was focused on getting the temperature just right. Marlene sat still, watching. She hadn't noticed how in recent weeks he'd become more toned, or that his hair had been grown out just slightly longer than the last time she saw him.

"There," Sirius said, standing up straight, "that should be good." Marlene got up, just a few inches below him. She stared up into his cool grey eyes.

"Thanks-" She barely got the word out before his lips had collided with hers. Marlene's hands ran through the familiar terrain of Sirius' hair, her mouth moving in unison with his. She was smiling when they pulled apart.

"Some things never change, huh?" They were both smiling now. It wasn't their first kiss, no, that had taken place some time at the beginning of sixth year. There had always been tension between them, the kind of tension that had never existed between Marlene and James.

She had kissed him first. They were fighting about something stupid that had happened during Quidditch practice and somewhere in the middle of it all, Marlene had jumped forward, pressing her lips against his.

"Bet you Anthony didn't kiss you like that," Sirius said proudly as Marlene sat down on the edge of the tub, dipping her tired feet into the water.

"It's Anton, and for your information, his lips were magic." Sirius raised an eyebrow questionably.

"Oh yeah?" He leaned down, grabbing her face in his hands and kissing her roughly. It set a fire in Marlene's chest, her tongue begging for more. Then they pulled apart. Marlene felt a tingling deep inside of her.

"I'm supposed to be going home with Lily and the girls," she told him, his eyes staring her down hungrily. They'd never told their friends. It'd been some kind of silent agreement they had, which they were both very good at keeping. Marlene didn't want the reputation of being just another one of Sirius' broom closet hookups. It was easier for them to do it in private, no strings attached, and return to each other whenever they both felt like it. Marlene didn't mind that there were other girls and she sure hoped Sirius didn't care about the other guys she had.

"It won't take that long..." Marlene exhaled heavily, pulling her feet from the water. She had missed it, missed the way it felt when she and Sirius were together. It was probably because there was no tension when it came to other people, no pent-up chemistry. She and Sirius had six years in the making of bottled up feelings, it made it like nothing else when they were together. Emotions and attraction all tangled into one, Marlene appreciated it but only in moderation.

"Don't you dare get this skirt dirty," she warned him, slipping her underwear off.

"Yes, ma'am." Sirius took her by the waist, their lips pressed tightly together, and hiked her up against the wall, pushing into her.

* * *

"Where's Marlene?" Alice asked. She was sitting on the floor of the Prewett's living room, leaning against Frank's chest. Their game of spin the bottle had finished a while ago and most of the party guests had begun to clear out.

"Last I saw she was dancing with Black," Mary shrugged. "Where's he?"

"Haven't seen him either," James announced, emerging from the kitchen. Alice stood up, rather wobbly, prepared to go and search for the two, but barely took two steps before footsteps could be heard coming down the staircase.

"Where the hell have you two been?"

"My feet hurt so I made Sirius make me up a tub of hot water for them." Had Alice's eyelids not felt so heavy, and her feet ached so much, she might have questioned them further. She might have asked Marlene why her hair was slightly dishevelled and why Sirius' shirt was buttoned up the way wrong, but she didn't.

"Let's go back to Lily's then." Alice had never been so excited to spend a night in a sleeping bag on Lily's bedroom floor.

"Where is Lily?"

Remus cleared his throat, "I believe she is saying goodbye to Fabian." Everyone looked at their feet, not risking a glance in James' direction by accident.

"LILY!" Marlene called out impatiently. Most of the guests had cleared out and the music had been turned off. Alice watched as the last few stragglers went out the front door, desperate to follow them. "LILY KATHERINE EVANS-"

"I'm coming!" Lily came stomping down the stairs. Her hair had been let out of its bun, hanging loosely around her face.

"Thank god," Mary exhaled, Peter offering her a hand to get off the floor.

Frank and Alice waited by the front door for the rest of them, everyone gathering shoes and coats. He had his arms around her, her forehead pressed against his chest as she struggled not to fall asleep.

"I can't believe I let you kiss Remus tonight," she mumbled into his t-shirt. Frank laughed.

"Oh, don't deny that you liked it."

"I will when you admit how much you loved watching  _me_  kiss him," Frank grumbled a bit about that.

"I love you, Al." She leaned her head back so that he could meet her for a kiss.

"Me too."

"Don't get into too much trouble tonight."

"Oh, I wouldn't dream of it."

X

They set up a blowup mattress on the floor, which Alice and Mary split, while Marlene and Lily slept together on the bed. Alice had been so tired at the party and yet, now that she was lying in bed, sleep seemed impossible.

"You won't stop tossing around Alice," Mary complained. Alice flopped onto her side so that the girls were face-to-face, sighing heavily.

"I can't sleep."

"That's too bad," Mary mumbled, burying her face in her pillow.

"I think there's something wrong with me." Alice couldn't stop. She could feel her stomach doing backflips, keeping her wide awake.

"Me too, it's almost four in the morning and you won't shut up."

Alice couldn't, she couldn't stop thinking about the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach, the one that had been there all week.

"Mary?" Alice's eyes filled rapidly with tears. Finally, Mary looked over, growing alert when she saw the look in Alice's eyes.

"What's going on? Did something happen at the party?"

Alice was snuffling, tears rolling down her cheeks.  _Why was she doing this? She was acting like a child._

"Something just doesn't feel right, you know? It doesn't fit… I'm just scared…"

"Honey, you aren't making any sense." Alice could see Mary was confused, only half awake to start with. All she could do was reach out and rub Alice's arm in an act of comfort. It was comforting. Mary was always good with this, making you feel better. She had a mother's touch.

"I love Frank," Alice explained. "I'm just afraid that everything is moving so fast... I found what looked like a ring box in his bag the other day." Mary gasped. "It wasn't!" Alice assured her. "It wasn't an engagement ring I just… Mary, I panicked! I wasn't excited or even a little interested in the idea, I just had a complete freakout."

"I think that's a pretty standard reaction for a teenager, Al-"

"We've been together since we were fifteen. He's the first boy I ever said I love you to, the first guy I ever had sex with, the first person to see me completely naked." Mary held her hand now, helping to calm Alice's ragged breaths. "I've only ever been with Frank and now I'm scared… what if there's more? What if we've locked ourselves into this little box doomed to misery because we've never tried to see…"

"That's a dangerous way to think."

"I don't  _want_  to think it," Alice admitted. She fell back down onto her pillow, staring up at Lily's ceiling, which was covered in glow in the dark stickers. something Lily had probably done in her childhood, or perhaps her parents had done it for her, placing a replica of the night's sky above her head.

"The way I see it, you and Frank are the lucky ones," Mary yawned, clearly desperate to go back to sleep. "Most of us are forced into coasting from one person to another but you two, you've found it. The person who just fits."

Alice's bottom lip wobbled. She wanted desperately for Frank to be that person. She'd never loved anyone as much as she loved him, but then again, she'd never really had the chance to be in love with anyone else before, had she? Frank was perfect though... he didn't nag her when she was having a bad day or try to make her into anything she wasn't. He took Alice as she was and loved her unconditionally and here she was, questioning him.

"Yeah," Alice agreed, exhaling calmly. "You're right Mary."

They feel asleep soon after that.


	3. We Found Each Other in the Dark

Marlene was lying on the couch, the latest edition of  _Witch's Weekly_  in front of her. She was enjoying the rare peace and quiet in her household, the only sound coming from the record player she had going in the corner. Of course, silence only lasted so long in the McKinnon house.

"I'm bored." Marlene looked up to find her younger brother, Danny, stomping into the room. Danny was about to enter his fifth year at Hogwarts and his sister could already tell he was going to be a heartbreaker this year. Danny's hair had been too long and his face too chubby in fourth year to warrant any real attention from girls but over the past few weeks, Marlene had seen a definite shift. Her mother had forced him to cut off his long blonde locks, despite his many protests, but it had been for the best. Shorter hair made him look older and, having lost some of his baby weight, his McKinnon cheekbones were finally making their appearance.

"You're always bored, do something exciting for yourself," Marlene answered flatly, her eyes still glued to the magazine in front of her.

"Easy for you to say, you got to go to France for two weeks while I was stuck behind here with nothing to do. All of my friends are busy, mum and dad are always working, and you're doing god knows what-"

"I'm currently trying to read in peace," Marlene grumbled irritably. "And I highly doubt every single person you know is busy."

"Can't you just humour me for once? fill me in on some of your gossip."

Marlene scoffed. "Yeah, so you can run off and blab about it to all your friends? No thanks." Marlene knew her little brother, he'd never been able to keep his mouth shut.

"I never told anyone that you had Sirius over here about six times during the Christmas holidays" Danny informed her, making use of his leverage. That got Marlene's attention. Her blue eyes peeked up over her magazine.

"He came over twice and it was only because we were working on a Christmas gift for James together."

"Oh yeah? Is that why it was always in the middle of the night when mum and dad were asleep?"

Marlene narrowed her eyes and in one swift movement chucked her magazine at Danny's head.

"Oi!"

"Next time you try to accuse me of something it won't be so painless." Marlene was not above hexing her younger sibling every now and then. She'd endured her fair share of torture from Amy growing up, especially when her sister had come of age and been able to use magic outside of Hogwarts. Danny was glaring at her, getting ready to hit back with some snide remark, but Marlene was saved by the doorbell.

"Tell Sirius I say hi!" Danny teased her as she moved to answer the door.

"Piss off!"

It wasn't Sirius who had arrived on their doorstep though, it was James.

"Hey, Mar…" He looked up at her sheepishly. James had a bruised eye and a bloody nose - a handful of tissue pressed against it.

"What in Merlin's name!"

Danny came rushing over immediately, desperate to see what all the fuss was about.

"Who'd you fight?" He asked, his voice brimming with excitement.

James smiled sloppily." Chose the wrong bird to snog."

"You have  _got_  to be kidding me." Marlene was not the least bit amused. "Get in here you idiot." This was just like James Potter, getting himself into a mess and then having Marlene clean it up. "Go up to my room," she instructed, "don't get blood on anything." James did as he was told. "Danny!" Her younger brother made to follow James upstairs, "get us some ice why don't you."

"Don't tell the story without me!" Danny was desperate to get in on the action, as usual.

"Just get the ice."

Marlene's bedroom was about half the size of James' and much messier. Marlene could be called many things but never tidy. Her walls were plastered with pictures of friends and family, a Holy Harpies jersey and a poster of Joni Mitchell's  _Blue_  album cover. Her bed was rarely made and her desk was always covered in owl treats, intended for Sula. Sula had been Marlene's owl since first year, a gorgeous girl with big yellow eyes and black feathers who was always happy to see her owner.

James was waiting for Marlene on her bed, his head bowed as he desperately tried to stop the bleeding from his nose.

"Is it broken?" Marlene reached for her wand.

"Maybe, it was quite the punch."

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Marlene took his face in her hands and gave it a look over. His nose was definitely bent funny.

"Can you fix it?"

"Of course I can fix it." It was one swift flick of the wand, "Episkey!" James grunted in pain as the bone reset.

"Remember how you and Sirius were going on and on about how I should put my efforts into charming a girl other than Lily Evans?" Marlene nodded. "Well, turns out that new girl had a rather violent boyfriend she was trying to make jealous..."

"Merlin, James…"

"Serves me right I guess. I mean, of course as I'm trying to improve myself I'd end up doing exactly what the old me would have done."

Marlene would be the first to admit that James was impulsive, and often reckless, but this seemed to be one of the rare occasions in which he wasn't at fault. She sighed, taking a seat on the bed beside her oldest friend.

"It's not your fault," she told him. "Really, any of us could've made the mistake. It doesn't mean that you've resorted back to your old ways." She wrapped her arm around him and he came to rest his head on her shoulder, exhaling deeply.

"Am I trying to hard?" James asked, sounding depleted. "Is this the universe's way of paying me back for being such a prick all those years?" Marlene frowned. Sometimes she wished that Lily could see James like this; his guard completely down. This was the James she'd always known and loved, the same guy she knew would do just about anything for her. Lily might not find it so easy to dismiss his affection if she saw what really lay beneath the surface...

"Everyone's a prick at fifteen," she assured him. "The important thing is that you grew out of it, that's more than can be said for most people." Marlene gave him a knowing look, "Snape included."

"I feel bad for everyone  _but_  that kid," James grimaced. "I  _really_  hate him." There was a time when Marlene had felt bad for Severus. He may have been Slytherin but she'd always known James and Sirius had centred in on him unfairly. In fact, there were many times that she'd howled at them in the corridors for being such assholes, but that had changed. Severus' Death Eater ways proved he was just as awful as they had had always thought he was and Marlene's sympathies for Severus Snape had dried up.

They might've said more but Danny's appearance in the doorway prevented that.

"Did you really hook up with a taken woman?" he asked in awe.

James nodded, grimacing as Marlene placed the ice bag against his face.

"Wow," Danny mused, "awesome..."

"Awesome?" Marlene snapped, not one to let an opportunity for scolding pass by. "One day you might have a girlfriend, how cool would you think it was if she cheated on you with another guy?" Danny's face fell. "Not very cool," she surmised. "and while we're on the topic, a guy cheating on a girl is no better. So don't you ever put 'did you hook up with that woman' and 'awesome' in the same sentence again."

"Sorry," Danny muttered, his shoulders hunched as he made his way back out of Marlene's room as quickly as he'd entered.

When Marlene looked over again James was smirking with amusement.

"Poor guy."

"I'm not letting him grow up to become uneducated, misogynistic, jerk."

James chuckled, knowing just how seriously Marlene took that statement. With his wounds now healed, he moved to toss his bloody tissue in the trash. He was distracted, of course, by the string of photographs Marlene kept pinned up.

"Look at this one of you and Sirius," he laughed. Marlene had to get up and peek over his shoulder to figure out which one he was talking about. It was from the Potters' last New Years party. Marlene had interrupted a picture of the Marauders by hopping onto Sirius's back, grinning proudly. She remembered how Sirius had taken her by the hand afterwards and swiftly led her to his bedroom, James didn't know about that though.

He moved along, pausing at another photo which included a particular green-eyed, red-haired beauty. Lily and Marlene, taken in the Gryffindor common room. It was after Gryffindor had won the Quidditch cup in fifth year. Lily's face was painted yellow and orange and the two girls were smiling like idiots. Marlene watched over and over as she would lean in and kiss Lily's cheek.

"James…" she spoke softly, pulling him from his daze. Sometimes Marlene wished there was a spell to magically take away someone's attraction to a person. If there were she'd use it on James in a heartbeat. When they were younger his crush on Lily had been funny, a source of entertainment for those around him, but now it just broke her heart. It wasn't some silly, schoolboy crush anymore it had grown into more than that. James would see other girls, go on dates, shag them, but it was as though he was numb to feeling anything towards anyone who didn't have the initials L.E.

"You're still going on that double date tonight?" Marlene's stomach turned at the reminder.

"Yeah…apparently, Gideon's been talking about me ever since the party and Lily thought it might be nice."

James nodded. She knew what he was wishing. He wished that he could be the other half of the date, Lily's other half. He wished he could take her out to nice restaurants and hold her hand. Marlene couldn't pretend she didn't wish it a little too, no matter how sweet Fabian was. She loved Lily's boyfriend but he wasn't James. He wasn't the boy that had gone hunting for frogs with her when they were six or stroked her hair and let her cry into his favourite t-shirt after her first real heartbreak. Fabian was nice but he would never be James Potter.

"Gideon's cool," he said, leaning back against the wall.

"Not really my type," she shrugged.

"What is your type then?"  _Shaggy dark hair and piercing grey eyes,_  Marlene wanted to say. She wondered how James would react if he realized his two best friends had been shagging right under his nose for nearly a year. Not well, she assumed, perhaps that was why they'd gone to such great lengths to hide it. James was incredibly protective of those he loved and Marlene assumed it wouldn't sit well that Sirius was sleeping with one of the most important girls in his life. Not to mention Sirius' track record with women...

"Dark and mysterious," Marlene chided. The truth was, James just wouldn't understand what Sirius and Marlene had. He was all about commitment, love, all that sappy romantic shit Marlene couldn't stand. She thought love was a nice idea but impossible to maintain forever. She and Sirius were simple, there was an undeniable sexual attraction and they acted on it, nothing more. She didn't worry about him getting with other girls, she didn't lie awake at night wondering what he was thinking, and best of all, Marlene was not even close to in love with him.

James gave her a half smile, "I think you and Gideon would be nice together."

"Ugh."

"Seriously Marley, I never see you with anyone and it worries me."

"James, if I wanted a boyfriend I'd have one, okay?" He still didn't look very pleased. "Boyfriend's are highly overrated. They get clingy, want you to cuddle with them all the time, and expect you to express your love daily." James got a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Oh no," Marlene gasped as he grabbed her by the waist and tackled her to the bed; screaming fits of laughter following.

"Well if you're not going to let your boyfriend cuddle you..."

* * *

Alice was exhausted. Auror training was more draining, both physically and mentally, than Alice had ever expected. She got home each day, collapsing into bed and falling asleep in mere seconds. Recently, she'd been taking one of the night courses, meant to show students what it was really like to have to be out on stakeouts from dusk till dawn. Alice was starting to wonder if a nice quiet office job might suit her better.

Alice got a few hours of shut-eye, after a full evening of work, only to be shaken awake by the small hands of her two younger cousins.

"What's going on?" She mumbled, rubbing her tired eyes.

"We want ice cream."

"So get yourselves some."

"All of the parents went out and they said you're supposed to look after us." Alice could've murdered her parents for that. Of all the times to leave two young children in her care they chose the day she'd only had three hours of sleep?

"Well, I'm sure we've got ice cream in the freezer…"

"No, we want ice-cream from  _Florean's_!" Damien, the younger of the two, proclaimed. "They make the best banana splits."

Alice groaned, burying her face in her pillow. Maybe this was all just a bad dream and in twenty seconds the kids would disappear and she'd be back asleep.

" _Alice, Alice, Alice!_ " they started to shout. In a matter of seconds, they'd climbed on top of her bed and started jumping around. Alice couldn't figure out what she'd done to deserve this. All she wanted was sleep and here two young children were, dragging her from her bed against her will. She knew who would have done perfectly in this situation, Frank. If he were here he would have scooped the kids up, thrown them over his back, and brought them down to Diagon Alley himself. Alice suddenly wished desperately she'd brought him home with her, although her father would have never approved.

"Fine!" She gave in. "Give me five minutes to get ready."

Alice threw on whatever clothes she could find, not even bothering to stop and brush her hair. the three of them Flooed to Diagon, Alice holding them each by the hand to make sure they didn't run off - the last thing she wanted to do right now was chase two children through the packed streets of Diagon Alley.

The kids were practically screaming when they spotted the Ice Cream Parlor. It was an excruciatingly hot day. In the short time she'd been outside, there was already a thin layer of perspiration lining Alice's forehead. She could see now why her cousins had been so eager for ice cream.

Florean stood behind the counter of his shop, a big smile on his bearded face. He was always kind no matter what kind of day it was. Alice might've taken a page from his book.

The three of them ate their ice cream inside, the heat too sweltering for them to eat outdoors.

"No, the Holy Harpies are the best!" Lucy argued with her younger brother - who insisted the Appleby Arrows were the better team. Alice might have agreed with Lucy but she didn't have the energy. She was dreaming of getting home, snuggling away under her covers again and murdering her parents for sticking this task on her. Alice's eyes flickered to the side for a moment, suddenly catching sight of a young boy, no older than her, eyeing their table closely. Her cheeks warmed with blush and she quickly averted her gaze. Ten seconds later, with little restraint, she peeked over again to find he was still staring.

He had blonde hair, all styled up with a quiff, and wore a tight shirt, displaying the toned torso beneath. Alice felt her breath catch in her throat just at the sight of him. His rosy lips turned up in a smile and he raised his eyebrows suggestively as their eyes met. She turned away quickly.  _What the hell did she think she was doing?_

She had a perfect, good-looking, boyfriend who would be hurt beyond repair if he knew about the thoughts currently running through her head. Alice wasn't allowed to look at other guys, she was supposed to be in love. Frank had been her boyfriend for two and a half years and she wasn't about to muck up that up over a hungry glance from an attractive guy.

"Hurry up you two, we need to get going," Alice prodded her cousins, suddenly wanting to get as far from the ice cream parlour as possible. She was overtired, that was it. She needed to get home and sleep and when she woke up in the morning this would all just be a terrible dream. Alice fiddled with her purse, slinging it back over her shoulder as she finished off her cone. In her rush to leave she stood up too quickly, her foot catching on the chair beside her, and went flying forward. Of course, it was just like her to become clumsy in a moment of panic but before she could hit the ground, a pair of strong arms caught her.

"Shit," Alice cursed, forgetting for a moment about the children behind her. The blonde haired boy had moved from his table and was currently standing in front of her, his hands now on her waist. Alice felt her heart pounding twice its regular speed in her chest.

"You okay there?"

Her mouth gaped open as she struggled to find the right words. Suddenly the English language had escaped her. This had never happened before. Alice Griffith  _always_  knew what to say. She was smart, quick on her feet; it was why everyone had told her to become an Auror.

"I'm…fine," she finally answered, standing up a little straighter. "Just lost my footing is all…" the guy had a sly look on his face, as though he could read Alice's mind. God, she already hated him. "Well…thanks." She finally said, turning to leave. She wanted as far away from this guy as she could get, him and his stupid big head. He was probably so sure he'd gotten her all worked up.

"Aren't you going to introduce yourself?" He called after her just as they were about to walk out the door. Alice froze, her hands balling into fists at her side.

"Alice," she sighed, turning to meet his arrogant gaze. "And you?"

"Everett." He still looked pleased with himself.

"Well, thanks for the rescue Everett, I'm sure I'll never see you again."

His laughter was confident, "oh I hope that's not true."

* * *

Lily had been reading in the living room when Petunia returned home. She came rush in the front door, discarding her bags carelessly, she paid no mind to Lily, sitting in the room right beside her, and began calling for their mother. Lily wasn't even given the chance to say hello, Petunia ignoring every attempt while instead insisting they gathered round so she could share some exciting news. It turned out that Vernon had proposed, much to Lily's horror. Having Vernon Dursley as her brother-in-law was her worst nightmare.

"It was so romantic," Petunia gushed to their mother over tea. Lily was sitting at the table too of course, though she hadn't been acknowledged by her sister once. Lily had grown used to it by now but it didn't mean that Petunia's cool behaviour didn't sting.

"We were out on the beach at sunset and he just got down on one knee and…" Petunia swooned while Lily tried hard not to vomit all over the place. "Oh, it was all I've ever dreamed of!"

"Sweetheart, that's wonderful!" their mother enthused. Lily was simply resisting the urge to ask how long it had taken Vernon to get back up after popping the question.

"We'll have to have a big dinner to celebrate," her mother insisted. "We can invite Vernon's parents, it'll be so wonderful."

"I would love that. Veron always goes on and on about how much he enjoys your roast." Lily watched as her mother and sister got carried away discussing the wedding; plans for a dress, discussion of flowers and colour themes. She swished around the tea left in the bottom of her cup, certain they had both forgotten she was even there.

Lily got that familiar tightness in her chest and a lump filled her throat. It'd been much easier when her father was around. He would have noticed her. Her father had always noticed her.

"Can I see your ring?" Lily asked quietly. Petunia had a big smile on her face as she listened intently to whatever their mother was saying. Lily's stomach twisted as she spoke again, this time louder.

" _What?_ " Petunia snapped, taking notice of her for the first time all day.

"Your ring," Lily repeated her breathing growing ragged. "I never got to see it." Petunia's beady little eyes narrowed down at her, her lips pursed. You'd think Lily had just said out loud her true feelings about this engagement.

"There," Petunia smacked her left hand on the table in front of Lily. "Happy now?"

Lily swallowed back tears. "Sure."

She wouldn't stay in that house any longer. Her mother meant well but she never took Lily's side, always desperate to stay neutral. It was her father who would've stood up for her but he was dead. Now it was up to Lily to comfort herself.

"Lily, dear wait-" her mother tried to stop her before she stormed out of the house. She didn't want Petunia to see her cry, or deal with her backhanded comments if she tried to move to any other room in the house. Lily didn't want to stay outside her house crying, in case anyone she knew saw her, so she chose instead to rush down her usual side street and apparate.

It was a last minute choice, going to Marlene's. Lily slammed on the dirt road that led to the McKinnon house, still wiping tears from her cheeks. Marlene would know what to say to make it better, Lily had been complaining to her about Petunia for years. Her eyes were still filled with tears when she knocked on the front door, hoping she wouldn't be confronted by Marlene's younger brother. Lily hated the thought of anyone seeing her like this.

"Uh..." just Lily's luck, it was Danny who swung the door open, staring at her in shock.

"Sorry," Lily apologized, looking down embarrassedly. "Is-"

"Who is it, Danny?" A familiar voice called from inside the house. Lily's heart practically stopped. She could recognize that voice anywhere...

She froze, horror-struck. "I..." Lily stumbled over her words. "Shit." She turned to walk away but James caught her before she could.

"Evans?" his voice stopped her in her tracks, her back just turned to Danny. Lily wanted to die, she  _actually_  wanted to die. This might've been worse than facing Petunia's snide comments at home. "Are you okay?" Her back was still turned to the house as she figured out what to do next, how to face James Potter with swollen eyes from crying.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, turning back around. The look of pity on his face just made her want to cry even more. "I just wanted to speak to Marlene really..."

"She's out back in the garden," Danny explained, "I'll go get her..."

"No, I...I think I'll just go,  _really_ , this was a bad idea." Lily tried to turn around and keep walking but nothing ever seemed to go quite to plan for her.

"Lily, what's happened?" James asked, catching up with her. Why could he ever just leave her alone? Why did he insist on always being  _that_  guy?

"I'm fine," she lied. James took her by the arm, stopping her. Lily was really starting to regret this now. "Seriously James, I don't want to talk about it okay?" She turned her head away as fresh tears prickled at her eyes. "I've just been having a shit morning is all..." her voice was so hoarse she barely got out the last part.

Lily kept turned away so that she couldn't quite see James' face. She knew it wasn't fair to snap at him, he'd only been trying to help. She might've done the same were roles reversed.

"Hey," there was no resentment in his voice. "You want to get out of here?"

"And go were?" Lily asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Let me surprise you." She didn't like the sound of that. On no planet was it ever a good idea to willingly accept a surprise from James Potter. She'd probably end up with her hair all burnt off.

"Okay," Lily agreed against her better judgment. What she needed was a good distraction and James could be just that. Besides, she'd told herself she was going to give this whole "being friends" thing a go, hadn't she?

James offered her his arm and she grabbed on, dragged away by the forces of apparition. She kept her eyes tightly shut and didn't open them again until they were on solid ground.

"Where are we?" They were standing at the end of a lane. They appeared to be in a village of sorts, the ground beneath them old cobblestone.

"Godric's Hollow," James told her. There were houses lining the street they were on but James didn't seem very worried about anyone seeing them. "It's mostly wizards that live in this village," James explained. "Muggles too of course but they're a bit more used to the...unusual." He began walking up the street, Lily realizing for the first time that she was still holding on to his arm.

"Why are we in Godric's Hollow?"

"My family have a cottage here. We used to spend a few weeks every summer here. I always loved this village, it's peaceful." Lily had to agree, the village was quite idyllic.

"Used to?"

"It was really more my grandparent's place," James explained. "I think it was too hard for my mum to keep visiting after they were gone." Lily bit her lip, feeling guilty for even asking the question.

"Well," she began, desperate to change the subject, "what's there to do in Godric's Hollow then?"

* * *

James had chosen to take Lily to a little restaurant on the corner of the main road he remembered from his childhood. The place was called  _Harry's_  and had served the best fish and chips James had ever had.

The pair sat down across from each other in a little booth in the corner of the shop, both ordering the same thing. James prayed he didn't look even close to as nervous as he felt. He repeatedly got the urge to move his hand up and ruffle his already messy hair about every five seconds but he resisted, he knew it annoyed her. It had been the strangest day, James couldn't quite understand how any of it had happened. It began with him being punched in the face and now he was sitting across from Lily Evans, getting lunch together.

Even though she'd just been crying, James couldn't help but think she looked beautiful. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her nose was red but despite it all, he would have grabbed her by the arms and kissed her madly if he didn't think it'd end in another broken nose. James shifted in his seat, taking a sip of the root beer he'd ordered.

"Do you mind me asking the big question?" James had been working up the courage to ask that since they'd sat down.

"It'd be unfair of me not to tell you I suppose," she sighed.

"No, it's not really my business. Just that…well, you can if you want to."

She smiled at him, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear. "It's not what you think…if what you're thinking is that it has something to do with my boyfriend." James couldn't pretend a small part of him hadn't hoped for it. "It's going to sound stupid really," she explained, laughing nervously.

"Most of what comes out of my mouth sounds stupid." James knew that would make her laugh.

"Well, my older sister came home from a trip with her god awful boyfriend."

"Marlene has mentioned him."

Lily raised her eyebrows. "Has she?"

"Just that he's a total oaf, and your sister can be a real piece of work when she wants to be." James didn't mention that Marlene had been complaining to him for years about Petunia's treatment of her little sister. It seemed every time she returned from the Evans' she had something bad to say about Lily's sister.

"Well turns out that oaf is about to be my brother-in-law."

James' mouth fell open. "You're joking?"

"Nope, my sister made the big announcement when she got home this afternoon."

James frowned, watching as Lily's eyes glassed over again and she turned her head away. He wished she wouldn't do that. He didn't care if she had snot running down her face, he still would've wanted to wrap her in his arms and take all of her pain away.

"You don't have any siblings do you?" She asked, clearing her throat.

"No, I was sort of a miracle baby."

Lily scoffed. "That explains a lot." He deserved that.

"My parents couldn't get pregnant for a really long time and they figured it just wasn't in the cards for them. Then, one day, by surprise, there I was," James grinned, "a miracle."

"Well," Lily was hiding her laughter, "you should count your lucky stars you're an only child." Truthfully, James had always wanted a sibling. His parents hadn't been able to give him one the traditional way but Marlene had made her way into his life one way or another.

"So, what happened with your sister then, besides her decision to marry the oaf?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary really," Lily shook her head. "I don't know why it upset me so much..." James couldn't understand how anyone could be cruel to Lily Evans. Okay, maybe he was partial, but he couldn't imagine what could make someone want to torture her, especially someone who was supposed to love her unconditionally. "It was just the usual really, her ignoring me."

"Ignoring you?"

"She walked in the front door and walked right past me. She does that sometimes, to make a point or something, she'll ignore me and only speak to our mother." James could only imagine how awful that would feel. "Mum means well but she sometimes forgets how heartless Petunia can be..." Lily's voice was drowning in pain. It made James want to show up at her house and give this sister of hers a piece of his mind. He doubted that would win him many points in Lily Evans' books.

"That's shit, Lily."

"That's my sister," Lily shrugged, as though the whole thing were no big deal. James couldn't believe that this was what she had to put up with every time she went home. Holidays were always a joy to him, he loved seeing his parents and being showered with their affection, he took it for granted sometimes. Meanwhile, Lily was stuck at home with a sister who treated her like a dog.

"You know, just because you're strong doesn't mean you have to sweep it all under the rug," he told her. "It's not okay…the way you're made to feel."

Lily, who'd been staring down at her lap, looked towards James with a mixture of shock and gratitude in her green eyes. Suddenly he had the urge to reach out and take her hand in his. No, that would've crossed the line. She'd think he was trying to make a move on her, he wasn't. James wasn't even thinking about that right now. All he could think about was the sad look in Lily's eyes when she spoke about her home and how badly he wanted to make it better.

"Wow," Lily said as their tray of food arrived at the table. "This all looks amazing..."

The rest of the meal went smoothly, talk of Petunia was shoved to the side so that Lily's mood could improve. James was thankful to find that conversation with Lily was easier than he'd expected. Usually, they hung out in group settings, never alone, but it seemed they had lots to chat about just the two of them. Lily was more interested in Quidditch than James had ever realized and the two got into quite the heated discussion about their favourite teams. Not to mention, James loved picking her brain about the muggle world, and all their strange customs and inventions.

"I want to see this cottage of yours," Lily announced once they were finished eating.

"It's really nothing extraordinary-"

"Good, I don't need another thing for you to show off about." She smiled when she said it, making James blush.

"Okay, you wait outside, I'll pay the bill."

"You don't have to-"

He wouldn't hear it. "This is my treat, seriously, don't sweat it." He could see it made her uncomfortable but she gave in any way, knowing better than to argue with James Potter. He wanted to make a joke about how she could pay for the next meal but he didn't know if that might sound too presumptuous. He didn't want her to think that he was expecting anything more than one amazing afternoon together...

The cottage was just down from the main road, a five-minute walk at most. It was past the graveyard and around the bend, James' eyes landing on the familiar stone cottage with its white picket fence.

"It's charming," Lily said, admiring the property from afar. The garden, which his grandmother had always kept filled with blossoming flowers, had succumbed to nature with no one left to maintain it. James leaned over the gate to unlock it, leading the way forward. He used his wand to unlock the front door, holding it open it for Lily.

"Ladies first."

"What a gentleman." He caught a whiff of her perfume as she stepped by him. It reminded him of the meadow behind his house and the smell of the garden in full bloom.

"Give me a tour then," Lily requested, ahead of James. She was looking around the living room, the old floors creaking every step she took. What furniture had been left behind was covered in sheets to protect it from all the dust, of which there were lots. James took her through the first floor - only a kitchen and living room, a nice garden out back. Upstairs there was the master bedroom and a well-sized guest room. The cottage had been built centuries ago and it reflected within; lots of wood panelling, fireplaces in each room, and furniture his grandparents had left behind which felt as though it had been around from the start.

"This place is so beautiful," Lily said, looking around the place as though it were a palace. They had finished their tour in the guest room, where James had spent much of his youth. "It just has so much character…god, I'd die to have a home like this."

"You should see our actual house then," James suggested, leaning back against the doorframe. "It's ten times bigger than this place."

"Bigger doesn't always mean better," Lily reminded him. "Don't you just love the feeling of this place? It's so cosy …it's the kind of place that just  _feels_  like home."

James let himself look around,  _really_  look around. He never truly appreciated the place; it was always just a vacation home to him, a getaway from the high maintenance of their huge estate. He'd never been able to look at it with eyes like Lily's, the kinds that found beauty in the simplest of things. She saw beauty even where others did not.

"It would be nice," he agreed with her. "The village too…the village really makes it."

"Well, if you're smart, one day you'll move in here and start a little family." Her eyes stopped wandering the perimeter of the room for a moment and darted to meet his.

"Yeah, maybe."

* * *

Remus woke up slowly. His neck ached from hours in a strange position and his joints begged to be stretched out. He had a small person curled up in his arms, though. Her chest rose and fell slowly and she let loose an occasional sigh. It'd been two weeks since the Prewetts' party and Remus had spent much of it in the company of Leila McAllister. The small, dark-haired, girl Sirius had forced him to speak to. It was only supposed to be one dance but somehow something more had unfolded.

Leila seemed simple from the outside but in the past two weeks, Remus had discovered what lay underneath. Leila was clever, sweet, and incredibly beautiful. This had been the best summer of Remus' life. His arm, lying beneath her, was beginning to fall asleep but he didn't even care. She looked too peaceful to disturb.

They were napping on the couch in Leila's living room. Her parents were out for the day and Leila had invited Remus over the minute they were gone so that the two of them could spend some quiet time together. She was muggle born and everything in her house screamed it, from the TV to the standstill photos on her wall. Remus found the difference in lifestyle, between muggles and wizards, fascinating. He had been picking Leila's brain about it all day.

Leila stirred in his arms, catching Remus attention. "How long have I been asleep?" She yawned. She lifted her head up to look at him.

"I'm not sure, I just woke up as well..." Leila sat up, running her fingers through her already neat black hair. She looked at her watch, frowning.

"They'll be home in an hour," she stretched her hand out for Remus to take. "I don't want you to go."

"We'll see each other tomorrow," he promised, pressing his lips to the top of her head affectionately. She was smiling when he looked up again.

"Does it ever bother you?" Her question caught him off guard.

"What?"

"That I'm only a sixth year…" He scanned her face, the joy turned to fear. Sh was barely looking at him as she waited for his answer. "I just mean..." he could see the colour rising in her cheeks. "Being in the friend group you're in and all it doesn't seem very cool..." Remus was taken aback by the question.

The truth was, he'd never even thought about how old Leila was. All that mattered to him was spending time with her, and that was rare for Remus. Usually, he avoided attachment like the plague, always afraid of getting too close. Dating was made difficult by his condition...

"It doesn't bother me," he said, sitting up and scooting closer to her. Leila seemed to relax after that.

"Okay," she exhaled, "good." She looked towards him, "because I really like you, Remus..."

"I really like you too." He didn't have to think about his answer. It terrified him, falling so quickly for someone. What would happen when she started to notice the pattern in Remus' behaviour? When the questions came? Remus's stomach clenched at the idea. He put an idea to his anxious thoughts with a kiss, his lips meeting Leila's. One kiss turned into more, of course, Leila suddenly climbing on top of him, unbuttoning her blouse.

"Your parents will be home soon," he reminded her, pained to have to pull away from what he was enjoying so much. Leila stopped with an irritated groan. Remus was relieved to find that she too had been enjoying the moment, wishing it could've gone on. They hadn't, done "it" yet. So far they'd only been on dates in public spaces. This had been their first time alone and Remus was left wishing they hadn't wasted so much of it asleep.

She climbed off of him and sat back down on the couch as she rebuttoned her shirt.

"Next time there won't be an interruption," Remus promised her, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek.

* * *

Marlene was sitting at her vanity mirror, finishing up her makeup. It was only an hour ago that the front door had opened and in had walked Lily and James. Earlier, Marlene had come rushing to the front door when Danny had informed her of Lily's presence but the two had already been gone. An hour, they had spent an entire hour just the two of them and returned home with no bickering. Marlene was shocked, if not a little intrigued.

"We just talked." Lily wouldn't bite. It was probably the third time Marlene had repeated her demands to know what  _exactly_  had happened for that hour. "Seriously, it was nice."  _Nice?_ Lily Evans had enjoyed a  _nice_  time with James Potter! Marlene was elated.

"Okay," Marlene put down her mascara brush. "I'm ready."

Lily gave her a sceptical look up and down. " _That's_  what you're wearing?" Marlene looked down, unaware that her outfit was not up to standard; a grey turtleneck sweater and baggy blue jeans cuffed at the ankles. She thought it was cute?

"What?"

"That might be the most boring outfit I have ever seen you wear!"

"I like these jeans!"

"You have the best boobs in our year and the one night you should be advertising that-"

"You want me to sexualize myself to get Gideon interested?" Marlene challenged her friend. "Lily, your sexism is showing."

"Shut up, you know what I'm saying! You're being weird about this date and you know it."

"I'm not being weird," Marlene grumbled, turning back towards her closest to find clothing more 'suitable.' "You're the one who said Gideon hasn't been able to shut up about me, why should I have to work extra hard to get his attention then?" Marlene had her back to Lily as she changed her top.

"Look, all I'm saying is I know what Marlene McKinnon giving it her all looks like," Marlene was glad Lily couldn't see her rolling her eyes. "This is Marlene giving it about seventy-five percent."

"Ugh, don't speak to me in maths terms, you know it confuses me."

Marlene knew damn well that Lily was right. She should've been at least a little excited, most girls gave their all into getting ready for a date, but Marlene couldn't seem to muster it.

"There," she turned back to face Lily in a green, lowcut, t-shirt. "Better?"

"Gorgeous. Now let's go before you bite my head off."

"Not likely."

They apparated to Diagon Alley, despite a few protests from Marlene that they take the Floo Network instead (apparating always made her so nauseous) and met the twins out front of a nice little restaurant that seemed filled with cosy couples and candle lit tables.

Gideon was objectively attractive. The Prewetts had great jaw structure, that was for certain, and their great hair was a definite turn on, Marlene couldn't deny that. Still, despite his charming grin and the fact that he took every opportunity to touch Marlene - even just a light hand on the lower back to guide her to the table - she couldn't get herself to give in to him.

"You look beautiful tonight," he whispered in her ear before taking his seat across the table; the two boys on one side the girls on the other. Marlene was just grateful her seat faced the window so that she could let her gaze wander every once and while.

They ordered a bottle of wine for the table almost immediately - Marlene nearly chugged her first glass - and then Lily and Fabian began drifting off into their "couples only" world, leaving Marlene to fend for herself.

"How'd you like the party?" Gideon asked.

"Oh, it was great!" Marlene's mind wandered immediately to the scene in the bathroom - in which she and Sirius had nearly broken the sink. "You must've had quite the mess to clear up?"

"Not terrible," Gideon shrugged it off. Their conversation dwindled out after that. Marlene had nothing to do but drink more wine and pray to god she might fake a medical emergency and escape.

"You know," Lily's voice carried over as she tried to redeem the situation, "Marlene is an amazing writer. She wants to work for the Daily Prophet once we graduate."

"No way, what kind of stuff do you think you'd write for them?" Gideon asked.

"Mostly political pieces I'd hope. I want to try and do something worthwhile, not that garbage all the gossip columnists do."

Gideon nodded, as though his understanding of journalism ran deep.

"I completely get what you mean…" suddenly he'd gone off explaining to Marlene the importance of educating citizens of the Wizarding world on what was happening in the ministry, especially with the increasing Death Eater activity. Marlene already knew this all of course, which she tried to say once or twice, but nothing could stop Gideon once he'd gone off on his rant. Somewhere in the middle of it, their food arrived, Marlene focusing on her pasta rather than her male company.

"Hey," Lily said to the table, interrupting Gideon to Marlene relief, "have you noticed that dog?" She pointed out the window, Marlene following her finger. Low and behold, there was a black shaggy dog sitting almost directly in front of the window. Marlene nearly spat out her mouthful of wine.

"He's looking right at us," Fabian observed, sounding amused. Marlene didn't know whether to laugh or chuck her glass at the window in a rage. She knew exactly why that dog seemed so strange - because he wasn't a dog at all, it was Sirus Black. She'd spent enough time with James and the rest of the Marauders to be let in on the secret after a while. They'd told her in fourth year about Remus' "condition." He'd been so scared to tell her, worried it might change how she saw him forever, but all Marlene had done was worry about his safety a little more than she had before. Marlene didn't think it was possible for anyone not to like Remus, werewolf or not.

"That is so strange," Marlene remarked, her eyes not leaving the panting dog outside. It was another half hour before they had paid their bill - Fabian and Gideon insisted they would cover it - and headed back outside. The dog was still sitting there, of course, his head turning to watch as they all filed out into the street. Marlene couldn't believe him, showing up like this when he knew she was supposed to be on a date. It was a dick move and she wasn't surprised by it in the slightest.

"Coming Mar?" Marlene had stopped in the street, watching as the dog turned down the alleyway beside the restaurant. Sneaky bastard...

"I think I left my wallet in the restaurant!" She lied. Marlene didn't think she'd even pulled her wallet out inside.

"Shit, we'll help you look-"

"No, no!" Marlene insisted, "you three go ahead. I'll meet you after!"

"We can wait," Gideon tried to suggest.

"Really!" Marlene was so desperate to part with them that she'd even use scolding Sirius as an excuse. "I'll be right behind you!" They gave up arguing with her after that, the three of the continuing along the road. Marlene slipped down the alley the minute their backs were turned.

Marlene didn't see Sirius anywhere, walking along the alley - convinced he'd left - when she was snatched by the waist. A hand over her mouth muffled her scream. Marlene shoved Sirius hard in the chest once she'd been released.

"You dick!"

"I knew you'd come."

"What the hell is wrong with you? What on earth compelled you to show up on a double date that you were not invited to?"

"I had to see if James was being serious when he said you and Evans were on a double date with the Prewett twins." Marlene glared at him as he laughed. "You have to admit it's a pretty funny image." She knew exactly what kind of image he was conjuring up and she would not encourage it.

"You're an idiot."

"Once I saw the agony on your face I couldn't go," Sirius admitted, his laughter calming down.

"It was not in agony-"

"You looked like you just found out your mother ha died." Marlene scowled; she knew he was probably right. She had been desperate to get out of that date the minute she'd arrived.

"I told them I'd be back in a few minutes." Marlene had meant it to. She had walked down that alley intending only to give Sirius a piece of her mind. Of course, seeing him, jealous and horny, she didn't see herself being able to walk away.

"You'd leave me hanging after all of that?" He stepped closer to her, Marlene leaning back against the wall behind her. "I sat out there for hours."

"It was half an hour you baby."

"Admit it, you liked it." His lips were almost on hers now.

"It was stupid, I'll admit that much."

"Prewett couldn't handle you." Marlene hated when he got cocky. "Not like me."

Marlene's hand lingered over Sirius crotch. "Gideon's a nice guy, that's more than you can say for yourself." She might've hated the cockiness but she didn't mind feeling the way he got hard when she teased him.

"Is that what you want?" He pressed himself against her. "For me to be nice? I can be nice-" it was Marlene that couldn't help herself. She blamed the wine. Her lips pressing against Sirius' before he could even finish the question.

"I don't want you to be a nice guy," she told him as they pulled apart.


	4. Your Sweet Love

   Mary McDonald started off her day with a walk of shame. She came tiptoeing in her front door at half-past seven desperate to catch a few hours of shuteye in a bed that finally wasn’t being shared with Amos Diggory.      

   “Mary,” her mother’s voice stopped her at the bottom of the staircase. Half of her wanted to bolt right up as though she hadn’t heard. “Come here.” 

   “Here” was the dining room. Her mother was sitting at the head of the table, a newspaper unfolded in front of her, and her two-year-old sister Clara was in the high chair next to her, mashed banana all over her hands.

   “Where were you?” her mother asked, barely looking up from her reading.           

   “With a friend.” 

   Oh, a friend,” her mother answered in her usual snide tone. Other girls fought with their mother’s but Mary and Rose didn’t just fight, they had year’s worth of built-up tension constantly bubbling beneath the surface of every interaction. 

   “Do you shag all your friends?” She turned her critical gaze to Mary who would’ve much preferred still being crammed in Amos’ twin bed still.   

   “What do you care?” Mary knew she didn’t, but her mother would never give up a chance to give her shit. Their relationship had lost its warmth year ago if it’d ever been there to start. Her mother resented Mary’s headstrong personality and the fact that her magic prevented her from ever being “normal.” Mary’s own resentment towards her mother stemmed from the fact that they felt more like competitors than a mother-daughter duo.

   At the age of ten, Mary’s entire world had been turned upside down. It started with her mother leaving her father for another man, her present step-dad, Bobby Sanders. Mary had always gotten along better with her father, who had never treated her with the same contempt her mother did. He’d loved her despite the fact that when she was mad pillows exploded and teacups shattered without any explanation. 

   “Sometimes things just happen that we can’t explain,” he’d say to her. He’d never made her feel like the freak she knew her mother thought she was. Yet, his large heart had not been enough for her mother. Losing his job and leaving the family in debt had been the final straw for Mary’s mother. It was then that their bags had been packed and she’d taken the two children – Mary and her younger brother Patrick – forever.

   It was only a few months into their new living arrangement that Mary received her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. The chance of a happy relationship ever forming between Rose and Mary had died right then and there. Mary had been shipped off to Hogwarts and practically erased from her family at home. 

    “Can I go now?” Mary demanded. She and her mother had shared an icy glare for long enough. She was tired and wanted at least an hour of sleep before she was forced to face the day, and whatever chores her mother chose to burden her with. 

   “Bobby’s family is coming over for dinner,” Her mother informed her. “So I need you to be on your best behaviour.” Mary rolled her eyes. That meant, ‘don’t say a word about that school of freaks you attend.’ “Act like the polite, young lady I know you can be.”

   “Any other rules I should follow?”

   “Don’t get smart with me.” Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “If it’ll make you better company you can invite the boy you’re so clearly sneaking around with.” The thought of introducing Amos Diggory to her family was almost worse than Mary enduring the dinner – and the snarky comments that would come with it – alone.

   “Fine,” Mary agreed, too tired to do anything but. Besides, it meant she could finally seek the solitude she’d been so desperately craving, crawling upstairs and quietly closing the door to Patrick’s bedroom.

   She would’ve preferred to be sleeping in a room of her own but that wasn’t possible in the Sanders household. The minute she’d left for school her bedroom had been packed up in boxes, most of her things to be given away to charity, and she’d been forced to spend holidays at home on a cot in her thirteen-year-old brother’s bedroom. 

   Mary didn’t know who the arrangement was less ideal for, she or Patrick. It was why she preferred to spend most nights away from home, avoiding taking up too much space. She knew how irritating it must’ve been for her brother to have her home for three months every summer, invading his personal space. Considering Patrick was the only one in the house she truly got along with, besides her baby sisters, she did her best not to get on his nerves.

   She didn’t bother undressing out of the clothes she’d been wearing the night before, curling beneath her blankets. Some sleep would do her good. She could wake up refreshed and formulate a plan for the evening’s dinner. Bobby’s family was just like him, stuck-up and critical. God, she hated him…

   “Did mum see you?” She hadn’t realized Patrick was awake, practically jumping out her skin. “Sorry…”

   “Did I wake you?” Mary asked, ignoring his earlier question.

   “No,” he assured her, “I was already awake.” She closed her eyes, expecting that to be the end of it but Patrick’s voice broke through again, “I had a dream about Dad actually.”

   Mary’s eyes flew open. “What about?”

   “All three of us were down by the beach, skipping stones.”

   Mary smiled nostalgically. Perhaps it was a memory, not a dream… 

   “We used to you know, he always took us on adventures when we were little kids…”

   “I know.” Patrick was smiling now too, “I remember.”

    “I wish it’d been him we were left with.” Mary wondered if her mother sometimes wished she had left her with her father, life would have been easier for everyone. If she’d had the option she would have chosen him in a heartbeat but the chance was never there. They hadn’t known when they left it would be the last time they said goodbye. Mary had known it was the last time she’d know what it meant to have a home…

   “I think she sees him in you,” Patrick reasoned, he was always the peacemaker. “It scares her.” There was little Mary could do that didn’t startle her mother.

   “Maybe you’re right,” she said, although she didn’t really believe it. She hated to feel like she was sticking Patrick in the middle of things. A few minutes later his breaths evened and he fell back asleep and not long after Mary followed.

 

* * *

   Lily woke up in Fabian’s arms. She’d come over to spend some time with him but mostly to escape the house, as Petunia had Vernon over for the evening. Lily would have gone home but Elizabeth, Mrs Prewett, always insisted she stay the night if she was thereafter eight.

   Fabian’s warm breath tickled her neck and she smiled as she pulled his arm tighter around her. Lily wouldn’t mind waking up like this every morning, Fabian’s strong arms holding her close. It’d be a lot better than being woken up by Petunia’s high-pitched voice.

   Lily felt him stir and rolled over just as he opened his eyes.

   “Morning,” Fabian yawned. 

   “Morning.” Lily couldn’t help but admire her handsome boyfriend with his lightly freckled cheeks and floppy auburn hair. It looked so soft right now she was tempted to run her finger through it…

   “You were restless last night.” The thought of stroking Fabian’s hair was suddenly whisked away.

   “What?”

   “You kept rolling around and mumbling in your sleep.”

   Lily struggled not to let her face give her away. She knew exactly what she’d been dreaming about, not that she wanted Fabian to. 

   “Could you tell what I was saying?” God she wished she could get herself to stop dreaming. At the very least she could try dreaming about someone else for a change.

   “Little words here and there. I just remember you kept repeating ‘don’t go.’” It suddenly felt too hot in Fabian’s arms. Lily wanted to pull away but she worried that might look suspicious.

   She could remember exactly what had happened in her dream, though she wished she couldn’t. She’d been sitting on a riverbank with James. They had been holding hands and giggling as they dipped their feet into the icy water. She’d been having such a nice time when James had suddenly pulled away and gathered up his things to leave. Lily had been desperate to stop him from leaving, begging him to stay, and the very memory of it made her cringe.

  “I’m sure you were just having a lovely dream about the two of us though, weren’t you?” Fabian’s joke was lighthearted. How could he know about the war going on in Lily’s mind?

   “Probably,” Lily smiled. “I wish I could remember…” it was terrifying how good she was getting at lying. It was unlike her, Lily Evans was not a liar, she’d never been very good at it, but suddenly it seemed her only path for survival. Admitting the truth to Fabian would be much worse…

   “Hungry?” Fabian asked. He rolled out of bed, tossing off the covers to reveal his naked body.

   “Famished.” They’d shagged three times last night. The cot on the floor, which Elizabeth had arranged for Lily, was still neatly made, completely untouched by her. There’d never been any possibility of her and Fabian sleeping in separate beds.

   Lily moved around the bedroom, picking up her discarded clothing off the floor. Downstairs Gideon was already awake, eating quietly at the kitchen table as his mother busied herself tidying up the kitchen.

   “Morning love birds,” he winked when Lily and Fabian entered the kitchen. Lily bowed her head to hide the blush that rose in her cheeks. Fabian and Gideon’s rooms were right next to each other and Lily knew perfectly well how thin those walls were…

   “Sleep well?”

   “Great, thanks,” Fabian replied dryly, shooting his brother a warning look before their mother turned around.

   “Good morning!” Elizabeth enthused, tucking a curly strand of red hair behind her ear. Lily simply adored Fabian’s mother. She was a kind lady, short and plump, with shoulder length curly red hair and rosy cheeks. She was always thrilled to see Lily and made the Prewett home more welcoming than Lily’s own house felt.

   “Did you sleep well, Lily? I hope the cot wasn’t too uncomfortable.” Lily shook her head; the cot had been just fine considering she hadn’t slept on it at all.

   “It was great, thanks for letting me stay the night.”

   “Oh of course dear.” Elizabeth smiled widely. “Now, what would you like for breakfast?”

   “One of you omelettes would be great,” Fabian told her.

   “I’m talking to your guest Fabian, you can fetch your own breakfast.” His shoulders fell. He stomped towards the pantry, Gideon chuckling under his breath.

   “Beans and toast?” Elizabeth suggested.

   “That sounds wonderful.”

   Lily sat at the head of the table, next to Gideon who was still smirking sheepishly. Lily wanted to smack that look right off his face. Luckily, Fabian saved her from doing so, joining the table with a bowl of cereal.

   “So, any word from McKinnon?” he inquired. That wiped the smug look off his brother’s face.

   “Nope,” he looked away. “I guess I must’ve been a pretty awful date.”

   Lily’s face fell. She couldn’t help but feel partially responsible considering having orchestrated the whole thing. She’d known from the start how apprehensive Marlene was about it, she’d just hoped that the evening would change her mind.

   “Of course not! Marlene is just awful at commitment.” That much was true at least. “It has nothing to do with you.”

   “Don’t boost his ego too much Lil,” Fabian warned her. “He already thinks he’s God’s gift to the world.”

   “Shut up.”

   “I think Marlene seemed more interested in the dog outside than she was in Gideon’s company—” Fabian could barely finish his sentence before he had an orange, taken from the fruit bowl by Gideon, thrown at his chest.

    “OI!” 

   “What’s going on over there?” Elizabeth demanded, glaring over her shoulder at the two boys.

   “Nothing,” Gideon assured her, “Fabian’s just being a drama queen, as usual.”

   “Wanker,” Fabian mumbled under his breath, rubbing the spot on his chest where the orange had hit.

   “Anyway, you never know, maybe she didn’t get your letter yet.”

   “It has been over a week.”

   “Perhaps she’s just been busy…”

   “You’re sweet for saying so Lily,” Fabian told her, reaching for her hand. “But I think we all know Gideon shouldn’t hold his breath waiting.”

   Lily hated that her friend could be so dismissive. What was she wrong with Gideon anyway? He was good-looking, sweet, and incredibly funny. Lily couldn’t understand why it was so difficult for Marlene to even give him a chance.                   

   “Is that today’s Prophet?” Fabian asked his brother, pointing to the folded up newspaper in the middle of the table. He reached out and grabbed it, the headline popping out at Lily, _Five New Ministry Disappearances_. It made her stomach sink. It was easy to ignore all the bad things happening when she was in her own little bubble for the summer but it didn’t mean that they were not still heading quickly towards War…

   “Bloody ridiculous,” Fabian muttered angrily as he took the paper in his hands. “People going missing left and right and the Minister is still acting like it’s business as usual.” Lily watched him scan the article, her heart in her throat as she prepared to ask the question on her mind. 

   “What were they?” The boys looked up, “Muggle-born or pureblood?” Neither Fabian nor Gideon seemed to want to look at her.

   “Muggle-born,” her boyfriend finally answered. Lily felt sick to her stomach.

   What happened in a year when she was no longer protected by the safety of Hogwarts? What happened when she was thrust into the Wizarding World like the rest of Muggle-borns and suddenly she was the one fighting to stay safe?

   “I feel so useless,” Lily admitted, staring down at her hands. “All these people being terrorized and I’m just sitting here…” 

   “You’re not useless,” Fabian promised. “You’re one of the most talented witches I know.”

   “Probably the brightest in our year,” added Gideon.

   “Our time will come.” Her boyfriend pulled her hand to his lips. “We will fight this.”

   Lily just hoped he was right.

* * *

   James watched from the couch as Marlene beat Sirius in a game of Wizard’s Chess. He could see the colour rising in his friend’s cheeks as his loss was rubbed in his face.

   “Ha! I won! I beat you!”

    “Ever heard of winning gracefully?” Sirius grumbled. Apparently, she hadn’t, as Marlene proceeded to skip around the living room chanting, “I am the champion!” 

   “James, James! Did you see that win? Did you see how easily I beat him?” 

   “It was a stunning victory.” Sirius was just too easy to wind up. He practically had smoke blowing from his nose as he stomped out of the room. Marlene and Sirius barely waited for him to be gone before bursting into laughter.

   “It’s just too easy,” she grinned, squatting down to clean up the game.

   It was an unusually humid midsummer's day. The group of them, including Remus and Peter who had wandered off, had chosen to keep cool inside rather than get up to their usual antics. James’ parents were supposed to be home as well, seeing as it was a Saturday afternoon, but they had been called into work at the last minute. With the sudden disappearances at the Ministry, it was all hands on deck in the Aurors office. James found it difficult to think about all the innocent people that had fallen victim to the building conflict in the Wizarding world. What had become of those five missing Ministry workers? Would they ever be discovered alive? It sent a shiver down his spine. 

   “You okay there Potter?” He blinked, looking down at Marlene.

   “Sorry.”

   “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

   “No,” James shook his head. “Just thinking about some.”

   The smirk on Marlene’s face disappeared and she stopped what she was doing for a moment.

   “Are you worried about your parents?”

   “No, I know they’ll be okay.” He rarely had to worry about his parents, despite the high risk that their job entailed. He knew they could look out for themselves even under the most dangerous of circumstances, they were the strongest wizards he knew.

   “It just feels like everything is going to shit…” Marlene sat back with a heavy sigh. “Yet here we sit…”

   “Useless,” James agreed. It was how he felt most days, watching his parents rush to work to save lives will he slept in until noon most days and preoccupied himself with alcohol and Quidditch.

   “Everyday it’s something. Another death, another person gone missing. Mum and dad are working day and night catching Death Eaters and putting them behind bars.” Marlene’s mother worked in the Auror office with the Potter’s while her dad was one of the more progressive members of the Wizengamot.

   James leaned back into the couch, arms crossed. “There is nothing we can do while we’re still students besides sit around and watch the terror grow. It’s bullshit.”

   “It gives us time to prepare,” Marlene told him. “I don’t care what it’s like when we graduate, I’m not going to sit around and allow them to continue terrorizing muggle-borns. I’ll use my writing to publish honest articles. Something better than then fluff coming out of the Daily Prophet these days.”

   “That’s if they’ll even _let_ you get published. Everything is becoming censored nowadays.” James hated to be so negative. He knew Marlene had dreamt of writing since she was a child and now, with her dreams so close in sight, it seemed like everything was crumbling. Where would they even be in a year? Would the careers they’d spent seven years working their asses off to earn be worth it anymore?

   Marlene returned to clearing up the chessboard, returning it to the bookshelf in the corner with a flick of her wand. It was the first summer they had felt like more than kids just blowing off steam and making the most of their vacation. It was the first summer James had realized nothing was going to get better without a fight…

   “Prongs,” he looked over his shoulder to see Remus standing in the archway. “You have visitors.” Friends of his parents perhaps? It wasn’t unusually for the Potter manor to have people moving through it day and night. His parents were social bees and with such a large home, and only four people making use of it, it seemed silly not to take advantage of it by entertaining friends and family.

   James followed Remus back to the front door to find the most unusual of company had arrived. Mary McDonald and Lily Evans stood in his entryway. James had only ever dreamed of having Lily in his house and here she was, looking terribly uncomfortable by Mary’s side.

   “Well, this a surprise,” James could barely suppress the cocky grin that crept across his face.

   “Believe me, it wasn’t my idea of a way to spend my Saturday afternoon but Mary insisted.”

   All eyes turned to Mary. “I need to ask you all a favour.”

   “Is that Mary’s voice I hear?” Marlene’s called from the living room. In seconds she was at James’ side, looking just as shocked as he felt to find Lily waiting there too.

   “Has hell frozen over?”

   “Apparently Mary has a favour to ask of us,” Remus filled her in.

   “A favour?”

   “Well if we could get everyone together maybe I could finally ask it,” Mary said impatiently.

   “Remus, do you want to find the other two?”

   The rest of the sat around the living room, James taking the armchair while Lily, Mary, and Marlene shared the couch. He had to fight to stop himself from stealing glances of Lily, sitting across from him. Her hair was in a low ponytail, a few pieces of hair fallen loose, framing her face. God, he hated that he noticed that…

   How the hell did she look so good even like this? Laid-back, wearing only a pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt. James was not supposed to feel his heart rate increase from just looking at her. He wasn’t supposed to feel _anything_ when looking at her. She was dating one of his mates, he’d promised Fabian he was over his childhood crush, but he’d lied.

   James didn’t have any more time to overthink his feelings for Lily Evans once the rest of the boys arrived. They gathered around, everyone intrigued by Mary’s “favour.”

   “So, you four, particularly you two,” Mary said, pointing at James and Sirius, “have a talent for pissing people off.”

   “Why are we here again?” Sirius asked, turning to James.

   “I need your talents.”

   “I don’t think it’s a talent Mary,” Lily quipped, “I’m pretty sure they're naturally inclined to be annoying.”

   “I take offence to that!”

   “Listen, I need one of you to be my date to a family dinner.” The room went silent, no jokes left to be made. James and Sirius both fought not to meet Mary’s glance, neither wanting to accept the job. A prank they could do effortlessly, but being someone’s date? Neither boy was quite up to the job.

   “What’s the dinner for Mary?” Marlene asked.

   “My stepdad's family is coming over and I’ve never been in a room with them when they don’t all stare at me like gum on the bottom of their shoe.”

   “That’s terrible Mary…” James knew, from their conversation a week ago, that Lily understood that feeling better than anyone else. “You’ve never told us—”

   “I just need a volunteer,” Mary insisted, not seeming interested in dwelling on the subject. “Someone who will really help me get their blood boiling.” James knew none of his friends would willingly volunteer but he couldn’t stand leaving Mary hanging either. She’d shown up here for a reason, she had to be desperate to prove something…

   “Sirius,” James said, throwing his friend to the wolves.

   “ _Excuse me?_ ”

   “Oh, Sirius is definitely the ideal candidate,” Marlene agreed. “He can get under your skin in minutes.”

   “Not called for—”

   “He’s got a talent for pushing people’s buttons,” Remus added. “Just give him one glass of wine.”

   “And I call you guys my friends?”

   “Please Black!” Mary begged. “Please! I will be forever in your debt!” Sirius still didn’t look interested. “I’ll get you a date with Boswell.” Suddenly he perked up.

   “Maggie?”

   “Yes!” Mary enthused. “Yes! I will put in a stellar word for you. I’ll even tell her what great reviews you’ve had in bed…”

   “Look at him,” Marlene scoffed, “only interested when there’s a shag involved.”

   “He’s a boy who knows what he likes,” James told her, watching as Sirius went from apprehensive to interested.

   “What’s my job exactly?”

   “Make my family hate you!” James had never seen someone discuss a failed dinner date as excitedly as Mary McDonald did. 

   “Sounds doable.” 

   “Sounds like every first impression you’ve ever made.”

   “I’m in,” Sirius agreed, Mary’s face lighting up. “Just give me a time and a place.”

* * *

   Alice squealed as Frank pushed her back onto the bed, the mattress squeaking underneath the weight of them both. Even since they’d completed the physical portion of their Auror training the two had taken to argue over who was stronger. They’d decided, rather playfully, to put their muscles to the test. Frank was hovering over her with Alice’s wrists tightly pinned down. God, she hated when he won.

   “I think this means I win.” He had a cocky grin as he stared down at her, Alice breathing heavily. She so hated to admit defeat…

   “I guess,” she sighed. There was a momentary pause, enough for Frank to soak in his victory, and then his grip loosened and he leaned down to kiss her. Their lips had only just brushed when Alice got loose and rolled Frank over onto the floor. He pulled her down with him, the pair gasping and then erupting into laughter, Alice rolling over to assume her position of power.

   “Who wins now?” She asked triumphantly, sitting on Frank’s crouch. The look on his face was one of shock and perhaps a little betrayal.

   “You sneaky little monkey…” He shook his head in disbelief, a dumbstruck smile on his face.

   “Pays to be cute.”

   Frank sat up, drawing her face to his. Suddenly the debate over who had won didn’t matter much. The Joan Baez record that had previously been playing suddenly clicked off and the only the sound left in the room was of Alice and Frank, both hurriedly tearing their shirts off.

   It was a rooky mistake, especially when she knew her mom was just downstairs. Alice was only allowed to be alone in her room with Frank when her father wasn’t home, he insisted on a doors open policy. Over the summer the pair didn’t have anywhere to shag besides Alice’s house while her parents were at work. For the most part, they avoided Frank’s home, as Alice was always paranoid Augusta would somehow manage to snuff them out.

   Alice’s knickers were just about to come off when her mother’s faint tap came at the door. She was certain Frank was going to faint.

   “Al?”

   Alice almost had a heart attack when she heard the doorknob jiggle, thanking Merlin she’d had the good sense to lock the door earlier.

   “Why’s the door locked?”

   “Sorry, mum!”

   Alice and Frank had never jumped away from each other so fast. She scurried to grab her discarded button up. _Merlin, she really knew how to time things._

“I just lock it out of instinct I guess.”

   “Alice…”

   Alice used magic to button up her shirt, allowing the job to finish in half the time. Frank made himself look casual on the edge of the bed so that her mother could enter with as few suspicions as possible.

   Alice swung open the door, expecting to find her mother scowling furiously (as she was certain her father would) but she just shook her head.

   “I’m not an idiot you know,” she smirked.

   “I know—”

   “Your seventeen darling, you’re allowed to do what you please,” her mother paused, “in my eyes at least.” She forgot sometimes how much easier her mother was compared to her father. It was the reason he and Alice had never quite bonded in the way she had with her mother.

   “Now, how do you two fancy grabbing some lunch?” Her mother expertly changed the subject. “I’ve been craving—”

   “Oh, please tell me you’re thinking what I am…”

    “…Steak and Kidney pie?”

    “At the Leaky Cauldron! Yes! I was just thinking how long it’s been since we’ve gone…”

    Alice had almost forgotten Frank was sitting across the room, completely lost in the conversation.

    “What do you say, Frank?” Alice’s mother smiled.

    “I will never say no to a Leaky Cauldron, Steak and Kidney pie.”

    “We’ve trained him well,” Alice said proudly.

    The Leaky Cauldron was hardly half full. Alice assumed most people hadn’t felt like journeying into the sweltering heat. She had barely managed herself. They snagged their usual corner booth, wasting no time before placing their orders for Tom.  

    “How’s your work going Barbara?” It was a running joke among Alice and her friends to try and catch her mother slip up about her job. While most parents wouldn’t have cared if their children heard about their work life, Alice’s mother had a rather unusual job.

    “Nice try,” she grinned, the way she always did when she got asked the question.

    For most of Alice’s life, her mother hadn’t had an entirely unusual job. She’d been at the top levels of the Improper Use of Magic Office until third year. Then she had been offered a position in The Department of Mysteries and suddenly everything had changed. She never uttered a word about her day, not even to Alice’s father (who could manage to get most anything out of Debra that he wanted).

    “How about your work?” her mother turned around the question. “How’s training going?”

    “Good,” Frank answered for the both of them. “Exhausting, but good.”

    “Take whatever you’re feeling right now and triple it by ten,” Debra warned him, “that’ll be how exhausting the job is.” Her mother sighed, reaching for her glass of water. “Especially nowadays.”

   Alice rarely heard her mother talk about the war their world inched closer to every day. There was a reason for that of course, no department (other than the Aurors) was under more stress than her mother’s. Over the past few months, she’d seen two of her co-workers in go missing, never to be found again. One of them had been a close family friend – Cindy Turner – it had been difficult to bring up the topic of violence in the Griffith house ever since.

   “We’re lucky to be learning from some of the best,” Alice interjected. “The Potters, McKinnon, even the younger members of the team are impressive, I’ve been shadowing Dorcas Meadowes for the past week and barely been able to catch my breath.” Dorcas had become a bit of an idol for Alice; she was everything Alice wanted to be as an Auror: strong, powerful, never one to say no.

   “It’s scary for me to think you guys will be the ones doing all the fighting,” Her mother said with a sad, half smile. “You’re just babies.” 

   “You know we are of age now mum,” Alice smirked, “not really children anymore are we?” 

   “Oh, believe me, sweetheart, you don’t want to grow up too fast. Enjoy this last year of being just kids, you’ll miss it one day.” Alice didn’t think she would.

    As much as she’d enjoyed the past six years at Hogwarts, and made a handful of wonderful friends, she was ready to be finished with school. Spending the summer going through the Auror training program had given her a taste of the life she’d always known she wanted. How could she return to a year of teenage drama and Potions homework after that?

* * *

    It was just after seven when Mary and Sirius arrived at her family home. She’d been certain of her plan all day and yet now, standing on the doorstep seconds from pushing open the door, she wondered if it had all been a terrible mistake.

   “We don’t have to go through with it you know,” Sirius said, shifting his fingers through his hair. “I can go back to James’ and we can pretend like this never happened—”

    “No.” Mary was a lot of things but not a quitter. She had fought so hard to make this happen for a reason. Besides, what did she have to lose? Bobby’s relatives hated her anyway, her mother would never approve of any boy she brought home, why not have some fun with it?

   Without another word Mary turned the doorknob, accepting her fate. They were late (a social faux pas Mary hadn’t even intended to make) everyone was already seated around the dining room table – sans Her two younger sisters, Clara and Teagan. The room went silent when Mary and Sirius entered, everyone staring at them in mild disbelief. How did Mary think she was showing up to her own house late? God, she hated Bobby’s family.

    “Sorry we’re late,” Mary said to the group, not sounding sorry at all. 

   “Who’s your guest?” Her mother asked. Her voice was pleasant yet her eyes were beady and judgmental. 

   “Oh, this is Sirius,” Mary announced to the room.

   “What kind of name?” Mary heard Bobby’s sister whisper to in her husband’s ear.

    Space was made for the late arrivals at the end of the table, in between Patrick and Mary’s mother. 

    “Your name is… Sirius?” Bobby’s sister, Sarah, finally found the courage to ask.

    “Yes.”

    “You must not be very funny then,” her husband quipped. It took a second for the joke to even translate, his delivery completely off, and Mary could see from the blank look in Sirius’ eyes he felt the same

  “I guess that makes two of us.”

   Mary almost spit out the water she’d just sipped, Patrick snorting beside her. Neither of them could resist the urge to laugh at Carl, who really thought he was God's gift to mankind.

   “How did you two meet?” Mary’s mother asked, clearly wanting to change the topic of conversation. Carl had turned beet red across the table and his wife didn’t appear the slightest bit amused.

    “Not sure if that story is appropriate dinner conversation,” Sirius said, “if you know what I mean,” he added, winking at Mary’s step-dad suggestively. She had to pinch herself to stop from laughing when Bobby’s mother gasped in horror.

   “What is that you do, Sirius?” Mary could see the vein in Bobby’s forehead pulsing, the one that always seemed to act up whenever she was around.

   “Yeah, I mean I’m not sure where I’m going to school right now. I got expelled from my last one for drug possession. Which, in my opinion, was totally unfair. I mean I was only selling a little pot on the side, how else is a boy like me supposed to make money in this world?”

   “Really, Bobby,” his mother gasped, looking seconds away from a heart attack. “Allowing criminals into your home?”

   “We had no idea Patricia, I assure you—”

   “And you, allowing your daughter to date such a man?” Mary couldn’t say she didn’t enjoy the heat being shifted onto her mother for a change.

   “I take real offence to being called a criminal you know,” Sirius piped up. “I think if you’d met one you’d see I’m quite the opposite.”

   “You sell drugs!” Sarah exclaimed, her voice gone shrill. Their reactions to the scene were almost better than Mary had hoped. She’d expected a few ruffled feathers, a scandalized look here and there, but this dinner party would most definitely go down in the books as a wild affair.

   “You are really going to get it,” Patrick whispered in her ear. Their mother was trying desperately to calm her in-laws down, insisting she’d had no idea who Mary was planning to bring to dinner tonight.

    “It’ll be worth it,” Mary shrugged. There was little her mother could say to her at this point that she hadn’t already heard. Disappointment, freak, and nobody were all insults frequently thrown in Mary’s direction by both her mother and step-father.

     Sirius, who was relishing in being the centre of attention, made the most of the moment, sitting back in his chair with casual arrogance. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his leather jacket, lighting one up.

    Cigarettes were not entirely unusual in their house. Bobby often indulged in one if he had friends over, or he was watching the telly late at night once the girls had gone to sleep. Lighting one up at the dinner table though was the height of disrespect, at least in the eyes of the Sanders family. Perhaps Mary should have warned Sirius about that…

    “What the hell do you think you're doing?” Bobby shouted furiously. He looked ready to bulldoze Sirius down.

    “Smoking?” Sirius replied innocently.

    “How dare you! How dare you disrespect me like this in my house!”

     Bobby’s family looked horrified, staring from Sirius to Mary with utter disgust. Perhaps it was time to end their whole charades…

     “GET OUT!” Bobby howled. “GET OUT!” He stood up so abruptly the whole table shook, his chair nearly flying backwards.

      Sirius stubbed out his cigarette on his plate, turning to Mary for confirmation.

      “Kitchen,” Mary’s mother stated firmly before she could even reply. “NOW, MARY!” 

      “I’ll meet you outside,” she whispered to Sirius, who was likely grateful to leave before he was beaten to a pulp by Mary’s step-dad.

      It was more chaos than Mary had ever expected to ensue. Part of her enjoyed it but the other half was anxious it had gone too far. Perhaps she’d been right to second-guess herself early, maybe this had all been terribly impulsive. 

     “What the hell is wrong with you?” Her mother demanded. She was leaning against the counter, hands on her hips. “I knew you were being reckless, but this?” She pointed furiously towards the dining room. “This is pathetic!”

      “I—”

      “You’re exactly like your father,” her mother seethed. Mary could tell she meant it as anything but a compliment, “and look where he ended up.”

      “I wouldn’t know would I?” Mary snapped.

      “You should be grateful for what I’ve done for you!”

      “Grateful?” Mary howled. “What have you ever done for me?”

      “I’ve put a roof over your head! Food in your belly—”

      “Parent of the year over here,” Mary rolled her eyes.

       “How dare you speak to me like that!” Her mother snatched her roughly by the wrist, catching Mary off guard. They’d fought before, plenty of times, but never had things grown physical between them. “You spoilt brat!” 

       “You bitch!” Mary’s anger got the better of her. “Take your hands off of me!” With a final thrust, Mary got herself loose, stepping away. 

       “I want you out,” her mother stated. “You’re not welcome here anymore—” 

       “I never have been.” Adrenaline was the only thing keeping Mary from completely losing it. When had her mother ever looked out for her anyway? “I wish it’d been you I was separated from.” Mary couldn’t keep the venomous words from coming out of her mouth. “You’ve never been a mother to me anyway.”

       “ _Out._ ” Her mother ordered. “Get out of my sight.”

       “Gladly.”

       Mary turned and stomped out of the kitchen, fighting back tears as she went. The dining room was silent, everyone at the table averting their gaze as Mary re-entered the room. She couldn’t miss the smug look on Bobby’s face or those of his family. She hated the whole lot of them. There was only one person she really cared about…

      “Please don’t go,” Patrick begged when their eyes met. “ _Please_.”

      Patrick was the only reason she’d stayed in this godforsaken home for so many years. He deserved so much better than her mother than Bobby than _her_. Mary didn’t know how it was possible for her mother to have created such a kind soul.

      “Mary is leaving,” her mother announced, standing just a few feet behind Mary. No one said a word.

      “Say goodbye to your sister Patrick.”

      Mary could see the tears building in her little brother’s eyes as she took a step towards the door. Why hadn’t she thought of him when formulating her plan? What kind of big sister didn’t put her younger siblings first?

       “I’ll see you soon,” she promised him, leaning in to plant a kiss on his cheek. She couldn’t look at those sad eyes any longer. It was a short walk out of the room and through to the front door but it felt like years to Mary before she’d slammed the front door shut behind her.

      She stormed out the front gate and into the street, tears blurring her vision. She’d really done it now hadn’t she? Homeless, without a family, she was hopeless. 

      “Mary?” 

      “Christ!” she jumped, realizing Sirius was standing just behind her. In the heat of it all, she’d completely forgotten he was waiting for her. 

      “Shit,” his face fell when he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. Mary hurried to wipe them away but it was no use. “I’m so sorry, I overdid it in there—”

      “No,” she shook her head, struggling to keep her voice steady. “You were great, it was me…”

      “What happened in there? With your mom?”

      “Oh nothing,” Mary shrugged it off. “She just kicked me out of the house is all.”

      “Let me try and fix it, I’ll go back in there and explain—” 

      “No.” There was no fixing the broken relationship between Mary and her mother. Their blow up had been years in the making. Perhaps Mary had known that in the back of her mind when she formulated this plan…

      “It’s for the best really,” Mary insisted, trying to convince herself as much as Sirius. “I hated that house…” More tears came to her eyes. “I wish I could stop fucking crying.”

      “It’s natural.” Sirius pulled a balled up tissue from his jacket pocket. “Believe me,” he said, handing it to Mary.

      “I must look like such an idiot.” 

      “You look like someone who has just been kicked out.” Sirius pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it with his wand. “This is a very normal reaction.”

      “Guess you’d know huh?”

      “Yeah.” He offered Mary a puff. While she didn’t usually smoke tonight felt like unusual circumstances. “Come on,” Sirius nudged his head towards the park across the street. “Let's take a breather before we go back to the gang.”

      Mary hadn’t even thought about that. What would her friends say? She could imagine the look on Lily’s face, she’d warned her. She had told her it was a bad idea and Mary had gone ahead and done it anyway.

     “Sometimes they don’t mean it you know,” Sirius said once they’d found a bench to share. “When they tell you they want you out. Give her some space--”

     “I don’t care.” Mary knew that wasn’t entirely true. She hated the way her mother and stepfather treated her, yes, but she would go home in a heartbeat if they just so much as apologized. She loved her siblings and she wanted so desperately to feel like she was a part of the family

     “Where will you go?” 

     “I’ll figure it out.” She always had. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t already spent most of her summer avoiding her home. 

     “You don’t have to figure it out alone.” Sirius tossed his cigarette aside. “Come on,” he said, wrapping an arm around her. “Let's get out of here.”

      Mary had never been so quick to agree with anything Sirius had said.

* * *

      James’ parents were still not home and the gang had taken to playing a rather intense game of exploding snaps in the living room. Marlene had poured them all some Firewhiskey to keep the energy going and she had Peter had grown quite competitive in the past hour. Lily, on the other hand, had lost interest after the first round.

     She left Marlene, Peter and Remus to their match instead, followed the sound of a guitar carrying from down the hall. James was in a study, the door left ajar, bent over his guitar as he played the strings softly.

     “You’re quite good.” He practically jumped out of his chair when he heard Lily.

     “I thought everyone was distracted—” 

     “They are,” she nodded, stepping into the room. “I don’t think I have the same competitive streak in me.”

     She assumed the room must’ve been used by one of his parents. There was a large bookcase against the back wall and windows lining the left. On the right were picture frames, a few photos of a little boy Lily assumed had to be James in his youth.

     James hopped off the edge of the desk he was sitting on and moved to put the guitar back in its case.

     “Play me something,” Lily said before he could put it away. 

     “What?” 

     “Play me something.” She was smirking as she sunk down into an armchair in the corner of the room, curling her legs beneath her. 

     “I’m really not that good—” 

     “Modesty, now that’s a first.” 

     “Shut up,” James laughed.

     “Come on.” Lily hadn’t known that James could play an instrument and it was rare for James Potter of all people to hide a talent. “What’re you afraid of?” 

     “No chance I can talk my way out this one?”

     “Nope.”

     “Okay then.” James picked the guitar back up and resumed his previous position on the desk. He fiddled with the chords a bit, adjusting them before he began to quietly strum. Lily could see her was nervous. He kept stopping to run his fingers through his hair and he refused to even look in her direction. Lily couldn’t help but find it amusing.

     “I’m not promising it’ll be good,” he warned her.

     “Just play me a damn song!”

     He started softly; strumming the chords with more intention once the song had gotten underway. It took a moment before Lily could figure out what he was playing but when she did her heart practically stopped. How the hell did he know to play that? The song, one from a Lee Hazelwood album, had been one of her father’s favourite. She’d caught him humming along to it more than once, putting it on the turntable when he and her mother were doing the dishes in the evening…

     James began to sing along. He was off tune and yet, Lily’s heart was still pounding in her chest. Half of her was convinced he’d read her mind, figured out somehow that this song might make her swoon, but that wasn’t possible. God, she hated him. How did he manage to be so bloody charming without even realizing it?

    “That was terrible wasn’t it?” James asked when he’d finished. He looked up, a blush rising in his cheeks, and waited for Lily’s stamp of approval. She could barely breath let alone speak. He placed the guitar aside in one hurried movement. “Hey, I never promised I’d be good,” he continued to babble, filling the silence. “Definitely not one of my stronger talents.” Couldn’t he just shut up for one minute and let her think? “You don’t have to say—”

    “James,” she stopped him, not able to listen to his rambling any longer. “It was beautiful.” He paused, turning back to face her. Had she really just told him his singing was beautiful? She’d really gone and done it now. After weeks of vowing she would get over this silly obsession, she was sitting alone in a dimly lit room with exactly the boy she was supposed to be avoiding. Now it was Lily’s turn to blush.

    “I think that might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.” _Perhaps to your face_ , Lily thought, _if only you could know what goes on in this mind…_

    “We’re home!” She heard Sirius shout through the house, the front door slamming. James and Lily both seemed to be abruptly returned to reality. James slammed his guitar case shut while Lily hurried out of the room, terrified of the comments that might ensue if they were seen to have been alone together.

     The other three were already at the front door, piling Sirius and Mary with every question possible about the evening’s events.

     “What do you mean slight hiccup?” Marlene demanded.

      Lily came up beside Remus, only then realizing how awful Mary looked. Her face was pale and her eyes swollen, as though she’d been crying for hours.

     “What happened?” Her stomach dropped.

     “Mary’s plan didn’t exactly go down as well as we were expecting…” Sirius explained to the room. James came strutting down the hall in time to hear the news.

     “I got thrown out of my house,” Mary announced.

     “You _what_?” 

     “Guess mum didn’t think our whole charade was that funny…” Lily looked from Sirius to Mary in shock, waiting for the punchline, but it never came. 

     “I can’t believe you managed to screw this up,” Marlene directed her comment at Sirius.

     “Me? I didn’t do anything other than what I was instructed—” 

     “So why on earth is Mary now homeless?”

     “You’re the one who convinced me to do it in the first place!”

     “Both of you shut up!” Lily demanded; placing her hands up to silence them. She turned now to Mary, the only person whose feelings she now cared about. “What do you need?”

     “A place to sleep for the night might be a good start.”

     “You can stay here,” James spoke up from behind Lily. “We’ve got lots of extra rooms—”

     “No,” Lily shook her head. “I think you’ve all done quite enough. Mary will stay with me.” No one looked more shocked then James by her harsh tone. Perhaps she was overreacting, it wasn’t as though she’d tried very hard to stop the plan from going forward, but Lily couldn’t stop herself from blaming those in the room who hadn’t voiced their concern.

     “I’m sorry Mary,” Remus said, Peter adding an apology on as well.

     “It’s fine you guys, really.” Mary was more forgiving than Lily felt. “There’s no one to blame but me.”

     “Let's go,” Lily said, turning to grab her purse off of the coat rack it hung on.

     “I’ll come,” Marlene offered, stepping forward, “help Mary get settled in.” Lily would have protested, she knew Marlene was going to take James’ side in the matter and Lily didn’t feel like being lectured, but Marlene was already putting on her shoes and taking Mary out the door.

    She’d known from the start this was all a terrible idea. The minute Mary had insisted they go to Potter’s Lily had known she’d regret it. Now, look at them. Mary was homeless for Merlin's sake, what had they all been thinking? Why hadn’t anyone stopped it? Why hadn’t Lily?

    “Lil,” Marlene and Mary stopped dead in their tracks halfway down the Potter’s front drive. Lily was so caught up in her own thoughts she nearly walked right into them. “I think it might be best if we go ahead…”

   “Why?”

    “Evans!” Lily froze up. She’d been hoping that wouldn’t happen.

    “Okay,” she agreed, kicking herself inside. “I’ll be just a minute.”

    Marlene and Mary were gone within a matter of seconds and suddenly Lily was standing face to face with a furious looking James Potter.  

    “That was unfair.”

    “What?” Lily snapped. “Expecting you to take responsibility for your part in all of this?”

    “That’s bullshit!” Lily was taken aback by his tone; perhaps it was the same way James had felt when she’d turned on him so quickly minutes before. “You are just as responsible as me in all of this—”

    “I’m not the one who suggested she take Sirius!” Lily shouted defensively. He was right, of course, he was right, she knew it deep down. She had no ground to stand on but she couldn’t help herself. That moment alone in the study, every damn dream she’d had for the past month, prevented her from being able to think straight when it came to dealing with James Potter.

    “You brought her here didn’t you?” She could’ve punched him in the face. “So bloody righteous,” he scoffed, turning his head away.

    “Screw you, Potter.” How was it possible to go from being serenaded to practically murdering each other in a matter of minutes? She hated him. She’d let herself feed into the imaginary version of him that she’d created in her dreams, the perfect guy, but that would never be James. He was just as arrogant and stubborn as she’d always known him to be and nothing about that would ever change.

    “I’m not the one who started this fight?”

    “This isn’t a fight,” Lily insisted. A fight involved caring about something and Lily did _not_ care about James Potter or his opinion. “It’s a difference of opinion.”

    “Isn’t that what a fight is?”

    “Merlin, what does it matter? We don’t agree, we never have.”

    “So that’s it then, huh? You can’t be friends with anyone who doesn’t agree with everything you say?”

    “Who said we were friends?” Now she was just trying to get on his nerves. He didn’t bite though.

    “Back to that again now are we?”

    “Goodnight Potter,” Lily said with a final glare, turning to take a few steps away from James before she apparated.

    “Feel free to drop the next time you’d like to have a difference of opinion!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each chapter title will be a different song. Classic, I know, I but if you ever feel like listening to one of them while reading I try to match them up with the chapter's theme. Your Sweet Love is the Lee Hazelwood song that James plays for Lily. Give it a listen if you feel like it, it's one of my favourites.


	5. Mother

 

            “Alice,” her mother whispered, forcing her awake. “Alice sweetheart.” Alice was not happy about this, being forced awake her first morning off in a week.

            “What?” She grumbled, not opening her eyes.

             “I’m off to work. Your father will be home late tonight so I need you to start dinner for me.”

            “You could’ve left this in a note,” Alice complained, burying her face in her pillow.

             “Where’s the fun in that?” Her mother kissed her forehead before stepping away. “You should tidy this room up if you plan on having Frank over today.”

             “Get out,” Alice had never been a morning person.

            “I love you.”

             Alice didn’t reply, rolling over and falling asleep once more.

 **X**  

            Later that day Alice found herself roaming the aisles of Flourish and Blotts with Mary. Lily had needed to attend a lunch with her future in-laws and everyone was doing their best not to leave Mary on her own, terrified of her feeling abandoned. Alice was surprised by the ease with which Mary had handled being kicked out. She hadn’t brought it up once and, if anything, appeared lighter than she had previously.

             “I can’t believe you consider buying books a shopping excursion,” Mary complained. 

            “I love books.” Alice already had two in her arms. She had decided to pick a few books out for some summer pleasure reading.

            “The only thing bookstores are good for is finding nerdy boys among the stacks.”

            “That’s ridiculous,” Alice laughed, pulling a biography off the shelf to look at.

            “Not for us singletons! We don’t all get to find the man of our dreams at age eleven.”

            Alice rolled her eyes. she hated when her friends behaved as though she was destined to spend the rest of her life with Frank. It wasn’t as though she didn’t hope to but it seemed ridiculous to seal her fate now, at only seventeen, how could she possibly know who she wanted to be with forever?

            “Do you think I should get this?” Alice asked, holding the book she had up for Mary to look at. 

            “No, but when has my opinion ever changed your mind?” 

            “True.” The girls wandered across the shop towards the queue, three people ahead of them. The girls had agreed to head to the muggle shops after this. Alice detested London’s high streets but she knew Mary loved them.

             “I want roasted chestnuts,” Mary complained, tapping her foot impatiently as they waited to reach the front of the line. 

            “I’ll buy you some roasted chestnuts once I‘ve got my books,” Alice promised, rummaging in her purse for change. 

            “Don’t look!” Mary suddenly insisted, grabbing onto Alice’s arm, “but there is one fit bloke staring right at you.” 

            Alice completely ignored Mary’s orders and looked up. Her stomach sank. There was a boy staring at her, almost hungrily, a boy she had already made the acquaintance of. Alice blushed, facing forward once more. 

            “What?” Mary demanded. “Not good enough for you?” 

            “He’s fine,” she shrugged. 

            “Fine? Christ Al, I know you and Frank are happily committed but that guy is _hot_.” 

            Alice agreed, of course, she did, he was an objectively very attractive guy with his chiselled jaw and big head of hair, but she knew he was in trouble. The very fact that she’d run into him again, coincidence or not, was bad news.

             “Seriously, he won’t stop looking at you!” While Mary found the whole thing exciting Alice couldn’t wait to get out of the shop. She rushed forward, practically throwing her change at the woman behind the counter, and sped out of the shop as fast as her feet could carry her without running. She dragged Mary along with her, her friend complaining the whole time about their speedy exit. 

            “What the hell?” Mary asked as they stumbled out into the street. 

            “I thought you wanted roasted chestnuts?” Alice’s heart was pounding in her chest, her palms all sweaty. That had been close, _too close._  

            “Yeah, but I never said I wanted to run for them!” 

            The chestnut vendor was at the end of the street, Alice leading the way as Mary walked a few paces behind, still grumbling about having to run in her wedged shoes. Alice couldn’t even remember the guy's name, she’d wiped it clean from her brain and vowed – after their encounter in the ice cream shop – to never think of him again. Yet here she was, running down the streets of Diagon Alley just to avoid him. Who did that? 

            “Are you avoiding me?” Alice was leaning against the wall, resting, as Mary got her chestnuts. She jumped when she heard that husky voice come from behind her.

            “I don’t even know you…” Alice replied, the colour rising in her cheeks. 

            “No?” He smirked. “Boy from the ice cream shop? I saved you from tripping over your own feet and falling flat on your face?” 

            Alice looked over her shoulder only to find Mary eating her bag of roasted chestnuts watching the scene unfold with great interest. 

            “So what?” Alice demanded, crossing her arms. “Are you following me now?” 

            “Following you?” he laughed. “Is it not possible I simply enjoy shopping for books and eating chestnuts as much as the next person?” 

            Now Alice just felt like an idiot. Why was this guy so obsessed with her anyway? It was creepy and that smug look on his face wasn’t going to get him his way, not with her at least.

            “Well then,” Alice did her best to gather whatever dignity she had left, “I suppose this is goodbye…” she paused, struggling to remember his name, at least that would prove how little she cared. 

            “Everett,” she filled in for her, still smirking like the cocky bastard he was. “It was nice to see you again, Alice.” 

            She turned around and grabbed Mary by the arm, dragging her off once more. This time her friend didn’t complain. 

            “You knew him?” She inquired in a scandalized tone. “You did not mention that you knew him!” 

            “I don’t know him!” Alice knew she was being too defensive. “We met, once, briefly.” 

            “Oh my god you think he’s cute.” 

            “Do not.”

            “Do too!” 

            Alice simply glared at her friend wanting desperately to get as far away from Everett as possible. She hoped that would be the last of their insufferable interactions, the last time she lost track of her thoughts staring into those eyes of his… 

            “Don’t worry,” Mary whispered in Alice’s ear, “I won’t tell Frank.” Part of Alice wished she would, if only to put an end to the whole charade.

 

* * *

         Marlene sat up slowly, her head spinning. Her memory of the previous night was spotty at best but the fact that she had woken up in a bed that was not her own, with a man she had known for less than twenty-four hours, was indication enough that it had been wild. She tiptoed around, picking up her discarded clothing.

             She might have felt guilty leaving her conquest of the night without so much as a goodbye but she knew that he would’ve done just the same in a heartbeat. She scrawled out a one-line note thanking him for a wonderful evening and scurried from the flat before she risked waking him up.

             She couldn’t be certain of the exact location of the man’s flat but she knew it had been walking distance from the bar where they’d met. Emmeline Vance had returned home after a month of travelling with her parents, her father was a member of the Bulgarian Quidditch team, and they had made plans to go out together almost immediately. She got on the best with Emmeline out of the group; they were the only two who _really_ knew how to party.

            They’d figured out that they could charm muggle IDs to make them appear of age the summer before fifth year. Ever since then they’d been sneaking out, gaining access to all the best bars and clubs London had to offer. Marlene typically told her parents she’d be spending the night at Emmeline’s, who had total reign of the London flat her parents paid for but rarely lived in, but things had gotten a little more wild last night…

             Rather than heading home together, Marlene had formed a rather special connection with their bartender, who slipped the girls more than a few free shots. With enough tequila in Marlene’s system, she became an entirely different girl and it didn’t take long before she was whispering in her new friend’s ear that she was desperate to get him alone…

             Emmeline had understood of course. She’d had her eye on a few handsome men of her own and the two ladies had happily parted at closing time when Marlene had strutted hand in hand back to the bartender’s flat. Now, doing the walk of shame the morning after, Marlene half wished she’d crashed in Emmeline’s guest room, it would have afforded her much more dignity at least.

             She found the nearest alleyway and slipped down it, apparating home before she could be spotted. She stood at the end of the dirt road that led up to her house for a moment, waiting for her stomach to settle. It didn’t of course and, thanks to the nauseating experience of apparition, she fled into the bushes and puked, hoping her parents might not notice.

            Tequila, a girl’s best friend and worst enemy, Marlene thought bitterly to herself as she tied her hair up into a bun and began the slow trek towards her home. She knew her appearance would earn a few questionable looks from her parents but at this point she hardly cared, feeling as though something had died in her mouth. 

            Beyond the front door, Marlene could smell bacon sizzling and the radio’s soft mummer carrying from the dining room. Inside she found her mother and father, sucked into their own worlds as they sat across the table from each other, reading their respective sections of the morning’s Daily Prophet.

             “Morning mistress!” Raffi, the McKinnon’s house elf, beamed as she emerged from the kitchen. “What can I get for you this morning?”

             “Coffee please,” Marlene grumbled, seating herself at the table. Her father eyed her over the top of his paper, glasses perched on the edge of his nose.

             “You look like a mess,” he observed, Marlene, glaring at him in response. “What kind of mischief did you get up to last night?”

             “The kind of mischief I’m sure you haven’t been up to since the fifties.”

             Her mother snorted, “the forties more likely.” 

            Marlene’s parents had never been particularly overbearing. Marlene had always joked that her older sister Amy had been around more often in her childhood than her own mother had, who had never put family before work. Marlene had never lacked love from either parent but she learnt at a young age that she would have to turn elsewhere for comfort. She had found it of course, in Caroline Potter, or even Raffi when she needed it. She’d been lucky to be surrounded by a network of kindhearted women. 

            Raffi emerged from the kitchen with a steaming cup of coffee and a plate of toast, she knew what Marlene needed better than she did herself. 

            “You’re a godsend,” Marlene thanked her as she set the dishes on the table. Like many who had grown up in old Wizarding families, Marlene’s parents were useless at cooking. They had been raised with a home full of house elves that managed all of their cooking and cleaning, rendering them useless in either art. Marlene had done her best to try and pick up a few skills here and there but she wasn’t much better than her mother, or any of her siblings for that matter.

            “Well, I’m glad you’re here,” her mother said, placing her paper down on the table, “I have an idea I wanted to run past you, something Caroline and I were discussing the other day.” An idea from the minds of her mother and Caroline Potter? That was never a good sign. 

            “Are you going to suggest I slip James a love potion and force him to fall in love with me so I can inherit the Potter fortune?” 

            “If only,” her mother rolled her eyes. “Alastor has given us both the next weekend off, we were thinking it might be a good time to go to the cottage.” Marlene’s heart soared.          

            “Godric’s Hollow?” she asked excitedly. 

            “No, our place, the one in Northumberland.” That had Marlene interested. She loved that place and she remembered that she’d stashed a bottle of Firewhiskey in the back of her closet the last summer they’d visited, just waiting to drank… 

            “Can I bring my friends?” 

            “It’s not a hotel,” her mother reminded her pointedly.

            “Okay, what about just Lily?” Marlene knew how much her parents loved Lily. “ _Please_ ,” she begged with a mouthful of toast. 

            “Don’t speak when you’re chewing, Marlene,” her mother scolded her from across the table.

            “Only if you say yes.” Marlene knew how to get her way. 

            “Fine, bring Lily, but only Lily! Caroline is already bringing James and Sirius.” Now that would be an interesting weekend… 

            “Deal.” Marlene finished off the rest of her toast in a few quick bites and downed her cup of coffee, all as her parents watched in amusement. She knew she’d be grateful for the food in her stomach in a few hours. For now, all she could think about was sleep, and a nice cold shower when she was feeling more herself. 

            “Well,” she said, rising to her feet, “it has been a pleasure.” 

            “Always is,” her father smirked as she went striding towards the stairs. 

            Marlene slept blissfully after that, buried beneath her covers, dreaming of the cottage from her youth and the tree that she and Amy had carved their initials into as children. It felt like she’d only just drifted into a nice, dreamless sleep when she was shaken awake, forced back into reality.

             “Five more minutes,” she grumbled, thinking for a minute that she was back in the dormitory at Hogwarts being forced awake by Mary for class.

             “Mar…” it was James’ voice. “You have to get up.” She rolled over and found him leaning over her, his face etched with concern. 

            “What is it?” she asked, her stomach dropping. She didn’t need any warning to know that something terrible had happened.

* * *

             Remus came to, coughing profusely. His eyes stung when he tried to open them and it felt like he had swallowed a mouthful of glass every time he tried to swallow. One minute he’d been sitting in a café in Diagon Alley, enjoying a coffee with Leila, and then suddenly, there had been an explosion of sorts and Remus had lost consciousness.

             His ears were ringing, the sound of crying and screams muffled in the background. He wanted to open his eyes, to help those around him, but he barely had enough strength to peel himself off the floor. The place was filled with smoke, making it difficult to breathe let alone open his eyes. Eventually, after a few moments of struggling, he squinted his eyes open. There were orange flames dancing along the windowsill, the whole window having been blown in. Remus began crawling, barely able to see, and searched desperately for Leila.

             She had been sitting across from him, only three feet away at most, she couldn’t be far. He scanned the area, calling out her name despite his difficulty hearing, but she was nowhere. What if she’d been taken? What if the explosion had hit her worse and she’d gone flying even farther than Remus had? His stomach sank as the next question came to mind: _what if she was dead?_

             He didn’t know what had caused the explosion but his first guess was Death Eaters. Who else would attack a group of innocent civilians? He looked up and there was a woman, struggling to her feet, brushing soot from her clothing.

             “Excuse me?” he croaked. His voice was barely audible and he had to repeat himself twice before she noticed him, sitting there in front of her. “What’s happened?”

             “Death Eater attack,” she informed him. “They took hostages, at least that’s what it looked like to me, I was hiding behind the counter,” she pointed towards where she’d been, coughing. They couldn’t stay inside the smoking building any longer and Remus knew, despite not wanting to admit it, that he would never be able to find Leila in his current state.

             “Come on.” The woman covered her mouth with her sleeve, stepping forward to help Remus up, “we have to get out of here…”

             “My girlfriend…” _Girlfriend_. It was the first time he’d used that word.

            “You won’t be able to find her in this…” the woman replied, breaking into a coughing fit again. “I can barely see for Merlin’s sake—”

            “LEILA!” Remus called out as loud as he could once more. “LEILA!” 

            “Are you coming or not?” The woman demanded hand outstretched. Remus took her help, getting to his feet, and stared around himself once more. 

            “LEILA!” He repeated, growing hopeless. 

            “ _Remus!_ ” A distant voice was heard. It was coming from somewhere outside the shop and suddenly Remus was moving as fast as he could in the direction of it. “Remus!” He and his companion, who was helping support some of his weight, emerged from the smoke and ashes of the building, stumbling onto the street. 

            There she was, standing with an Auror, a blanket wrapped around her trembling shoulders. She rushed into his arms, nearly knocking the wind right out of him.

             “Are you okay?” He asked, taking her face into his hands to get a better look at it. She was covered in soot just like the rest of them but, besides a small scratch on her cheek, she was untouched.

             “I am now,” she said, kissing him. It had been a long time since Remus had had something in his life he was afraid of losing…

             “I’m so sorry,” she said as they pulled apart, tears in her round brown eyes. “There was this little boy crying and I…I was going to come back for you once I helped him out but they wouldn’t let me…” Remus stared around at the team of Aurors over her shoulder. They had begun to enter the Café and help remove victims. 

            “It doesn’t matter,” he promised, stroking her hair. “We’re safe, that’s all that counts.” 

            One of the Healers on the scene rushed over, checking Remus to make sure he was okay. She forced him to drink a vile tasting potion to help clear up any of the damage the smoke inhalation had caused to his lungs and placed a bandage over a wound on his arm. Remus barely had any time to catch his breath before he had a blanket thrown over his shoulders and he was ushered off to the side to give a statement to one of the Aurors on the scene.

             There was a crowd gathering along the street, desperate to get a view of the site. An invisible barrier, cast by the Aurors, held them back. He could see, on the other end, the group of kids pushing to the front, arguing with two of the Aurors on the other side.

            “Give me a second, okay?” Remus said, leaning into Leila.

            “Of course.”

            Remus kissed her cheek before making a beeline towards the group, watching as Caroline and Alec tried desperately to explain to them why they could not be allowed to pass through to the other side.

             “We are not children!” Marlene was arguing, not noticing who strode towards her. “We’re old enough to understand the gravity of the situation—"           

            “Remus!” Peter cried out, catching everyone’s attention as he pointed in Remus’ direction. 

            Caroline Potter spun around, her face falling into disbelief. “Merlin’s beard!” she rushed forward, throwing her arms around Remus. “What were you doing in there?”

             “I was on a date—” 

            “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” She pulled away, holding Remus by the shoulders, as she looked him over. 

            “I’m fine, just a little sore. One of the Healers already checked me out.” His friends were all pushed right up against the barrier, desperate to reach him.

            “Bloody hell,” Alec muttered under his breath. He pulled his wand from his pocket and performed the charm that allowed the four of them to rush through, gathering around Remus. Marlene assumed Caroline’s previous position, pulling Remus into a bear hug.

            “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she sighed with relief.

            “What the hell happened?” Sirius demanded. His eyes were glued to the smoking building. 

            “I don’t know. One minute we were sitting there and the next thing I knew I was lying on the floor…” 

            “There was a raid,” Alec explained. This marked the first time that The Potters had been open with them, treated previously as only a group of kids, about the activity of Voldemort and his followers. “There are a number of important figures killed or missing. A similar attack took place on a high street in London, just outside the entrance to the Ministry of Magic.” 

            “When you say important figures,” Marlene began hesitantly, “you mean…?” 

            “It’s likely your father would’ve been targeted had he been at work today.” 

            “Alec!” Caroline scolded her husband. 

            “Anyone they believe might have held valuable information or posed a threat to their power.”

            “Who?” James asked. Alec turned to his wife, as though looking for approval. When she gave a slight nod of the head he turned back towards the group. 

            “Many of them haven’t been named yet. I only know for certain those who were involved in the attack outside of the ministry, Drew Edgecomb, Lorena Belby, Debra Griffth…” Remus missed the rest of the names Alec listed. _Griffith_ , could it be who he thought was? 

            “How do you know?” Marlene demanded. Remus saw the panic in her eyes and knew, his stomach sinking, his suspicions were confirmed.

             Alec sighed, clearly not wanting to say any more than he already had, but they were in too deep. “There were a number of eyewitnesses not to mention, the three of them were meant to be out for lunch and never returned.” Remus closed his eyes, picturing the devastating effect this news would have on Alice’s life.

             “But they’re…” Marlene had to clear her throat to stop her voice from cracking. “They’re still alive?”

             “Alive,” Alec shrugged, as though the fact were insignificant, “but for how long?”

 

* * *

            Frank was in the office common room when he heard the news. He was on office duty for the day, meant to be shadowing Benjy Fenwick. Frank had been grabbing them both a cup of coffee when Alastor Moody came stomping out of his office, demanding the room’s attention.

             “There have been a string of attacks,” he announced, the room falling silent. “Multiple witches and wizards have been taken. Potter!” Moody barked, both Alec and Caroline looking up from their desks.

             “Yes?” they replied in unison.

             “Rally your team and get to the scene immediately.” Suddenly there was a crowd of Aurors gathered around Moody, receiving their directions before they departed. Frank’s position in the office allowed him to do nothing more than watch, desperately wishing to be in on the action.

             The brief pause allowed Frank enough time to get back across the office to Benjy, who was watching the gathering team closely from his desk.

             “Thanks mate,” he said, not bothering to look up at Frank as the mug of coffee was passed into his hands. 

            “Where was the attack?” Frank asked curiously.

             “Henstridge!” Benjy stopped a wizard about to walk past his desk. “Do you know what’s happened?”

            “There was some explosion near the visitor’s entrance. Apparently, some group from the department of mysteries had been walking nearby, they’re all missing now—”

             “The department of mysteries?” Frank nearly spat out the coffee in his mouth. Benjy and his friend, Henstridge, eyed Frank questionably. “Did they say who it was that went missing?”

             “I don’t know,” Henstridge shrugged, not much help at all. The two men returned to their discussion, Frank pulling away. Caroline and Alec Potter were rushing out the office doors with their team, shouting orders as they went. Frank watched them go, waiting behind a group of Aurors that had circled Alastor Moody and begun piling him with questions.

            “Enough,” Moody grumbled, trying to silence them. “You all have work to do. We need to start identifying victims—” 

            “Sir!” Frank raised his voice so as the get his boss’ attention. Suddenly all eyes were on the new kid, the one who was meant to keep his head down and his mouth shut, to figure out why the hell he was speaking. “Did they say who it was?” his heart was in his throat. “Did they name the missing people from the department of mysteries?” 

            Frank had never had so much as a one-on-one conversation with Alastor Moody, let alone addressed in a room full of his superiors. He wouldn’t have been so bold if he weren’t scared, petrified, that something terrible had happened to Alice’s mother. He watched Moody’s face closely, wishing desperately he was skilled in the art of mind reading. 

            “Is Alice Griffith here?” Moody asked, ignoring Frank’s question. 

            “No Sir, she has the day off.” Alastor Moody knew who Alice was, thanks to her mother’s high position in the ministry. While Frank had always believed his boss paid no mind to him, it appeared he had not been unaware of his close relationship with Alice. 

            “You should take the rest of the day off then,” Moody announced, no one quite looking Frank in the eye after that. “She’ll need you.”

             Frank knew the Floo network at Alice’s house would be closed if her parents were both at work. He chose instead to apparate from the ministry, landing in the field across from her house. There was no answer at the front door and Frank didn’t fancy the idea of spending hours sitting on Alice’s front step so he made use of the spare key he knew stayed under the welcome mat.

             Inside the house was silent, perfectly still. Debra hadn’t known the last time she’d left might’ve been the last time she ever set foot in her house…what a beautiful home it was. Frank had always loved visiting the Griffith’s. Alice’s parents always made room for him at their table and, with only his mother at home, Frank had always liked the family dinners they shared.

             He tried to remember the last one he’d attended…had it been the last there ever would be? Would he ever again hear Debra in the kitchen, cursing as she burnt her hand on a hot pan? Alice always joked her mother was too stubborn to admit her failure and hire a house elf.

             Frank heard a small click come from the front door. He froze, seated on the couch, his heart pounding in his chest as someone stepped inside. Alice was humming as she dropped her keys and kicked off her shoes.

             “Don’t freak out,” Frank warned coming around the corner only to frighten her anyway. 

            “Merlin’s beard!” she gasped, hand pressed against her chest. “Did you break into my house?” She was smiling as she said it. Perhaps she thought he’d come by to surprise her and spend some quality alone time together…if only.

             “Where were you?” Frank asked, trying to kill the time before he had to cut to the chase. 

            “I spent the afternoon shopping with Mary,” she explained travelling into the living room with two shopping bags. “I bought you something, do you want to see?” Frank hadn’t moved from the doorway. “Don’t act too excited!” Alice scoffed when he didn’t react. She was rummaging around in her shopping bag, searching for whatever it was she’d bought him, as tears began to fill Frank’s eyes. 

            “Al…” the tone of his voice made her head jerk up. She looked over, her face ashen with shock, and Frank knew he had no choice but to tell her the truth. 

            “Something terrible has happened,” he confessed, choking back the tears. “Alice it…” Christ he didn’t want to say it, “it’s your mum.” She sat there for a minute, staring at him as though he’d just made a very bad, terribly confusing, joke.

             “What?” she finally managed, shaking her head. “No, no I saw her this morning. She’s just at work—” 

            “There was an attack outside the ministry, she and two of her co-workers were taken—” 

            “Stop it,” Alice snapped, shutting Frank up. “It’s not funny.”

            “I’m not joking.” 

            She turned away so that he couldn’t see her face. Part of him wished she’d stay in denial; perhaps it could postpone the devastating weight of what had really happened. 

            Slowly, Frank stepped towards the couch, coming around to find the girl he loved shaking with fear. Tears rolled silently down her rosy cheeks, her lips trembling. 

            “Come here,” Frank said, gathering her tiny frame in his arms. He wanted to take away all the pain, to wipe that horrorstruck expression right off her face. He’d never in a million years imagined himself being forced to deliver such heartbreaking news, not now at least. Not while they were still so young… 

* * *

           Mary and Lily had been sat down for tea when Frank’s owl arrived. Lily had just been complaining to Mary about her awful afternoon in which Marge had passive aggressively insulted her at least sixteen times, Lily counted. All of that seemed unimportant once the content of Frank’s letter became known.

            They’d been on Alice’s front step within fifteen minutes, neither girl quite prepared for what waited for them beyond the front door. 

            “Ready?” Mary asked. She reached for Lily’s hand, squeezing it reassuringly. They hadn’t yet rung the doorbell, taking a moment before everything changed. From this day forward time for Alice would be split into two: before and after her mother had disappeared. 

            “No,” Lily answered honestly, stepping forward to ring the bell. It was Frank who answered. Lily had never seen someone look so relieved to have back up.           

            “How is she?” Mary asked before a simple ‘hello’ could even be exchanged. 

            “She’s locked herself in the bathroom and she won’t come out.” Frank looked hopeless, motioning for both girls to step into the house. “I’ve tried everything I…I don’t know what else to do.” 

            “Take a break,” Mary suggested, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze. “We’ve got it for now.” Frank took a back seat as Mary and Lily made their way to the bathroom, giving the door a knock. Lily could only imagine what it must’ve been like for Frank to deliver the devastating news to his girlfriend. No one wanted to be that person…

             After five minutes of relentless knocking and pleas for Alice to open the door, Lily gave up. Rather, she left Mary and Frank to continue the job and instead, distracted herself in the kitchen where she began to stress clean (a trait she’d no doubt picked up from her mother). It was what she’d done when her father had died as well after the ambulance had picked him up; she had done a frantic clean of the whole house, scrubbing away any trace of death.

            She was elbow deep in dishwater when someone else finally entered the room and put her cleaning to a stop. 

            “Lily.” She turned around to find Remus Lupin watching her from the doorway. 

            “What’re you doing here?” She couldn’t say she wasn’t grateful for the extra hands on deck. 

            “We were at the site of the attack in Diagon Alley.” 

            “There was an attack in Diagon Alley as well?” 

            Remus nodded. “Once we realized Alice’s mother had been one of the people taken we figured we should stop by…” Lily studied him for a moment, her eyes grazing over Remus’ wet hair and the bandage on his arm.

             “Remus were you…”

            “I’m fine,” he assured her, stepping forward. “Really, especially now that I’ve showered.” 

            Lily rushed to him, wrapping her arms around one of her oldest friends. She didn’t bother removing the wet dish gloves that she wore, not caring about soaking Remus’ shirt in soapy water. She was just happy to have him safe, and all in one piece gathered in her arms. Remus had always been Lily’s favourite of the four Marauders, the only one that hadn’t taken part in James’ endless tormenting. She had always had a soft spot for him.

            “I’m okay Lily,” he assured her, laughing the slightest. “Really, I’ve faced worse.” Lily couldn’t imagine how much worse it could get. 

            Unsurprisingly, Sirius chose that moment – the side of Lily’s face squished against Remus’ chest – to enter the kitchen. 

            “Whoa,” he chided, covering his eyes. “Am I interrupting something?” 

            “Shut up,” Lily grumbled, not yet ready to let Remus go, “we’re having a moment.” She waved Sirius forward, encouraging him to join the embrace. He hesitated at first before stepping forth, arms gathering around both Remus and Lily. Sirius had taken more time but Lily had come to adore him too, like an annoying younger brother… 

           “Where have the others wandered off to?” Remus asked Sirius once they had all pulled apart.                                                                                                                               

            “James is with Frank, last I saw Marlene and Peter had joined Mary in her hopeless attempt to get Alice out of that bathroom.” Lily hadn’t seen or heard from James since their spat at his house and she didn’t feel like enduring an awkward encounter now.

             “I’ll go see if I can’t help aid those efforts,” she said, tearing off her rubber gloves. She knew that running into James would mean an apology, on her part, for overreacting, but how could she even begin to explain herself to him? How could she look him in the eye and not admit that her little outburst had been the consequence of weeks in which she had thought of nothing but him?

* * *

            Sirius stepped out the back door to find Marlene, sitting on the edge of a picnic bench, smoking a cigarette. 

            “Hiding?” Sirius inquired. He sat beside her, pulling out his own pack.

            “No,” she snapped defensively, taking a drag. “Okay…A little bit.” It only took a few seconds for her to admit it. 

            “Fair enough.” Sirius lit his cigarette with the end of his wand; he did not miss the days he’d been forced to use matches while off Hogwarts grounds. 

            “Have you talked to her yet?” Sirius asked. 

            “She won’t talk, won’t even move.” 

            “Well, why don’t we just unlock the bloody door? We have magic for a reason—” 

            “If she wanted us to go in there she’d open the door herself.” 

            “This can’t go on forever,” Sirius reminded her, “when her father gets home—” 

            “We’re not going to blast open the door on her when she’s grieving.” Sirius knew Marlene was right, even if he didn’t want to admit it. Despite the fact that it annoyed the hell out of him, Marlene was right most of the time, especially when it came to taking care of her friends.

            “Is it twisted that I would be relieved if roles were reversed?” Sirius asked, averting his gaze. 

            “No,” Marlene answered, catching him by surprise. “It’d be more twisted if you weren’t.” 

            Sirius had always been jealous of the families James and Marlene had come from, families in which they were cherished, with parents who cared only about their happiness. The concept was foreign to Sirius. 

            “Those aren’t your real parents you know,” she told him, tossing her cigarette into the grass, “the Potters are.” There she went again, always having the right words. “You know that by now don’t you?” 

            “I guess,” Sirius shrugged. The Potters were the only family he’d ever known, the only safety net he’d ever had. 

            “This is just the beginning, isn’t it?” Sirius knew exactly what she meant. 

            “Yeah,” he nodded, “I think so.” 

            “I’m not good at this,” Marlene confessed, “I can’t fix this.” Sirius couldn’t imagine a problem existed that Marlene couldn’t solve. “I can’t bring her mother home…” Marlene stopped herself short, as though afraid of what came next, “it’s almost better at this point if she’s… _dead_.” It was the truth that no one wanted to admit. 

            “She’s lucky to have you guys,” Sirius reminded her as Marlene’s face slipped into despair, “besides, for all we know her mother will turn up in a day or two, no harm done.” Marlene looked at him, as though Sirius had just told her Santa Claus was real, they both knew it was unlikely.

            “Can you do me a favour?” 

            Sirius’ eyebrows rose, “what kind of favour are we talking?”

             Marlene met his gaze and no more words were required. Sirius knew what she needed, the comfort that he so rarely offered when they were in public. His eyes darted towards the back door; far too aware that someone (James in particular) could stumble upon them at any moment.

            “Come here.” Marlene slid across the bench, Sirius’ arm coming to wrap around her. Sirius finished his cigarette, tossing it to the ground, and tried to ignore the pressing fear of getting caught. He knew what it would mean if the others discovered their secret affair. Sirius ignored the thought as he buried his face in Marlene’s hair, smelling of the coconut shampoo she always used. 

            “Will she ever be the same?” Marlene asked, interrupting their moment. 

            “Probably not.” Sirius knew it was true even if no one wanted to say it out loud. “How could she be?” 

            Marlene’s head rose slowly, staring up at Sirius with her sparkling blue eyes. Merlin, he hated how beautiful she looked, no matter the circumstance. She looked over her shoulder quickly, making sure no one was watching, and then pressed her lips to his, kissing him.

             “We should go back,” Marlene said as they pulled apart, Sirius still lost in the kiss they’d shared, craving more. “They’ll start to wonder where we are.” She pulled away from their embrace, rising to her feet. She was always so much better at ending things than Sirius was…

             “Thanks,” she said, standing in front of him, “for the cuddle and the chat.”

             “What’re friends for?” He shrugged. Marlene scoffed; they had never been friends.

* * *

            James had taken his turn sitting outside the bathroom, pleading with Alice to open the door. They’d been trying for hours and soon they would need to open the door whether Alice liked it or not. 

            “You can’t hide forever Alice,” James told her, knees drawn up to his chest, “because the longer you stay in there the worse it gets when you finally come out.” James was talking out of his ass, trying desperately to be the one that finally convinced Alice to open the door. “Let us help you.” 

            James knew he couldn’t begin to understand what Alice was going through. The fear, not knowing where her mother was or what was happening to her. It would drive James mad were roles reversed.

             “You don’t have to do anything right now except let us help,” he continued. “Just open that door and let us work from there.” James knew there was only one person that could convince Alice to step out of that bathroom: her mother. The one person who couldn’t be there to comfort her now, or, possibly, ever again.

             “I’ll tell you what we’re going to do, I’m going to put on the kettle and we’re going to have a nice cup of tea, all of us, and we’ll work from there. We’ll stay with you as long as you need, all of us. We’ll do whatever you want but you _need_ to talk to us Alice, you _have_ to.” There was no answer, no sound beyond the bathroom door; James was beginning to wonder if Alice was even still in there.

            “Come on,” he encouraged her. “You have to come out Alice, there are people who need you to come out; Frank, your father…your mother. She needs you to be strong, now more than ever, she needs you to fight for her.”

             He tried to imagine what his mother would say right now. She always had the right words; she knew what to say no matter what the problem was. Could even she fix this though? Could anyone? James sighed heavily, pulling himself up to his feet. His stomach was grumbling and he was beginning to wonder whether their efforts were useless, how did they know if Alice was even listening in there? Of course, it was only then, just as he was ready to give up, that he heard the lock click.

             “Alice?” He turned the knob and there she was, standing in front of the door, her eyes puffy and bloodshot from all the crying.

             “Okay,” she agreed, her voice hoarse. “I’m ready.”

             James couldn’t stop himself, he stepped forward, drawing her into a tight hug, shocked and grateful all at once that he’d managed to get that door open. Frank came around the corner, his mouth falling open with surprise. 

            “Oh thank Merlin,” he sighed, Alice transferring into his arms. James watched as Frank held his girlfriend close, showering her with kisses and terms of endearment. 

            “I love you,” he said over and over, more relieved than anyone to see that bathroom door open. James stepped aside, giving the two some privacy. Lily was standing around the corner, her own eyes glistening. It was a softer look than she’d worn the last time he saw her. He wanted to say something, to make some kind of smart-ass comment that might break the tension, but nothing felt right. They stood a few feet apart, watching each other, waiting to see who broke first. 

            “James I—”

             “Water under the bridge,” he assured her. It seemed foolish now, to hold onto a silly argument that had taken place a week ago. She smiled, James’ heart beating a little faster in his chest, and he knew he needed to get away before he said too much, the emotion of the day wearing on him. He walked past her, their arms brushing, and James did his best to pretend it wasn’t the best five seconds of his day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. All I Want

             Marlene sunk further into the tub water, her chin just above the surface. It was quiet in the bathroom, tucked in the back of the cottage. She didn’t have to experience the tension that seemed ever present when Lily and James were in the same room.

            Two days they’d been in Bamburgh and Marlene was already regretting the trip. She’d imagined a fun getaway, hanging out with _all_ of her friends. Instead, she had James and Lily avoiding each other like the plague.

             Marlene needed to do some serious convincing to get Lily on the trip. She’d wanted her there so bad partly because she was keen to spend some quality time with her best friend but also because she knew that Lily would make an excellent buffer between her and Sirius. If she hadn't come along Marlene knew for a fact shagging Black would be inevitable and, in a four-room cottage, the chances of getting caught were too high for comfort. When Lily had been apprehensive Marlene had promised things with James wouldn’t be weird, and yet… 

            “Mar?” Came a timid voice from the door, a soft knock following. There went Marlene’s alone time. 

            “Come in!” 

            Lily stepped into the bathroom sheepishly, hands tucked behind her back.

            “Sorry…” 

            “What’s up?” 

            “I just…I wanted to apologize, I feel like maybe it wasn’t a good idea to intrude on your trip with James…” 

            “Aw, Lil—” 

            “Maybe I should go? Leave you guys to yourselves for the next two days?” 

            “Absolutely not.” 

            Marlene suspected the awkwardness between the two stemmed from their argument a few weeks prior. James had said it was all water under the bridge but Marlene sensed he’d been struggling a little more than expected to live by his words.

             “Come on, he just needs a little time to warm up and then everything will be back to normal.” Though, now that she thought it about, it had never been _normal_ for the four of them to hang out together. “How about we go explore the village today? It’s really beautiful.”

             “Yes! Yes, that sounds amazing.” 

            “Give me thirty?”      

            “How about fifteen?” Lily countered. 

            “That’s cruel.” 

            “Just love to keep you on your toes.” 

            It _was_ thirty minute before Marlene was dressed and ready but that was to be expected at this point in friendship. Lily was already mapping out a route, all the points around the village she was keen to explore. Marlene used the distraction to find the boys and do her best to get them out.  

             Their room had two twin beds, Sirius lying on one, flipping through a Quidditch magazine too quickly to absorb anything, James on the other, a familiar toy in his hands.

             “I haven’t seen you do that in forever.” James caught the snitch in his hand the second he noticed her, shoving it in his drawer. Marlene couldn’t remember the last time she'd caught James playing with that thing.

            “Old habits die hard I guess.”

             “Lily and I were going to do a bit of exploring, care to join?”

             “I’ve already seen the village a hundred times,” James shrugged, “nothing new to see.” Now he was just choosing to be difficult. Sirius, who had been listening the whole time, tossed his magazine aside and hopped off the bed.

             “Sounds fun,” he said, speaking for the two of them. “Let's go Prongs. _I’ve_ never seen the sites.”

            “There _are_ no sites,” James grumbled uncooperatively. “If you want to go feel free, I’d rather stay behind.” James turned away from them, rummaging about in his trunk. Marlene knew he was just pretending so that they would leave him alone. 

             “James.” Marlene was so tired of all the weird energy. She hated when James pouted like a petulant child whenever he didn’t get his way. “Please don’t make me yell.” 

            “What—” 

            “Come _on_! You’re ruining this trip for everyone with that attitude.”

           "There's no attitude!" 

            “I don’t mean to stab you in the back here mate but, there’s an attitude,” Sirius interjected. 

            “You’re trying to prove a point to Lily.” 

            “I’m not trying to prove _anything_.” Marlene could see James was getting angry, the colour rising in his face. “I’m just giving her the space she clearly wants.”

            “Don’t bullshit," Marlene warned him, "not with me.” She was the only one James let talk to him like that. She stared him down with her hands on her hips not interested in any more excuse. 

            “I’m just…trying my best, okay?”

             “Okay,” Marlene nodded, “so then, let's stop excluding ourselves and enjoy a day out with the group.” James still didn’t look very enthusiastic but he moved off the bed at least.

             “I’m not promising I’ll stay.”

            “I can live with that,” Marlene shrugged.

             Marlene pretended not to listen as Sirius teased James for being a wet blanket and led the way back into the sitting room where Lily waited, no clue what was about to be sprung on her.

            “Mar? What do you think we start with Bamburgh Castle, it seems the coolest?” Lily was staring at the travel guide, not paying attention to the extra two bodies entering the room. 

            “Mind if two people join us?” 

            Marlene had never seen Lily more shocked than when she saw James Potter standing there, _choosing_ to hang out with her. Marlene couldn't quite understand why things between them were so fractured. It wasn't as though arguing was new to them but this time felt different. 

             “It’s fine if you’d rather we didn’t come,” James was ruffling the back of his hair. Marlene was tempted to swat his hand away.

            “Of course I want you to come!” Lily said, a little _too_ enthusiastically. There was a short pause, in which everyone stared at their feet and Sirius and Marlene pretended to pay attention to anything _but_ the elephant in the room. 

            "Okay," James finally said to the room, "let's go." 

X

             Bamburgh Castle was gorgeous. Marlene had only been to it once as a kid when her father had gone through his "muggle relics" phase. Now though, she had much more appreciation for the property. Truthfully, it was hard to be truly “wowed” by castles when you lived in one. Although Marlene knew she could never say that out loud without sounding like a complete wanker.

            “I feel like I’d make a good noble lady,” Marlene announced, as they made their turn of the castle’s master bedroom. 

            “Oh yeah?” Lily scoffed. “Why’s that?” 

            “Um, I would _kill_ to throw parties all day and have other people clean up after me.” 

            “Careful McKinnon, you’re starting to sound like my mother,” Sirius sniped. 

            “Not to mention you would absolutely hate that,” James reminded her, arm draping over Marlene’s shoulders as they exited the room. “You would die of boredom.” She knew he was right, she so hated when James was right about anything. 

            “Let’s go to the great hall next!” Lily insisted. “I want to compare it to the one at Hogwarts.” She and Sirius were leading the way, James and Marlene trailing behind. At least they’d swapped partners this time. Marlene was watching as Sirius tucked a strand of his hair - which seemed to never stop growing - behind his ear, smirking at something Lily had said. He was licking his lips; Christ Marlene was beginning to regret creating a “no-fly zone” for the weekend…

            “What’s that look about?” James had been watching her the entire time. Marlene only realized it when she turned back to face him.

            “Nothing,” she lied, “just…thinking.” 

            “Guys! It’s here…” The doors to the great hall - labelled the "king’s hall" on the plaque near the entrance - were slightly ajar, probably to prevent visitors from entering. The four of them ignored the barrier, stepping through into the empty room.

            “Looks like it’s set up for an event,” Marlene observed as they made their way down the aisle of red velvet chairs. At the end of the hall was an altar of sorts, a few red stairs leading up to a gorgeous stone archway, a fireplace behind it. 

            “A wedding probably,” James interjected, looking up at the vaulted ceiling.       

            “Can you imagine getting married here?” Lily was in awe, doing circles of the room, admiring the stain glass windows and old portraits on the walls. “It’d be almost as good as getting married in the great hall at Hogwarts.” Marlene, who had her back to the group as she admired the large stone fireplace, couldn’t help but smirk. Was it not James who had always told her as kids he would find a way to wed in the great hall whether Dumbledore approved or not?

            “Well,” Marlene said, turning back around to face the group, “maybe _you’ll_ get married here one day Lil.” Lily was a few paces ahead of Marlene and grinned at the suggestion.

           “Wouldn’t that be nice…”

* * *

             Alice woke up the same way she had every day since her mother had disappeared; groggy, confused, and then, like a giant wave crashing over her, overcome with grief. She sat up, reaching for the glass of water beside her bed, only pausing when she heard the muffled voices carrying from downstairs. Only one of them was familiar, sticking out as her father’s, but the other sounded out of place in her house.

            She tiptoed across her carpeted floor and cracked the door open so that she could hear, the pit in her stomach growing. 

            “I’m sorry Charles.” She knew immediately it was Alastor Moody speaking. “Her body was found just outside of London.” 

            “How do you…” her father’s voice was weak. “How do you know? How can you know it’s really her?” 

            “She was identified by a co-worker. I was one of the first people to arrive on the scene Charles, I knew Debra well enough myself. It was her.” Alice listened as her father began to sob. He sounded like a small child, begging and praying for her mother to return. Alice knew it was no use. Moody had confirmed it, she was gone.    

            Alice didn’t know whether the news was a relief or not. For days she’d prayed that her mother was not in any pain, that she wasn't alone and afraid being held prisoner somewhere. At least now she knew, for good, what had befallen her. Alice clutched her hand against her stomach as it turned. She'd been naive enough to hold onto that small glimmer of hope that perhaps, her mother could be okay. 

            “I can bring you to see her,” Moody announced, clearing his throat. “It won’t be pretty but… it’s up to you Charles.” Her father could do nothing but sob in response, no words coming out of his mouth. He wouldn’t have the strength, he hadn’t had the strength to do much of anything these days, but Alice knew she could, she _had_ to. She couldn’t let a pack of Death Eaters be the last to see her mother, the last to touch her. 

            Still, in her pyjamas, her hair not washed, and her eyes swollen from all the tears she’d shed in the past few days, Alice emerged from her bedroom and bolted down the stairs. 

            “I’d like to see her,” she announced, arriving at the bottom of the stairs. Her father had his head in his hands, unresponsive, but Moody heard her loud and clear.

             “Griffith…” he began hesitantly.

             “I can do it,” Alice assured him although she wasn't quite sure herself. “I have to say goodbye.” Her father looked up, his eyes gone red.

            “Alice,” he began hoarsely, “it isn’t a good idea—”

            “I get to say goodbye to my mother,” she told them, “they don’t get to take that away from me.”

            “Okay,” Moody agreed, “I’ll bring you to her.” 

            Alice changed into something a little more appropriate and accompanied Moody to St. Mungo’s. They apparated there, Alice struggling to stay strong as they made their way through the hospital waiting room, neither saying a word. They were met by a nurse who seemed to know who Moody was without any introduction and led them straight to the basement and through a series of confusing and brightly lit hallways. The nurse entered the room first, where the dead were kept, to prepare her mother’s body for Alice to view.

             “You can see her now,” she announced after a few minutes, the door swinging shut behind her. 

            “We’ll give you your space,” Moody promised. It was the warmest Alice had ever heard his voice. She paused before pushing the door open, well aware that after this everything would change. The room was large, chilly, and filled with walls of metal drawers in which Alice assumed the bodies were preserved. In the middle of the room, on top of a floating metal table, was her mother.

            Her mother’s body was stiff, her skin a ghastly shade of grey. Alice stepped forward, her breath catching in her throat as she caught sight of the cuts and bruises that covered her body from head to shoulders, the rest covered by a thin sheet. Her eyes welled with tears as she reached the edge of the table, hands shaking. 

            This was the woman who had held her hands as Alice took her first steps; she would stroke her hair after Alice woke up from a terrible nightmare, written her with advice when she had finally worked up the courage to tell her mother about Frank. Now she was dead. Alice’s lips trembled as she felt her mother’s cold hand, not an ounce of her usual warmth left to be offered. She was gone. She would never see Alice graduate, never watch her become the Auror she’d always dreamt she’d be, she wouldn’t meet her first grandchild or watch Alice walk down the aisle…

             “Oh momma,” Alice burst out, tears rolled down her cheeks as she erupted into a fit of sobs. What had they done to her; her beautiful, kind, well-intentioned mother? What had those monsters put her through in her final hours? Alice wanted to kill the lot of them as she held her mother’s hand to her trembling lips and laid a final kiss upon it. 

            “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry for everything mummy.” Alice wanted to take it back, every stupid fight, every time she’d screamed ‘I hate you!’ at her mother as a child. Those moments were all she could see now and all she could feel was grief. She hadn’t even said I love you the last time she’d seen her, she’d barely opened her eyes to say goodbye… 

            “I love you,” Alice said, knowing her mother might never hear those final words. “I will _always_ love you, Mummy, I swear it. I will never forget you. _Never_.” Alice wouldn’t let herself. She would never let herself forget the warm and gracious woman who had raised her, the one who had always taught her to put good into the world.

            Her whole body was shaking as she leaned down and planted one last kiss on her mother’s stiff brow, stumbling her way back out of the room. It was the last time she’d ever see her, the last time she’d ever feel her…Alice felt sick. She swung open the door, expecting to see the nurse and Moody waiting outside but it was someone quite different.

            Frank had been sitting in one of the chairs in the hall, his feet tapping anxiously against the floor. He leapt up when he saw Alice, rushing forward to gather her in his arms. She cried so hard she thought her heart would burst.

            “She’s dead,” Alice, sobbed into his chest, “she’s dead Frank.” 

            “I know.” He ran his hand along her back. “It’s going to be okay Al,” he promised her. “I’m going to make sure you’re okay.”       

* * *

            Mary took a deep breath before knocking on the front door of her mother’s house. It was Bobby who answered, staring Mary down like a bug he wanted to squash. 

            “What’re  _you_ doing here?” God, she hated him.

            “I’m collecting my things. Don’t worry I’ll be out of your way soon enough.” Mary had a few choice words for Bobby that she refrained from using. They could always be part of her exit speech.

            She was only inside the house for a few seconds when she heard her name being called from the living room and her five-year-old sister, Teagan, came running out. Her siblings, the three of them, were the only thing Mary struggled to say goodbye to. She wasn’t an idiot, she knew her step-dad would do his best to erase her memory from the brains of his children, and spoil it whenever he could.

            “Hello love.” Mary scooped her sister into her arms, kissing her forehead. “How’re you?” 

            “Mummy bought me a new Barbie!” Teagan exclaimed. “She’s got a whole wardrobe and everything! Wanna see her?” 

            “Mary’s got to get going sweetheart,” Bobby spoke up before Mary could get out a word. “Don’t you?” _fucking bastard…_  

            “You’ll just have to show me another day,” Mary told Teagan, reaching out to adjust the hairband in her sister’s hair. She hated making promises she knew she’d never keep. 

            Mary didn’t have much to pack up. Her trunk from Hogwarts and perhaps a few mementoes she had scattered around the house. Her cot was still on the ground beside Patrick’s bed. She knew he’d left it there, just in case she came back. She hated to disappoint Patrick, him most of all. He was the only _real_ family Mary had in the world.

             She was tossing her clothes into her trunk, not bothering to fold them. Being back in the house, hearing Bobby’s deep voice from downstairs, made her skin crawl.

            “You came back.” Mary jumped, looking over her shoulder to find Patrick standing in the doorway, a football tucked under his arm. Mary didn’t bother responding. She leapt to her feet and wrapped her arms tight around her baby brother. Patrick might’ve been thirteen but he would always be a baby to Mary. 

            He was sweaty from playing football outside with his friends but Mary ignored it. She was just happy to have him, safe in her arms. It could be the last time they were together like this for a while…

            “You’re okay?”

             “I’m fine,” Patrick assured her. “Are you…” he looked towards her half-packed trunk, “leaving?”

             “You know I can’t stay Pat…” Christ, she hated disappointing him. “even if mum gave in, Bobby would never allow it.” She turned back to her packing, siting on the floor.

            “Why’d you do it?” Patrick asked from behind her. Mary froze. She was afraid he would be upset, hurt maybe, by the scene she’d caused at dinner. 

            “I guess I wasn’t really thinking.” Mary didn’t dare turn around, too afraid of the disappointment in Patrick's eyes. “I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

             “Mum and Bobby?” 

            “The way they look at me.” It made Mary’s stomach turn even talking about it. “Like I’m…wrong.” She was almost finished packing. If she could get out of the house before she shed a tear then everything would be okay…

            “I don’t see you like that,” Patrick said, breaking her heart. “I love you—”

            “Pat…” She turned around, eyes already glossy. _Damn it_. “You know this has nothing to do with you.”

            “How am I supposed to stay here without you?” 

            “I’m barely here most of the time!”           

            “But still!” His eyes fell. “It’ll be like…like you’re gone.” Packing be damned. Mary rose from the floor and took Patrick’s hands in her own, giving them a good squeeze.

             “You know that’s not true.” Patrick was still looking down. “I am never leaving you, got it? You’re stuck with me forever. One day you’ll be complaining about not being able to get away from me.” That got a slight smile out of him. “Hey, come here.” She pulled him closer, hugging him tight again. “Remember what we used to say?”

            “It’s us against the world.” It had been forever since they’d said it. Somehow it’d just become a given, for Mary at least. 

            “Always.” She kissed his cheek. “Hey, you can always write me and visit, anytime. Maybe I can even bring you to a few parties.” 

            “Really?” That perked him up. 

            “I said _maybe_.” Mary leaned down once more, clicking her trunk shut now that it was filled with all of her things, shoved together messily. Patrick helped her get the trunk down the stairs, Mary wished she could’ve just used magic as it would’ve been much less strain on her arms. Downstairs her mother emerged from the living room, arms crossed, lips pursed as usual. 

            “That’s everything?”

            “Yup.” Mary pulled her shoes back on, struggling to keep herself together. The look of dread on Patrick’s face made it nearly impossible. “Where are the girls?”

            “Bobby took them to the park.” There went Mary’s chance to give her step-dad one last piece of her mind. 

            “Well, I guess this is goodbye,” she said, in her flattest tone. “Patrick, I’ll call you okay? We can grab lunch—” 

            “Mary,” her mother interrupted, “you don’t have to go—” 

            “I do.” 

            “I’ll speak to Bobby – we can figure something out perhaps—”

            “ _Now_? You want to figure something out _now_?” She was unbelievable. After all of the things she’d said at dinner…

             “Where are you even staying?”

             “What do you care?” Mary might’ve appreciated the concern five years ago but It was too late now after everything was said and done.           

            “I just want to make sure you’re being safe—” 

            “Yeah, well, maybe you should think about that the next time you kick your seventeen-year-old daughter out.” Mary turned her back on her mother, smiling once more at her brother, "Bye Pat."      

            “Don’t be a stranger,” he smirked, waving her off. She didn’t bother with a final glance at her mother, who didn’t deserve anything from Mary at this point. 

            She dragged her trunk out the door and around the block into the vacant alleyway. From there she apparated, landing in a similar, more grimy, alley in London’s west end. At the corner of the street was a fifteen-story apartment building in which she’d been staying for the weekend. 

            With Lily away at Marlene’s cottage it felt weird staying in her house, especially when her sister so obviously despised anyone with magic (Mary was used to it) so Marlene had got her in touch with Emmeline. Despite living in the same dorm room for the past six years, Mary had never been very close with Emmeline. They’d run in similar circles while never forming a friendship of their own. Despite that, she’d been kind enough to offer Mary a place to stay. She’d even offered to let her spend the summer.

            The apartment was just two bedrooms, a master and spare. Mary was fairly certain the master had been used less than ten times considering the state of it. Emmeline’s room, on the other hand, was very lived in, clothes scattered, posters plastered on the walls.

            “Mary?” Emmeline beckoned as Mary dropped her keys in the bowl at the front door. There was a short corridor one had to step through before turning into the open concept living room, dining room, and kitchen. 

            “Hiya,” Mary replied, struggling to drag her trunk into the room.           

            “I have some exciting news!” Emmeline was sitting on the couch, holding a magazine she tossed carelessly aside when Mary entered. Emmeline Vance was gorgeous; she had the build of a model, and Mary had no doubt she could make it as one if she tried. She was the envy of every girl at Hogwarts.  

            “Remember how you said you wanted a job?” 

            “Yes,” Mary nodded, dropping down onto the couch. 

            “Well, it just so happens I have some connections with Tom at The Leaky Cauldron—” 

            “What kind of connections?” Mary teased her. 

            “Connections that allow me to know you can get a job working behind the bar three times a week.”        

             “Liar!” 

             “Seriously!” Emmeline insisted. Honestly, Mary had always considered Emmeline somewhat of a self-absorbed airhead. She’d never seen her do much more than gossip in the corner of the common room and go on dates with boys. Yet, two days Mary had been staying with her and Emmeline had already done more than her fair share to help Mary out.

            “Also,” Emmeline stretched her long, tan legs out across the coffee table, “what’re your thoughts on pizza?”

           “Love it.”

          “With extra cheese?” 

         “Even better.” Emmeline was on the phone in the corner before Mary could say another word.

* * *

           It had been Marlene and Sirius who insisted they all go down to the beach for a bonfire. It wasn’t that Lily was apposed to the idea of some fun, but things had been weird between her and James all weekend and she didn’t much fancy the idea of _more_ time alone. She’d much prefer a quiet evening tucked away in bed with a cup of tea and some light reading. Christ, she sounded like a grandma.

           James was manning the fire, making sure the flame stayed ablaze with enough kindling and fire wood. Lily hadn’t realized James was such a seasoned camper, honestly, she’d imagined it one of the many things his privileged ass had never done but he’d surprised her once again.

           “Here,” Sirius shoved a bottle of Firewhiskey into Lily’s hands, “it’ll keep you warm.” She hadn’t realized until then that she was shivering. The alcohol might help alleviate some of the tension in the air…Lily gulped deeply, wincing at the burning feeling as it poured down her throat.

           “You know what I think?” Sirius said, leaning back into the sand by Marlene. “We should go skinny dipping.”

           “It’s freezing, you idiot.” James knocked down the plan immediately.

           “Chicken.” James just rolled his eyes. Sirius proceeded to stand up and begin doing circles around James as he pretended to be a chicken just to piss him off.

           “If you want to do it so bad why don't you go!” James chuckled, shoving his friend away.

            “I can’t go alone.” 

            “I’ll go with you, you big baby.” Marlene got to her feet, wiping sand from her jeans. “You sure you don’t want to join?” She looked towards Lily hopefully. 

            “I’m with James,” Lily assured her, “I don’t much feel like hypothermia tonight.”

            “Suit yourselves.” Sirius was already running towards the water, Marlene chasing after him. Lily could just barely make them out in the dark, their figures outlined as they splashed towards the waves.

             “They’re insane,” Lily, said, her back to James.

            “They’ve always been like that.” She turned around now to face him, his face glowing in the flames, “bloody idiots.” He still wouldn’t look her in the eyes. Lily wondered how many times he'd been in her position, desperately trying to catch her attention. 

            “James—” 

            “It’s fine Lily, water under the bridge, right?”

            “No,” she couldn’t let it go, not this time. “I owe you an apology.” He didn't say anything, poking his stick around in the fire for a minute. 

            “Why’d you get so angry anyway?” He finally asked. Lily was hoping he wouldn’t ask that. When he did finally look up, she was stunted with shock. How did she begin to explain her feelings for him in that moment? They barely made sense to her. Feelings of resentment had transformed into…affection? No, _no_ , that was insane! She was going completely and utterly insane, that was it. 

            “I don’t know,” Lily confessed. “I guess I just…I keep expecting you to do something to prove me wrong.”

             “Prove you wrong?” 

            “For trusting you.” 

            His eyebrows rose. “Trusting me? I’m not sure whether to be insulted or flattered—” 

            “I don’t mean it rudely I just…look, I used to think you were the epitome of everything I hated about a person and then..." she could hardly continue with that smug look on his face, "well, you proved me wrong andI'd like to think we've become friends…” Lily was thankful for the poor lighting; it made it difficult for James to see how red she was becoming. 

            “I'd like to think we’re friends as well,” James told her, lightening her worries. “You’re not bad company Evans.” 

            Lily laughed. “Yeah, well, you’re not too bad yourself.” 

X           

            Marlene had fallen asleep an hour ago but Lily couldn’t settle. She tossed and turned, tried counting sheep in her head like her dad had taught her, but nothing worked. Eventually, she gave up, throwing a robe on over her nighty.

            She went to the kitchen, book in hand, to make a cup of tea. Some herbal, maybe mint, that would help make her sleepy. Just as she switched on the kettle, Lily heard the floor boards creak and looked over to find Mrs Potter entering the room, a guilty smile across her face.           

           “I’ve been caught!”

            “What is it you’ve snuck out of bed to do?” Lily quite enjoyed James’ mum. This trip was the first time they’d had any real interaction and she’d been nothing short of lovely. 

            “I’ve snuck out of bed for a piece of that pie you four brought home for dinner.”

             “I won’t tell anyone,” Lily promised. She used magic to speed up the kettle and poured boiling water into her mug.

            “Do you want a piece?” Something about it, sneaking out at midnight for a snack, reminded Lily so much of her father. They’d got up to so much trouble together…           

            “Sure.” 

            They sat quietly at the kitchen table, munching on pecan pie. Lily had heard so much about Caroline Potter she felt as though she already knew her. Marlene had nothing but praise for her and her success as an Auror, along with her husband, was well known in the Wizarding world. It was difficult not to be a little star-struck in her presence.

             “So, you must be the Lily I’ve heard so much about.” Lily’s stomach clenched.           

            “I hope only good things…” What had Caroline heard of her? Had James mentioned his hopeless crush to his mother before? Was she aware of Lily’s countless, sometimes harsh, rejections?

             “I’ve never heard my son take about anyone as highly as you.” Lily hoped the surprise didn’t show on her face. Truthfully, she’d never imagined James did much but talk about himself. She’d always figured he went home to parents who showered him with love and boosted his ego whenever he needed it. It was hard to imagine Caroline Potter doing that though. 

            “You probably shouldn’t tell him I said that,” Caroline smiled, taking another bite of pie. 

            “My lips are sealed.” Lily didn’t know what to say. She had a sudden urge to tell Caroline everything, to admit to her conflicted feelings for James and the tenderness she’d grown for him. Perhaps she’d understand, seeing as he was her son and all. “James he…” Lily began uncertainly, “he’s a good guy.” 

            “Sure,” Caroline couldn’t stop grinning, “but he’s a real piece of work most of the time isn’t he?” There was a short silence before Lily snorted with laughter.           

            “Most of the time is an understatement.” At least Caroline had a good sense of humour about it, “but he’s changed a lot, especially in this past year.” 

            “He’s growing up,” Caroline agreed, “whether I like it or not.” Lily wondered what James was like, alone with his parents, whether the “cool boy” façade came down. Lily didn’t know why she cared so much, why she felt so desperate to get to know the person he was beneath it all. Couldn’t she just be happy with being friends? 

            “I hear you’ve had a hand in smartening him up?”

             “Me?” Lily practically choked on her pie. “No, I…I wouldn’t say that—” 

            “Not a big bragger, you really are nothing like my son.” Lily washed her food down with tea; desperate for anything that would keep her mouth full and stop her from talking too much. She was terrified of saying the wrong thing, terrified of not leaving a good impression with James’ mother, although she couldn’t be quite sure why it mattered so much to her.

             “It makes sense,” Caroline said, nodding to herself.

             “What does?” 

            “Why my son is so crazy about you.” Lily’s stomach sank. 

            “I don’t…” Lily was blushing and struggling to string together a coherent sentence, “I don’t think that’s true anymore.” Sure, James had been a lovesick schoolboy when they were fifteen but now? Things had changed. They’d both grown up. Lily’s allure had most definitely worn off. 

            “Are you sure about that?” Suddenly Lily was thinking about James, sleeping just down the hall, his glasses on the table beside him. She imagined waking him up, finding his mouth in the dark, feeling his hands on her body…STOP! Bloody hell, _what_ was she doing? What on _earth_ was she doing? 

            “Yes,” Lily lied, clearing her throat. “Completely sure.” James was over her and she, she was in a very, _very_ healthy relationship. She didn’t need to wonder what would happen if James were to ever confess to having feelings for her again, it was _never_ going to happen. Not in a million years.

            “Marlene mentioned you have a boyfriend?” Caroline asked, expertly changing the subject.

             “Fabian,” Lily nodded, pushing her thoughts of James, far, far, back in her mind. “We’ve been together six months now.” 

            “That’s wonderful.” Caroline pushed her plate away, only crumbs left on it now. “Are you happy?” 

            “Very.” 

            “And in love?” She didn’t waste any time, did she? 

            “Yes,” Lily smiled, “we are very much in love.”          

            “Isn’t it fun?” Caroline was grinning again. “I can still remember how exciting it was the first time. I was just a few years older than you, met a bloke at work who swept me right off my feet.” Lily was a sucker for a good love story. 

            “Was it your husband?” 

            “Alec? No, no he came later.” She smiled nostalgically, “not much later, of course, I worked with him at the time but…it took a while before I understood the difference.” 

            “The difference?”         

            “Between loving someone and being _in_ _love_. Alec was always there, always stable. It took a while before I realized that there was a reason we kept coming back to one another. You’ll feel that one day too, that force, pulling you towards someone, and you’ll probably try to fight it. It was the most powerful thing I had ever felt in my entire life and it scared the shit out of me.”

            “What was it like?” Lily asked, leaning forward. “When you realized you loved him?”

            “It was like coming home. He became my family, and I his, and nothing after that was ever the same. It was _so_ much better.” Lily wanted to hear more, God; she wanted a whole book detailing the romance of Caroline and Alec Potter. She talked about him with a sparkle in her eye that reminded Lily so much of her mother whenever she spoke about her father.

             “I should probably get to bed,” Caroline announced, rising from her chair. She pulled her wand out to clear up the dishes. Before she left she turned to smile at Lily, “when you meet that person you’ll know. You’ll get that same feeling I did and you’ll remember me telling you this one day, just as I remembered being told so many times, and it’ll all make sense.” 

           Lily couldn’t help but shake the feeling it already did.                   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're wondering how Frank found Alice at the hospital: He stopped by her house and her father informed him. It seemed a little silly to force it into the dialogue.


	7. Walk on the Wild Side

            Lily tugged at the bottom of her black dress, studying her reflection in the mirror for any sign of imperfection. She was doing her best not to focus on the fact that this would be the first funeral she attended since her father’s, a year ago. Fabian came up from behind her, his arms wrapping around her waist. 

            “How’re you doing?”

             “I’m okay.” Lily watched through the mirror as he turned his head and kissed her temple.

             It had been a week since the discovery of Alice’s mother. Lily hadn’t had a chance to see her since getting back from the cottage, partly due to a busy schedule but more honestly, because she was certain Alice would be in the same state of despair she had been in only a year ago.           

            “What’re you thinking about?” Fabian asked, his voice muffled in her neck. 

            “How awful this must be for Alice.” Lily pulled his arms around her a little tighter.           

            “Are you thinking about him?” 

            “Of course.” Lily didn’t miss a beat. God, she thought of her Dad constantly. Anytime she saw a man with the same build walking towards her on the street or heard booming laughter from across a room. She wondered if he was with her, if he knew where she was and what she was doing… 

            “Can I do anything to make it better?” Lily turned around in his arms, her arms wrapping around him. 

            “Don’t leave my side.” Lily knew she’d be leaning on Fabian all day, clutching to his arm whenever she felt herself getting overwhelmed. Fabian was her anchor. She kissed him, fingers coming to run through his recently combed hair. He’d complain about that later she knew it. 

            “I love you,” Fabian said, not even thinking about it, as they drew apart. 

            “I love you too.” When had that become a phrase thrown around between them so easily? How did Lily even know she was in love, what did she have to compare it to? The moment of self-doubt made her stomach knot but Fabian didn’t seem to notice. He took over the mirror, using it to help him adjust his tie. Lily slipped into the ensuite bathroom, swallowing back the lump in her throat.

            What was wrong with her? She loved Fabian, of course, she did. Lily had known it since that first date to Hogsmeade when he’d taken her through the stacks at the music shop and reached for her hand as they listened to a Fleetwood Mac album together. Fabian was her Frank, they were in it for the long run, so what was she doing standing in his bathroom, struggling not to cry? Why did everything suddenly feel so off balance?

            “Babe?” Fabian’s voice carried from behind the door. “You almost ready?” Lily gripped the edge of the counter, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. 

            “Coming!” 

* * *

            Mary was sitting at the kitchen island, her foot tapping nervously against the side of her chair. She’d had her hair and makeup finished for fifteen minutes but Emmeline was not quite as fast, Mary had come to learn in their time together that it was best to add thirty minutes on to Emmeline’s arrival time. 

            “How’s this dress?” Emmeline asked, her heels clicking against the hardwood floor as she stepped out of the bedroom.

             “You realize this is a funeral don’t you?” Mary asked, eyeing up Emmeline’s tight fitting, short black dress. She looked ready for a night out on the town. “In a church?”

             “Merlin…maybe I shouldn’t go,” Emmeline fretted, running her hands along the dress. “I mean, it’s not like Alice and I are particularly close anyway, and I just feel so…unprepared…”

            “You should definitely go,” Mary was not about to attend this funeral solo. “Besides, you’re my plus one.” It had only been a short time they’d shared together but it hadn’t taken long for Emmeline and Mary to become a packaged deal. Once Lily had returned home from her weekend away Mary had figured it was easier to stay with Emmeline where she could be less of a burden and keep the latter company as well. 

            Mary led the way back into Emmeline’s bedroom, sifting through her closet. There were dresses of all lengths and colours, some with their price tags still on. 

            “Here,” Mary pulled out a dress. “This one's nice.” It was a good length with a high neck which was a lacking feature with most dresses Emmeline owned.

             “Ugh,” Emmeline complained, stripping out of her current outfit and into the dress Mary handed her. “This makes me look like a nun.” 

            “That’s not a bad look for a funeral.” 

            Mary had only ever attended one funeral before – the one for Lily’s father. It had been heartbreaking, seeing the grief-torn faces of Lily and her family. No one had seen it coming, Lily least of all, and she’d been an absolute wreck all summer. Mary suspected Alice would be the same, possibly worse, given the circumstances. 

            Emmeline gave herself one last look in the mirror, running her fingers through her long, strawberry blonde hair. “Okay,” she finally sighed, “let's get going.” It was a grey, Friday morning. The two girls wandered around the corner and down the empty alleyway so that they could apparate, Mary, taking the lead as she knew where Alice’s home was and the church was not far away. 

            There were people slowly filing through the doors, organ music to be heard from inside the church. They still had fifteen minutes before the service started and neither Emmeline nor Mary seemed quite prepared to enter the church yet.

            “I hate funerals,” Emmeline confessed, the two girls standing on the grass outside, waiting until they absolutely had to enter. “They’re so bloody depressing.”           

            “I think that’s the point.”

             “I don’t want a bunch of people sitting in a church crying after I die,” Emmeline told her, rubbing her hands along her arms to keep warm. “I’d rather a big party, a celebration of sorts.” Mary couldn’t argue with that.

             “Hiya.” Mary turned around to find Peter coming up behind them, hands tucked into his suit pockets. “Why haven’t you gone inside yet?”

             “We’re…waiting,” Emmeline told him. “Avoiding more accurately.” 

            “Have you seen Alice yet?”

            The girls shook their heads. “You?”

            “No,” Peter bit his lip. “I spoke to James yesterday, apparently she planned the whole funeral herself.” 

            “How’d he know that?” Mary frowned. She’d written Alice, not long after the news had come out, to offer her condolences and support. Her friend had replied with a generic thank you and the announcement for the funeral had arrived a few days later.

            “I guess Marlene told him. Sounds awful though, doesn’t it?”

            “Yeah,” Mary nodded, her heart going out to Alice. “It does.”          

            Inside the church was packed. Alice and her family were nowhere to be seen, Mary assumed they were hiding until absolutely necessary, but Debra’s many friends and admirers had come out in numbers. Mary recognized fellow students from Hogwarts with their parents. She saw the McKinnon family and the Potters sitting in one of the middle rows. Lily and the Prewett twins sitting together to the side. 

            “Is that Dumbledore?” Emmeline whispered, clutching Mary’s arm. 

            “Merlin…I think it is.” He was sat with Alastor Moody, hands clasped in his lap, long white beard unmistakable. 

            “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him outside of Hogwarts,” Peter interjected, “it’s like seeing a celebrity.” The three of them grabbed programs from the table near the chapel’s entrance and signed the guest book before they took their seats, the service beginning.

* * *

 

             The reception that followed the funeral took place in the church’s basement. A group of kind-faced, older women had prepared an array of tea sandwiches and veggie platters for those who attended the service. James, Marlene and Sirius sat around one of the many tables joining their families.

            James had a paper plate in front of him, piled with egg and tuna salad sandwiches, carrots and ranch, but he couldn’t be bothered to eat any of it. Every time he moved to take a bite, the image of Alice’s father weeping into his hands filled his mind. 

            “James,” his mother pressed her hand into his back, “are you, okay sweetheart?” He looked up and caught her worried expression, her eyebrows drawn together, her red lips turned down in a frown.

             “Yeah,” James lied, not wanting to worry her. He leaned forward and picked up the egg salad slice. It tasted like sandpaper in his mouth but he ate it all anyway, pieces of eggshell crunching between his teeth.

           “Merlin, will you look at Charles?” Maureen sighed. “I’ve never seen a man so defeated…” 

            “I can’t imagine what he’s going through,” James’ father agreed, eyes on Charles Griffith. “The helplessness…” Now James’ appetite was certainly gone. 

            That whole service all he could do was think about his own parents, renowned in their field, visibly against the growing interest in blood cleansing, could they be next? Alice’s mother had not been nearly as well known in the community and yet she was dead.

             “How’s Alice doing?” James heard his mother ask, facing Marlene. 

            “As well as can be expected,” she shrugged. “She’s been carrying most of the weight, her father hasn’t dealt with it very well…”

            “That poor girl,” Maureen shook her head.

            “Please let her know we’re here if she needs anything.” 

            “I’m sure she’s already heard that a hundred times today,” James reminded his mother, staring across the room at Alice. She was sitting at a table with some of the other girls and Frank, who seemed more focused on her than anything else in the room, reminding her every once and a while to eat some of her food. James couldn’t begin to imagine what it was like for him, watching someone he loved in so much pain. 

            “You guys should do something with her tonight,” James’ mother suggested, “get her mind off things. James, you should invite her over—”

             “ _Mum_ ,” James complained, “I’m hardly friends with her.” Sure, he and Alice got along okay, he didn’t mind inviting her to a party or being partnered up in class, but they weren’t close enough to be going over to each other’s homes.

            “Might not be an awful idea James,” Sirius jumped in. “We could have a sort of…get together…” 

            “A party?” Marlene’s eyebrows rose. “I don’t really think she’s going to be in the mood after today.” 

            “You never know,” Alfred shrugged, taking a sip of coffee from his Styrofoam cup. “Getting drunk is a classic cure for grief.” All three of the teenagers at the table looked at each other in disbelief.

            “You are all seriously suggesting we throw a party?” James could barely believe it.

            “Why not? you’ll be doing her a favour.” James turned to Sirius who nodded in agreement. 

            “Well,” he gave in, “I suppose it’s not the worst idea…”

X

             It took a little convincing to get the rest of the gang on board. The girls worried it would be too much too soon and James didn’t know Alice well enough to argue. In the end, Lily had agreed to talk to Frank who had suggested the idea to Alice who had agreed – to everyone’s surprise.

             James’ parents gave them total reign of the back garden for the night and retreated to the house’s second floor for the night.

             James and Sirius had taken up food duty (more accurately, asking Mimsy to whip up something for their guests), Remus and Peter and agreed to get the booze, and the girls had all spread out to invite as many guests as possible.

            James' back garden was more accurately a large field (previously the property's farmland) which spread out to the edge of a forest. There was a small hill which led down towards the forest, providing some privacy from the main house. They set tables up at the base of it, filling them with food and drink. James’ parties always got such good turn out because of the free food and booze that were guaranteed.

            “Do you think we’ll regret this?” Sirius asked, watching as Peter and Remus struggled to set up the lights they been tasked with arranging.

            “Nah,” James was doing his best to be positive, “there’s no wrong reason to throw a party.” 

            “Where the hell is the music?” James looked over his shoulder to see Marlene struggling down the hill. She was wearing a pair of high waisted jeans; a low cut black tank top tucked into them. Even James, whose feelings for Marlene were entirely platonic, had to admit she looked hot. 

             “Well, you’ve sure set the standard haven’t you?” James teased her as she came up beside him. 

            “It’s the best I could do with what I have here.” Marlene had her own bedroom at James’ house, complete with a dresser full of clothes. James caught Sirius staring from the corner of his eye but brushed it off, not wanting to make a big stink before everyone arrived. 

            Marlene used magic to transport the turntable and speakers outside, bringing with them only her favourite records. She started playing The Talking Heads and poured herself a glass of beer, swaying to the music.

            It was another hour before anyone showed up, the boys entertaining themselves with a game of Exploding Snaps. Within thirty minutes though, there were at least twenty people on the back lawn, alcohol on their breath. James spotted members from the Quidditch team and fellow classmates among the crowd gathering to come out and support Alice.

            “Quite the turnout for such last minute notice.” It was Lily who said it, sneaking up behind him. She’d changed out of her black dress and let her hair down for the evening. James loved it when she wore her hair down. Whenever she was nervous – or thinking very hard about something - she’d tuck it behind her ear. He loved watching her do it, running her fingers through the ends of it… 

            “Alice here yet?” Lily asked, breaking his train of thought. 

            “No, not yet.” James wondered whether Lily had come alone. He didn’t see Fabian around, although they’d arrived at the funeral together. James had been signing the guestbook with his parents when he looked up and saw them stepping into the church, Fabian’s arm wrapped protectively around her waist. Something about it had bothered him. He decided it was because he found it totally inappropriate to show any PDA at a funeral (although it didn’t bother him as much when he caught Frank holding Alice’s hand and stroking her back throughout the service).

             “Where’s your boyfriend?” James asked.           

            “Oh, he um, he wasn’t able to make it.” She wouldn’t quite look him in the eye when she spoke about Fabian. It bugged him when she did that, acted like it was uncomfortable for James to even mention her boyfriend. They had gotten past that hadn’t they, his schoolboy crush? James was over it, or, as over it as he could be, and he just wanted to move on as friends, at the least.

             “It’s actually his dad’s birthday, they’re doing a big dinner.”

            “Kind of a sad start to a birthday.” Merlin, was he _really_ making awkward small talk with Lily Evans? Was it truly impossible for them to move past this and be normal? 

            “Yeah,” she nodded, pretending to fiddle with a thread on her sleeve, “I figured Alice needed me more tonight.” 

            “I hope she enjoys tonight…” James caught himself, “as much as she can.” He was a little thankful when their conversation was cut short by Marlene, who came over to alert them that Alice and Frank had just arrived. 

            “I hope this is okay?” James asked when he met Alice at the drinks table. Frank was piling up a plate of food that James presumed he was about to force Alice to eat. 

            “This is so thoughtful, thank you, James.” There was a sadness in Alice’s eyes that James had never seen before like a light had gone out. He couldn’t imagine what she’d been through in the past few days, or what she was going through as she stood there now.

            “Can I get you a drink?” It was the best he could do in the way of comfort. 

            “Always.” 

* * *

             “You have to be one of _the_ most beautiful girls I have _ever_ seen.” Alice’s rather attractive cousin was showering Marlene with compliments. He lived in Ireland and he’d been one of the many who’d travelled over to support Alice and her father. Apparently, he was nineteen and wanted to be a professional Quidditch player. None of that mattered much to Marlene though.           

            “Oh Please,” she was giggling, loving the whole thing. “I’m sure you say that to _all_ the ladies.” The party was in full swing and she was at least two shots and two beers deep.           

            “Oh believe me darlin’, I’ve never met _anyone_ like you.” Marlene bat her eyelashes, watching him melt like putty in her hands. “What’re you doing later tonight?” He asked, stepping closer towards her. 

            “I don’t know,” she smirked, “depends on what you’re doing I suppose—” 

            “I _cannot_ believe this!” Came Sirius' indignant cry. “What in hell are you doing with _my_ girlfriend?” Marlene stared at him in horror. 

            “I…” the Irish man stuttered. “I’m sorry mate, I, I swear I thought she was single…” Marlene was going to murder Sirius. She’d make sure to torture him first too, just to make sure he got what he deserved.          

            “Piss off!” Sirius snapped at the innocent man who practically ran away.

             “What the fuck you wanker!” Marlene smacked him hard across the arm once they were alone. 

            “Hey! I saw him talking to at least two other girls before you. He was a dick.”

            “ _You’re_ the dick,” Marlene grumbled in response. “I was having fun.”           

            “Oh come on, you’ll be thankful in the morning I saved you from a poor, drunken decision.” 

            “I’m not drunk,” Marlene said defensively. She was angry. She hated when Sirius did that, acted like he owned her. They had an agreement but somehow it seemed every time he got a little alcohol in his system he failed to remember the terms. 

            “Come on,” Sirius prodded her, stepping towards the house. 

            “I’m not going anywhere with you.” Now she was just being stubborn. 

            “You know I was only joking around!” She didn’t budge, eyes shooting daggers. “I honestly thought I was doing you a favour,” Sirius continued, “he seemed gross.” She crossed her arms, frowning. “I’m sorry.” It didn’t sound very sincere. “Marls…” It was manipulative really, to use the nickname he’d made up for her in secret.

            “Wanker,” she rolled her eyes. How could she not soften just a little when he called her that? The name only he addressed her by, that he used in their most tender moments, the moments no one else saw or knew existed?

             “Come on,” he stuck his hand out for her to take, despite the crowd of their friends only ten feet away. Marlene looked over her shoulder, making sure no one she knew was too close by and grabbed on. 

            “Why’re we going back to the house?” Marlene complained, allowing Sirius to help pull her up and over the hill so that those at the party couldn’t get a clear view of them. The path back to the house was not as well lit and so Sirius had to pull out his wand, guiding the way.

            “Water,” he said, although she knew that was a lie. “And privacy.” 

            “Privacy?” she teased him. “Why on earth would we need that?” He looked over at her, lowering his wand so that they disappeared into the darkness. 

            “Were you really going to hook up with that Irish man?” Sirius asked, stepping towards her. 

            “I thought about it.” Marlene didn’t see why that was such a crime. “Did it really bother you?” She couldn’t see his face very well but she could feel him, his body so close to hers, his hands just brushing against her arms… 

            They heard laughter and voices not too far away and pulled apart. Sirius rose his wand once more and continued leading the way towards the back of the house, the kitchen light like a beacon in the distance.           

            “Do you think she’s having a good time?” Marlene asked. Sirius tucked his wand into his back pocket, the sound of the party muffled in the distance. 

            “She seems happier than she did this morning.”

            “I just want to see her smile again.” Marlene couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen Alice smile. She wished now that she’d cherished it, her friends last happy moments, but how could she have known what tragedy was to come?         

            Sirius swung open the back door, holding it for Marlene who stepped inside and took a quick look around to make sure the coast was clear. 

            “Just us,” she said, her voice hushed, “I’m sure Caroline and Alec went to sleep hours ago.” She spun around to face Sirius once more, his eyes focused on her lips. 

            “It bothered me,” he admitted. He was only ever honest when he was drunk. “Seeing you with him.” Marlene didn’t know whether she liked hearing that. Part of her felt anxious, knowing the longer they did this the more complicated it became.

             “Sirius…” 

            “I know it’s not supposed to bother me.” He stepped closer towards her. “It does though.” 

            “It’s just the way it is.” Marlene couldn’t fathom it being any different. She couldn’t picture a world where she and Sirius did anything more than this. They had chemistry, sure, and they’d tapped into that, but it could never go further. Not unless they wanted to risk ruining everything.

            “Admit it,” Sirius said, stepping forward smirking, “you’re a little happy you got stuck with me over him.” She was, but she’d never admit that to him.

             “You’re an idiot.” He flicked off the lights, surrounding them in darkness. It allowed him to kiss her without worrying that someone from the party might come wander up the hill and see them from the glow of the window. He pushed her back against the kitchen counter, the passion between them always so heavy.

             “Someone might see us,” Marlene said, breathless as she pulled her lips away. Sirius' lips were travelling down her neck. “James might see us…” 

            Sirius pulled his wand out once more and flicked it at the door, locking it.

             “Sirius,” she chuckled, struggling to keep her voice down, “Caroline and Alec—”

            “Have I told you how hot you look tonight?” His breath tickled the side of her neck. “You look amazing.” He tugged her shirt out of her pants and slowly slid his hand underneath it. _Merlin that felt good._ Too good to stop. Suddenly Marlene was propped up on the counter, her jeans unbuttoned, kissing Sirius like it was the last time. She didn’t care anymore who walked in.

            “Tell me to stop,” he taunted her, knowing damn well she never would. Her pants slipped slowly to her ankles. "Do you want me to stop?” He asked again, tugging at her lips. He moved further and further down, teasing her all the while, his head disappearing between Marlene’s legs as she tingled with pleasure.

            “Never,” she said, barely breathing, “ _never_ stop.”

* * *

            Alice sipped from her cup slowly. Mary had prepared her a drink and while she’d assured Alice it was no more than ‘Firewhiskey and some juice’, she was certain there much more alcohol than juice in the mix. Alice was sitting on the grass, leaning into Frank, Lily beside her and Remus and Leila across from them. 

            She was doing her best to follow the conversation at hand but it was difficult when she was so utterly exhausted. It felt as though everything had been building up until today and now that it was over she had no idea what to do with herself. Return to training? Take care of her father? Run, far, far away? 

            “God I’m not ready to go back to school,” Leila complained, throwing her head back in dismay. “Transfiguration homework, waking up early, my snoring roommates.”

             “If snoring bothers you you’ll never last with Remus,” Frank snickered. Remus gave him a stare that could kill.

             “Honestly, I think I’m going to miss it,” Lily admitted. “It feels like home now.”

            “I suppose you feel a little different, with only one year left.” Leila was holding Remus' hand, stroking her thumb along the side of it. Remus smiled, the two of them unable to go more than a few seconds not touching. Alice remembered those days…

             “Oi, looks like Peter is having a good night,” Remus said, directing everyone’s attention towards the edge of the woods where Peter was standing. Alice was happy at least one person was enjoying their evening. 

            “Go, Peter,” Frank said proudly. 

            “I’m going to the loo,” Alice announced, interrupting all the fun.

            “Back at the house?” Lily gawked.

            “Nah, I think I might just go into the bushes if I’m being honest,” Alice said, nudging her head back towards the forest’s edge. She doubted anyone would see her, not in this light as long as she was a few trees in. “I’ll be back in a flash.” She kissed Frank’s cheek and rose, listening as the conversation turned towards everyone predictions for this year's house cup. 

            Alice could still hear the party but, from her spot behind a pine, could no longer see anything except for what was right in front of her. She turned to unbutton her pants when she heard a branch crack from a few feet away.

             “Who’s there?” Merlin, maybe she should’ve made the trek to the house… 

            “It’s me.” Alice couldn’t see his face at first, the light from the end of his wand blinding her, but when he pointed it down she recognized the features and the voice. “Everett,” he reminded her, “from the ice cream shop—”

             “What are you doing here?” She was a little impressed, to be honest, with his persistence.

             “I um…well…” he smiled nervously, “don’t get upset or anything but I happened to be at the funeral. One of your friends told me about this and I…I just wanted to—”

             “You showed up at my mother’s funeral?” Alice stepped back. “Look, I don’t know who you are or what kind of twisted game you’re playing here but I am _not_ interested—”

             “We go to school together,” he interrupted her. “You’re a year above me, I’m in Ravenclaw.” At least that was something. “Look, the flirting was all in good faith. I came today because I saw a posting in the paper and I wanted to pay my respects.” Alice still didn’t understand it.

             “Why? We don’t even know each other.”

             “Is it that unfathomable that I might, I don’t know, like you?” Alice couldn’t quite register the words. She hadn’t been hit on, or flirted with, in a long time. Everyone in their year at Hogwarts was well aware that Frank and Alice were an item.

            “Yeah, I mean, a little?”

            “Because you have a boyfriend?”

            “There’s that, and the fact that we didn’t know the other existed until a few weeks ago.” 

            “Oh, I _knew_ you existed.” The arrogance had returned to his voice. Alice hated the fact that she could feel herself leaning in towards him, craving more. “Do you want me to go?” Everett asked. Alice knew what the right answer was.

             “No.” She had the kindest boyfriend just a few feet away, probably worrying about her that very moment, and she was entertaining some absolute random who, for all she knew, had been stalking her.  

            “No?” Everett moved closer to her, Alice could see the shadow of a grin on his face.

            “But you should,” she forced herself to say, “you _should_ go.”

            “You’re confusing, huh?” 

            “Look I…” Merlin, she’d come out for a wee and somehow landed in a movie scene. “I’m not thinking straight right now okay? And my boyfriend he—”

             “Say no more,” Everett silenced her. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

            “Thank you.” With a final nod, Everett turned and disappeared between the trees. Alice realized, as she listened to him walking away, that it was the first time all day she hadn’t been thinking about her mother.

* * *

 

             Lily had lost track of how much alcohol she’d drunk. Earlier in the night, she’d been keeping tabs, numbering off her drinks, but once she’d passed four things had grown a little fuzzy. She had been standing with a group of schoolmates, making bets on who would become head boy and girl this year, but after a while, as her glass began to empty, carrying on small talk became too difficult.

             Lily was glad to be outside, the fresh air keeping her somewhat alert, but she decided it was time to cut herself off. Soon she’d be slurring her words and making heartfelt confessions that were better left unsaid. Slowly, Lily made her way across the Potter’s backfield, separating herself from the party. She needed a moment of silence, a moment alone with her drunk, rambling thoughts.

             There was a tree with a low hanging branch she found and, with some drunken courage, pulled herself up onto to sit. She dangled her feet, kicking her shoes off onto the grass, and leaned her head back to gaze up at the starry sky. Lily was a kind of happy to be attending the party solo. It wasn’t that she didn’t like going out with Fabian, he was always a good time, but sometimes, once one was in a relationship, it was difficult to be independent of the other person. It felt like suddenly Lily was always part of a pair, wherever she went. 

           “Alright, Evans?” Lily practically fell off the branch, her fingers digging into the bark to keep her balance. James was approaching, a drink in his hand. 

           “Fine,” Lily replied, trying to keep her voice steady. She didn’t want him to know how much he set her off. “Just…” she paused, taking a deep breath, “getting some fresh air.”

           “I don’t want to alarm you or anything but you realize this party is outdoors?”

           “I mean away from all the people,” Lily explained. “It can be a little overwhelming.” 

            James was standing right in front of her now. There was something about the look he gave her, one eyebrow slightly arched, the amusement on his face, which made Lily’s stomach turn.

           “Lily Evans,” he said in faux shock, “are you drunk?”

           Lily blushed. “Well…” she couldn’t even deny it at this point, “maybe just a little.”

           “Scandalous.”

           “I do know how to have fun, you know? I just don’t need to rub it in everyone’s faces all the time.”

           “Is that what I do?” James asked, not sounding the least bit offended. “Well, you’re just not having the right kind of fun I guess.” Maybe he was right. Maybe that was why Lily had felt unsettled all summer, she needed desperately to let loose. She’d spent her whole life playing her cards close to her chest, trying hard to never step a toe out of line, throwing her all into her school work. What was the point? What was the point of any of it when at any given moment it could all be over?

           “I never understood it,” Lily blurted out, taking a risk she would most definitely regret in the morning.

           “Understood what?”

           “Why you liked me.” She regretted the words the minute they left her mouth. Why had she said that? Why had she even been _thinking_ about that? Things between her and James and only just settled and now she was about to send them up in flames once more. He stared at her, long and hard, making Lily wish she could turn away.

           “We’re just completely different,” Lily blabbered on, “don’t you think? You love to piss off and have a good time and I,” she pointed towards her chest, “am a stick in the mud.”

           “You are not a stick in the mud.”

           “Oh please,” Lily scoffed, “stick me next to any of my friends and I look like an absolute bore. I don’t drink as much, don’t party enough, I definitely don’t do enough drugs.” That earned a laugh. “No, I just go to bed early to make sure I get my seven hours of sleep before class and fall asleep next to my Potions homework.”

           “That’s not how I see you,” James told her, still smirking. Lily’s heart began to race.

           “How _do_ you see me?” Lily challenged him.

           “You’re right, you’re nothing like any of your friends,” James admitted, “but you’re also not like any girl I’ve ever met. You’re in your own playing field, nothing like anyone else around you. You’ve got it all going for you Evans, you’ll see that one day.” Lily gulped back a lump in her throat. Christ, was she going to cry? Was James Potter _actually_ going to bring her to tears? “Besides, you were the only girl who never had a problem telling me what a complete and utter wanker I was.” Lily laughed.

           Suddenly she was jumping down off her tree branch, landing steadily on her feet (a surprising feat for someone as drunk as she was). She was standing just a few feet away from James, neither daring to take their eyes off the other. 

           “That’s all in the past now though,” she couldn’t believe what she was saying, “right?” James’ eyes widened, he was just as surprised as she was, and he ran his hand through his messy hair. 

          “Is this a trick question?” She could tell he was getting nervous, the pitch in his voice rising. She liked it, still having that hold on him. Part of her had been afraid it was gone forever. 

          “No,” Lily confessed, shaking her head.

          “Does it matter? You’re with Prewett aren’t you?” She was. She was Fabian’s girl and yet, here she stood, testing the waters, teasing James Potter of all people. It was all she’d been thinking about all summer and this moment - the two of them alone, standing so close together - felt like it had come straight out of one of her dreams. She wondered, suddenly, dangerously, what it might be like to take those two steps and kiss him, to feel James Potter’s lips meet her own.

          She was breathing heavily, her whole body wide-awake and pulling her towards the boy in front of her. She took the first step, barely able to believe it herself, still staring deeply into James’ eyes. James didn’t move. He stood perfectly still, like an unwavering building, just waiting to see what she did next. Lily didn’t know how it happened, her hands pressing into his chest, feeling the beating of his heart, following the rise and fall of every breath. She was so close she could smell the cologne he was wearing; musky, scents of pine needles and citrus. Lily closed her eyes. 

          James reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear, running his fingers through the ends of it. “What the hell is going on?” He whispered to her. 

         “I don’t know,” Lily, confessed, eyes still closed, her face inches from his. When she opened her eyes James was staring at her as though he couldn’t believe she was real. She couldn’t think about anything but him. The whole world seemed to fade into the background as they stood there, touching in a way they never had before, behaving intimately. It was unreal. 

         “James, I…” she didn’t know what to say, how to convey the feelings that had been toying with her for weeks, the feelings she had yet to tell anyone about. His hand cupped her face, thumb rubbing along her cheek. Lily wondered how long he’d wanted to do that, hold her, touch her, what else did he want to do to her? Part of her wanted so desperately to find out, the other certain she should turn and run away. 

         “Lily?” Some called out from the distance. Lily jumped away first, her face growing warm. “Lily? Merlin, did she go home?”

         “No, I saw her walk this way!”

         “Lily Katherine Evans you minx, where did you wander off to?” It was Mary’s voice for sure, the other Peter’s perhaps? Lily couldn’t be sure. She looked up at James, who seemed just as startled as she was, perhaps more so considering how unexpected their moment had been.

         “Lily,” James’ voice was hushed yet urgent. She couldn’t blame him. He needed answers, an explanation as to where the hell this had all come from.

         “Lily?” came Mary’s voice again, closer this time.

         “I’m coming!” Lily finally replied, “just having a wee! Give me a minute!” She didn’t know how else to stall them.

         “I’ll write to you,” she said, turning back to James, “before the summer’s over we’ll talk again, okay?” At that moment she meant it. She saw herself meeting James for coffee and confessing to the thoughts she’d been having for far too long. Some, romantic part of her imagined them figuring it out, strolling out of the coffee shop hand in hand, kissing. God, she so wanted to kiss him. Especially right now, looking at her like a deer in headlights, so earnest and well-meaning. She’d never wanted to kiss anyone so badly in her life.

        “Promise?” James asked, grabbing her hand before she could run away.

        “I promise.”        


	8. Jealous Guy

  _Two Weeks Later_

             Mary was woken with a start. She gazed up at Emmeline from half-open eyes, grimacing.

            “Not cool,” she grumbled, turning onto her side. Mary was tired and hungover. Emmeline had convinced her to end their summer of freedom off with a bang and the two girls had ended up at a popular vampire bar, a hole in the wall, in Diagon Alley. The night was a blur of shots, dancing, and pale men.

            “I can’t get my trunk shut,” Emmeline whined. Mary didn’t budge. “Come on Mary, we’ve got an hour before we have to be at the station I need you to rally.”

             “Mary is dead,” she mumbled into her pillow, “I am her much grumpier doppelgänger.”

            “Can the grumpy doppelgänger help me get my trunk shut?” 

            “Not bloody likely.” Mary got a few seconds of peace before Emmeline began smacking her with a pillow, forcing her to throw off the blankets and emerge from bed.

             “Bloody hell,” Mary cursed, struggling to push the top of the trunk down so it could be locked. “How could you possibly need this much stuff?”

            “Um, how could you possibly not?” 

            “Sit on top of it,” Mary instructed. With the extra weight, she was able to get the buckles, although she hadn’t a clue how Emmeline was going to get the trunk onto the train.

             Mary’s own trunk had been packed the night before and she’d laid out her clothes for the day – something comfortable for the train before she had to change into her robes. 

            “This is my way of saying thank you,” Emmeline announced as Mary stepped into the kitchen, sliding into one of the stools at the kitchen island. Emmeline put a plate of pancakes in front of her, Mary’s mouth turning up into a smile. 

            “Forgiven.” Emmeline had shocked Mary with her cooking abilities early on. She’d always pictured her ordering a butler around her house, demanding meals when she was hungry. In reality, living alone so much meant that Emmeline was more independent than anyone else Mary knew. 

            “So” Emmeline leaned on the island, watching Mary eat, “I know it’s a little early to be talking about the holidays…” Mary’s stomach sank. She already knew what was coming next – Emmeline was going to break the news that she wouldn’t be able to come back here over Christmas break. Mary had known their living arrangement was temporary, only for the summer really, but it had grown so comfortable she’d forgotten it would eventually come to an end. 

            “It’s okay,” Mary said before Emmeline could finish the rest of her sentence. “Really, you’ve already been so generous, I can’t intrude any longer—” 

            “Mary, that’s not what I’m saying. My parents want to go away for the holidays, they don’t care much for the cold, but I told them I’d be staying here.” Mary stared at her blankly. “With you.” 

            “Me?” Mary couldn’t remember the last time someone had made her feel so wanted. A few months ago she had barely known Emmeline Vance and now the girl was rejecting vacations to spend time with her. Mary felt guilty for all the times she’d rolled her eyes when Emmeline had entered a room or turned down Marlene’s offers to hang out with the two of them. She’d always imagined Emmeline to be rather vain and without and she’d been proven totally and completely wrong.

             “I hate missing Christmas in the city,” Emmeline shrugged. “Besides, we can’t miss the final Marauders New Year's party.” 

            Mary’s eyes fell. “I’ve never actually attended one…”

            “ _What?_ ” 

            “I’ve always spent the holidays at Hogwarts.” Mary never wanted to go home for the holidays like the rest of her friends. She’d tried it in first year but it had only made her sad. While her siblings had been spoiled with presents, Bobby and her mother usually gave her one or two things. ‘ _We didn’t know if you’d be coming home,’_ her mother had shrugged that year, not an ounce of remorse, _‘besides, how should we know what you’d want when you don’t even live here anymore?’_

“Mary, that is _so_ lonely,” Emmeline frowned. “That’s awful.” 

            “It’s not so bad.” It was definitely not Mary’s favourite time of year. “It’s kind of nice having the castle so quiet.” It was nice for the first few days, after the rush of exams and pre-holiday jitters, but after a while, Mary got lonely and started wondering where her father was now and whether he ever thought about his children at this time of year… 

            “Look, you’ve been so kind to me Emmeline, really, I’m so happy that we’ve been able to become friends…”

            “But?” 

            “But, I can’t be the reason you turn down a vacation with your parents. Besides, I’ve got some money after working a few shifts at The Leaky Cauldron and Tom said he’d give me room and board over the holidays if I did some more work for him—” 

            “I am not letting you spend your break working in a dingy bar!” Emmeline insisted. “Besides, holidays with my parents are never much fun anyway. They usually end in tears.” Emmeline mentioned her parents sparingly and Mary could see it was a sensitive topic for her. From the outside, it seemed she lived the perfect life, a whole apartment to herself, no parental supervision, money sent to her to spend however she liked, but in reality, it was much lonelier than anyone could imagine. 

            “Are you sure?” Mary didn’t want Emmeline to feel obliged to have her stay. She didn’t want to be the sad orphan passed around between her friends.

            “Of course I’m sure. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this yet, but I enjoy having you around as much as you enjoy having a roof over your head.”

             Mary smiled, shovelling some of the pancakes she’d forgotten about into her mouth. She may have lost her family but she’d gained a wonderful friend. 

* * *

             “MARLENE!” her mother howled up the stairs. “You’re going to miss your train if you take any longer!” 

            Marlene finished her application of lip-gloss, tucking the tube into her back pocket before leaving her room. She always liked to look her best the first day back. 

            Her parents and brother were all waiting downstairs, watching as she used magic to levitate her trunk down beside Danny’s.

             “Took you long enough,” Danny complained. He’d been irritable all morning. He was antsy to get to the train station to see the girl he’d been flirting with all summer. Marlene couldn’t remember her name, only that she’d caught them on the couch, cuddling, when she’d come home a few days ago. 

            “Do you have everything?” They’re father asked. “Books, robes, toothbrushes?” 

            “Yes dad,” Marlene and Danny replied in unison. 

            “Okay missy,” her mother stepped towards Marlene, fiddling with the collar on her shirt. “Just because it’s your last year doesn’t mean you can slag off your studies.”

            “I know mum.”

            “You need to do well on your N.E.W.T.S to get that job at the Prophet. Don’t let James and Sirius convince you to do anything stupid.” 

            “Come on now love,” her father wrapped his arm around her mother, “we slagged off in seventh year and look at us.” He was grinning but her mother didn't find it so funny. 

            “Yeah, well, Marlene isn’t supposed to repeat our mistakes.”           

            “Maybe I will just to really piss you off.” She loved the look on her mother’s face when she said that. Her father laughed and drew her mother in for a peck on the cheek. They’d been together since their sixth year at Hogwarts. He mother had always said she never wanted a husband or children; she’d dreamt of a dog and a quaint studio apartment in downtown London. Instead, she’d wound up with three children and a house in the countryside. 

            “Here,” their father handed them a small pouch of change. “Buy yourselves something on the train.” 

            “Thanks, dad,” Danny said, snatching the pouch from his father’s hand. Marlene already knew the money would be spent almost entirely on the girl Danny was so desperate to impress. Merlin she hated young love.

             “Share with your sister,” their father reminded him, Danny was hardly listening as he tucked the money away in his pocket. “And don’t you get up to any trouble either. You know we’re not afraid to send a Howler—” 

            “Yeah, yeah,” Danny rolled his eyes.               

            Their parents gave them both one last hug before the two of them lugged their trunks out the door and Marlene apparated them to Kings Cross station. She listened to Danny's incessant talk of  Jade, the girl he was crushing on, the whole walk through the station. Marlene was interested for about two minutes, but by the time she was running towards the brick wall that led to Platform 9 ¾, she was ready to get as far away from her brother as humanly possible. 

            The platform was crammed, as per usual, with families saying their goodbyes. Anxious first years looked up at their parents in terror, as though it would be the last time they ever saw them, schoolmates reunited, squealing as they ran into each other's arms from across the platform. Marlene moved through the sea of people, the steam from the train making everything around her appear foggy.

             “Marlene!” Caroline Potter’s voice broke through the crowd and there she was, off to the right end of the platform waving Marlene over.           

            “Your parents didn't come with you?” Caroline asked as she drew Marlene in for a hug. 

            “Danny wouldn’t let them. He didn’t want to seem uncool when he ran into Jade.” 

            “Whose Jade?” asked James. 

            “Some Hufflepuff Danny won’t shut up about.”

            “I cannot believe your brother is old enough to be looking cool for girls,” Caroline sighed. “Seems like just yesterday he was racing to keep up with you guys…”

            “She’s very nostalgic today,” James leaned over to whisper to Marlene.           

            “Did you hear the exciting news?” Alec changed the subject, “about James over here?” 

            “Our very own Head Boy,” Marlene nodded, grinning from ear to ear. She hadn’t been able to believe it when he told her, the letter shaking in his hands, but he had the badge to prove it. 

            “If I’m being completely honest I was certain Remus would get it.” 

            “Me too,” James agreed, not quite meeting anyone’s eyes. Marlene had never seen him so modest.

            “Well I think Albus made a great choice,” Caroline said proudly. “I know you’ll do an amazing job—” 

            “You have to say that,” James groaned.

            “I do not! There are many things I think you’d be terrible at, cooking for example.” They all laughed. 

            “Wonder where he got that from,” Alec mumbled. The train horn blew, reminding them all they had five minutes to get aboard. 

            “Please write us,” Caroline said, taking James by the shoulders. “We miss you so much when you’re away…” 

            “I’ll write,” James promised, not pulling away when his mother leaned in to kiss his forehead. Marlene knew how much he hated when she did that in public, specifically on a platform filled with classmates, but he hated even more to disappoint her. James was her whole world and he knew it. 

            “You too,” she said, turning her sights on Sirius now, “I want daily updates so I know you aren’t getting up to too much trouble.” 

            “Yes, ma’am.” Sirius didn’t seem to mind when Caroline drew him into her arms. Sometimes she almost forgot Sirius came from a whole other family, one that would’ve never dropped him off on the platform with a warm hug. She could still see him sitting on the couch in the Potter’s living room, his eyes filled with such pain…           

            The whistle blew again, a two-minute warning. They all said their final farewell and Sirius led the way onto the train, miraculously finding an empty compartment within the first train car. Their last year at Hogwarts, it hardly seemed real. Marlene had always known there’d be an end, sometimes she’d even wished it’d come sooner, but now all she felt was sad. Everything this year would be a last. 

            “Have you seen Lily yet?” Marlene was looking out the window, watching their slow depart from King’s Cross station, when Sirius asked the question. 

            When Marlene looked over she saw James pretending to search for something in his book bag to avoid answering. “No,” he replied dryly, Marlene and Sirius shared a look. 

            “Am I missing something? I thought you two were friends now?” 

            “We are.”

            “So why are you sulking every time someone mentions her name?”           

            “I’m not sulking,” James, sighed, “I haven’t seen her since the party, okay? I didn’t get so much as a letter from her after we got our badges—” 

            “Did _you_ write _her_?” 

            “No Padfoot, I did _not_ write her.”           

            “So you’re mad because she didn’t write to congratulate you?” Marlene would get to the bottom of this by the end of their train ride if it killed her. It’d been bugging her for the past two weeks, James' standoffish attitude every time Lily Evans was mentioned. She had been so sure everything was resolved after their time at the cottage and yet; here they were again, square one. The whole act was getting old. 

            “Maybe I just don’t want to talk about Lily Evans?” James suggested, his voice dripping with irritation. The compartment door slid open, Remus and Peter stepping inside, saving James. 

            “Room for two more?” they asked, already knowing the answer. 

            “What’ve we missed?” Peter plopped down next to Marlene. 

            “James is pouting about Lily.” Marlene ignored the nasty glare he sent her way.

             “He’s been pouting all week hasn’t he?” Remus asked as he struggled to get his trunk into the rack above their heads.

            “I’m still here you know!” 

            “He nearly choked when I mentioned to him that I’d run into Lily and Fabian in Diagon Alley while getting my books—”

             “I did not!” James was too defensive to be believed. 

            “You might as well just fess up to whatever it is because we are never going to quit,” Marlene told him. He knew it was true. They’d get to the bottom of it one way or another.           

            “I’d like to state firstly that you all suck.” They didn’t bat an eyelash. “Secondly, I’d like to make clear that I am totally and completely over this.” Marlene could see the colour rising in James’ face. “There was…a moment.” 

            “A moment?” She leaned forward. 

            “At the party, two weeks ago—” 

            “Alice’s party?” Sirius interjected.

            “Yes. We…” James was staring down at his hands, “we almost kissed.” 

            “WHAT?” Everyone in the compartment screamed at once. Marlene couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t. Lily and James…after all the time, all the hoping and the desperate attempts to woe her. They’d almost kissed two weeks ago and she was only finding out now. 

            “Who initiated it?” 

            “Her.”

            “How did it happen?” Marlene had about a hundred questions and she could see James was not keen to answer any of them. 

            “Look, I thought it might mean something but…it doesn’t.”           

            “Come on Prongs, we both know that’s not true,” Sirius tried to encourage him. 

            “It is, she’s with Fabian and nothing is going to change that and I’m moving on. For good.” Marlene didn’t believe that for one second. “I’ve been seeing someone.” 

            “Have I been on another planet the past two weeks? How the hell have you failed to mention all of this?”           

            “Because I knew you guys would freak out.”           

            “That’s insulting, we are totally cool,” Sirius said, folding his arms against his chest.           

            “It’s nothing serious just…casual. Fun.” 

            Marlene felt stupid for not realizing it sooner, that something between James and Lily was off. She’d seen them both a handful of times since the party but never thought to ask why they both seemed to get so uncomfortable when the other was brought up. More than anything, she was hurt. Why hadn’t they felt comfortable telling her? Why hadn’t _Lily_ felt comfortable telling her? How long had she been hiding these feelings, struggling with them in silence and never letting Marlene in? The whole thing was nearly impossible to wrap her head around.

* * *

 

            Lily had drifted off, the side of her head vibrating against the window. Mary was sitting across from her, a book open in her lap. 

            “How long have I been out?” 

            “A little over an hour. This one passed out not long after you,” Mary motioned towards Emmeline, curled into a ball on the opposite side of the compartment. 

            Lily had barely slept a wink the night before. She’d been tossing and turning, all too aware that she would be forced to face the music in the morning and see James Potter. The very thought made her stomach turn. He was somewhere on this train… 

            The door slid open and Alice stepped inside, smiling meekly. “I’ve been searching for you guys.”

            “Come here you.” Mary lifted up her arm and Alice slid onto the seat beside her, curling into Mary’s side. If there was anyone who looked more tired than Lily it was Alice. The circles under her eyes seemed to grow darker every time she saw her. Lily remembered what it was like after her father’s death when she would wake from dreams of him, nightmares sometimes. 

            “Have you run into the Head Boy yet?” 

            “No,” Lily answered, swallowing back a lump in her throat. She’d made James a promise and she’d broken it. Worse than that, she’d led him on. Lily knew it was no excuse, being drunk, but she’d woken up in the morning sick with guilt and she hadn’t been able to do anything but spend the past two weeks with Fabian. 

            “I still can’t believe it,” Mary chuckled, “James and Lily…” 

            “He _is_ at the top of our class.”           

            “He’s also had more detentions than anyone else in our year,” Lily reminded her friends. 

            “You two are friends now though, aren’t you?” Alice’s question was harmless and yet it sent Lily’s stomach into knots. Yeah, they had been friends, until Lily had gotten too drunk and possibly ruined it all. 

            “Yeah,” she nodded, working to keep her voice steady, “water under the bridge.” 

            Lily had written James a thousand letters. She’d poured her feelings out onto page after page until her hand ached from all the writing. She’d realized, after a day or two of this, that it was a mistake, saying any more than she already had. Sure, James infatuated her now but what about a month from now? What about when the allure had worn off? Was there anything there but a spark? 

            “Where’s Frank?” Mary asked Alice as she sat up straight. 

            “With the twins actually. Gideon brought his chessboard and they’re deep into a game. Have you seen Fabian yet Lil?” Just another thing for Lily to feel guilty about…

             “No,” she confessed, “not today.” 

            She’d arrived at Kings Cross alone and, thankfully, run into Mary and Emmeline on the platform. She’d seen James and his parents near the far wall but she’d done her best to keep her head down and look away. She would avoid James until the last possible minute, which was nearer than Lily would have liked. 

            “So this is where the party is at?” Marlene asked as she slid open the compartment door. Emmeline stirred, stretching her legs out as she came to.           

            “How long do we have left?” she asked, stretching her arms above her head. 

            “Don’t even bother asking until the sun has set,” Mary told her. 

            Marlene slid into the seat beside Lily. 

            “Nervous?” she asked only loud enough for Lily to hear. 

            “Yes.” It was the first honest answer she’d given all day. Luckily though, the trolley came by. 

            “Come on, treacle tarts on me,” Marlene said, giving Lily’s knee a comforting squeeze.

X 

            There was one compartment on the train, larger than the others, reserved each year for the prefects to meet. It allowed the head boy and girl of the year to introduce themselves and ensured the prefects were aware of their duties with first years once they arrived at Hogwarts. Lily had dreamt many times over the years of walking into this compartment first, a head girl badge pinned to her chest. She just hadn’t expected James to be the one working beside her…

             She sat down, staring at the notes in her hands. Her eyes refused to focus. She knew, at any moment, James would slide the door open and step inside. Would he be angry? Would he refuse to meet her glance? Is that how they’d spend the rest of the year, icy exchanges and averted gazes? 

            Lily looked up when she heard the door, James standing there in his Hogwarts robes, his badge pinned to his chest. He looked good, Lily thought to herself, his hair was less messy than usual. 

            “Are you surprised?” He asked, cocking an eyebrow. 

            “No,” she tucked her hair behind her ears, giving her hands something to do, “it’s well deserved.” 

            “I’m sure there are many who would beg to differ.” James took the seat across from her, hands clasped in his lap. “Well then, have you made a list?” 

            “No,” Lily lied, folding her list up and shoving it into the pocket of her robes, “they’re just, some…talking points.” 

            “Well then, out with them Evans.” He was behaving as though nothing had happened, as if that whole night had been a dream. Had it? Had Lily made it all up in her head and tortured herself over nothing for the past two weeks?

             “Just, some reminders about the protocol for the first year tours and a date, for our first official meeting.” 

            “Sounds good.” 

            Lily nodded, struggling to keep her composure. There were a million things she wanted to say, starting with an apology, but nothing seemed to be rolling off of her tongue. 

            “James, I—” 

            “Looks like we have our first arrival,” James said, rising from his seat as the compartment door swung open. 

            Lily recognized most of the people filing into the compartment, sitting along the two rows of seats. Many of them congratulated her on getting head girl and stared at James like a fish out of water. Remus took the seat beside James and Severus came in last, grimacing in their direction before taking the seat furthest away. Lily did her best to pretend he wasn’t there. 

            James let her do most of the talking, jumping in only when she turned to him for some extra support. The meeting took all of twenty minutes but by the end of it, Lily felt as though she’d been speaking to the group for over an hour. Everyone cleared out quickly, anxious to get back to their friends, but James and Remus hung back. 

            “James,” Lily stole her chance before the two of them left, “could we speak?” 

            “I’ll meet you back at the compartment mate,” Remus said, sliding the door shut behind him.

             James wouldn’t quite look at her, his head bowed, and Lily knew without any words how much she’d hurt him.

             “I meant to write,” she blurted out, her voice shaking. “I wasn’t lying when I said that.”

             “It’s fine,” James, replied, “lets please just pretend like it never happened.” 

            “I don’t want to pretend.” Lily knew it was the wrong thing to say. She was meant to agree and never think about that night again, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t get the smell of his cologne out of her mind, or the how good it had felt standing so close to him.           

            James looked up, confusion racing across his face. Lily didn’t get a chance to go any further. 

            “Hey, you.” A girl, a beautiful girl, slipped into the compartment, smiling up at James. Lily recognized her only vaguely as someone she’d seen moving through the hallways or eating in the great hall. She had long, silky dark hair and deep brown eyes that swallowed you whole.           

            “Lily, um, this is Sarah,” James introduced them awkwardly. Lily didn’t want to speak, too afraid that she’d start to cry. She shook Sarah’s hand and gave her the best smile she could muster through the humiliation she was feeling inside. 

            “I love your hair,” Sarah said, “I always wanted red hair as a little girl, but,” she curled a piece of brown hair around her finger, “not a chance.”

             “It’s not all that great,” Lily managed, her voice cracking. “Trust me.” 

            Sarah looped her arm around James’. They left the compartment after that, grinning at each other as they disappeared down the train. Lily waited until she was certain they were gone and dropped down into the seat nearest the window, her eyes welling up. 

* * *

            Alice stepped onto the platform in Hogsmeade with a grumbling stomach. She was starving; her thoughts consumed with images of the welcome back feast the house elves were preparing that very minute. Alice let the rest of the girls go on ahead and catch a carriage up to the castle, waiting in her usual spot for Frank. They also rode up together. 

            This would be the first year Alice didn’t write her mother immediately to fill her in on the latest comings and goings at Hogwarts. She could write her father but Alice doubted she’d receive a response. He’d still been in bed when she'd come in to say goodbye that morning and he’d barely opened his eyes. 

            Alice hadn’t quite prepared herself to come back to school and be ‘the girl whose mother just died.’ It felt awful knowing what people thought every time they looked at her. They were waiting for her to crack under all the pressure and she wasn’t quite sure she wouldn’t.

             “Alice Griffith.” Alice looked over her shoulder, half expecting Frank. Everett smirked at her. “Waiting for me?” 

            “Not likely.” Alice turned her head away, hoping he might take the hint and disappear. Under no circumstances did she want Everett and Frank to cross paths.

            “Can I ride up to the castle with you?” 

            “No.” 

            “Can I stand here with you?”

            “No.” 

            “For just one minute,” he persisted. Alice gave up. One minute wouldn’t kill her. 

            “Has it lost its charm for you yet?” Everett asked. 

            “What?” 

            “All of this,” he clarified, motioning around them, “this bubble we live in.” It had. It had lost its allure the minute Alice realized how fragile everything outside of Hogwarts was. Her mother had gone to work one day and never come home and she wasn’t the first or the last. At least five more people from the ministry had gone missing since but their bodies had yet to be located. How could Alice still relish in her time at Hogwarts when she knew there were people out there fighting for their lives? 

            “I remember what it was like,” Everett went on, “after my mother died.” Alice looked up, aghast. She hadn’t known Everett had lost his mother… “Everything is…tainted.” What made this guy so, incredibly intriguing? Alice knew he wasn’t any good, she knew it was wrong to even entertain him, but she couldn’t help it. He felt like a breath of fresh air in the midst of all her grief.

             “Al?” Alice looked behind her in horror. It was Frank who called her name, trunk in hand, eyes shifting from her to Everett suspiciously.

             “Ah, the famous boyfriend,” Everett smirked before Alice could get out a word. She was going to be sick. She was going to puke all over Everett’s bloody shoes just to make him pay for all of the turmoil he’d caused.

            “Who’re you?” Frank stepped forward, sceptical as ever.

            “Everett Jenkins,” he stuck his hand out, Frank hesitating before accepting it. 

            “Frank Longbottom” 

            “Oh I know your name, Alice talks about you constantly.” Frank turned to Alice with a look that read clearly: _who the hell is this guy?_ She had no idea what to say but she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Everett must have picked up on the tension because he added, “Alice and I met in Diagon Alley when she nearly tripped and fell flat on her face and I saved her.” That didn’t ease the look on Frank’s face. Alice’s stomach flipped. 

            “Sounds like her,” Frank was watching her closely and Alice was doing her best not to let the anxiety she felt show on her face. 

            “We should go,” she said, looking at Frank, “don’t want to get stuck sitting with all the first years at the welcome back feast.” 

            Frank nodded. “Will you be riding up with us, Everett?” 

            “I’m sure Everett has his own friends he’s waiting for,” Alice insisted, desperate to part ways. She couldn’t stand the three of them being together for any longer than the two minutes they’d already endured. 

            “You know, I think they may have left me.” Alice wanted to punch him in his smug face. “Would you mind?” _Yes_ , she thought, _very much._  

            “Not a problem.” Frank wrapped his arm around Alice’s waist as they began to walk up the hill towards the carriages. She realized, as the three of them strode along in silence, that she’d never actually seen Frank jealous before. There’d never been any competition when it came to him; Alice had been head over heels from the age of eleven.

             “What house are you in then?” Frank asked Everett as they all climbed into their carriage. Alice and Frank sat side by side on one end, Everett across from them on the other. It was going to be the longest carriage ride Alice had ever taken.

             “Ravenclaw, sixth year.” 

            “Mm.” Frank was watching Everett like a hawk, studying him, assessing his character. 

            “I’m surprised Alice here didn’t end up in Ravenclaw,” Everett said, “she’s sure got the wit for it.” If Frank hadn’t been able to see, Alice would’ve kicked him.

             “Seems like you two know each other quite well?” 

            “No,” Alice blurted out a little too defensively, “we’ve just…run into each other a few times.” Frank didn’t look wholly convinced. 

            “I mean, how well could we really know each other when you two are practically attached at the hip?” Was Everett trying to piss her boyfriend off? Did he want to be punched in the face? Alice could see the colour rising in Frank’s neck. He was not an angry guy. It took a lot to tick him off but Alice could see Everett was succeeding.

            “Do you think there’ll be roast beef?” Alice tried desperately to change the subject. She took Frank’s hand in hers. “I hope there’s roast beef…” 

            “I thought you looked familiar,” Frank said quietly, almost to himself. Everett’s eyebrows rose. “Stevie Anderson.” The name meant nothing to Alice but the change in Everett’s expression made it clear he recognized it.

            “What about him?” 

            “You humiliated him.” 

            “Who is Stevie Anderson?” Alice hated being in the dark.

            “That’s not quite what happened,” Everett replied coolly. 

            “You pantsed him in front of half the school.” Now Frank was really getting red, his eyes narrowing on Everett. 

            “I think you’re being a bit dramatic there, mate.”

             “I think you’re a prick.” Alice’s eyes widened. She wanted to go back in time and never run into Everett at all. She could’ve had a nice, relaxing ride up to the castle with Frank. Perhaps they would have cuddled to stay warm. Merlin, she’d made a mess of her night, hadn’t she?

             “Takes one to know one I suppose,” Everett replied smoothly. Alice tightened her grip on Frank's hand. 

            “Okay, lets all just calm down.” Neither guy looked ready to back down. “This is ridiculous, Frank,” he wasn’t looking at her, his eyes set on Everett in an icy glare, “Frank!” He turned. “He’s not worth it.” She heard Everett snicker across from them. 

            She was shocked by the harshness of his stare. He’d never looked at her like that. She didn’t know any version of Frank except the sweet, caring guy who liked when he got to be the little spoon and brought her chicken noodle soup in bed when she was sick. The carriage came to a halt and Everett swung the door open, pausing before he jumped out.

             “I’ll see you around Alice,” he winked, leaving before Frank could get his hands on him. Frank jumped out after him, stomping through the courtyard towards the castle.

             “Frank!” Alice tried to keep her voice down, not wanting to draw any attention to them. She was already the girl with the dead mother; she didn’t want to be the one with boyfriend problems too. “Frank!” She caught up to him, grabbing onto his arm. They moved away from the crowd, standing behind a large pillar to get some privacy. 

            “Is there something going on between you two?” He demanded. Alice’s mouth fell open.

             “ _What?_ ”

            “Is there?” He snapped at her. 

            “No,” she shook her head, “no, of course not Frank, how could you even ask that?” 

            “Because he’s an asshole!” Frank bellowed, “and he’s talking to you like there’s something going on between you. I don’t enjoy feeling like an idiot.” 

            “Frank…” 

            “It’s not fair to me.” His expression turned from one of anger to hurt. “I don’t deserve it.” 

            “I know,” Alice nodded, looking down at her feet. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt Frank. He’d been a rock through everything and how had she repaid him? Flirting with some sleazy guy she’d met in an ice cream shop. God, she was an awful person. 

            “I’m sorry,” she apologized, her eyes filling with tears, “there’s nothing going on between us.” She looked up at Frank. “I promise.” 

            “Promise me you’ll stop speaking to him.” It was an easy promise to make, a promise Alice _knew_ she should make. Everett was a dick, he’d proven that more than once, and he’d been completely disrespectful to her boyfriend. Alice should’ve wanted to never speak to him again. 

            “Okay,” she agreed, swallowing back the lump in her throat. Frank stepped forward, using his thumb to wipe a stray tear away from under her eye. 

            “Let's forget about this okay?” Alice wanted nothing more.

             “Yes,” she wrapped her arms around him.

* * *

            Lily pushed around her food with disinterest. She’d lost her appetite when she stared down the table and saw Sarah cross the Great Hall to visit James and kiss him. After watching that, the way her hand pressed into his chest, the same way Lily’s had…well; she’d felt anything but hungry. 

            “Was Charlie always that cute?” Marlene asked, gazing down the table. 

            “Charlie who?” Mary’s head perked up. 

            “Goodman,” Marlene was licking her lips. Lily didn’t even bother looking, certain she’d catch another glimpse of James and Sarah making out if she did. 

            “If I haven’t shagged him by the end of this year…” 

            Mary snorted. “Good luck with that.”

             “Why?” 

            “You do realize he’s still a virgin don’t you?” 

            “Nothing wrong with that,” Emmeline smirked. 

            “I’m just saying,” Mary shrugged, “it’s never going to happen.” 

            “I’m hurt by your lack of confidence in me,” Marlene frowned. 

            “I’ve known you long enough to know you are _the_ most impatient person,” Marlene couldn’t argue with that, “and there’s no way you’ll be willing to put in the work.”

             “Party pooper,” Marlene grumbled, only half-seriously, returning to her plate of food. Lily heard laughter and foolishly let her eyes wander back to James, grinning at something Sirius had said. She could feel herself growing warmer as she turned away, thinking about that night once more, his breath warm against her face..sweat dripped down her back as she remembered watching him leave that compartment with Sarah. 

            “I’ll be back,” Lily announced, rising from the table abruptly. She didn’t leave any time for her friends to ask questions as she strode as quickly as she could out of the Great Hall. She kept her eyes firmly planted forward as she passed the Marauders, not looking to see if James noticed her. 

            It was dark out as the doors to the courtyard spread open for her. At least outside it was quiet. She couldn’t handle all the noise, not when all she wanted was to crawl into her bed and cry. What had she expected? She and James would reunite and finish what they’d started? God, she could be so daft.

            Lily paced around the courtyard once before dropping onto one of the benches, her arms wrapped around herself. Not only did she feel foolish, she felt guilty too, because Fabian was inside right now, probably wondering what had happened to make her practically run from dinner. Lily could hardly understand it herself. Hadn’t _she_ chosen to put an end to things with James? Hadn’t she decided to spend those two weeks attached to Fabian because she had chosen him?

             She dropped her head into her hands and closed her eyes. Things had been easier at home when James had been tucked away in his beautiful mansion and Lily had never been forced to run into him or, god forbid, see him kissing other girls. Who was Sarah anyway and why was she so damn adorable?

             “Lil?” Lily jumped, Marlene, standing in front of her. “Are you okay?” Lily nodded, although she knew that she must’ve looked a fright. Marlene sat down on the bench beside her, exhaling deeply.

            “I’m just going to spit it out,” she said, Lily’s stomach dropping. “You like James.” It wasn’t even a question, just a statement of fact. She knew, without Lily saying anything, what was going on. Lily’s lack of denial was confirmation enough for Marlene. 

            “Fuck,” it was all she said as she leaned back. 

            “Yeah,” Lily agreed. It felt good, to finally have her best friend understand, but it was also terrifying. Now that said admitted it she couldn’t take it back, she couldn’t hide from the feelings and pretend everything was perfectly fine with Fabian. Something was off, it had been for a while, and Lily knew that. 

            “Why didn’t you tell me?” Marlene was the least emotional of the group, she never even cried, but Lily could tell this omission had hurt her. 

            “I’ve barely told myself.” Lily’s voice cracked as she said it. She still hadn’t quite accepted it. How could she, when she’d ruined her chances? “Mar I’m freaking out,” Lily confessed, on the verge of tears. She’d been holding it in for so long, doing her best to pretend nothing had changed. 

            “Hey,” Marlene put her arm around Lily and pulled her into her side. She didn't say anything, just stroking Lily's hair slowly with a maternal touch. It was a gesture that reminded Lily so much of her own mother, holding her after a nightmare as a little girl, twirling Lily’s long red hair around her finger. “We’ll just take it one day at a time okay?”

             “Okay,” Lily snuffled, wiping away the tears. 

            “But no more secrets,” Lily looked up, mustering a weak smile. God she’d been so stupid to block out Marlene. She always knew what to say. Lily had been so sure she’d take James’ side, chastise her for rejecting him for so long, but that had never been Marlene. She’d never had a side.

             “No more secrets,” Lily agreed. She sat up suddenly, her smile vanished, “just, don’t tell James, okay?” 

            “Of course not. Besides, he’d overreact, probably end things with Sarah right away and expect you two to run off into the sunset together.” Marlene rolled her eyes, “he’s so impulsive.”           

            “You…” Lily’s heart was racing, “you still think I have a chance?”

            “Oh honey,” Marlene, said, shaking her head like Lily was an absolute idiot, “you will _always_ have a chance with him.” Lily didn’t know whether to feel excited or terrified. She chose both.                  


	9. After Hours

            Sirius was sitting on a window ledge snogging Eliza Waldon. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed - they had connected once before, in fifth year at James' New Years Party - but tonight had been rather unexpected. Sirius had noticed her eyeing him up from across the library where they'd both been studying that evening. She'd been so inviting he'd let Peter leave without him and chosen to continue working over at Eliza's table. Of course, work had turned into flirting and they'd been quickly shooed from the library by Madam Pince.  

            Now, late into the evening, far past curfew, they could hardly take their hands off of each other. Eliza was beautiful, it was a fact that could not be denied. She had long, billowy brown hair and a beautiful smile. Best of all for Sirius, she had a great rack. He was a simple man and a pair of great tits always won him in the end. Although, there was another girl, likely sleeping across the castle, with a pair of uncomparable tits...

            “Fuck,” Eliza cursed, pulling away. Sirius hadn't even noticed the footsteps coming from down the corridor, growing closer by the second. "I've already been caught once this week..." 

           "Go," Sirius assured her. Eliza leapt to the ground and collected her things, looking up from behind her hair to smile sheepishly at Sirius. 

           “We’ll finish this later, yeah?” 

           "Yeah," Sirius agreed. He wondered if he and Eliza would ever cross paths again. Part of him didn't mind if they didn't. She was beautiful, of course, and a great kisser, but it wasn't the same, nothing was the same, as being with Marlene. 

           Eliza scurried off towards Ravenclaw tower and Sirius, not even off the ledge yet, resigned to the fact that he was facing detention in the morning. He readjusted his shirt, just leaping to his feet when Lily came around the corner.          

           She rolled her eyes, hands on her hips. “You do realize curfew was over an hour ago?” 

            “My watch is broken.” 

            “I could write you up you know,” Lily frowned, “I  _should_  write you up.” 

            “You wouldn't do that to a friend though, would you?" Sirius pulled his most charming grin. "Besides, now I can keep you company on that long journey back up to Gryffindor Tower." 

            "This is so not how I imagined being Head Girl would look." 

            "It's so much better though isn't it?" Sirius teased her. "Helping get us out of trouble rather than into it?" Sirius was lucky he had friends in high places. Only a night ago Remus had caught him sneaking up from the kitchen past midnight with an arm full of snacks. 

            “Who was she then?” Lily asked as they began their trek up the main staircase. 

            “I’m offended you don’t believe I could’ve been sitting in that corridor doing my Potions homework alone.” 

            Lily didn’t look the slightest bit convinced. “Were you?”

             “Of course not, I was with Eliza Waldon.” 

            “You're such a slut.” Sirius couldn’t deny that one. Truth be told, he’d slowed down for the most part, over the past year. What was the point in wasting time perusing other girls when he and Marlene had a nice thing going? 

            “How is everything in  _your_  life going?” Sirius couldn’t help but ask the question, knowing everything he did about the  _almost_  kiss Lily and James had shared. “Still living in domestic bliss?” 

            Lily tensed up just the slightest, the smile slipping from her face. “Of course,” she nodded, “everything with Fabian is great. He’s great.” Sirius wanted to shake the answers out of her. He wanted to understand how and when Lily had become interested in James and whether it was a feeling that remained.

            “And um,” she cleared her throat, practically choking on the next words, “how’re James and Sarah?” 

            “Peachy.” Sure, James and Sarah got along but Sirius knew, as any good friend would, that James would leave her in a heartbeat for Lily. He would always have a soft spot for Lily, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.

             They reached the sixth-floor landing, the fat lady gazing between the two suspiciously. “You two are back awfully late.”

             “I had patrols.”

             “What’s his excuse?”

            “Oh, wouldn’t you like to know,” Sirius winked.

            “Patientiam operator,” Lily said, the portrait swinging open for them. Inside the common room was empty. They had not yet reached the awful point in the year in which students were up at all hours of the night struggling through their homework by the dying embers of the fire. 

            “Well,” Sirius said, hands tucked into the pockets of his robe, “goodnight.” 

            “Are they…together now?” Lily spat out. He didn’t need to ask whom she was referring to.

             “Not seriously, no,” Sirius didn’t know if that was the answer James would’ve wanted him to give but he knew, from the slight look of relief upon Lily’s face, that it was what she’d needed to hear. Perhaps it could work to encourage her to move forward with her feelings… “I don’t think he’s ready to commit to her.” 

            “Why not?” Now she was just trying to get him in trouble. Sirius sighed, fighting back a smirk. 

            “I think we both know why not.” He couldn’t say any more, not unless he wanted James to murder him in his sleep. “Goodnight Lily,” he said, turning for the stairs to the boy’s dorms.

             “Night Sirius.” 

            The room was dark when Sirius entered it, creeping towards his unmade bed in the middle. He slept between Peter and Frank; the latter snoring so loud Sirius didn’t think he’d ever be able to fall asleep. Fabian was two beds over, rolled onto his side, sleeping soundly. Sirius couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He wanted so badly to see his own friend happy, even if it meant hurting Fabian. 

            He wondered whether it would come to that, whether Lily would make a choice between the two, whether James and Lily could ever be more. For so long it had been all James thought about, so long that it now seemed nearly impossible. Sirius’ drifted off imagining the two of them, the last standing in the common room, curled up by the dying embers of the fire together.

* * *

             James was watching the Quidditch tryouts from the edge of the field. It was his second year as Gryffindor team captain. He hovered on his broomstick, gripping it a little tighter everytime he watched one of the newbies fumble the quaffle. James might’ve just accepted defeat in sixth year, when he’d known there’d be another chance at the house cup, but this year was different. This year he  _had_  to win. 

            He watched as Marlene, nothing but a flash of blonde hair, zoomed across the centre of the field, speeding towards the keeper’s post. The guy in front of it darted the other way as the Quaffle went flying towards his head. 

            James whistled loudly across the field, everyone freezing. He'd seen enough. He needed a nap and a long discussion with the team’s senior members – Sirius, Marlene, Fabian and Gideon – about who they thought would fit in best.

            “Thanks for coming out,” he said to the group once they'd all landed back on the ground. “I’ll have the final team posted in the common room by tomorrow morning.” The tryouts murmured nervously to each other.           

            “What’d you think?” Sirius asked, catching up to James. 

            “We’re fucked.” 

            “I thought Jacquetta was a good option for seeker,” Marlene piped in on James’ other side. “She caught the snitch more than the rest of them.” 

            “She also managed to fumble and lose it twice,” Sirius reminded her.

            “Yeah well, practice makes perfect, you’re a living, breathing example.” 

            “Well, Potter,” Fabian clapped James on the back when he entered the change room, “should I be nervous?”

            “'Course not,” James replied, forcing a smile. He could hardly look Fabian in the eye, never mind joke around with him. Fabian had only ever been honest with him and how had James repaid the favour? Nearly making out with his girlfriend. Merlin, he was a wanker. 

            James was always the last out of the change rooms. As team captain, he was expected to lock the doors at the end of every practice - although, on more than one occasion, he'd been too tired to wait and left the responsibility to Sirius or Marlene. As usual, Marlene and Sirius hung back to keep James company and, most importantly, irritate the hell out of him with their endless bickering. 

            “So, are you and Sarah, like, together?” Marlene asked as they began their slow climb up the hill. 

            “I don’t know,” James shrugged, a little  _too_  casual. “We’re just having fun.”

            “You seem to have a lot of fun together…” She persisted like a bloodhound on a scent. “You seem to spend  _all_  of your time together” 

            “What are you getting at?” James did his best to hide his irritation. He knew it would only make the questions worse. 

            “Come on Prongs,” Sirius joined in, “I mean, you tell us that you finally, almost, kissed Lily Evans and now you’re suddenly obsessed with this new bird?” 

            James was sick to death of Lily Evans. She was all he thought about, all he dreamt about, he seemed to be constantly running into her (particularly when she and Fabian were partaking in some PDA) he couldn’t stand it anymore.

            “There is  _nothing_  between Evans and me,” James said with finality, “there never will be.”

             “But--" 

            “ _Stop it_.” James hissed. Marlene went quiet immediately. “I’m trying to move on with my life, okay? I’m tired of chasing after a girl who has made it abundantly clear she is not into me.” They were approaching the edge of the courtyard. James could see a few people around, sitting on the benches, chatting against the archways. He was ready to put their conversation to bed before it could be overheard by anyone around them.  “Can you guys just be happy for me?”

            “Of course we’re happy for you,” Marlene insisted. 

            “No more talk of Evans,” Sirius agreed. That was that. 

* * *

 

            Marlene was not even trying to pretend she wasn’t falling asleep in the middle of Professor Binns lecture. Her head dropped forward, lurching her awake, and when she opened her eyes Sirius was sliding into the empty seat beside her. Binns didn’t even notice, so distracted by the sound of his own voice. 

            “We have to talk,” he whispered. 

            “About?” 

            “The fact that James is  _not_  over Lily.” 

            “I thought he made it very clear we were  _not_  supposed to talk about that.”

             Sirius rolled his eyes. “Does she like him?” Marlene made sure not to let her face give anything away. Lily would kill her. 

            “I don’t know,” she shrugged, turning back to face the front of the classroom. Sirius kicked her under the table but she ignored him. She didn’t turn back to face him until Professor Binns slammed shut his book and announced the end of class, everyone rushing from their desks in a flurry.

             Sirius caught Marlene by the wrist before she could escape. “Why doesn’t she just break up with Fabian?”

            “Do you want to say that a little louder?” She stared around them; paranoid someone might’ve heard. 

            “What’re you guys gossiping about?” Peter asked, coming over from his desk. 

            “James and Lily.” 

            “Sirius!” Marlene slapped him on the arm. The room was emptying out and Professor Binns eyed the three of them suspiciously from his desk. They were not ones to hang around longer than necessary after class. Sirius led the way into the hallway, joining the crowd of students.

             “Has anything else happened?” Peter asked eagerly, “since the party?”           

            “Nothing.” 

            “So what are we discussing?”

             “How we’re going to finally get them together,” Sirius announced, shocking both Peter and Marlene. “Oh come on, don’t pretend you two weren’t thinking exactly the same thing!”

             Marlene pushed through the crowd, leading the way around a corner and into an empty stairwell. It was one of the smaller ones, with narrow steps falling apart that no one dared travel down. They crammed together, Peter pulling the door shut behind them.

             “We are  _not_  interfering,” Marlene told Sirius pointedly. 

            “But why not? They both like each other. they’re just too stubborn and prideful to admit it—”

             “They’d both kill us! And it’s wrong, especially when there are two other people involved.” 

            “But…well…is it not it better they figure it out now?” Peter suggested. “Rather than years down the line, when things are even more complicated?” Of course, Marlene agreed, she loved the idea of James and Lily finally getting together, but she also knew how complicated both of their feelings were. Lily was still in love with Fabian and James, well, she wasn’t quite sure he was ready to figure out what it meant to finally “catch” Lily Evans. 

            “Come on,” Sirius prodded her. He stared at her, with round, pleading eyes, and Marlene could feel her resolve begin to disappear. She scowled, arms crossed. 

            “No,” she shook her head, “it’s a terrible, terrible idea.” 

            “Come on,” this time Sirius gave her arm a light poke. Marlene didn’t budge. “You know you want it too. You are just dying to see James finally get the girl of his dreams.”

             “Come on Marlene!” Peter joined in. “Do it for true love!”

            “I am so  _not_  on board with this at all, do you understand me? I think this is insane!”

            “And brilliant.” 

            “And impossible!” Marlene reminded them for the hundredth time. She could protest all she liked but once the Marauders had set their minds to something nothing would stand in their path. 

* * *

 

             Alice dropped her face down onto her Transfiguration textbook. One month in and she could already feel the seventh year workload waning on her.

             “Who assigns an essay the first month back at school anyway?” she complained to Remus, sitting across from him in the library.

            “Someone who relishes in the pain of others.” It was a beautiful day outside. Alice wanted to be out by the lake, feet dipped in the water, enjoying the final few days of good weather. Instead, she was cooped up inside writing on the necessary variables one must consider before trying to transform an object. 

            “I’m so over this.” Alice pushed the text away from her wishing she never had to look at it again. 

            “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that.” Remus stopped his scribbling for a moment, gazing up at her. “Everything alright?” 

            “Oh yeah,” Alice sighed, hands rubbing along the sides of her tired face, “just questioning my life’s purpose and wondering why I’ve picked the most difficult schedule possible.”

             “All for a good cause though,” Remus reminded her with a smile, “you’ll be an Auror by the end of it.”

             “I guess.” Truth be told, Alice had felt less enchanted by her 'life plan' in recent weeks. She’d had things mapped out for herself from the age of eleven, from what job she’d have to who she’d marry, but was any of it what she  _really_  wanted? Or had she just convinced herself it was what she was meant to do? 

            Leila, who had disappeared between the stacks, returned with books detailing the art of potion making. 

            “Potions homework?” Remus asked, his eyebrows rising. 

            “Nope.” She dropped the books down on the table, earning a sharp gaze from Madam Pince. “Just some light reading Slughorn suggested.”

            “Ah,” Remus grinned, “so you’ve been recruited?”

            “Only took six years”

            “Don’t say that around James and Sirius, they’re still sour they’ve never been invited to one of his parties.” 

            “I suppose I can go with you now,” Leila said, her voice softening as she stroked Remus’ arm. Alice watched the pair of them enviously, missing the days when it had been impossible to sit next to Frank and not want to touch him, when the feeling of his skin against hers had made her stomach flip with excitement. When, and  _how_ , had those feelings faded? 

            “I’ll be back,” she announced, rising from her chair, “just need to find another book.” They hardly noticed her leave, so enraptured by each other. Alice hadn’t really needed a book but she scanned the Transfiguration aisle anyway. She didn’t want to stare at Remus and Leila any longer, still trapped inside their blissful bubble. When had Alice’s bubble popped?

             She ran her hand along the spines of the books, moving slowly through the aisle. Perhaps she might discover one that would inspire her to finish her essay. Instead, she pushed one of the books too hard, listening as it fell to the floor on the other side of the shelf. She turned the corner to pick it up but it was already gone.

             “Clumsy as ever.” Everett was holding it in his hand, smirking. Alice hadn’t spoken to him since their awkward carriage ride a week ago. She’d spotted him in the Great Hall a few times, even cut a few corners in the corridors to avoid him. She’d been doing her best to follow through on the promise she’d made to Frank.

            “Stalking me?” She snatched the book from his hands. 

            “Believe it or not, I do frequent the library quite a bit on my own.” He was still smirking like he was in on a joke Alice just didn’t get. “How’ve you been?”

             “Fine.” 

            “And that boyfriend of yours?” 

            “You really can’t help yourself can you?” Alice turned to leave but Everett caught her by the wrist, drawing her back in towards him. 

            “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

            “The way you behaved towards him the other night? He doesn’t deserve that.” 

            “He was being a jerk.”

            “You were taunting him.”

            “So what? Are you his property? No one else is allowed to even look at you?” 

            “Of course not…” Why did he care so much anyway? He was a good-looking bloke, Alice had no doubt he could get any girl he wanted, so why was he so invested in her? Was it the chase? The fact that she was so unavailable? 

            “I like you,” he reminded her, voice hushed. 

            “You don’t even know me.” Alice could feel herself begin to blush as she turned her head away. 

            “I know that you’re funny, smart, stubborn as hell.” He wasn’t wrong there. “I know that you feel trapped right now.” Alice’s stomach sank. “I can see it in your eyes. You aren’t happy,  _he_  doesn’t make you happy.” 

            “That’s not true…” Alice shook her head but her heart wasn’t in it. Everett was right, wasn’t he? Alice was terrified that she was wasting borrowed time doing what she thought was right rather than what she wanted. How did she know Frank was the one when he was the only boy she’d ever been with?

             “Tell me to go and I will.” Everett was so close to her now he was barely speaking above a whisper. “Tell me you don’t care about me and I’ll never bother you again.” Alice knew what she was supposed to say. She was supposed to look up and, with her blankest stare, tell Everett she was uninterested in his flirting. She was supposed to turn right back around and return to her lovely boyfriend who had made her promise she’d put this thing to bed. 

            Instead, she didn’t say anything at all. She looked up at him, biting her lip, terrified of what came next. Everett was a big question mark, an unknown, but there was something there. Something about him that drew her closer no matter how hard she tried to fight it. He saw her, the scared little girl hidden inside, the one who was lost and fighting to keep her head above water.

             “This is crazy,” she said, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She couldn’t do this. She loved Frank. They were supposed to be unbreakable and yet here she was, hiding in the library stacks with another boy… 

            “But it’s right,” Everett countered. “You know it too Alice, it’s so right.” She still had her eyes closed when his hand came to cup her cheek, thumb brushing just under her eyes, making her skin pimple with goosebumps. She didn’t pull away. Then he kissed her. Lips pressed delicately against hers, waiting for resistance, but nothing came. She let his tongue slid into her mouth, welcoming each advance until finally, she pushed him off.

            “Fuck.” She ran her fingers through her short hair, stomach all tied up in knots. “Fuck!” What had she done? She gazed up at Everett, who looked just as surprised by what had happened as she was, and ran from him without another word. 

* * *

             James left for his patrols just after nine, leaving the remaining three Marauders sitting around the fire alone. Lily, who’d been across the Common Room doing work at one of the tables, wandered up to bed not long after that. 

            “Okay,” Sirius said, clapping his hands together once they’d both disappeared, “it’s time.” 

            “Time?” Remus asked.

            “To fill you in on our plan.” Peter was brimming with excitement. The two waved over a rather reluctant Marlene who brought Mary and Emmeline with her to join them.

            “What’s going on?” Remus asked, looking around at the group of them.

             “I’m as lost as you are,” shrugged Mary. 

            “Marlene, care to fill our friends in on the plan?”           

            “Are you kidding me? This is  _your_  plan, Black.” 

            Sirius rolled his eyes. “We’re setting James and Lily up.” 

            “Um, if I’m not mistaken Lily is dating Fabian—” 

            “But she has feelings for James,” Sirius interjected. Mary and Emmeline shared a clueless glance. 

            “They nearly kissed at the party, after Alice’s mother’s funeral,” Marlene filled them in. Both girls gasped. 

            “ _What?_ ”

            “ _How?_ ”

            “ _How_  are we  _just_  learning about this now!?” 

            “Clearly, they’re both mad for each other,” Sirius continued, ignoring all the questions.

            “Neither of them will admit it though!” added Peter. 

            “So our job, as supportive friends, is to nudge them along.”

             “I’m fairly certain our job as friends is to keep our noses out of it?” Remus reminded him. Sirius glared.

             “That’s what they  _think_  they want,” he told Remus, “it isn’t what they really want.” 

            “And what do they really want?”

            “Oh come on Mooney, don’t be daft! They want to be together! Don’t pretend after all this time it isn’t a little exciting to know Lily Evans  _likes_  James Potter!” Sirius was right, it was a bit exciting. After all, Remus had spent nearly six years listening to James moan on about Lily Evans and how desperate he was to have her. He’d also been forced to watch, in pain, the desperate attempts at wooing her. 

            “How exactly are we supposed to get them together?” Emmeline asked, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. 

            “Force them to spend time alone, remind them of each other constantly.” Remus shook his head, this was the dumbest plan he’d heard from Sirius yet.

            “So like,  _Parent Trap_  them?” Mary asked the group, no one but her understanding the reference. She rolled her eyes. “I need more muggle friends.” 

            “Well then,” Peter asked eagerly, “who’s in?” No one spoke up. Marlene shook her head disapprovingly from the couch. 

            “Why not,” Emmeline shrugged, “I love a good romance.”

             “McDonald?”

             “Yeah, sure.” 

            “Mooney?” 

            Remus glanced towards Marlene, who looked as sceptical as he felt. He liked Fabian. He didn’t much feel like playing a hand in the guy’s heart getting broken and yet…the thought of James finally getting Lily, after all this time, it was hard to resist.

            “Fine,” he sighed, knowing it was no use arguing with Sirius. “I’m in.” 


	10. Vulnerable

             Lily’s day had been like any other. She’d attended all of her classes, eaten dinner by seven, and been off on patrols at exactly ten. In fact, she might have considered it a good day was it not for how her evening had panned out.

             Lily had always hated patrolling the dungeons. Usually, she put the task off on one of the other Prefects – it was a privilege she had as Head Girl – but tonight Hadley Orson had been sick and so Lily was forced to take her route for the evening. That had involved going down into the dungeons – which she dreaded. 

             It had been going perfectly well of course, until Lily had turned the corner on a dimly lit corridor and been scared half to death by someone standing at the other end. 

            “It’s past curfew!” she called out at them once she’d recovered from the fright. “Get back to your dorm before I write you up—” 

            “Accio!” Lily’s wand went flying from her hand. She couldn’t quite make out the face of the person down the hall but she could tell it was a large male. Someone intimidating who meant business, especially if he was stealing her wand.

           Lily wanted to say something brave, to remind whoever this person was that she was Head Girl and had the authority to hand out detentions as she pleased, but all she managed was: _“what the fuck?”_

* * *

 

_15 Hours Earlier_

Sirius was enjoying a bowl of warm oatmeal for breakfast. He watched with amusement as Peter sat across the table, anxiously trying to complete his Charms homework before their class in fifteen minutes. He’d never make it. Peter always left things until the last minute and still failed to get them finished, he never learned. 

            “You could help you know,” Peter snapped when he noticed Sirius’ staring. 

            “Where would be the fun in that?”

            “I told you to come to the library with us last night Wormtail,” James piped in. He’d been distracted, flipping through the same History of Quidditch book Sirius had seen him read about a hundred times. James insisted there was always something new to be gained and he was determined to know as much as humanly possible before the team began training for the new season.

             “I had a headache!” 

            Sirius knew that was a lie – Peter had just been too lazy to put in the time – but he had no time to argue this point. The morning owls had arrived and one, with dark eyes and soft brown feathers, came flying right towards Sirius.

            “Who is it?” James asked as the owl landed on the table beside his bowl. The owl had a letter tied to his leg. 

            “No clue,” Sirius said, not even recognizing the writing across the envelope. “Your parents are the only ones who bother writing.” 

            “It’s not theirs,” James said certainly, “doesn’t look like their writing either.”

            Sirius tore the envelope open, unfolding the parchment inside. 

            “Uncle Alph…” he said in disbelief. He’d corresponded with his uncle infrequently over the years. He was the only family member who hadn’t completely abandoned Sirius after he’d left home – him and Andromeda of course. 

            “What’s he said?” Peter asked eagerly. He definitely wouldn’t finish his homework now. 

            “He’s sick.” Sirius' stomach sank as he read the words. “It’s bad…” 

            “How bad?”

            “Bad enough that he’s asked if I’d come and visit right away.” Sirius folded the letter up once more, sliding it back inside the envelope. He passed it to James. 

            “You should speak to McGonagall right away,” James said once he’d finished reading it over. “I’m sure you could be excused for the day—” 

            “That seems silly,” Sirius shook his head, “for an uncle I hardly know.” 

            “He’s one of the only relatives you’re still in contact with,” James reasoned, “one of the only ones you even like.”

            “He wrote just to ask you to come,” Peter added, “maybe there’s something he needs to tell you.” 

            “Maybe, or maybe he’s just a lonely old man and has no one else to ask.”          

            “Either way it’s worth going. You might regret it if you don’t.” Sirius knew that James wouldn’t understand. He hadn’t had the same upbringing as Sirius. He’d grown up in a loving household where one was taught the importance of family.

             He’d met his uncle in person only once. It had been at Christmas dinner when Sirius was five. Alphard had been the only one to think of bringing the children gifts. Now that Sirius thought about it, Alphard was the only one he could remember smiling throughout that whole bloody dinner. He’d been exiled from the family soon after that for refusing to join Voldemort’s cause.

             He had all but slipped Sirius’ mind when his letter appeared on the Potter’s doorstep a few months after he’d run away from home. After that they’d exchanged the odd letter at holidays or birthdays, wishing the other well. They were bonded over their shared exile from the Black family, an experience so few could understand.

             “I’ll think about it,” Sirius shrugged dismissively. 

            He felt no loyalty to his uncle, whom he hardly knew. They’d never shared anything more than a cordial relationship and yet still…part of him couldn’t stomach the thought of losing him. Perhaps they hadn’t known each other well but in some way, Alphard felt like Sirius’ only family. He couldn’t bear to witness him die. At least this way he wouldn’t have to see it, to know for certain that he was finally, truly alone.

             “He might not have long left.” James just couldn’t let it go. “We should speak to McGonagall immediately—”

             “Will you just _stop_ _it_?” Sirius snapped, unable to hold it in any longer. “I said I’d think about it.”

             James shut up after that, turning back to his Quidditch book without another word. Sirius could see Peter turning bright red across the table as he pretended to focus on his Charms homework. He couldn’t stand it. He pushed away his half-finished breakfast and stormed from the table.

             He hated it when James pretended to know what was best for everyone. He could barely sort out his own shit and yet he presumed to have the authority to scold Sirius on his choices. Raging, Sirius sped down the first-floor corridor, turning for one of the less used staircases. At least he could fume in privacy. He wasn’t alone though.

             Two steps down he noticed a couple perched on one of the windowsills halfway down the staircase. More accurately, there was a guy sitting on the windowsill while a blonde haired girl stood between his legs, his hands gripping her ass from behind. Sirius was impressed, if not a little jealous, with the couple’s morning routine. Then he realized who they were.

             It was Marlene; her blonde curls gathered into a ponytail at the back of her head and the guy with his hands on her ass was Charlie Goodman. Sirius had heard the girls chattering about him this year and how handsome he’d become over the summer. He couldn’t stand the guy, who walked around now like he was God even though he’d had fifteen extra pounds on him and a bowl cut the year before.

             Sirius wanted to rip out his wand and blast them apart but then he realized how foolish that would make him look and moved his hand away from the pocket of his robe. He turned to climb back up the three steps he’d descended but they must’ve heard his retreat. 

            “Sirius?” Marlene’s voice echoed in the tight space. He winced, grateful that his back was turned to them. There was nothing he could do now; running away would only make him look worse. 

            “Sorry,” he apologized, turning to face them like a child who’d been caught being naughty. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

            “We should go anyway, shouldn't we Charlie?” He didn’t look so sure. “We should get going before anyone else walks in on us.” She leaned in and kissed him quickly on the lips. 

            “Uh…okay…” Sirius tried not to laugh at the dumbstruck expression on his face. Marlene barely gave him a second glance as she scurried up the steps and followed Sirius back out into the corridor. 

            “For a bloke with that much street cred you’d think he might have some clue how to kiss a girl,” Marlene whispered as they walked away. Sirius’ mood, which had been sour only seconds before, lightened. He could take some pride in the fact that Marlene McKinnon considered him a better kisser than Charlie bloody Goodman. 

            Sirius smiled and for a moment he almost forgot why he’d been so angry in the first place. Suddenly the envelope, shoved deep into his pocket disappeared, and the morning was as benign and unimportant as any other. He knew though, despite how good it felt, that the letter still existed and – no matter how irritated he might feel with James – he had a decision to make.           

* * *

             Alice and Mary had been thrilled when they’d received their schedules before the start of term and realized they shared a free period just after lunch. Recently the girls had taken to packing their book bags full of food from the Great Hall and heading down to the lake to “work.” Mostly, they relished in the final few days of nice weather and managed five pages at most of their reading. 

            Today they had promised to be productive. They had Defence Against the Dark Arts with the year’s new hire, Professor Lisbon, in an hour and still had five questions from their homework to complete. Usually, it was Alice who kept them on task, scolding Mary every time she turned around the conversation, but on this particular afternoon, roles had been reversed. 

            Alice couldn’t concentrate for the life of her. All week she’d been sick with guilt, struggling to eat or sleep. All she could think about was that kiss she and Everett had shared in the library and how much she’d enjoyed it and how terribly, awful it had been of her. Not only had she betrayed Frank, she’d broken a promise. Alice had never lied to him before, she didn’t think she’d lied to anyone, and yet here she was, sneaking about, keeping in the fact that she’d kissed another boy. 

            “Have you figured out number six yet?” Mary asked, brushing the end of her quill along her cheek in contemplation. 

            “Haven’t gotten there yet…”           

            “You haven’t…” Mary's mouth fell open in shock. “Christ Griffith, what on earth has gotten into you?”

            Alice could feel the words, heavy in the back of her throat, desperate to break free. _I kissed another boy. I cheated on Frank. I’m a dirty, lying, slut._ Mary was studying her face, watching as Alice panicked over what to say. Once she told Mary it would be real and she would need to face the music. 

            “What is it Al?” Mary got that crease between her eyebrows that always appeared when she was worried. Great, now Alice had made _her_ panic. She would definitely need to come clean now.

            “I’ve just…” she felt sick to her stomach with the truth. “Mary I…I’ve made a terrible mistake.”

            “Tell me.” Mary reached forward, squeezing Alice’s hand. She had to say it now or she’d never be able to. She’d hold onto the ugly truth forever and go mad with shame.

            “I kissed another guy,” Alice finally blurted out, her eyes closed so that she wouldn’t need to see Mary’s initial reaction. When she finally looked, her friend was sitting quite still, obviously working hard to maintain a diplomatic response.

             “Who?”

             “The boy you met in Diagon Alley,” Alice confessed, her head in her hands. “I don’t know how it happened…it just did, and now I can barely look at Frank without feeling like an absolute monster.”

             “You’re _not_ a monster,” Mary promised.

            “How can you be so sure?”

            “Because I know you.” It didn’t settle the pit in Alice’s stomach. She knew Frank would be heartbroken if he found out what she’d done. She pictured his face now, crumbling with pain as she admitted that despite her promise she had kissed Everett and still waited over a week to tell him the truth. It would break him.

             “You’ve been through hell recently, that would make anyone act out of character.” 

            “It’s more than that Mary…” Alice bit her lip, wishing she could force all these confusing feelings away. “I…” she couldn’t say it; it was almost worse than admitting to Mary what she’d done. 

            “You liked it?” Mary filled in the blank. Alice looked around to make sure they were still alone.

            “What am I doing?” She wailed, tears prickling at her soft brown eyes. “I love Frank! He’s been there for me through all of this grief with my mother…” _her mother…_ what would she say if she could see Alice now? Betraying the boy who loved her? Failing to keep her word? She would be ashamed… 

            “You’re confused,” Mary reasoned. “It happens to the best of us. You and Frank have been together so long you don’t have a clue who you are without him.” 

            “I don’t know if I want to know…” Frank was her anchor. He always had been. When Alice was sad or stressed or even a little over emotional, Frank kept her grounded. Alice had been told a million times how lucky she was to find a guy like him, a guy who cared about her before he even thought about himself. Was she really prepared to throw that all away on a silly schoolgirl crush? 

            “So you made a mistake, it doesn’t mean you and Frank are finished.” 

            “He might not feel the same when I tell him…” 

            “Maybe you don’t tell him,” Mary suggested, as though that were an option at all.

             “Lie to him?”

             “Withhold information that might unnecessarily hurt him. Look, do you plan on kissing this bloke again?” Alice shook her head. “There you have it. It was a one-time mistake that you never plan on repeating. What Frank doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Besides, I’m sure you’re beating yourself up enough already.”

             “You have no idea…” 

            Maybe Mary was right. Finding out the truth would only hurt Frank and besides, if Alice planned to keep her distance from Everett and never repeat the mistake again, there was no use causing unnecessary heartache. Was there?

             “Trust me Al, this will all blow over soon.”

             Alice prayed she was right.

* * *

 

             James could see Sirius struggling. He was sitting at the table in the common room furthest from everyone else, pressed into the corner window. He’d been sitting there all night since they’d returned from dinner at least, and he hadn’t budged even when James, Remus, and Peter had scored the best spot in the room - the comfy armchairs by the fireplace.

            James wanted to walk right over there and knock some sense into his friend. What was he thinking, wasting precious time when his uncle was out there all alone and dying, waiting for him to arrive? James couldn’t understand it. He couldn’t understand why Sirius refused to simply swallow his pride and go, even if Alphard was not someone he felt particularly close to.

             “James.” He looked over and there was Marlene, standing right in front of his chair, hands on her hips. “What’s going on?”

             “Nothing,” he lied, looking away from Sirius.

            “Are you fighting?” Marlene perched on the arm of James’ chair. Remus and Peter had given up their good seats and chosen instead to play a game of Wizard’s chess at the coffee table. Remus was, inevitably, winning.

             “He’s being stubborn,” James told her, running a hand through his messy black hair. “His uncle is dying and he’s requested that Sirius come to see him before he passes.” 

           Marlene frowned. “What uncle?” 

            “Alphard. He was exiled from the family as well.” James glanced towards Sirius, sitting by the window. He could see his hands above the table; folding and unfolding the letter he’d received that morning. Every once in a while he read it over, studying its contents.

            “I suppose he’s insisting he doesn’t need to go?” Marlene shook her head, following James’ gaze across the room. 

            “He’ll regret it, don’t you think? He’ll never know what his uncle might’ve said.” 

            “He’s scared,” Marlene said, as though she could read his mind. “Once he goes then it’s real.”

            “He said it himself, he barely knows the guy—”

            “But he’s one of the only relatives Sirius has left that will even talk to him. It’s got to be lonely, don’t you think?”

            “You talk to him,” James suggested. “He’ll listen to you.” 

            “Oh, I don’t know…” Marlene protested. James knew that Sirius would only push him away if he tried to broach the subject again but Marlene, she always had a way with people.

             “It’s worth a shot Mar.”

            James knew she couldn’t resist the opportunity to “save” someone. She budged and crossed the room to take a seat at Sirius’ table. James watched as his head rose, the strained expression he’d been wearing all night loosening the slightest. He couldn’t watch much more than that. James always found himself growing jealous when he watched Sirius and Marlene interact without him. He was the glue that bound them all together, at least he always had been.

             As children, they’d fought like cats and dogs. Part of James had loved it, watching them duke it out for his attention, but things had shifted. He didn’t know when, or why, but at some point, they’d seemed less like opponents. There was a connection that had blossomed between them and it left an unsettling feeling in the pit of James' stomach.

             He knew them both too well to trust that they could ever be good for each other. It would be catastrophic if they ever dared to cross that line, James was well aware of that. He knew it would end with someone’s heartbroken, likely Marlene’s, and that was a thought he couldn’t bear. It would destroy the friendship that the three of them had fostered over the years and that was something James was not willing to give up.

            “Hey.” James was caught off guard for a second time that night. This time it was Lily who stood before him, hands clasped behind her back.

             “Hey,” James replied breathlessly. She was wearing her robes, the Head Girl badge pinned to her breast.

             “Hadley can’t make her patrols,” Lily told him. “Do you think you might be able to step in tonight? I can take her rounds, you can take mine?” 

            “Okay,” James agreed. She tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear and he tried not to remember how it’d felt that night when he’d finally been able to reach out and do that himself.

             She lingered for a moment, as though there were something more to say, and part of James hoped there was. Anything would’ve been better than the icy silence that had fallen between them ever since they’d returned from summer holidays. That moment at the party, when she’d finally made him hope there’d been a chance, had possibly been the happiest moment of his life.

            When Lily finally left, stepping aside so that James could get a clear view of the table across the room once more, he saw Sirius and Marlene standing up. Sirius turned for the portrait hole and Marlene returned to James. 

            “He’s going to speak to McGonagall,” she announced proudly. 

            “How on earth—” 

            “Just takes a little pushing with that one,” she shrugged, as though there were nothing to it; as if James hadn’t done that exact thing that this morning and had his head ripped off for it. 

            “What?” Marlene smirked as he continued to eye her suspiciously. “He was getting there on his own, just needed the reinforcement is all?” 

            “ _Is_ that all?” James couldn’t help but wonder sometimes whether there was ever something deeper beneath the surface with Sirius and Marlene. Things had shifted in the past year. Sometimes he felt as though there was an inside joke going on that he wasn’t a part of. Sirius would never betray him like that though, would he? He’d promised a long time ago that the line would never be crossed between the pair of them…

             “That’s all,” Marlene reassured him, rolling her eyes at the silly suggestion. She crouched down on the floor to watch the rest of Remus and Peter’s chess game leaving James to push aside his worrisome thoughts and prepare for his evening patrols.

 

* * *

             Lily was exhausted. She’d spent most of her evening in the library and now when she most wanted a warm shower and her bed; she was forced to patrol the empty halls of the castle in search of any mischievous students. She didn’t mind it so much when she was taking her usual route but tonight, with one prefect down, she found herself off balance. Turning down the creepier hallways and exploring corners she’d never seen before. Hogwarts was truly a giant school.

             She wondered how James was faring on the other end of the castle. They would regroup at the Prefects office to inform each other of any odd sightings or detentions handed out. It was no surprise that James had yet to hand out a detention slip to anyone.

             “I’ve never caught anyone!” He’d insisted when Lily had grilled him on it.

             She thought it set a bad precedent, having a Head Boy who was too lenient. Lily knew why: it would’ve been hypocritical of him to punish his fellow students for doing exactly what he had done throughout his career at Hogwarts (Lily was sure James still bent the rules in his favour every so often). These were the kinds of things she was thinking about as she turned down the spiral staircase that led to the dungeons: James Potter and his antics for trouble.

             Little had she known she was walking right into trouble herself, thanks to Hadley Orson and her “head cold.”

            Lily struggled to get a good look at the wizard who had just stolen her wand. She narrowed her eyes, taking a step forward despite every fibre of her being wanting to turn around and run away.

             “Real brave of you,” Lily said, standing a little taller, “stealing someone’s wand.” It would’ve been one thing if they’d wanted a fair fight, Lily knew she could hold her own quite well in a duel, but there was nothing fair about this. This person didn’t care about a fight; they wanted to leave Lily vulnerable and scared. She wouldn’t give them the pleasure.

            There was a girlish giggle and a second figure stepped out from around the corner. This one was shorter with a woman’s build. Together they stepped into the light so that Lily could see them clearly, her stomach sinking. Orval Avery tucked Lily’s wand into his back pocket, a sinister look upon his pox-marked face. Orval’s girlfriend, Cordelia Nott, trailed behind him.

            Lily knew them as two of the more sinister Slytherin students who took a pleasure in bullying muggleborn students. They’d been disciplined more than once. Lily knew many of the Professors disliked them but, as they came from powerful families, it was difficult to do more than dole out a few detentions.           

            “I don’t get what everyone’s going on about,” Cordelia said to her boyfriend. “She’s not _that_ pretty.” She was one to talk with her greasy black hair and huge forehead. Lily kept that thought to herself though. 

            “I’ll never understand Severus’ interest,” Orval agreed. _Severus_. Lily’s stomach tied up in knots. Did he have any clue what his _friends_ were doing now? Cornering her while she was weakest? What would he say if he saw them now, could he offer any defence for the company he kept?

             They were only a few feet away from her now, close enough for Lily to see the venom in their eyes. Orval stunk of sweat. Lily wondered how long he’d been waiting there for an unsuspecting target. Better her than Hadley…

            “A mudblood for Head Girl,” he seethed, “ _pathetic_.”

             “This school is in shambles.” Cordelia was circling around her now, like a hawk getting ready to snatch up her prey. “Letting scum like this walk our halls as though they own the place.”          

            “The only scum I see around here is you.” Lily knew she should’ve held her tongue. Perhaps, if she’d just endured their insults, she could’ve gotten out with only a few bruises on her. Cordelia gasped at the comment and before Lily knew what was happening she rammed her fist into the side of her head. 

            Lily landed on her knees, head spinning, the taste of blood in her mouth. She could feel her eyes fill with tears but she blinked them back, not wanting to let the pain show on her face as she stared up at the couple before her. 

            “You think you can speak to me like that?” Cordelia howled, grabbing Lily roughly by the chin. “Mudblood bitch! I should have you killed for such treasonous words!” You would’ve thought she was the bloody Queen of England the way she talked. Cordelia kicked Lily in the gut, leaving her doubled over on her side, gasping for air. Despite the pain, and the fear that crept through her, Lily wouldn’t let herself be broken.

             “Cordelia!” she heard Orval scolding his girlfriend. “Do you want to get us both expelled?”         

             “Did you hear what she said to me?” Cordelia was in hysterics. If only she could read Lily’s mind…she’d have a breakdown. 

            “Of course, but we have to keep our wits about us don’t we?”

            As the couple argued above her Lily tried to gather her strength. Her abdomen felt tender and sore from the beating and her head ached. She needed to sit up, she knew that to avoid any further punches Cordelia might throw in her blind rage.

             “What’s going on?” A voice came in the distance. Lily gazed down the hall, a third figure appearing. _Great_ , she thought to herself, _would she have to deal with every blood hating Slytherin in the castle tonight?_

             “Run along Severus,” Orval commanded, “we’re just teaching a Mudblood some manners.” 

            Lily winced as she pushed herself up into a seated position, meeting Severus’ gaze as he came down the hallway. She saw the slight drop in his expression, the widening of his eyes in horror as he realized who it was laying there on the floor at the mercy of his “friends.”

            “Are you _completely_ brainless?” He hissed. “You do realize she’s Head Girl? You could both be expelled!”           

            “Please,” Orval scoffed, “my father—” 

            “Your father won’t be able to save you if you leave the school’s Head Girl bloodied and mutilated! Do you two think _at all?_ ” Lily tried not to take too much pleasure in the scolding Severus was giving them.

             “Whose side are you _on_ Severus?” Cordelia demanded.

             “I’m trying to stop you from making a mistake that you’ll regret in the morning,” he reminded her through gritted teeth. “Get back to the Common Room before you’ve made a mess even your daddy can’t clean up.” 

            “But—” 

            “Let's go Dee,” Orval said, reaching for his girlfriend’s hand. “It’s over now that the fun police have arrived.”

             Cordelia looked over her shoulder at Lily one more time. Lily didn’t dare avert her gaze. She stared right back at her attacker with fury in her green eyes. Cordelia gave her a long, icy glare before leaning down and spitting right in Lily’s face. 

            She wiped the slim from her eyes and gathered up every ounce of strength she had left as she watched the couple begin to walk away. 

            “Hey!” She shouted, catching everyone in the hallway off guard. “I think you’re forgetting something.” She could see her wand sticking out of Orval’s back pocket. He paused, as though considering if it were really worth giving it back, and then threw the wand like he was offering a dog a bone.

             “Here,” Severus picked the wand up off the ground and offered it to Lily once the couple had disappeared. “Let me help you—” he tried to offer his arm to get her off the floor but she refused to accept his pity, heaving herself up despite the pain.

             “Are you okay? Can I help you get back to the tower—” 

            “You can leave me alone is what you can do,” Lily snapped, wiping blood from her split lip. Severus recoiled. 

            “Lily I—” 

            “Those are _your_ friends Severus!” She couldn’t believe he was really standing there trying to pretend he cared. He might have helped her out this time but what about the next Mudblood they chose to attack? Would he be so quick to save them? 

            “It doesn’t mean I agree with everything they do…”          

            “But you agree with some of it,” Lily said, her voice filled with disappointment, “that’s enough for me.” 

            She just wanted her nightmare of an evening to be over. At least she could use this as an excuse to get out of patrols for the next week; she’d force James to take over her rounds. He’d love that, wouldn’t he?

            Lily ignored Severus’ pleas to let him help her up the stairs. She wondered whether James had already reached the office. Perhaps he’d left already and returned to the common room, too impatient to wait for her. He’d probably figure she was extending her rounds, taking on more responsibility than she had to because she was such a rule-abiding student. 

            It wasn’t until she reached the top of the staircase that Lily let the tears fill her eyes and roll down her freckled cheeks. She wanted nothing more than to be back home right now, curled up safe in her bed with a good book and a cup of tea. She wanted to hear the TV being played too loudly from downstairs and the sound of her mother’s humming as she walked through the house. More than anything, Lily wanted to feel safe. 

            “Lily?” She looked up, blinking away the tears in her eyes to see James rushing towards her. “What happened? You’re bleeding!” 

            “I’m fine,” she lied, wiping the tears from her cheeks. God that was embarrassing, she hadn’t wanted anyone to see her cry. “I’m fine.” Maybe if she said it enough she might believe the words too.

             “You’re not fine! What happened? _Who_ did this to you?” 

            “It doesn’t matter.” She could feel her throat grow tight. She hated crying in front of other people but she couldn’t help it, tears blurring her vision once more. She dropped her face into her hands to try and hide them but it was too late, James had already seen her face. 

            Before she knew what was happening his arms were around her. She buried her face into his chest, soaking in his robe in her tears as she held onto him tightly. 

            “You’re okay,” he promised, running his hands along her hair in a slow, comforting fashion. He’d come looking for her, she realized, standing there in his embrace. He’d worried. Part of Lily wished it had been James who’d scared Cordelia and Orval off downstairs. That was something she would’ve liked to see…

             “Can we get…out of here?” Lily hiccupped, pulling away to look up into James’ eyes.

             “Who did this to you, Lily?” He reached down and delicately wiped the blood off her chin. Her lip wouldn’t seem to stop bleeding. 

            “It doesn’t matter…” She just wanted to get back to her room. She wanted to lock the door and climb under her covers and forget this night had ever happened. She felt humiliated. Had James been the one to walk down that dimly lit dungeon corridor they would’ve never thought to cross him but Lily, walking with her disgusting Mudblood pride, she was an easy target.

             “It matters,” James insisted. “Believe me, it will matter when I beat the living hell out of them for doing this to you.” She couldn’t help staring up at him in awe. She’d avoided him for weeks after that almost kiss and here he was, ready to defend her honour as if none of it had ever happened. As if they hadn’t been cold and dismissive all term. 

            “Thank you,” Lily said before she could think better of it.

            “For what?” 

            “For being you.” James couldn’t have looked more shocked if he’d wanted to. 

            “Have you got a concussion?”           

            “No,” Lily scoffed, although she knew she’d have one hell of a headache in the morning. “Did you come looking for me?” 

            “I knew it wasn’t like you to be late,” James shrugged, acting as though him searching the castle, probably worrying about her, meant nothing. Lily couldn’t ignore the flurry of butterflies in her stomach. She couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t struggling to look into James’ eyes. 

            “Will you please tell me who did this Lily?”

            “It was Avery,” she finally confessed, “and his girlfriend, Cordelia—” 

            “ _Bastard_.” 

            “Please James,” she put a hand to his chest to stop him from pressing forward, “just leave it.” She could imagine him, flying down the stairs to the dungeons, fuming. Ready to draw blood. He would, without a doubt, challenge Avery to some kind of duel. Lily knew he’d do it without a second thought, without a concern for the danger he might be putting himself in. He’d do it for her.

             “Will you help me get back up to the tower?” 

            “Of course.” James offered his arm for Lily to lean on and slowly, the two moved up the stairs, one after the other. Lily knew she’d be covered in bruises by the morning; perhaps the punch Cordelia had served her would leave a slight bruise around her eye. For now though, none of those things bothered her much. Lily was focused instead on the messy haired boy beside her, the one who refused to let go of her even as she insisted she would be okay walking on her own. 

            It had been easy for Lily to forget about the magnetic pull she’d felt that night, at the party in James’ back garden. She couldn’t control it and it’d been too strong to bother fighting. Touching James had sent a shock through her body that she hadn’t quite recovered from and now, with him standing so bloody close, she felt overcome by all those same feelings she’d been struck by that night. 

            Lily paused on the fifth floor, taking a deep breath.           

            “Are you okay?” 

            “Do you think anyone is going to be up?” She didn’t want to be seen, dried blood on her lip, limping weakly up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. 

            “It’s almost midnight, I can’t imagine there’ll be many people awake—”

            “Can we go somewhere?” Lily asked before she could talk herself out of it. The truth was, she knew the minute they walked back into that common room there’d be questions to answer and reality would come crashing down once more. For now, while it was just the two of them standing in the middle of a deserted staircase, nothing else had to exist.           

            “Okay,” James agreed. He led the way down the fifth-floor corridor towards the Prefects office they had agreed to meet at almost an hour ago. It was dark inside, the lights out, and there was a cool breezing blowing in the window, the sound of an owl hooting filling the void. 

            James was behind her. She couldn’t see him but she could feel him there, the heat radiating off his body, the even sound of his breath. Lily closed her eyes and ran over all the words that had been kicking about in her head for weeks, all the things she wanted to say. 

            “James I—” When she spun around he was closer than she’d expected, her breath catching in her throat. He had his hands on her waist, their faces inches apart, the moment from the party recreated with less booze and this time, no distractions. 

            “Can I kiss you?” 

            “Yes,” Lily replied, a little too quickly and with more enthusiasm than any respectable woman with a boyfriend should answer.


	11. Circle Game

James felt like he was dreaming. Nothing felt real, not since he’d found Lily near the entrance to the Dungeons, tears streaming down her face. He’d grown hot with rage, imagining the smug faces of her attackers. He could rip Avery’s head off his body for what he’d done to Lily… 

 

None of that seemed to matter now though. Now they were standing in the Prefects office, alone. The lights were out, neither James nor Lily concerned with the darkness of the room. The only thing James could focus on was the girl in front of him, with the fiery red hair and piercing gaze.

 

He was in awe of her. He had always been in awe of her, but seeing her walk away with her head held high after everything she’d been through that night reminded James of her bravery. All he wanted to do was hold her in his arms and take away all the pain bottled up inside of her.

 

She had her back turned to him, her long red hair hanging down it. He wanted to reach out and grab a handful of it, to run it through his fingers like water. He wanted to hold her so close he could smell her on him when they parted. James stepped forward, his body alive, buzzing with electricity the closer he and Lily got.

 

“James I—” she swung around, her face changing when she saw realized close he was. She didn’t step back though. She stayed still, not even moving when James reached out and took her by the waist.

 

“Can I kiss you?” He couldn’t help himself any longer, not when she was looking at him like that. Lily Evans was not recoiling from him with disgust. Perhaps that party had been more than a lucky accident…

 

“Yes.” There was not a shadow of doubt in her answer. He pulled her in close to him, ready to press his lips to hers.

 

“ _Ouch!_ ” Lily flinched, James releasing her immediately.

 

“Sorry…I think I may have a few bruises…” She looked away, as though embarrassed by the fact. He should've come looking for her earlier. He should have trusted his gut, maybe he could've prevented the whole damn thing.

 

“Did they kick you?” James asked, struggling to contain his rage. He could see red. He wanted to fight Orval Avery with his bare hands. What an outrage that would be - the Averys and  _his_  parents in an office together with Albus Dumbledore of all people. It was an event James would pay to see. 

 

“I don’t want to talk about that." Lily was staring at his lips as she spoke, "not right now…” stepped towards him, reaching up to run her hand along his smooth cheek. Merlin, her eyes were beautiful. He couldn't believe they were real. If he had any talent for painting he would've painted them and put them on display in the finest gallery.

 

“What?" Lily giggled nervously. She'd noticed him staring. That was embarrassing. 

 

"You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."           

 

Her lips pressed against his after that in full force. James thought he knew what kissing was supposed to feel like but he hadn’t. Not until he felt Lily’s lips move against his, her tongue slowly sliding into his mouth. Not until he’d felt the explosion of fireworks in his chest as her fingers curled at the nape of his neck. He could’ve done it for hours, standing there with her, his heart beating against her chest. This was all he’d ever wanted. He’d dreamt of this moment over and over a thousand times.

 

It was Lily who pulled him over to the table in the middle of the room. She pulled herself up onto the top of it, their lips not parting once, and wrapped her legs around his hips. She pulled him in between her with great force like she needed him. Perhaps she did, as much as he felt he needed her.

 

The things James wanted to do to her…for starters, he was sick of all the clothes between them. He pulled off her robe, and then his own, letting them tumble to their feet. Lily helped him as he fumbled with the buttons on her shirt, both breathing heavily. He wanted to feel every part of her. He wanted her against him, beside him, with him always. How had he gone so long without her?

 

They heard a pair of footsteps echoing from behind the office door and tore apart. Lily’s eyes were filled with fear and she moved instinctively to rebutton her shirt, James stepping aside to catch his breath. It was over as quickly as it had happened, Lily jumping down to gather her things.

 

“Lily,” he said, watching as she threw her robe back over her shoulders as though nothing had happened. “What does this mean?”

 

“What does it mean?” He could see she was beginning to panic. Reality had crashed back down around them and with it came complications, namely, other partners James and Lily were tied to. “I don’t…”

 

Part of him wanted to force her to answer the question. He deserved to know what it was she wanted and whether that was him. James would’ve chosen her in a heartbeat but then again, he had always been three steps ahead.

           

“It’s fine.” He reached for her hand, squeezing it, memorizing the flutter in his stomach every time he touched her. “Let’s just get you to bed and we can pretend this whole night never happened, okay?”

 

Lily didn’t answer. She stared up at him in awe, blinking rapidly. He knew she was confused. She didn’t want to betray Fabian, the guy she’d been with for nearly a year, by choosing James. Yet, James could see it, somewhere there in her eyes, the desire to stay there in that room together. The same desire he had as he realized that once they left they might never share another moment like this again.

           

They didn’t talk the rest of the way up to the portrait hole. They must’ve looked quite frightful as the Fat Lady barely said a word, swinging open on cue when James gave her the password. The common room was empty, the fire long since burnt out. It was dimly lit and silent, in stark contrast to the bustling energy it’d been filled with when James had left.

 

“Will you be okay?” James asked Lily. They were standing still, her a step ahead of him, neither saying a word nor shifting a foot. “Should I wake Fabian?”

 

Lily turned around, red hair slipping off her shoulder. Her eyes were brimming with tears.

 

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, snuffling. “It was unfair of me—”

 

“It takes two, Evans.” Lily’s eyes fell. “Hey, it’s fine,” he reassured her. “One night is more than I ever thought I’d get with you.”

 

“This whole time,” Lily shook her head in disbelief, “you’ve still…?”

 

“You make it sound so pathetic,” James laughed nervously. He’d kept his feelings for Lily more or less to himself after the disaster that was their fifth year. James had kept his head down and been nothing but cordial with her for the next year and it had, unexpectedly, allowed a friendship to flourish. He'd had never dreamt of getting more than that.

 

“It’s not pathetic,” Lily assured him, “it’s…very flattering James. I don’t deserve it—”

 

“That  _really_  makes it sound pathetic.” James had a sudden urge to bolt past Lily up the stairs and never think about this moment ever again.

 

“It’s  _not_  pathetic,” Lily reaffirmed, stepping closer. “It makes me feel…” Her cheeks grew rosy and she turned her head away, cracking a nervous smile. “It makes me feel special.” Her green eyes flickered back towards him and James struggled not to pull her in for another kiss.

 

“Well, you are special, Lily.”

 

“You’re just saying that to get into my pants now.”

 

James laughed. “I mean it. I am in constant awe of you. You’re incredibly brave and probably one of the strongest people I know.”

 

“I don’t know if that’s true…”

 

“It is,” James insisted. “Believe me, I’ve had lots of time to notice.” She bowed her head, red hair tumbling forth to cover her face. James ignored his better judgment and stepped forward, tucking the hair behind her ear for her. Lily stared up at him, gulping. There was still so much left unsaid between them.

 

“Goodnight Lily,” James said softly, a smile tugging at his lips.

 

“Goodnight James.” They walked up the stairs together, turning in different directions. James knew, as he glanced back to watch Lily walk away – disappearing around the stairs to the girl’s dormitories, that this was a night he would never forget.

* * *

 

Sirius wiped soot from his pants as he stepped through the fireplace into his uncle’s home. There was a woman, sitting on the couch with a newspaper between her hands, who looked up in shock at the new arrival.

 

“Are you Sirius?” she asked. Alphard had been talking about him apparently.

           

“Yes.” Sirius had never seen his uncle’s home. He looked around the living room he had landed in, eyes grazing over the grand piano in the corner and the large pieces of rather expensive looking art that hung up on the walls. His uncle had clearly escaped the family with more money in his pockets than Sirius had.

 

“He’s been waiting for you,” the woman said, rising from the couch. She had a perm and large, clear glasses that magnified her eyes.

 

“I’m Genevieve,” she extended her hand to shake, “I’m Alphard’s nurse.”

 

“I’m his nephew,” Sirius replied. 

 

“Oh, I know.” Genevieve smiled, her eyes twinkling. “He’s been talking about you non stop for days. I finally got him to write that letter to put an end to it. He’ll be happy you’ve come.”

 

Sirius' stomach clenched. Had Alphard really been  _waiting_  for him? He realized, as he followed Genevieve down the long, dimly lit hallway, that perhaps he was the only family Alphard had left. Not everyone was lucky enough to find a replacement family like the Potters. When Sirius had run away from home he’d known that Carline and Alec would look out for him, they were already more parents to him than his own had ever been, but what about Alphard? Had he ever had that safety net?

 

Genevieve paused before a door at the end of the hallway, left slightly ajar.

 

“Alph?” she said, knocking lightly. “Are you awake?”

 

“Yes,” a husky voice came from inside. “What is it?”

 

“You have a guest.” She pushed open the door so that Alphard might get a clear view of his nephew standing just behind her. Alphard’s bedroom looked as though it had once been an office – a library perhaps - but had been converted, rather quickly, into a bedroom. Sirius realized, as he stepped gingerly inside, that it was probably due to his uncle’s deteriorating state.

 

There was a large, comfortable looking bed in the centre of the room where Alphard lay, propped up on a mountain of pillows. He smiled warmly at Sirius as he stepped into the room, which stunk of smoke, from the fireplace in the corner he presumed, and herbs.

 

“I didn’t think you’d show.”

 

“I didn’t expect your letter,” Sirius told him, arms crossed awkwardly as he stood a few feet away from the bed. He hadn’t a clue what came next.

 

“Can I get you anything, love? A tea maybe?” Genevieve offered.

           

“No thank you.” Sirius didn't plan to stay long enough to wait for and finish a cup of tea. In an ideal world, he’d be out within five minutes.

 

“Alph? How’re you feeling? Do you need more—”

 

“I’m fine,” the old man sighed, clearly tired of his hovering nurse. “I’d just like to speak to my nephew alone for a moment.”

 

“Of course,” Genevieve conceded without complaint. She turned around and pulled the door shut behind her, leaving Sirius and Alphard alone.

 

“I assumed you wouldn’t come,” Alphard confessed.

 

“Why’s that?”

 

“You’re still a Black after all,” he smiled, “not a particularly sentimental bunch are we?” Sirius couldn’t help but scowl when someone suggested he had  _any_  connection left to his family.

 

“Come, sit.” Alphard patted the spot beside him on the bed, forcing Sirius to move closer. He settled, shifting uncomfortably beside him. His uncle’s hair was thinning, nearly all fallen out, and there were dark circles beneath his eyes. Sirius wondered how much sleep he was managing these days.

           

“How is school?” His uncle asked casually, as though he had not beckoned Sirius to his bedside for a final farewell.

           

“Good, the semester has only begun so how bad could it really be?”

 

“Oh, you’d be surprised,” his uncle smirked, “we managed to get into all kinds of trouble our first week back in my day.”

 

“Is that so?” Perhaps he had more in common with his uncle than he realized.

 

“Oh yes. I had my fair share of detentions, sure did. Mostly for getting in fights with my classmates,” Alphard continued. “I was a Slytherin you see. Never fit in very well with that lot though. I always thought that the Sorting Hat must’ve made a mistake.” Sirius sometimes had similar thoughts…although he’d always wondered whether the hat had mistakenly placed him in Gryffindor rather than Slytherin. How different his life might’ve been had he not started off his time at school with disappointing his parents.

 

“I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve asked you here,” Alphard continued. “You probably don’t even remember the last time you saw me—”

 

“I do,” Sirius shook his head. “You gave me a toy broomstick. It was the best Christmas gift I ever received in that house.”

 

“I thought it might be. My sister was never particularly good at spreading cheer.”

           

“You’re telling me,” Sirius grumbled. Alphard began to laugh, a deep, rough rumble that seemed to come right from his belly, before he broke into a coughing fit, hand pressed against his chest. Sirius panicked for a moment that he was choking, praying Genevieve came rushing back into the room, but it passed, and Alphard relaxed.

 

“Are you still living with the Potters?” Alphard asked. He reached for the handkerchief beside him and Sirius caught sight of the stains of dried blood spotting it.

 

“Yes.”

           

“Does your mother know that they’ve taken you in?”

 

“Regulus has probably told them by now,” Sirius shrugged. Alphard’s eyes lit up with excitement.

 

“That’ll drive her mad.”

 

“You think?” Sirius liked the idea that his mother still cared enough to be “driven mad” over whom he lived with.

 

“Of course. They’re some of the worst blood traitors around, although not quite as bad as us.” He winked at Sirius. “Us, outlaws.” There was a kinship between them. Sirius could see himself in his uncle; the same piercing grey eyes, the same smile. He realized, sitting there, watching his uncle struggle to gather his breath, that perhaps he should’ve made more of an effort to get to know the only other family member he could truly understand.

 

“I’ve asked you here today because I see so much of myself in you Sirius.” Sirius struggled to keep his composure, his hands trembling in his lap. “I was a young boy once, just like you, who could never quite force myself to fit the mould my parents had set for me. I just wish I’d had the guts to get out as soon as you did.”

 

“It wasn’t brave,” Sirius promised his uncle, “I knew I had somewhere to go.”

           

“You are incredibly brave Sirius,” Alphard spoke with such conviction it was difficult not to believe every word he said. “Take it from an old man who knows better, your last name does not define who you are as a person.”

 

Merlin. Sirius was blinking back tears, struggling to stay as strong as he’d promised himself he’d be. He wasn’t going to cry over a man he barely knew…

 

“You know that by now, don’t you, boy?” Alphard gripped his hand weakly – although Sirius was sure it was with as much strength as a dying man could muster. “You are worth so much more than the lot of them.”

 

“So are you,” Sirius told his uncle, gulping back the lump in his throat.

 

They sat there for another hour. Alph shared a few interesting tales from his travels throughout the sixties and Sirius gave him the inside scoop on some of the Marauder’s best pranks. By the time he left the fire in the corner was fizzling out and Alph’s eyes were sliding shut, sleep taking him over.

 

Sirius left him like that, tiptoeing back out into the living room where Genevieve sat, knitting while she hummed along to the radio.

 

“He’s asleep,” Sirius announced, standing at the other end of the room.

 

“Will you be staying the night? I can make you up a bed—”

 

“No,” Sirius insisted. “No, I’ve got to get back to school.” He felt suffocated just standing in that room, imaging his uncle down the hall, dying.

 

“He doesn't have much longer,” Genevieve stated bluntly. “If you leave now you might not see him again.”

           

“I know.” She was going to think he was heartless, abandoning his family at a time like this. Sirius had never been one to stick around when the going got tough. He ran – it was what he did best. It meant he never got hurt, not if he could help it.

He could feel Genevieve’s eyes burning into the back of his head as he stepped towards the fireplace to leave, abandoning Alphard in his time of need.

* * *

 

 James was over thirty minutes late for Quidditch practice. This might have been okay if he were  _just_  a chaser but, as team captain, it meant everyone had trudged out onto the field at the crack of dawn for nothing. Marlene watched the hill leading up to the castle closely. She knew it wasn’t like James to be late, especially not for Quidditch. He was a perfectionist and that meant their team had to do their absolute best this year. Being late was not a part of that equation.

 

“Any insight into the whereabouts of our captain?” Marlene was surprised to find Gideon Prewett at her shoulder. The two hadn’t been alone since their disaster of a double date and Marlene had been avoiding running into him ever since.

 

“No,” she shook her head. “It’s not like him.”

 

“He’s usually the one telling us off for being late.”

 

Marlene could feel the team growing restless. Part of her wanted to run back up to the castle and search for James, the other half was irritated at the thought that he might have simply overslept.

 

“Are you worried?” Marlene had almost forgotten Gideon was standing there. How could he possibly still be nice to her after what she’d done?

 

“A little.”

 

“Maybe he’s snuck off with that new bird of his.” Marlene would really rip his head off if he was late because of a girl.

 

“Hey um…” she derailed the conversation. “I think I owe you an apology.”

 

“Oh please—”

 

“I was a total bitch.”

 

“You were fine,” Gideon assured her, too proud to accept her apology and admit he’d been hurt. Marlene had received his owl afterwards, asking her to meet up again, and she’d ignored it. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. She’d promised herself that she would reply – with a date and time – but she’d forgotten. By the time she remembered it was much too late.

 

“Do you hate me?”

 

“Marlene,” Gideon smiled anxiously. “You don’t need to apologize. Seriously. It wasn’t a big deal.” When the expression on her face didn’t change he added, “let’s go back to just being mates, okay?”

 

“Okay.” She could live with that.

 

They were just getting to discussing their theories on James’ absence when his voice carried across the field.

 

“IM SORRY!” He shouted as he ran, gasping for air. “I missed my alarm!”

 

There were some grumbles at first – a few of the players had just been about to leave – but James got everybody up on their broomsticks soon enough. They had a flawless practice and the only one who didn’t seem to have their head in the game was James. He barely participated – despite Marlene knowing very well his great love for the game – and he let them all free after only half an hour on the pitch.

 

“Okay, what is going on?” Marlene demanded once the change room door swung shut behind the last person. It was just she, James and Sirius alone.

 

“Nothing.” James was packing up his gear, shoving it into his bag so that he didn’t have to look up at them. He hadn't looked at Marlene all day now that she came to think about it. Her stomach sank.  _His question from the night before_.  _What if James knew?_

 

“You sure everything's okay?” Sirius jumped in, completely clueless.

 

“It’s fine…” James mumbled. He always mumbled when he lied. Marlene thought she was going to be sick. She and Sirius hadn’t been very discreet last night. What Marlene hadn’t told James when she’d returned to the couches was that she’d promised Sirius she’d be waiting up for him after he visited his uncle.

 

She’d come tiptoeing down the stairs to the common room just after one a.m., the time they had agreed to meet. Of course, in typical Sirius fashion, he showed up half an hour later.

 

“You waited.”

 

“I said I would.”

 

“Figured you might’ve fallen asleep.”

 

“No.”

 

Had it been silly of her to wait up for him like some worried girlfriend? She wasn’t his girlfriend, she was hardly his friend for Merlin's sake, but still, she cared for him. She worried. She ignored her intuition telling her to leave it there and let Sirius persuade her to linger with him on the couch. It started as nothing more than a cuddle but by the end of it Marlene was struggling to grab her discarded undies off the ground, terrified someone might have heard them.

 

Had James?

 

That was the question that haunted her as Marlene stood there, watching as her best friend averted his gaze once more.

 

“Please just talk to us.” She couldn’t stand it. If he was upset she needed him to get it out.

 

“It’s not my story to tell,” James said, shaking his head. “Something happened last night…”

 

“ _What_  happened?”

 

“Someone hurt Lily.” He finally blurted out. Marlene’s face fell.

 

“Hurt her how?” Sirius stepped forward. “Is she okay—”

 

“Yes…I don’t know…” James took his glasses off with one hand, pinching the bridge of his nose with the other. “They cornered her when she was doing patrols in the dungeons—”

 

“ _Slytherins?_ ” Marlene gasped.

 

“Please, will you just speak to her yourself once we get back?” Marlene could see the discomfort written across James’ face. How was it he knew about Lily’s run-in with Slytherins last night but Fabian had seemed completely oblivious all throughout practice?

 

“How do you know?” Marlene was too nosy to stop herself from asking.

 

“We did patrols together last night, I saw her afterwards.” Marlene didn’t quite buy it. There was something off-putting about James’ attitude. He still wouldn't look at her. Marlene had known him long enough to know that meant he was holding something back. There was more to the story then he wanted to admit. Part of her wanted to stay there and grill him, she could squeeze it out of him eventually if she really tried, but there were more important things to focus on. Namely, finding Lily to make sure she was really okay. 

 

“I’ll check on her,” Marlene promised, watching some of the worry drain from James’ face.

 

“Come on mate,” Sirius gave James a good clap on the back, “let's go find some breakfast.”

 

They all walked back up to the castle together and not another word was spoken about Lily. Instead, James asked Sirius about his visit with his uncle and demanded to know every detail of their conversation. Marlene pretended that she hadn’t already asked Sirius about it all last night. 

 

Inside the castle, the boys went straight for the Great Hall while Marlene sped up towards Gryffindor Tower, desperate to see Lily. She hated the thought of her lying in bed alone, scared, and possibly injured. She wanted to hurt whoever had done this to her friend. Lily was harmless, one of the sweetest people Marlene knew, she was the last person who deserved this. 

 

“Come in,” came Lily’s timid voice from beyond the door. Marlene was envious of her friend’s new dorm room. Lily had a room all to herself, a privilege of being head girl, with a large queen, sized bed and a bathroom of her own. Not to mention she got the best view of the castle grounds, overlooking the forbidden forest.

 

Marlene found the bedroom cast in darkness, the curtains drawn to prevent any of the dull, morning light through. Lily was lying in the middle of the bed, sheets pulled up to her chin, no sign of rising anytime soon.

 

“Hello, darling.”

 

“James told you did he?” Lily knew before Marlene had even closed the door. “I thought he might.”

 

“What on earth happened?”

 

“Avery,” Lily rolled her eyes, “and Cordelia Nott.”

           

“That  _bitch_.” Marlene had always hatred Cordelia. When Lily had been friends with Severus she’d been forced, on occasion, to brush shoulders with her, and had maintained since the age of eleven that she was an absolute monster. Marlene loved to be right.

 

“Easy now.”

           

“What’d they do?”

 

“Oh Mar, I don’t want to go into it—”

 

“You’ve got to report them, Lily.”

 

“It’ll only turn it all into a bigger fuss than it is.”

 

“It won’t! They did this on purpose.”

 

“I know that.” Marlene could see Lily growing frustrated. She wanted to lie in bed all day and forget it had ever happened. For her, it was humiliating. They’d pick on her for being different and Marlene knew better than anyone how much Lily had always desperately wanted to fit in.

 

“I want to kill them for doing this to you.”

 

“How about instead you just stay here with me for a little while, okay?” Lily pulled back the covers and Marlene obliged, kicking her shoes off into the corner. She could do this for her friend at the very least, even if she couldn’t change what had happened.

 

“Lil?” Marlene whispered after a little while. “Is James the only other person who knows?”

 

“Yes,” Lily admitted, sounding near sleep. “The only one…”

* * *

 

 Lily had been noticeably absent all day. Mary hadn’t seen her at breakfast nor had she been in any of their morning classes. Marlene had been missing as well and Mary had assumed they'd decided to take off the day together (although why she had not been invited to take part she could not say). She was therefore surprised when Marlene entered Potions alone, resting her book bag on Lily’s chair beside her.

 

“What is going on today?” Mary asked as Emmeline poured Aconite fluid into their cauldron. It was the first time Mary had ever been partners with Emmeline in a class. They’d grown closer since the summer and even more so since arriving back at Hogwarts. Marlene and Alice – their only dorm mates now that Lily had her own room – seemed constantly preoccupied. It meant that Mary and Emmeline were frequently in each other's company but Mary couldn’t complain. She liked spending time with Emmeline and the two had much more in common than she’d have ever expected.

 

“What?” Emmeline asked, absent-mindedly, as she turned her attention to the instructions they were meant to be following.

 

“Look at Marlene right now, she’s been glaring at those guys this whole class.” Mary nudged her head in the direction of the Slytherins across the room. Severus Snape and Nicholas Mulciber were sitting at a cauldron ahead of Cordelia Nott and Orval Avery. They were all snickering amongst themselves, typically annoying, but Marlene seemed more irritated by it than usual today.

 

“Maybe she’s finally fed up,” Emmeline shrugged, not nearly as curious as Mary was. “I wouldn’t blame her, they’re a nasty lot. Wasn’t it Mulciber who tried to—”

 

“Yes.” Mary cut her off before Emmeline could continue. She had no interest in reliving that horrible day. She could still remember the fear when Mulciber’s curse had worn off and she’d found herself in a deserted corridor, her blouse half unbuttoned. If it hadn’t been for a group of third years approaching she might have never gotten away in time…

 

“What about Lily?” Mary changed the subject. “Where the hell has she been all day?”

 

“Ill maybe?” Emmeline wasn’t paying attention. “Do you think this is the right colour? It says we should be seeing a dark green but this still looks light to me?”

 

Mary got her head in the game after that. She wouldn’t give Mulciber and his goony pals the satisfaction of Slughorn’s praise for producing the best potion. They didn’t, thank god, but neither did Mary and Emmeline. Instead, a pair of Ravenclaw girls Mary hardly knew won the prize and the rest of them gathered their things and exited the class as usual, or so Mary thought.

 

The Slytherin students, who’d been sitting closest to the door, left first. This was not entirely abnormal and Mary paid no mind to it until she noticed Marlene racing to catch up with them.  _What the hell was she doing?_ They all emptied out into the hallway, bustling with students.

 

“Hey!” Marlene barked down the corridor. She turned a few heads in her path, students turning around curiously to get a look at the scene. “Cordelia!” Now Mary was really confused. Was she  _trying_  to start a fight?

 

“What’s going on?” The Marauders had just stepped into the hallway, James standing at Mary’s shoulder.

 

“Your guess is as good as mine.”

 

“Should someone stop her?” It was Frank who asked, he and Alice standing hand in hand.

 

“Do you have a problem?” Cordelia asked in her typical snide tone.

 

“You’re a coward, you know that?” Marlene was getting right up in Cordelia’s face. Now there was a crowd gathering around them, students were drawn to the excitement in the hallway. “You won’t get away with what you did.”

 

“ _Excuse me?_ ” Cordelia scoffed, looking up at her boyfriend beside her. “Did you just hear what she said? Did you just  _threaten_  me?”

 

“Watch your tongue, McKinnon.” Snape, who’d been standing to the side listening, warned her.

 

“Don’t even get me started on you,” Marlene spat. “you’re just as bad as this lot. I swear, if  _you_  or any of your  _pathetic_  friends go near her again—” Marlene was reaching into the pocket of her robes, presumably for her wand, but Mary couldn’t focus on that.  _Go near her_. What the hell had they done and where was Lily?

 

“You think you scare us?” Cordelia seethed. “You filthy  _blood traitor_!” There were gasps among the students.

 

“Come on Dee, you’re making a scene,” Avery said to his girlfriend, tugging on her arm. Mary was shocked by his use of common sense.

 

“Listen to your boyfriend Dee,” Marlene mocked her, “we all know you have no head of your own to use.” That was enough. Cordelia reached for her wand now too, pulling it out at the ready.

 

“You want to prove who the better witch is?” She demanded, venom in her voice. “Let's do.”

 

“Fine. I’ll give you a taste of your own medicine if you like and I don’t need to get my boyfriend’s help to do it.” Mary could see the colour rising in Cordelia’s pale cheeks. Marlene was asking for it now. They circled each other in front of a hallway of other students; it was a disaster in the making but neither seemed to care.

 

“This is ridiculous,” Snape rolled his eyes. “You’re behaving like children.”

 

“Is that what you think last night was?” Demanded Marlene. “Child’s play?” Marlene wasn’t playing around, she was livid. She’d been sitting on her rage for the past two hours in class and now, with her target before her, she was ready to fight. “You’re worse than them.”

 

“Shut your mouth.”

 

“That’s no way to talk to a lady.” Mary felt James brush past her as he stepped forward. She’d had a feeling it wouldn’t last long before he intervened. There was no way he was going to let Marlene stand there alone. “Is it, Snivellus?” James added, perhaps just for the snarl it put on Snape's face.

 

“Piss off Potter.”

 

This was getting out of hand. Mary looked behind her at Alice who was watching the scene with the same uneasiness as she was, just waiting for it all to explode.

 

“What’s going on out here?” Slughorn’s voice echoed down the hallway and suddenly the crowd dispersed. He pushed through the students to the centre of the commotion where James and Marlene were standing.

 

“Oh, nothing Professor,” James assured him with his usual charm. “Just giving these lot a lesson on manners.”

 

You couldn’t mistake the discomfort on Slughorn’s face. “Off to your classes,” he ordered, clearing his throat, “all of you.”

 

Everyone listened, rushing off before detentions were handed out. Avery finally managed to pull his girlfriend away and the rest of their friends swiftly followed, glaring at James and Marlene as they passed.

 

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Marlene complained to James. “I had it under control—”

 

“Yeah, five more seconds and you would’ve been fighting four Slytherins on your own.”

 

“I could handle it.”

 

“What the hell was that all about?” Mary couldn’t hold her questions back any longer. She stormed up to the pair of them, staring expectantly at Marlene. She needed answers now. Where was Lily? Who had Cordelia hurt and why was Marlene so bloody angry?

 

“We should talk somewhere a little more…private.” Mary’s stomach dropped.

 

“Is it Lily?” She asked, speaking in a hushed tone so no one beyond Marlene and James could hear. She knew the answer before Marlene had nodded her head.

* * *

 

 Lily hadn’t left her room all day. Marlene had gone down to the Great Hall at lunch to fetch some food for her but Lily could hardly eat when her stomach was all in knots. She could leave her room either. She was terrified of running into anyone. For starters, her stomach still ached where Cordelia’s foot had hit it. The cut above her eye didn’t help either. The only person that might really be able to help Lily was Madam Pomfrey but she had no interest in visiting the Hospital Wing and making a scene. No. She could handle this herself.

 

Sleep, occasional reading, and a hot shower were all used to help wash away Lily’s worries. She couldn’t stop her thinking though. It wasn't what had happened with Avery and Cordelia that stuck out in her mind either, but rather, her moment with James. His hands on her. His tongue…

 

Lily rolled over in bed, pulling the covers up over her head. She needed to stop remembering that. Fabian would send someone up soon, asking after her. Maybe Marlene had already told him. Regardless, he’d be there soon, wanting to see her, to comfort her. Part of her wanted him to. She craved his comfort, his tenderness, his large arms.

 

The other part of her felt awful. She imagined Fabian’s face when he learned of her betrayal. She pictured him, walking through the corridors with his arm wrapped around another girl’s waist, and her heart broke. She loved him. God how she loved him. He was the first boy she’d ever felt that way about. The first boy she’d slept with. The first boy she’d spent an overnight with. How could she possibly go on now without him?

 

With James Potter of all bloody people. She  _hated_  James, didn’t she? She was supposed to at least. She vowed long ago that she would never  _ever_  go for James Potter and here she was, practically wet for him. She was a hypocrite. A hypocrite and a liar. What a wonderful combination. Her father would’ve been ashamed.

 

These were the circles Lily’s mind was running in when she was startled by a knock at the door. It was dark now, past dinner.

 

“Lily?” Marlene’s head poked around the corner. Lily sat up, squinting at the light pouring in from the hallway. “We came to see how you were doing.”

 

“We?”

 

Mary and Alice slipped in behind Marlene, closing the door after them. No one turned on the lights – Lily was grateful, as she certainly looked affright. They all climbed onto her bed instead, coming together for a group hug.

 

“We love you.” They told her, showering her in kisses.

 

“I know,” Lily chuckled, feeling her load very much lightened.

 

“I brought you something,” Alice said, producing a wrapped up piece of treacle tart from behind her back. Lily wanted to cry.

 

“You didn’t have to.”

 

“I want to see you eat every bite,” Alice ordered. “I’m sure you haven’t been eating.” Lily turned away guiltily. “I know the feeling Lil, but food will help.”

 

Lily wished her friends knew half of what was keeping her stuck in her room all day without an appetite. She wanted so desperately to confess to her friends what she had done with James, how badly she had messed everything up between her and Fabian, but the words just got stuck in her throat. To admit to her crime would make it real. If she said nothing it would be as though it had never happened…

 

Lily began to eat the tart with her hands, pleasing her friends.

 

“Marlene nearly murdered Cordelia in the hall today,” Mary blurted out. Lily caught Marlene’s sideways glance, warning her to shut up.

 

“What?”

 

“It was nothing,” Marlene assured her, “nothing happened.”

 

“Something clearly happened?”

 

“Marlene called Cordelia a pathetic coward,” Alice filled in the gaps. Lily paused for a moment and then snorted with laughter.

 

“You did  _what_?”

 

“In front of half of our year. Cordelia had nothing to say back except to call her a blood traitor.” 

 

“She’s an idiot,” Marlene shrugged. Lily should’ve known she couldn’t expect Marlene to hold her tongue. She didn’t know how  _not_  to defend her friends. Besides, it was comforting to know she would always have Lily’s back.

 

“My knight in shining army,” Lily smiled, leaning her head on Marlene’s shoulder to show she wasn’t upset.

 

“Also,” Mary cleared her throat, “I think there’s someone else who wants to see you.”

 

“Fabian? Does he know?”

 

“Some, only that something happened between you and some Slytherins last night. No details.” Lily put down her half-eaten tart, her stomach rolling.

 

“He’s in the boy’s dorm.”

 

“I should go see him.” Lily had been in her pyjamas all day and her hair was a mess. On top of that, she knew Fabian would freak out when he saw the dark circles beneath her eyes and the fresh cut.

 

“Are you okay to do that?” Alice worried. “Because if you don’t feel up to it—”

 

“I want to see him,” Lily said with certainty. She did and she did not. She wanted to see him as she once was before she’d kissed another guy, the last guy he would ever expect. How could she possibly look him in the eyes now, knowing what she’d done?

 

“Finish your food and we’ll take you.” Lily did as she was told, even though it was like swallowing sandpaper. She sat at her desk and let Mary comb out her hair for her so that it was smooth down her back by the end.

 

Lily’s heart was in her throat when she knocked on the door to the seventh year boy’s dormitory. James’ door was just a few feet away. Was he in there? Would he hear them?

 

It was Fabian who answered, a panicked expression on his face. He closed the door before Lily could get a good look at any of the other guys in the room.

 

“Are you okay?” He reached out for her face, stroking her hair back. “What happened?”

 

“I’m fine,” Lily promised, although her voice was shaking. How long had he been worrying, fretting over what had happened?

 

“Merlin, Lily, I was so scared.” He leaned in, kissing her quickly. Lily felt the tears welling up. She looked up at Fabian once more, his brown eyes filled with such care, and she broke. She fell into his chest, sobbing, ready to confess to the terrible act she had committed. She had to tell him the truth. She  _had_  to.

 

“I’ve got you,” Fabian promised, kissing the crown of her head. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He held her for as long as she needed, he always did, and he gave the best hugs. Lily never wanted to let go. She realized then, drying her face on his shirt, that she hadn’t the strength or the courage to confess.

 

“I love you,” she said, tears still clinging to her eyelashes as she gazed up at him.

 

“I love you too.”

 

They kissed, Lily’s forehead resting against Fabian’s chest, his hand smoothing down her back. She loved him. She would  _always_  love him. Shouldn’t that be enough?

* * *

 

 James' head had been in the clouds all day. He had never,  _ever_  been late to Quidditch practice before. Not even after a full moon, but today was a first. He’d seen the confused and irritated faces of his players, wondering why on earth he’d demanded they be out of bed at such an ungodly hour if he wasn’t going to make the same effort?

 

They might have understood if he’d been able to explain himself. If they had any idea that James Potter had  _finally_  kissed Lily Evans. He didn’t know how he stopped himself from spilling the beans to Marlene and Sirius except that he felt terribly guilty about it.

 

Yes, he’d imagined kissing Lily a thousand times. Dreamt about it more than once. But not like this. Not when she was recovering from a traumatic experience and attached to another guy, presumably in love with him. James had hardly been able to look Fabian in the eye all practice, even when he’d needed to criticize one of his plays, which Fabian took like a champ. He was such a nice guy and James was snogging his girlfriend behind his back.

 

If he told Marlene and Sirius what had happened it would be like he was bragging, like he was proud of messing around with another guy’s girl. No, James knew what the best thing to do was. He had to forget about it, wipe it from his memory, and perhaps reveal to the boys five years from now that yes, he had managed to kiss Lily Evans at least once in his lifetime. He could already picture the look of utter shock on their faces.

 

So James pulled back all day, terrified that if he said too much the truth would come flying out as well. He knew that the guys, and Marlene, had noticed. Maybe that was why Marlene tried to fight Cordelia. More likely it was just because she was a good person, better than him, and she had to defend Lily’s honour.

 

“I think I might just go to bed,” James announced just after nine p.m. His friends all looked at him as though he’d just told them he was gravely ill.

 

“You  _never_  go to bed early.” Sirius sounded like his mother.

 

"Yeah well, I’m tired. I had a long night.”

 

“You know, you still haven’t really explained—”

 

“It’s not my story to tell,” James sighed exasperatedly. He was sick of all the questions. “Lily will explain it all, I’m sure.”

 

“Are you sure everything is okay Prongs?” Sirius asked for the hundredth time that day.

 

“Fine.” James wanted to tell Sirius, more than anyone, about what had happened. He’d know just what to say but he couldn't. He couldn't tell anyone.

 

“I'm just tired.I'll be fine tomorrow.” He went to bed after that.

 

He didn’t sleep, of course, he hadn’t managed to last night either, but it was nice to be alone. James was not a particularly private person. He wore his heart on his sleeve, he had since he was a child, and hiding things from his friends did not come naturally. Especially not when it was news this big.

 

James had been smoking a cigarette at his window when he heard voices in the corridor.

 

“Are you okay? What happened?” He knew right away who they belonged to. It was Fabian and Lily, he was seriously going to be forced to listen to her explain the night to her boyfriend. He wanted to blast music to block it all out but he hated the idea of drawing attention to himself.

 

“I’m fine.” He heard the wave of tears come after that and felt his stomach turn. James couldn’t bear to listen; knowing deep down that he was responsible for some of Lily’s pain. That was never how he’d wanted things to happen. He’d pictured sunsets and picnics by the great lake. He’d imagined them both filled with excitement afterwards, not dread.

 

James didn’t feel any better about himself when he heard Lily telling Fabian how much she loved him. That was just about too much for him. He tossed his cigarette out the window and closed himself off in the bathroom instead, sick at the thought of hearing anymore.

 

He was a fool. Had he really believed Lily’s actions last night were anything but a reaction to what she’d just experienced? He’d helped distract her from the scariness of it all and now she was filled with guilt about what she’d done. She was never going to want him, that’s what he needed to realize. Lily loved Fabian and, chances were, she wasn’t going to give up on that anytime soon.

 

 _Move on you idiot_ , James scolded himself,  _it’s pathetic_. He knew he had to give up completely on the dream that anything would  _ever_  happen with Lily Evans.          

 


	12. Dreams

 Remus was on edge as he entered the Great Hall that morning, mentally preparing for the day. He was an anxious person to begin with but nothing set him off quite like the night of a full moon. There was so much that could go wrong, so many potential dangers, he wondered sometimes how Dumbledore had ever allowed him to set foot in the castle.

 

Remus was the last of the four Marauders to arrive for breakfast, squeezing in between Sirius and James on the Gryffindor bench. He didn’t say a word, his head too cloudy with all of his usual worries, as he reached for a piece of toast.

 

“Alright, Mooney?” James asked, looking up from the Transfiguration homework he was completing only now.

 

“Fine.” Remus slathered his toast with butter and jam, crumbs spilling from his mouth as he bit into it. He hadn’t much of a stomach for breakfast this morning but entering the evening on an empty stomach would only make things worse.

 

“He’s just getting ready to deal with that furry little problem of his, aren’t you mate?” Sirius teased – always one to make light of a stressful situation.

 

“Furry little problem?” came Leila’s voice from behind them. All three boys froze. Peter, who was the only one facing her, smiled nervously. He had always been a terrible liar.

 

“Oh, you know,” James stepped in, ever the problem solver. “It’s um…a term we use to describe Remus’ rather beastly studying habits.”

 

Leila raised her eyebrows. “Furry little problem,” she repeated, quite amused.

 

“He becomes terribly grumpy,” Peter added.

 

“And a little nocturnal.” Remus kicked Sirius under the table.

 

“Well, do you think you could keep the beast at bay for one more night and help me with my Arithmancy homework? I’m completely stumped and there’s a quiz tomorrow in class.”

 

If there was one thing Remus hated more than lying it was disappointing people. Leila looked so hopeful, batting those long, dark eyelashes at him, a smile tugging at her lips. He wanted to say yes. What Remus would’ve have given to spend his night in the library with Leila, working through her homework together, rather than roaming the Hogwarts grounds as a giant, yellow-eyed beast.

 

“Well I…I would love to but…” Remus was stuttering. He always lost track of his sentences when he lied, it was how James and Sirius had sniffed out his secret in the first place.

 

“Remus has already promised to help me with my paper for Muggle Studies,” James announced, shrugging his shoulders unsympathetically. “He’ll need to bring the beast out because as we all know I am absolutely rubbish at muggle history.”

 

“Oh,” Remus could see the disappointment in Leila’s eyes, the falter in her voice. “I see…”

 

“Don’t take it too personally love, we’re just not used to sharing our Remus here yet.”

 

“Right. Well…I guess I’ll just, see you around then?” The tone in her voice made Remus’ stomach sink.

 

“Yeah,” he nodded, a little too enthusiastically, “I’ll come looking for you.”

 

Once Leila had disappeared back up the hall Remus slumped down in his seat, drained. Could this day be any more unbearable?

 

“It really wasn’t that bad,” Peter assured him from across the table. “She’ll forget all about it in a few hours.”

 

“It was a lot easier keeping it a secret over the summer.” This was just the first month, but what about the next? And the following? Leila would grow suspicious eventually, they all did, and sooner or later – if Remus wasn’t careful – she would connect the dots.

 

“Stop worrying,” James wagged his finger in Remus’ face. “It’s fine. Leila doesn’t suspect a thing and besides if you two keep going the way you are I see no reason why she shouldn’t be let in on the truth.” The thought of admitting the truth to his sweet, innocent girlfriend made Remus feel ill.

 

This was exactly why Remus had never bothered to hold down a relationship. He’d gone on dates with girls or shared a drunken snog at a party but never more than that. He’d known the risk that came with getting involved with someone like him. He just hadn’t been able to stop with Leila…not when she made his stomach do backflips every time he saw her. She was so lovely, so caring, and she cared about him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so good about himself.

 

Sooner or later though, the truth would need to come out or Remus would run like he always did, the way he had since he’d been a little boy. It was easier to run than to admit to those you cared about that you were a monster. There was nothing worse than seeing the disgust cross their faces, the horror as they realized that Remus held a sinister secret inside of him.

* * *

Alice giggled girlishly at something naughty Frank had whispered in her ear. She’d been exhausted this morning – waking up early was never her thing – and had been pouting the whole walk to Charms. When they’d finally settled into their seats, side by side, Frank had done what he usually did and found a way to make his girlfriend smile. She loved him for it.

 

“You’re terrible,” Alice continued to laugh, pushing Frank away playfully.

           

“Yeah, but you love it, don’t you Griffith?” She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction and yet she couldn’t keep the big, goofy grin off of her face. He poked her sides, tickling her until she burst out laughing again, earning a few irritated glares from their fellow classmates.

 

“Get a room,” Marlene told the pair grumpily, sitting at the desk in front of them. “It’s too early to be this happy.”

 

“We can’t all spend our days drowning in existential angst, can we Marlene?” Frank teased her. Marlene turned around and stuck her tongue out at him. Alice planted a kiss on Frank’s cheek just to really piss Marlene off; it was too easy getting her riled up.

 

Alice and Frank had been good, better than good, in the weeks that had passed since her kiss with Everett. She’d stuck to him like glue and he didn’t seem to mind, the pair of them doing practically everything together. It made it all the easier to avoid running into Everett or thinking about him for that matter. Mary had been right; one stupid, irresponsible mistake was not worth blowing up a good relationship over.

 

The class began shortly, Professor Flitwick standing on top of his stool near the head of the room. Alice and Frank held hands under their desk the entire time, smiling at each other every time they made eye contact. They stayed like that until everyone was to pull out their wands and begin to practice the new spell Flitwick had just demonstrated for them all.

 

“Oh come on Marlene Just tell me who it is.” Emmeline, Marlene’s partner, was insisting.

 

“A boy?” Alice couldn’t help herself, she loved a bit of gossip.

 

“Did you not notice? Marlene didn’t return to her bed until four in the morning last night.” Marlene glared in Emmeline's direction.

           

“ _What?_ Who were you with?” Alice always felt somewhat jealous of her friend’s scandalous sex lives.

 

“She refuses to share.”

 

“Who says I was with a guy? Maybe I was up studying—”

 

“You hate studying.”

 

“Everyone hates studying but they have to do it at some point around here.” Marlene was in no mood for their noisy questions, that was plain enough to see. She returned her attention to the spell they were supposed to be mastering, ignoring Emmeline’s continuous pleas.

 

Alice, who had done her homework the night before, had Flitwick’s spell mastered in a number of minutes, and the professor cheered with joy when he saw at least one of his students was keeping up with their workload.

 

“Show off,” Frank whispered in her ear. The pair of them were so competitive, always racing to see who could get to the finish line first. Alice had always worried it would tear them apart but somehow, the constant challenging of one another had only strengthened their relationship.

 

With plenty of time to spare as she waited for the rest of the class to finish up, Alice’s eyes darted across the room towards Lily, who she’d been worrying about all week since her accident. She’d returned to classes like a trooper and walked the castle halls with her head held high as though nothing had happened. Alice had never been prouder and yet, she couldn’t help but worry. Something felt wrong. Lily was holding something back and she could tell. She could see it in her eyes and the way in which she always seemed a million miles away even when she was sat right in front of you. Alice was familiar with the sensation.

 

“I’m going to the toilet,” she announced, rising from her seat. She gave Frank’s shoulder a squeeze before stepping out of the classroom and into the deserted corridor. She loved the silence in the halls when classes were in session. It was hard to imagine that in fifteen minutes when the bell tolled, the halls would be swarming with students.

 

Alice turned the corner for the girl’s toilets but was nearly knocked out by a door being swung open in her face. She stumbled backwards, caught off guard, and was all the more flustered when she looked up to find Everett in front of her.

 

“Well isn’t this a surprise,” Everett smirked, tucking his hands into the pockets of his robe. “Couldn’t avoid me forever, huh?”

 

Alice didn’t know what to say. She stood there, gawking like an idiot, struggling to figure out whether she should run in the other direction or stand her ground. For two weeks she’d avoided this interaction but now it had hit her in the face and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

 

“Look, I’m not an idiot,” Everett’s tone softened. “I know why you’ve been keeping your distance—”

 

“It was a mistake,” Alice swore, as she had told herself a hundred times already. “I have a boyfriend—”

 

“I know.” She was surprised to see the guilt on Everett’s face. Did he feel bad for the damage he had caused in her relationship? “Look I…I don’t want you to hate me, I know this isn’t a game.” Was that remorse, _real_ , _live_ remorse playing across his face? “I just can’t stand the thought of you hating me.”

 

“I don’t hate you,” Alice promised, relaxing a little. “If anything, I hate myself.”

 

“You shouldn’t—”

 

“Shouldn’t I? You didn’t force that kiss on me. I was a willing participant.” Her eyes dropped to the ground. She should leave. She knew it. Standing there, with Everett just a few feet away, bearing their hearts out to one another, it was too much to stand. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself if he moved any closer. How could she do that to Frank?

 

“I can’t stop think about you, Alice,” Everett confessed, his voice dreamy. She watched his feet edge closer, her heart pounding in her chest. Now was the moment she made her choice; did she choke back her feelings and run or take a road she might never be able to come back from?

 

“We can’t…” her voice was so small and unconvincing.

 

“Tell me to leave and I will.” He was in front of her now. He reached out, his hand cupping her cheek. Just his touch sent shivers up her spine. “Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll go…”

 

 _I don’t want you._ That’s what she was supposed to say. That kiss was a terrible bit of clouded judgment and it could never happen again. _You’re lost_ , Alice told herself, _you experienced a terrible loss this summer and it’s left you off balance but this isn’t you. Sneaking around behind Frank’s back? Lying? Hurting the ones you love? This is not you Alice. It isn’t. It can’t be._

“Alice?”

 

She hadn’t realized her eyes were closed until she looked up and found Everett gazing down at her, his lips turned down in a frown. He would understand if she walked away right now and called it quits. It was what she was supposed to do, it was what she would have done just a few months ago before her entire world had come crumbling down.

 

She reached out, slowly, and brushed her thumb along his smooth cheek, tracing the line of his cheekbone.

 

“This is wrong,” Alice said, leaning in, her forehead pressed against his. “It’s so wrong…”

 

“Then why does it feel so right?” He lifted her chin and brushed his lips against hers softly, wantingly, with great affection. This time Alice didn’t pull away, she pushed back, she pressed her body against his and ran her hands down his back. She let him lead her into the boy's washroom and lock them in a stall.

 

She didn’t stop it. Not when Everett tugged at the buttons of her blouse or stuck his hands beneath her shirt. She knew as she did it how wrong it was, what a betrayal she had committed letting it go this far, but she couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t resist the danger of it all and the great unknown that came with it. She couldn’t deny herself what she’d wanted for so long – to feel something she hadn’t felt before; to unravel all the way.

* * *

 It was the final week of September and the students of Hogwarts were enjoying an unusually warm autumn day. The grounds were filled with students who had chosen to spend their lunch hour outdoors, soaking in the good weather while it lasted. James and Sarah were doing just that, lying beneath the oak tree by the lake.

 

In all honesty, James had been avoiding Sarah for the past week. He knew that technically they were not exclusive and his kiss with Lily had not broken any rules but something about it felt dirty to him. It didn’t feel quite right, kissing Sarah, showering her with affection when he wasn’t being honest about what he’d been up to a few nights ago.

 

They had taken as much food from the Great Hall as they could carry. Ham and cheese sandwiches, two apples, water to share. It was peaceful, lying there together; James’ head in Sarah’s lap, or at least, it should’ve been peaceful. James wished he could’ve stopped the thoughts running through his head, the memories of Lily’s lips against his own, the thought of her piercing green eyes.

 

“You’re awfully quiet this afternoon.” James leaned his head back so that he could gaze up at Sarah, her brown hair slipping in front of her face as she leaned over her sketchbook, working away.

 

“Would you rather I interrupt you at your craft?”

 

“I don’t mind a little chatter to keep me alert.” James sat up, stretching his long arms above his head.

 

“What’re you drawing then?”

 

“That's a secret,” Sarah replied mysteriously. James couldn't help feeling there were already too many secrets between them. 

 

He watched as she worked, her eyes glued to the pad of paper in front of her. Her tongue peeked out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrated, her eyebrows furrowed. James wanted to take a mental picture, to remember Sarah as this always, in her happiest place.

 

“What’re you up to tonight?” She asked, not looking up.

 

“Some hijinks with the boys, just the usual.”

 

“Any chance you’d prefer some female company?” Now her brown eyes rose to meet his, her lips turned up into a suggestive smile. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

 

“I know you will,” he chuckled, reaching out to stroke her knee, “but I’ve promised, I can’t back out now.”

 

“Suit yourself,” Sarah sighed. “I suppose I’ll just have to find some way to amuse myself…”

 

“That’s not fair,” James licked his lips, edging closer towards her, “you can’t have all the fun without me.”

 

“Tough luck.” Merlin, he loved when she teased him. He was weak. James reached out for her sketchpad, pulling it from her grasp despite some resistance.

 

“What to do you think you’re doing?”

 

James tossed the book aside, climbing on top of Sarah, ignoring the fact that there were people all around them. By the start of fourth period word would be spread that James Potter and Sarah Daniels were getting it on by the lake at lunch.

 

"You’re insane,” Sarah giggled as he pushed her onto her back and pinned her wrists behind her head. “People can see us.”

 

“Let them see.” He leaned in for a kiss. “I’m sure they all wish they were us.” They kissed and rolled around a little more before James pulled himself up and reached for Sarah’s drawing before she could hide it away.

 

It wasn’t what he’d been expecting. The sketch was of himself, napping in her lap, glasses perched on the edge of his nose, mouth slightly agape.

 

“It’s not finished yet,” Sarah said defensively, snatching her book back. 

 

"You drew _me_?” James didn’t know why it felt like such an honour. She admired him enough to want to turn him into a piece of art. Would she feel the same if she knew about the secret he was keeping? If she understood that his heart still belonged to another? James couldn’t shake the feeling that he was dragging Sarah along unfairly.

 

“Yes, you make quite a good subject when you’re not moving.” She tucked the work away into her bag hurriedly. James must’ve still looked shocked because she added, “don’t get your knickers in a twist, I’ve sketched many boys before you.”

 

“Never said you didn’t.”

 

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

 

“Whatever you say, boss.”

 

Part of him wanted it to mean something. James wanted to be able to give himself over to Sarah completely. She was funny and kind and she didn’t hold back, not ever. She let him know when he was pissing her off or behaving like an absolute twat. She was a damned good kisser too and she knew when to give him his distance. She was perfect, absolutely perfect, except for one damning flaw, she wasn’t Lily Evans.

* * *

Lily dropped her forehead down to her Potions textbook in defeat. She could not read another word. She heard Fabian stifling his laughter beside her. He'd never understood why she chose to take Potions throughout her seven years at Hogwarts when it often caused her such pain. He wasn't part of the Slugclub either though, so he couldn't really understand the pressure. 

 

“You’ll get us kicked out!” Lily whispered, leaning in towards Fabian. She was trying to hide her face, which was turning bright pink, from Madame Pince, who was most definitely glaring at them.

 

“Can we quit already?” They’d only been there an hour. Lily still had two chapters to read but she knew Fabian could never stay focused. She actually hated going to the library with him – he was a constant distraction and a terrible influence – but as of recently he never let her out of his sight.

 

She hated to be that girl – the one who needed her boyfriend’s constant protection to feel safe – but she’d been grateful for the comfort Fabian provided the past week. It’d made it a little easier to walk past Cordelia in the halls with her head held high. 

 

"The boys will all be out of the dorm…” Fabian whispered, leaning further towards Lily. She was grateful her back was to Madame Pince’s desk or else she might’ve died of embarrassment. He rested his hand on her thigh and smirked like the arrogant bastard he was and Lily knew her cause was lost.

 

“You’ll be the reason I fail my N.E.W.T.s,” she conceded. At least she could sneak a nap in before her final class of the day, though she doubted Fabian had much sleeping in mind. Lily was ashamed to admit this wasn’t even the first time this week she’d ditched her work to run off and shag her boyfriend.

 

Part of it had to do with the comfort Lily took in being close to Fabian. His were the arms she craved to fall asleep in, the ones that provided the best comfort when she was unsettled. He’d been her rock since the accident and it’d made it easy to forget about her small…transgression. It helped that James had been avoiding her like the plague.

 

“How long till Divination?” Fabian asked as they strode from the library hand in hand.

 

“An hour.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a quick peck on the lips. He was fit, probably the best-looking guy in their year. Lily was lucky. She should be happy, _thrilled_ , shouldn’t she? Most girls her age would kill to have a guy like Fabian. He was, by all accounts, perfect. Her mother adored him; Petunia struggled to find a single flaw. So why couldn’t she stop thinking about James? About their moment in the Prefects’ office...

           

 “Lily!” They were practically at the stairwell when Severus’ voice came bouncing off the walls after them. Lily had thought she’d seen him sitting in the far corner of the library but she’d done her best to ignore him. She had _nothing_ to say to him.

 

He came speeding up to them, straight-backed and proud – the way he always walked when he was trying to prove himself, and he was always trying to prove himsel fin front of Lily's friends. “Can I speak to you?”

 

“No.” Lily didn’t need to think on it for a second.

 

“It’ll just be a few minutes, Lily, please.” He used the pleading tone that might have worked on her a year ago. Back then she’d been softer, more likely to forgive, but she’d learnt. Severus would never be the same boy she’d befriended all those years ago. That boy was gone, the one who did anything to see her smile, who let her spend endless hours complaining – sometimes crying – about Petunia.

 

“You heard her mate.” Fabian stepped forward, his chest puffed out. Lily’s knight in shining armour. Just another point on a long list of reasons why Fabian was the perfect boyfriend.

 

“You know, I’m actually speaking to Lily right now.” Severus snapped.

 

"You know, I’m actually not interested,” Lily interjected. “I have nothing to say to you. I want _nothing_ to do with you.” Lily didn’t care how harsh her tone was or how persuasive Severus’ sad, puppy dog eyes could be. “Just, like, fuck off okay? Go back to your friends and continue torturing innocent students.”

 

“That’s not—”

 

“Don’t pretend that if it were any other person, Mary perhaps,” Severus winced. Mary was a sensitive subject between the pair. He had defended Mulciber unwaveringly and Lily had been horrified after what he’d done to her friend in fifth year. “That you wouldn’t have joined in.”

 

“It’s complicated,” Severus grumbled, his head bowed like a naughty child preparing for a scolding.

 

“I guess just not to me.” Fabian took Lily’s hand, drawing her in closer towards him.

 

“Lily..." when he said her name like that he almost sounded like her best friend, the boy she’d spend everyday of her summer with, the one who’d take her on all kinds of magical adventures, things she’d never dreamed of growing up as a muggle. That boy had been good, he’d been kind, not like this dark, sneering, man who stood before her now. “ _Please_. Just give me a chance to explain.”

 

“Just leave me alone,” Lily said, doing her best to ignore the pained expression on Severus’ face.

 

She let Fabian pull her away after that, not ready to stand there and listen to another lie that came out of Severus’ mouth. She’d mourned the loss of their friendship long ago, there was no need to try and put a Band-Aid on a crack that would never heal.

 

* * *

 Marlene knocked on the door to boy’s dormitory expecting Remus to answer. He usually spent the afternoon before a transformation napping. He could be found with the curtains drawn around his bed, hiding, perhaps dreaming of a world in which he never had to leave his peaceful, safe oasis.

 

It was Sirius who answered the knock though, a signature smirk across his face. “Well isn’t this a surprise.”

 

“Is Remus here?”

 

“He’s gone to spend some time with Leila before tonight.”

 

“Cutting it rather close isn’t he?” Marlene raised her eyebrows, looking towards the window beyond Sirius’ shoulder. The sun would set in an hour and the dull afternoon light felt ominous when one knew what was to come in the moonlight.

 

“Are you coming in?” Sirius asked, opening the door a little wider.

 

“Is anyone else here?”

 

"Just me and my lonesome.” Marlene rolled her eyes and stepped into the room, Sirius locking the door behind them.  

 

“How is he? Anxious?”

 

“No more than usual,” Sirius shrugged, sitting down on the end of his bed. He had the radio playing on his bedside table. They were playing Dreams by _Fleetwood Mac_ , the chorus coming out muffled through the crappy speakers.

 

“What were you doing?” Marlene asked, standing in the centre of the room, not quite sure what to do with herself.

 

“Resting I guess. Figure I should get all the sleep I can since there won’t be much going around tonight.”

 

“You guys always find a way to pull through.” Marlene didn’t know how the Marauders all managed to show up for their classes the next morning, showing no signs of the mischief they’d been up to all night. Part of Marlene was jealous of it. She’d always wanted to be a part of their monthly tirades, running through the grounds of Hogwarts, breaking the law just so they could be there for their friend.

 

“How’s Lily?”

 

“She’s strong.” Marlene settled on the bed beside Sirius, her hands in her lap. “And Fabian’s been there for her.”

 

“Yeah, they seem…happy.” Marlene could understand the hesitation in Sirius’ voice. They felt the same way – that while they had not a bad thing to say about Fabian, it was James who they wanted to see happy at the end of the day.

 

There was silence, the final chords of _Dreams_ filling the void. They were getting sloppy, the two of them. It'd been easier before when each shag had been an unexpected, yet very welcome, surprise. Usually after parties or nights when everyone else in the castle seemed preoccupied. Something had shifted though. Suddenly they were meeting on a regular basis, sneaking around the castle at all hours of the night, and people were starting to notice. Emmeline already had and how long could Marlene keep her friend's questions at bay? 

 

“Marls?” It was his pet name for her. The one only he used, the one no one else heard uttered. He’d made it up one night when they’d been drunk, he’d slurred her name together and a nickname had been born. She’d insisted at first that she hated it but, at the end of the day, it was nice, to have a name only he could call her by. Something that was theirs.

 

Marlene turned her head towards him and found his mouth, that same mouth that had become so familiar to her over the past year. It was never supposed to be like this. One time, that was it, just to satisfy their urge. The tension between them had been budding for a good six years; it was inevitable that one day they’d give in to the urge.

 

“We have to be quick,” she whispered in his ear as his lips tugged at her neck, his hands fumbling with the button on her jeans. “Someone might come back…” It was hard to care about all that when she was lying there, Sirius on top of her, and it felt so damn good. She wanted him and she hated herself for it.

 

Marlene was not supposed to be this girl. She was not supposed to fall for a womanizer. Sirius was notorious for breaking hearts and leaving girls crying. He was the kind of boy her mother had warned her never to get mixed up with. _“Don’t be that girl who spends her life chasing after boys that aren’t worth it.”_ How disappointed she would be if she knew whom Marlene had been shagging regularly.  

 

Once Sirius’ pants were off Marlene rolled over, climbing on top, riding Sirius the way she knew he loved. She watched the change in his expression as she moved just right, the flutter of his eyelashes. It was always so easy between them. She didn’t need to tell him what to do, not the way she did with the other boys.

 

“Again,” Sirius said when they’d finished, nipping at Marlene’s neck. He had his arm wrapped around her, holding her close to him.

 

“I should go before someone comes up here and finds us.” She didn’t want to go though, wasn’t that stupid? She wanted to lie there a while longer, forever maybe, safe in Sirius’ arms. How pathetic. She had to stop this, craving his attention, his touch, his warm embrace. It was too dangerous.

 

“Hey,” Sirius grabbed her hand as she sat up, reaching for her underwear, on the edge of the bed. “We good?” He sat up too, kissing her shoulder affectionately. “Can I see you when I get back?”

 

            “I’ll be asleep,” Marlene, told him, climbing off the bed to grab her jeans. “I’m not going to spend all night waiting for you to come back.” She would though. When she couldn’t fall asleep she’d reach for a book and read beneath the light of her wand. She’d watch the window and follow the figures of the three boys as they came running up the hill, back towards the castle, exhilarated by the evening of adventure. She’d feel jealous, and angry, and all the usual complicated feelings that came with not being allowed to be “one of the boys.”

 

“Tomorrow night then,” Sirius suggested, “come on, we’ll sneak off and do something stupid. I know you’re dying to break the rules.”

 

“Maybe.” He’d have her well and convinced by mid-afternoon the next day though. She’d wait till the other girls were asleep and meet him in the common room and they’d climb up the astronomy tower and smoke the joint he’d rolled and make love naked, under the stars. Merlin, she was predictable.

 

“Take care of Remus tonight,” she told him, sounding just like her mother, as she unlocked the door.

 

“We always do.”       


	13. Bloodbuzz Ohio

“No.” Mary was unwavering in her decision. Emmeline had been trying to convince her all day to agree to a double date for their Hogsmeade trip tomorrow. Mary knew exactly what was happening – Emmeline was too nervous to agree to spend a whole afternoon alone with Devin Miller (one of the best looking boys in their year) and so she wanted Mary to suffer through a blind date with a boy she hardly knew to provide some moral support.

 

“Please Mary,” Emmeline continued to beg. They were sitting on the comfy couch in the common room. Mary had wanted to do some reading before dinner but Emmeline wouldn’t budge until she agreed. God the girl could be irritating sometimes. “I can’t do it without you.”

 

“You’ve been on plenty of first dates without me.”

           

“Yeah, but never with Devin Miller!”

 

“Oh come on Emmy,” Mary sighed. “It’s the first trip to Hogsmeade this year, I don’t want to waste my time on a shitty date.”

 

“You don’t know it’ll be shitty!”

 

“It’s with Reginald Cattermole, of course, it will be shitty.”

 

“Still trying to convince you is she?” Alice dropped her bag down beside the coffee table, settling on the floor as she always did. She pulled out her work, placing everything neatly in front of her. At least someone was allowed to be productive.

 

“Don’t you think that Reg would be a good fit for Mary?” Emmeline asked, dragging Alice into it.

 

“Maybe,” she shrugged, barely looking up. “He is quite sweet. He’s a Prefect as well and we’ve shared patrols a few times, he’s good conversation once you get to know him…” Alice stopped short when she looked up and saw the look in Mary's eyes. “Then again, maybe Mary would prefer someone a little more... challenging.”

 

“Challenging? She shagged Amos Diggory all summer for Merlin's sake!”

 

“Why don’t you scream it out for the whole room to hear,” Mary snapped, sinking further into the couch. She’d prefer her sex life not to be public knowledge, especially when she was being ousted for shagging one of the nerdiest boys in their year. Mary couldn’t help it, she had a type.

 

“Mary, if you do this for me I will owe you, like, big time,” Emmeline promised, clasping her hands together in a final, desperate plea. “I will buy you all the candy from Honeydukes you want.”

 

“Eh,” Mary shrugged, playing hard to get. She watched Emmeline squirm to come up with a better offer and then, like a light bulb going off, she jumped.

 

“I’ll give you the red dress.” Now she had Mary’s attention.

 

“ _The_  red dress?” There was only one dress Emmeline could be talking about and she knew Mary absolutely adored it.

 

“Yes, yes, she’s yours, all yours if you agree.”

 

Mary paused, considering for a moment whether the bargain was worth it. She did adore that dress…but was she willing to throw tomorrow completely down the drain? She’d need a flask full of Firewhiskey to get through a date with Reginald Cattermole. 

 

“Fine,” she relented. “I guess I’ll go on your bloody double date.”

 

“You won’t regret it, I promise you won’t regret it,” Emmeline enthused, practically leaping in the air. Alice looked up from her notebook, smiling.

 

“True love triumphs,” she teased. Mary threw her book at her, hitting Alice in the shoulder. “Hey, you never know, maybe one day you’ll be telling this story to your kids.”

 

“Fat chance,” Mary grumbled.

* * *

 Lily was having a good morning. She woke up five minutes before her alarm, showered, managed to achieve near perfect winged eyeliner, and even convinced Marlene to let her wear her favourite blouse. It was going to be a good day. Lily was excited to get off the castle grounds for an afternoon. Her first date with Fabian had been to Hogsmeade. They’d gone to the  _Hogs Head_  for lunch and drank their famous spiked Butterbeer. They’d still been underage at the time but Fabian had known the bartender.

 

Lily wanted to feel the way she had that day again. It'd felt like she was floating through a dream. She kissed him first. It’d been impossible to wait any longer when he had that goofy grin on his face. Lily had known immediately there’d be many more dates to come. Simple. God she missed when it was simple.

 

Her Chelsea boots clacked against the stone floor as she turned the corridor towards the Great Hall. She’d promised to meet Fabian for breakfast at nine. Today was going to be a good day, Lily was sure of it…

 

“Get out of the way,  _Mudblood_.” Someone brushed past Lily’s shoulder, knocking her aside.

 

“Excuse me?” She couldn’t quite believe what she’d heard. “ _What_  did you just call me?”

 

The girl who'd shoved her just kept walking, straight-backed,  _proud_. Her long black her swished from side to side. 

 

“Say that to my  _fucking_  face,” Lily demanded, her hands shaking. The girl kept walking. She didn’t pause, not once, and slipped into the Great Hall, leaving Lily trembling in her wake. For fuck's sake. She was going to cry. Lily turned in the opposite direction of the hall and rushed out the doors into the courtyard instead.

 

Damnit. Just like that Lily’s perfect day had been ruined. She felt like she’d been hit by a truck. She was lying there on the road now, vulnerable, torn open for all to see, her insides exposed to the world. Fuck that girl, whoever she was.

 

“Are you okay?” It was James. He was sitting on one of the benches a few feet away, a cigarette burning between his fingers.

 

“I…” Lily blinked back tears, trying to piece together both her feelings about what had just happened and the fact that James Potter was in front of her. They were alone for the first time since  _that_  night. Lily inhaled deeply the scent of tobacco as James exhaled a mouthful of smoke.

 

“That’ll kill you, you know.” Those were the words she settled on, still shaking a little.

 

“ _Everything_  kills you,” James quipped. He took another drag, looking at her closer, perhaps noticing the chatter of her teeth. Did she have to be such a wreck  _every_  time she saw him? “You sure you're okay?”

 

“Fine.” She didn’t sound fine though. She didn’t feel fine. Especially not when she was standing in front of James, alone.

 

“You sure you don’t want one of these?” James asked, holding up his box of Marlboro Blues. “They help calm the nerves.”

 

Lily shook her head. “I hate the smell.” She waited, wondering whether it was worth adding the second part of that statement. “They remind me too much of my dad.”

 

She regretted it immediately, watching James’ face fall with guilt. He swiftly stomped out his cigarette, eyes falling with shame. She should’ve just kept her mouth shut.

 

“I’m sorry—” he began. 

 

“Don’t apologize, you’re perfectly allowed to smoke all the cigarettes you like.”

 

“It’s a bad habit,” James admitted, shoving his hands into the pockets of his robe. “Sirius got me hooked and then I dragged down Marlene with me. I’m sure you’ll outlive us all by a long shot.”

 

“I think you’re more resilient than that.”

 

Lily ignored the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach and joined James on the bench. Fabian would begin to wonder where she was. He’d probably assume she’d overslept; maybe he’d be irritated when she finally appeared in the Great Hall. Lily didn’t care much right now.

 

“I don’t hate cigarettes,” she explained, not knowing why she felt so inclined to defend herself to James. “I liked them before. Cigars mostly, they were what my father loved.”

 

“Mine too,” James smiled.

 

“It’s just, now they remind me of him, of finding him…” Lily could still taste the bile that had risen in the back of her throat when she stepped into that living room and saw her father’s slouched body, cigar still clutched in his hand.

 

“I have something to admit,” James said, eyes planted on the ground.

 

“Go on then.”

 

“I was there, at your father’s funeral.”

 

“ _What?_ ” Lily hadn’t seen him there and she certainly hadn’t invited James. She’d despised him at the time.

 

“I sat in the back row and left before anyone saw me. I don’t even think Marlene knew I was there.” Lily swallowed back a lump in her throat.

 

“Why?” Would she have done the same had roles been reversed? 

 

“I don’t know, maybe I wanted to be there for you, in some small, insignificant way, to prove that it wasn’t just a game to me. Not that it mattered, not that you’d ever know, but at least I would.” It was a touching gesture. James had never told anyone, not even his closest friends. He’d never used it against Lily, to prove some point about how much he cared. He’d simply done it because he cared.

 

“James I…” he looked up now, holding Lily in his gaze. How had she missed it, all these years, James’ heart? It had always been in the right place. She’d been such a fool not to realize until now what a good guy he was. “How can I ever thank you?”

 

“You don’t have to thank me,” James insisted. “I didn’t do it for that.”

 

“I know.” Lily didn’t think; she simply reached – instinctively – for his hand, spread on the bench beside her. She placed hers on top at first and then curled her fingers between his. James looked from her hand to Lily in disbelief.

 

“Thank you anyway,” she said, looking him right in the eye, wishing she’d come to see him the way she did now a year ago.

* * *

 Sirius was in a rotten mood. He hadn’t slept very well the night before and, just to make his day even better, he’d received a letter from Alphard’s nurse. His uncle had passed away peacefully in his sleep. She informed him that, in his final days, he had left the entirety of his fortune to Sirius.

 

He couldn’t understand why someone who barely knew him would bestow such a kind gesture. Sirius had no money to his name, nothing except for what the Potters provided him with (which, in fairness, was more than enough). Now Sirius would have a vault at Gringotts stacked with coins all of his own. It didn’t feel as rewarding as he’d expected it to.

 

He’d decided to skip the first Hogsmeade trip. What was the point anyway? James and Remus would both be hanging out with their birds and Peter was never any good one-on-one, he'd only get on Sirius' nerves. It might be more fun getting the dorm room to himself for the day, no one around to bug him.

           

He’d made up his mind, and even begun to walk back up from the Great Hall to Gryffindor tower when a certain blonde stumbled upon him. Marlene was coming down the stairs, a jacket draped over her arm.

 

"What’re you doing? The carriages are leaving—”

 

“I’m not going,” Sirius informed her. “I don’t feel well.”

 

“Is this because of James? Because he and Sarah are spending the day together?”

           

“No, it’s about me not feeling well.” Sirius wasn’t in the mood for questions. He tried to step past her but she blocked his way.

 

“What’s going on?”

           

“Nothing, you’re going to miss the carriages if you waste any more time talking to me—”

 

“Did something happen? Are you guys fighting?”

           

“No.” Why couldn't she ever just keep her nose out of it? She always had to fix things. Perhaps that was why she took such a special interest in Sirius - he was damaged goods. 

 

 “Well fine," Marlene said, crossing her arms, "if you don’t go I’m not going.”

           

“Don’t be ridiculous—”

 

“What am I going to do? Hang out with Peter all day? He’ll be under the table after two drinks.” That was true, Peter had always been terrible at holding his alcohol. It was also true that spending the afternoon at Hogsmeade getting drunk had become a tradition of theirs. It was a day to let loose and forget the rules (which many of the Hogsmeade barkeeps did if you tipped them well enough).

 

“My uncle died,” Sirius blurted out, turning his head away so that he wouldn't have to see the pity in Marlene's eyes. He didn’t want to hear her say how sorry she was. He’d barely known the guy anyway, why did he deserve sympathy?

 

“Sirius, I…” she paused, without needing him to tell her to, and swallowed her words. When he finally looked up he found her watching him, biting her lip anxiously.

 

“I’m okay,” he promised. “It just…”

 

“Sucks?”

 

“Something like that.”

 

“At least you got to say goodbye.” Would Alphard still have left him the money if Sirius hadn’t gone to see him? He’d been so close to not going…it was Marlene who had convinced him. He hadn’t even had the kindness in his heart to stay the night. He didn’t deserve Alphard’s kindness now.

 

“What is it?” Marlene asked, watching the change in Sirius’ face. “You can tell me.”

 

“He left me everything,” he told her, eyes on his shoes, “his entire fortune…”

 

“Holy shit.”

 

“Yeah.” Sirius shifted his weight from one foot to the other, waiting for Marlene to say something. He trusted her; he knew she’d tell him to do what was right. She’d tell him he couldn’t take the money, that he didn’t deserve it.

 

“You’ll be set for life then won’t you?”

 

He looked up in shock. “What?”

 

“Come on, your uncle would not have left you his money if he didn’t think you deserved it. You have no family of your own to inherit from and we both know you’d never feel right taking money from the Potters for the rest of your life.” She had a point there. “I know you don’t believe it, but you deserve good things, Sirius.”

 

He rolled his eyes. “ _Really_.” She reached out, touching his arm, squeezing it reassuringly. Her fingers ran down towards his hand and then fell away. “Won’t you come to Hogsmeade?” she was unrelenting. “It won’t be any fun without you.”

 

“You are such a pusher.”

 

“I just know you’ll regret it! You hate being left out.”

 

“I think you’re getting us confused.”

 

“Come on, we can go to  _Donovan’s_.” Sirius’ eyes lit up. “I know how much you love it there.”  _Donovan’s_  was a pub on the edge of town, one rarely (if ever) visited by students. The Marauders had discovered it though, back in fifth year. They were good friends with Don now and he had been sliding them free drinks forever.

 

“Fine,” Sirius agreed, pretending like he wasn’t glad he’d run into Marlene and let her convince him. There was little Marlene couldn't convince Sirius to do. 

* * *

 Alice and Frank left  _Honeydukes_  with bags full of candy. Alice liked to stay well stocked (she had a terrible sweet tooth) and she always made sure to buy Frank’s mother a container of crystalized pineapple to send home to her.

 

“You don’t need to bribe my mother you know.” Frank laughed at her every time. The tradition had started when Frank and Alice had first begun dating and she’d wanted to send his mother a gift to prove what a sweet, well-raised young lady she was. She hadn’t been able to stop once she’d started; she so desperately wanted Augusta to like her.

 

“Where to next?” Alice asked with a mouthful of jelly slugs.

 

“Let's go get some tea,” Frank suggested. Alice knew there was only one tea shop in town,  _Madam Puddifoot’s_ , and it would be a total love fest there today. It was also where she and Frank had shared their first date three years ago and because of that, they found time to fit a trip in whenever they were in town.

 

Alice wasn’t so keen on the tea shop today though. She didn’t know if she could stomach sitting in a room full of loved-up couples, many of them on first dates when she had committed the ultimate betrayal and Frank hadn’t the faintest clue.

           

They paused outside, staring in the shop window. It was packed, as Alice had expected, and her stomach turned anxiously as they stepped inside, the bell above the door ringing. Frank insisted they wait the extra fifteen minutes just to get a table by the window (the same table they’d sat at for their first date). Alice settled into her chair feeling sick to her stomach. How could she sit here and lie to her boyfriend? How could she hold his hand across the table and not admit to the terrible wretch she was? She had to tell him. Had to.

 

“What can I get you two lovebirds?” Madam Puddifoot asked, pushing a grey curl from her eyes. She was beaming and rosy-cheeked as usual. At least something’s stayed the same.

 

“Two Early Greys?” Frank requested.

 

 “And some biscuits perhaps?” Madam Puddifoot smiled.

 

“That sounds lovely.” She disappeared back through the sea of tables and Alice was left to make her confession. She doubted either of them would have the stomach for biscuits once the truth was revealed.

 

"You look beautiful.”

 

“What? No I…I don’t…” Alice ran her hand across her sweaty brow. How on earth was she going to make it through this alive?

 

“You do,” Frank insisted. “You’re the prettiest girl in the room.”

 

“Don’t be silly.” Alice could feel the colour rising in her cheeks. She hated when Frank showered her with compliments on a normal day, but right now? When she was about to break his heart? She had her eyes cast down, struggling to conjure up the courage she needed to start her next sentence.

 

“Alice,” Frank said before she got her chance, “there’s something I want to ask you.” She looked up mouth agape. He’d figured it out, hadn’t he? “I don’t want you to freak out, okay? I just felt, well, with everything that happened this summer, all that we went through together, I really do feel we’ve come out stronger, don’t you?” What the hell was he doing?

 

“I…I suppose…”

 

“I know these past few months have been anything but easy for you.” Frank's hand slid across the table, reaching for Alice’s. He couldn’t be exposing her then? He took her hand in his.  _What the fuck was going on?_   “Alice, I love you.”

 

“I love you too?”

 

“It’s only ever been you for me.”

 

It was incredibly hot. Alice’s eyes darted around the room, wondering if anyone else was feeling as overwhelmed as she was. Holy shit.

 

“You look like you’re about to pass out,” Frank frowned. “Al?”

 

_‘Alice.’ She was fifteen, just home for the holidays. She’d been sneaking out every night to see Frank. It felt exciting. They’d only started having sex recently, and now they couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. She told her parents she was spending the night at Marlene’s and took the Floo Network to the Longbottom’s instead. Augusta was always out like a light after nine._

_‘Yeah?’ Alice was just about to grab a handful of Floo powder. Her mother hovered. Her face was strained. There was a speech coming, Alice could sense it._

_'You know you don’t have to lie to me.’ She hadn’t been expecting that. ‘If you’re spending the night with Frank…’_

_'Mum…’ Was she that bad a liar?_

_'Oh, come on Al, as if I wasn’t going to notice. I knew you two would be getting up to no good sometime soon.”_

_'You’re not…mad?'_

_'No,' her mother laughed. 'Just be safe okay?' Alice nodded. 'And don’t lie, not to me. Ever.'_

_Liar_. That’s what you are, Alice thought, sitting across the table from Frank. Madam Puddifoot returned with their teapot and plate of biscuits.

 

“Frank, I’ve been awful to you these past few months.” Alice could feel the lump forming in the back of her throat. Merlin, she was going to cry. She was going to cry in the middle of  _Madam Puddifoot’s_. Fuck.

 

“You haven’t, Alice that’s what I'm trying to say, I love you. All of you. Every piece, even the shitty ones.” Alice laughed, tears welling in her eyes. “Please don’t cry,” Frank said softly. He rubbed his thumb along the inside of her wrist.  _Coward_. That’s what her mother would say.  _You’re being a coward._

 

“I know what I want Alice.” He was so sincere. He would never do anything to hurt her. He was good. How was he so fucking good? Alice had been good once too. Where had that girl gone? “I’ve known since I was eleven.” Now she was really crying, tears dripping into her lap. Alice hoped people couldn’t see her crying as they walked past the window. She wished Frank hadn’t insisted on the window seat.

 

“Will you marry me?”                      

* * *

 Mary moved through the stacks in _Dominic’s Music Shop_ , listening to Emmeline's incessant giggling from across the room. She and Devon were hitting it off rather well. He’d suggested they step into the music shop and had begun flipping through artists, doing his best impressions to get Emmeline laughing.

 

Mary, on the other hand, had barely spoken more than a few sentences to Reg. He was shy, she’d known that going in but it was worse than she’d expected, and he never spoke unless spoken to. She didn’t know how she was going to make it through the rest of the day without alcohol.

 

“Who are your favourite artists?” Mary asked him. She couldn't bear the silence any longer, especially when she had to watch Emmeline enjoying herself so much. Reg was standing on the other side of the stacks. He looked up, shocked that Mary had actually spoken to him.

 

“I don’t know,” he shrugged. He never quite met her glance when they spoke. “The Hobogoblins are quite good. I like The Weird Sisters.” Mary had never been able to get into any of the music from the Wizarding world.

 

“What about muggle artists?” She was desperate to find at least one thing they had in common. At least it'd give them something to talk about. 

 

“Well…only the very popular ones...” was that it? Was that all she would get out of him? Mary sighed, flipping through a row of Beatles records. Maybe she’d buy one and send it back to Patrick, he loved it when she recommended music to him. They had _Abbey Road_ , she wondered whether her brother owned that one yet.

 

“I like Joni Mitchell,” Reg said finally. Mary looked up at him, eyebrows raised.

 

“ _You_  like Joni Mitchell?”

 

He nodded. “I know that’s not really cool for guys to say—”

 

“I think it’s cool,” Mary insisted. “Joni Mitchell is one of the best artists of our generation.  _Blue_  is an amazing album. I want her played at my funeral.”

 

Reg cracked a smile. He wasn’t unattractive. His eyes were warm. Chocolaty brown. Comforting. They lit up when he smiled. He had a nice smile too, spread from freckled cheek to cheek.

 

“What’s your favourite song?” Mary asked.

 

" _Circle Game_ ,” he told her.

           

“Oh, I  _love_  that one.” How many times had Mary lifted the needle on her record player to start the song over from the top?

 

“What about Joan Baez?” Reg inquired, growing more confident. Mary was shocked to finally have him furthering the conversation.

           

“I love her.”

 

“We’re going to _The Hogs Head,_ ” Emmeline announced, striding up to the pair. Devon was waiting by the door impatiently. “Coming?” Mary didn’t like the triumphant look in her eyes, as though she’d won now that Mary and Reg were actually getting into a conversation. 

 

"Yes,” Mary agreed, "I could use one of their drinks." Five good minutes of conversation didn’t mean Mary wasn’t still regretting her decision to come on this date and she would not let Emmeline forget it.

* * *

_Donovan’s_ was at least a twenty minute walk from the main street. It was hidden, further back, past the parkette, so that only those who truly knew their way around Hogsmeade could find it. It was frequented by locals who avoided the more popular pubs, especially when students were in town, but James and Sirius had discovered _Donovan’s_ in fifth year and charmed the bar owner so much he had made an exception, just for them.

 

Peter, Sirius, and Marlene stopped first at all the shops in town, stocking up on treats at _Honeydukes_ and _Zonko’s_ gadgets just like all the other students. The only difference was that when they finished, they turned the corner in the opposite direction of the main pubs.

 

One might almost miss _Donovan's_ if they didn’t know what they were looking for. It was an old, Tudor style building, the entrance distinguished only by a sign hanging above the front door, worn out and dirty:

**Donovan’s Pub**

**Since 1927**

The bell above the door rang as the three of them stepped inside, Sirius leading the way (as always). It felt strange coming here without James and Remus. It was always a group activity, sharing a few pints at _Donovan’s_ at the end of a Hogsmeade trip. Marlene had perfected a charm that wiped the smell of alcohol from their breath after they were almost caught by Professor McGonagall when returning to Hogwarts in sixth year.

 

There were a couple people sitting up at the bar, a few in the booths and tables around the room. Locals looked suspiciously upon the new arrivals, all of whom were quite obviously students.

 

“Oi! Look what the cat dragged in!” Came a boisterous, yet cheerful, voice. Donovan stepped out from the back, a dishtowel thrown over his shoulder. He was a cheery man, large, balding, and always rosy-cheeked. He had a charming grin – although his teeth left much to be desired. It was Donovan’s warm personality, more than anything that made one want to come back to his pub time and time again.

 

"Where are the others? You’re two short.” The three of them stepped up to the bar, sliding onto free stools.

 

“They off with their birds,” Sirius said, eyebrows rising suggestively. “They might join us soon.”

           

“Their loss, you three get the first round on the house.”

 

“You don’t have to do that!” Marlene insisted. He was kind enough to serve them alcohol when it was strictly forbidden, but giving it away for free seemed almost too kind.

 

“I insist, my treat to celebrate your return. It’s been too quiet around this bloody town without you lot stirring up trouble.”

 

“Let the man give us the free drinksMarlene,” Sirius said from between his teeth. 

 

“Go grab a booth,” Donovan told them, nodding towards the back of the bar. “I’ll have some beers brought over.”

 

Marlene was glad to see Sirius’ spirits raised at the least. She knew he had the letter announcing his uncle’s death shoved into his pocket, weighing him down. She was happy to see that forcing him out for the day had provided some distraction. 

 

“Do you think James will bring Sarah?” Peter asked, drumming his fingers along the tabletop.

 

“What happened to wanting to see James and Lily get together?” Sirius turned to him in disbelief. He knew well himself that nothing had come of that ridiculous “plan.”

 

“I don’t know,” Peter shrugged, looking like a guilty child who’d just been caught lying. “I like Sarah.”

 

“More than you like Lily?”

 

“You realize Lily has a boyfriend?” Marlene sighed. “In fact, your friends with him—”

 

“Oh come on! You guys can’t both be quitting!”

 

“I was never really on board, to begin with,” Marlene reminded him, hands up in defeat.

 

“Three beers on the house.”

 

It wasn’t Donovan delivering their drinks but a younger man with an apron tied around his waist. Marlene didn't recognize him at first, not until he stood up at his full height and pushed a strand of brown hair from his eyes. She stared at him, blinking twice to make sure she wasn’t imagining things.

 

For a moment they were simply gazing at each other before his eyes lit up with recognition and he smiled, "Merlin's beard, Marlene McKinnon." He shook his head in wonder, "is that really you?"  

 

“In the flesh,” she replied, struggling not to grin like an idiot. She was thrilled to see him, after all these years. “What on earth are you doing here, Henry?”

 

“Don needed a bartender and I needed room and board.”

 

Marlene couldn’t quite believe Henry Fawley was standing there in front of her. He had been a friend of Amy’s while she was at Hogwarts. They both been Gryffindors, in the same year, and run in similar circles throughout their school careers. He was four years older than Marlene, and she’d always been in awe of him. She'd see him lounging about the common room, or zooming high above the Quidditch pitch on his broom and struggled to conceal her schoolgirl crush. Even Amy had teased her about it. 

 

"You look..." Marlene feared what his next words might be, "well, you don't look anything like the fourteen-year-old girl I remember." She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she stared at him, just as awe-struck as she'd been at fourteen when she'd last seen him at a party she and Amy had thrown while their parents were away. He was just as handsome, maybe more so, and charming as ever. 

 

"I should hope not," she blushed, forgetting that Sirius and Peter were sitting right there, watching their reunion unfold. 

 

"You're not going to rat on us for sneaking some drinks are you Henry?" Sirius interrupted, making himself known. 

 

"I'd be a hypocrite if I did, I was a regular back in my day." Henry's green eyes shifted back to Marlene. "We should catch up sometime," he suggested, making her heart soar. Henry Fawley suggesting they hang out. Wasn't that what she'd always dreamed of? "I'd love to hear how Amy's doing." 

 

"Of course," Marlene agreed, though she had no interest in talking about Amy with him. There were others things, many things, she would rather do first...

 

"It's really good seeing you." 

 

"You too," Marlene said, still not entirely convinced she wasn't dreaming. With a final smile Henry turned back towards the bar, the image of his dimpled cheeks burned into Marlene's brain. 

  

How was it that even the back of his head was attractive? Marlene watched him all the way back to the bar, wondering whether it was at all possible for him to see her as anything but Amy’s little sister. Probably not. Besides, Henry was too fit to be on the market. Marlene assumed he had a whole line of birds at his beck and call.

 

“Careful Marlene,” Sirius said, “you’re drooling.”

 

“Shut up.”

 

They finished their first round and sent Peter for a second and Sirius insisted he go up for their third (Marlene suspected he didn’t want her to spend any more time alone with Henry than need be) and by the time James rolled into the bar the three of them were sufficiently buzzed.

 

He was alone, which made Sirius rather smug. “Told you,” he whispered to Peter.

 

“I need a drink,” James announced the moment he’d sat down. Marlene could see in his face that something was wrong. Sarah’s absence certainly wasn’t a good sign.

 

“Wormtail,” Sirius ordered, “another round.”

 

“But—” Peter tried to protest but when Sirius pulled out his wallet and handed it to him he went quiet, sliding from the booth without another word.

 

“I’m an idiot,” James said, head in his hands.

 

“Did something happen with Sarah?”

 

“I told her the truth.”

 

“The truth?” Marlene looked to Sirius who was just as confused. James wouldn’t look at either of them, his hands still covering his face.

 

“Lily and I kissed.” No one said a word. They were so silent in fact, James looked up, gazing at them expectantly, waiting for any response at all. “The night she was attacked…it was completely impulsive, and stupid, and I let myself believe it might mean something more—”

 

“Who kissed who?” Marlene interrupted, as though it mattered.

 

“Well, she kissed me first—”

 

“I knew it. Didn’t I know it?” Sirius was triumphant. “She fancies you Prongs!”

 

“What does it matter? She’ll never leave Fabian. She’ll never want me, not really, and here I am throwing away a good thing for more disappointment.”

 

“You ended things with Sarah?” Sirius asked, struggling to disguise his joy.

 

“I might as well have. I told her about Lily and she…didn’t take it as well as I might have hoped.”

           

“Well she was never going to be pleased,” Marlene, reasoned. She couldn’t believe James and Lily had both kept this from her. How many times had she asked them both for a detailed account of that night?

 

“She said it was pathetic, me still pining for Lily, and she’s right.”

 

“That’s not true mate, she’s shown you that there’s a shot!”

 

“She hasn’t though. She and Fabian are closer than ever. She loves him. I was simply an impulse, an itch she needed to scratch and now she’s finished.”

 

Marlene didn’t bother telling James that things between Lily and Fabian had not seemed so easy lately. In fact, she had the feeling they were both clinging desperately to the memories of a good relationship that was slowly fading. Maybe Lily fancied James more than she cared to admit.       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bloodbuzz Ohio may seem a strange name for this chapter but give the song a listen if you can. It's a beautiful song by The National and it's got a very nostalgic feel to it (which I feel fits well with nearly every characters situation in this chapter) also, "I'm on a bloodbuzz" is my absolute favourite alternative to "I'm drunk." Hope you enjoyed this chapter, much more drama to come. xx


	14. Love Will Tear Us Apart (I)

 It was truly the most beautiful time of year. The air was crisp and the leaves had changed colour from green to yellow to amber. Alice knew in a few weeks time everything would be dead, the trees would be bare and the air would carry a chill that seemed to make one shiver endlessly.

 It was a Sunday morning and Gryffindor’s first Quidditch match of the season. Her roommates had all been up and at it early. They always were on game days. Alice had never been much of a Quidditch fan herself. She’d been to a few games throughout her years at Hogwarts but never made a habit of attending. She found the sport to be boring and hated having to press binoculars to her face if she wanted to see a thing. Luckily for her, Frank despised the game. That wasn’t exactly true – apparently, he’d quite enjoyed it as a little boy – but his father had been a pro-Quidditch player and died, falling from his broom. It was an unfortunate accident, which might have been prevented if one of the captains had been watching their players more closely.

 Alice was supposed to be heading down to the Great Hall now, as she’d promised Emmeline, Mary and Marlene that she would meet them there, but she couldn’t seem to find the motivation. There was an unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach that stopped her from moving off the edge of her bed, even when her stomach growled hungrily.

 She opened the drawer of her bedside table and pulled out a small, black jewellery box. Inside of it was a beautiful ring. It was a round, emerald stone rested on a diamond encrusted golden band. Alice had nearly fainted when Frank had produced it – hiding in the bottom of his trunk.

 “It was mum’s,” he explained, slipping it onto Alice’s ring finger as she stood, speechless. “She gave it to me a few years ago, said that she thought my father would want me to have it.”

 Alice knew she was a terrible person. She should’ve stopped him, in _Madame Puddifoot’s_ , and told Frank the truth. At least then he would know who she was and maybe he’d think twice about asking her to spend the rest of their lives together. Of course, Alice never worked up the courage for that. Instead, she stared at him like he was a lunatic for what felt like forever. Frank had squeezed her hand, the smile draining from his face, and asked whether she was okay.

 “Have I fucked it up?” He asked anxiously, Alice still frozen. “Please say something, Alice.”

 “Yes,” she’d blurted out because the sadness in his eyes was too much for her to bear. “Of course I’ll marry you.” What a coward she was, lying straight to the face of the man she loved.

 He’d shown her the ring when they’d returned to the castle. They went up to Gryffindor tower while everyone else enjoyed dinner in the Great Hall. Frank had been dying to show her the ring. 

“Let’s just keep it between ourselves for now, okay?” Alice asked her boyfriend (or fiancé? Was Frank her fiancé now? Merlin’s beard…)

 “You don’t want to tell our friends?”

“It’s not that I just…I need a little time to wrap my head around this all.” She felt faint, standing there, Frank’s mother’s engagement ring on her finger, the weight of her secret bearing her down.

“You are happy though, right?” He was so desperate to please her. He always had been. Frank took care of her. It was not uncommon for Alice to lose her head. She was always forgetting something or mixing up directions. Frank kept her on track. He was her head and her heart.

“Of course I’m happy.” Tears prickled at her brown eyes. “I love you, Frank.” She kissed him and then buried her head in his chest while tears rolled silently down her cheeks. She needed to tell him, sooner rather than later. The longer she waited the worse it would get.

Alice knew once word got out that she and Frank were engaged all hell would break loose. How would Everett react? Would he be furious? Would he expose their secret and Alice for the fraud she was? She deserved it, especially now.

* * *

 

 Gryffindor table was packed with students in their house colours. Students wore scarlet and gold tunics. Lions emblazoned on shirts. Some (mostly the younger ones) had painted the Gryffindor colours onto their cheeks. Lily stuck out in her plain grey hoodie, walking down the hall in search of familiar faces.

 She passed the Marauders, all sitting together, James and Sirius already in their uniforms. James had his head down, moving his breakfast around with disinterest. Part of her wanted to walk over and wish him luck. She knew he was probably nervous about his first game back. Lily didn’t walk up to him though. She went right past the group, without so much as a glance in their direction. James had been avoiding her like the plague all week and Lily hadn’t the faintest idea why. She assumed he was punishing her, for kissing him and then returning to her boyfriend as though nothing had happened. Perhaps she deserved the silent treatment.

 “Morning,” Lily said, sliding onto the bench between Fabian and Gideon. They moved aside, making space for Lily’s plate (which she promptly filled with eggs and bacon). “How’re the nerves?”

 “Non-existent,” Gideon said with a mouthful of pancake. “We’re going to crush them.”

 “He’s feeling very confident,” Fabian whispered in her ear.

 “And you?” Lily turned to face him.

 “I’ll be fine as long as you’re in the stands.”

 “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” They shared a quick peck on the lips. Everything felt quick between them these days. Quick conversations, quick hugs, quick kisses that seemed to grow far and fewer between…

 “Good morning lovebirds,” Emmeline said. She, Mary and Marlene all shoved onto the bench on the other side of the table (earning some grumpy looks from the students they pushed aside). “Are you guys ready to kick some Ravenclaw ass today?”

 “Always,” Gideon winked at her. Lily could swear she saw Emmeline blush as she turned away.

 “How is Sarah feeling, being from the opposing team?” Fabian asked innocently enough.

 “Well,” Marlene wasn’t looking at any of them as she spoke, stabbing her fork into a piece of melon. “I don’t think Sarah is likely to be at the game…”

 “Why not?”

 “I think she and James might be um…over.” Lily didn’t want to prey. She could see how uncomfortable Marlene felt being the bearer of such news. While the rest of her friends wondered curiously why they had ended their relationship, Lily felt her stomach knot up with guilt. Was it her fault? Had Sarah found out?

 “That’s too bad,” Fabian, said, clueless, as ever, “I quite liked her.”

 “Well, sounds like she’s back on the market,” Mary teased him.

 “Oh no,” Fabian wrapped his arm around Lily, “I’m very happy with my lot.” She forced a smile, not wanting to appear suspicious, her eyes dropping back down to her plate. Perhaps this explained James’ icy behaviour. If it was her fault, she owed him an apology and Sarah as well.

* * *

 It was hard to describe the feeling James got when he stared down Gryffindor table and caught a glimpse of Lily and Fabian kissing, his arm wrapped around her. He wanted to throw his half-finished plate across the hall. Better yet – he wanted to throw it right at Fabian’s head.

 “Alight, Prongs?” Sirius asked.

 “Fine,” James lied, pushing aside his food. “Just worrying about the game is all.”

 “Well don’t,” Sirius told him, as though he had a crystal ball that had revealed the future to him already. “We’re going to destroy them today. We all know that you’re a _way_ better captain than Gregory.”

 “I suppose we’ll see.”

 “That doesn’t sound like you, Captain Potter,” Peter quipped, “you’re usually all ego before a game.” James glared at Peter. 

“What’s with all the bloody inquisition?” No one had a chance to answer him. James heard someone clear their throat from behind him. The look on Sirius’ face was enough to confirm James’ suspicions about who it was.

“Do you think you could spare a minute?” Sarah asked. James had been dreading this. All week he’d been trying to get a second alone with Sarah and she’d blown him off. Now, on a game day no less, she’d decided she was ready. 

“Yeah.” What choice did he have? James followed Sarah out of the Great Hall, his hands clasped behind his back. He had a thousand things to worry about today – all of them concerning Quidditch, not fighting with Sarah before ten a.m. 

They moved to a far corner of the Entrance Hall, Sarah leaning up against one of the pillars. Her head was bowed, hair covering her face so that James couldn’t quite make out her expression. There was a part of him that almost wanted to reach out and stroke the loose strands behind her ears. A week ago he might’ve been able to do that. 

“My reaction last week was…” 

“Understandable,” James assured her. 

“No, I was unfair. We never defined the relationship, I never told you that I was uncomfortable with you kissing other girls—” 

“I should have just assumed that was a given.” James had known that his night with Lily would come back to haunt him. It wasn’t possible, to finally get a taste of what he’d always wanted and not face the consequences for it. The last thing he’d ever wanted to do was hurt Sarah though. 

Sarah looked up and James was relieved to see a smirk – however small – on her lips. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch this week—” 

“Sarah, please, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m the one who deserves to feel like shit.”

“We agreed, no strings,” Sarah reminded him. “That’s what we decided before coming back to school.” 

“It still doesn’t excuse what I did…” James didn’t want to be released from his guilt. He deserved to feel it. He’d done to Sarah what Lily had done to him – gotten her hopes up only to crush them at the earliest opportunity. 

“Look, my friends, all warned me about you. Everybody knows you have a soft spot for Lily,” Sarah stated as a matter of fact. “I was just stupid enough to believe you’d gotten over it.” James had his own head bowed now, shamefully, when Sarah stuck her hand out. 

“Truce,” she said, James, staring up at her in shock. “Look, who am I to stand in the way of true love?” 

“It’s not true love,” James told her, taking Sarah’s hand. “It’s not even love.”

“She sure looks at you like it’s love.” 

At this point, a number of students had entered and left the Great Hall, the large, double doors that led to it swinging open and shut frequently. James hadn’t paid much attention until he noticed a lingering figure in the corner of his eye. 

“Shit,” he cursed - Sarah following his gaze. Fabian was standing a few feet away but the look on his face was enough to confirm James’ fear that he’d heard some if not all of the conversation. They stood there – all three of them – frozen, staring at each other in terror. Then the doors to the Great Hall swung open again and out walked Lily. She had her hands tucked into the pocket at the front of her hoodie. She didn’t notice them all standing there until she practically ran into Fabian. 

“Is this…?” Fabian stared from Lily to James, and Sarah, in utter disbelief. “This is some kind of joke, right?” No one said a word. “Somebody explain what the hell is going on.” 

The look in Lily’s eyes gave it all away – the sheer panic – as she gazed in James’ direction. 

“Why did you say that my girlfriend is in love with him?” Fabian demanded, pointing a very intimidating finger at James’ chest. 

“I don’t really think it’s my place—”Sarah tried to explain. 

“Can someone please tell me what is going on?” Lily interrupted.

“Did you fuck James?” The colour drained from Lily’s face. 

“ _What?_ ” 

James didn’t know what to do. Sarah gave him a sympathetic look and quickly scurried off while Fabian was distracted. James attempted to do the same but the attention was turned back on him before he could. 

“Did you two sleep together?” Fabian demanded. He moved closer to James, Lily following, further from the doors through which someone might walk at any moment. 

“No,” James and Lily insisted at once. 

“Have you kissed?” This time their reaction was not so reassuring. 

“I can explain,” Lily began to insist, the devastation clear as day on Fabian’s face. James felt like an intruder in a very personal moment. Fabian’s entire world had just been flipped upside down and there stood James, next to him, the bearer of all his pain. 

“I would _love_ to hear you try.” 

“It was the night I got attacked, I wasn’t thinking straight, neither of us were—” Lily looked to James for confirmation though he didn’t feel that assessment of the evening was entirely fair. He would’ve let her kiss him with or without her being attacked. If she kissed him right now he couldn’t imagine pushing her off. 

“It was a mistake,” James agreed, lying between his teeth. 

“I’m sure it was,” Fabian nodded, not looking either of them in the eye. James had never seen him so angry. Now that he thought about it, he’d never seen Fabian angry _ever_. He was always a rather levelheaded guy, never riled up too easily. It was clear how badly this had hurt him. 

“I’m sure you feel really awful about it now that you’ve been caught.” 

“Fabe, _please_!” Lily pleaded, reaching for his arm. He jerked it away. 

“Do _not_ touch me,” he told her. Lily stepped back, her shoulders falling. “I can’t even look at you right now…I can’t…” he was pacing now, striding back and forth. James' eyes darted in the direction of the staircase once more, desperate to escape. 

“I’m so sorry.” Lily’s voice was thick with emotion. When James looked at her he saw the tears building up in her eyes. “I never wanted to hurt you, Fabian—” 

“Then why the hell did you do it?” Fabian bellowed, the colour rising in his face. “Then you hid it from me, for _weeks_. You’ve made me look like a fool.”

“I felt terrible! I knew how much it would hurt you and I was scared—” 

“I don’t care,” Fabian said, shaking his head. He ran his hands along his face. James looked away, not wanting to intrude on the moment any more than he already had. He’d made a real mess of things, hadn’t he? Not only had he destroyed his own relationship with Sarah, but he’d also ruined Lily’s in the process too. It wouldn’t take long for the gossip to spread around school, the three of them having it out in the middle of the entryway. 

“I have to go,” Fabian said, Lily’s face falling. “I need to get ready for the game.” 

“We can’t just leave it like this,” Lily said, tears rolling down her cheeks. 

“I have nothing left to say to you,” he told her, his tone chilling. “Not until after the game at least.” 

Lily opened her mouth, as though to say more, but Fabian had already stormed off, out the doors into the courtyard. James didn’t even want to think about how messy today’s match would be now that one of his key players hated his guts. 

James and Lily stood there in silence for a while, neither speaking, Lily snuffling back her tears. James didn’t know whether he was supposed to walk away or try to comfort her. 

“I’m sorry,” Lily, said, her voice broken and small. 

“Don’t apologize.” 

“I’ve ruined everything haven’t I?”

 “No,” James assured her. “It’ll be okay. He’ll get over it. He loves you too much not to.” _And I should know, considering how much I love you…_

* * *

 

Marlene had woken up with a giant hickey on her neck – courtesy of Sirius Black. She did her best to cover it with as much concealer as she could before giving up and moving her hair over it. She’d need to tie it up for the game but by then she hoped no one would be paying attention. She waited anxiously all morning for one of her friends to point it out – she expected Emmeline to see it first when they all went down to breakfast that morning, but she was too distracted placing game bets with Mary. 

She thought that Gryffindor would only win by a margin; Mary argued it’d be a landslide. They put down five sickles each and shook on it. Even when they sat down in the Great Hall, across from the Prewett twins and Lily, no one said a word. Of course, little did Marlene realize, everyone was very much preoccupied with bigger problems. 

She didn’t learn this until she returned to the Gryffindor girls’ dormitory to fetch her uniform. When she’d been walking down the hall, towards the seventh year’s room, she’d heard the sobbing coming from behind Lily’s door.

“Lil? You okay in there?” No response, just the sound of sniffling and more tears. Eventually, Marlene pushed the door open, stepping inside to find her friend lying on her bed in the fetal position, her back to the door. 

“Lily? What’s happened, babe?” Marlene rushed to her friend’s side, rubbing a soothing hand along Lily’s back. 

“I’m a terrible person,” Lily confessed through her tears. “I’ve done the most horrible thing!” It didn’t take long for Marlene to figure out what she was talking about.

“You mean what happened with you and James?” 

Lily rolled over, her bloodshot eyes widened in awe. “How did you know that?” 

“James told Sirius and me last week.” 

“And you never said anything?”

“I wanted to wait until you told me yourself.” 

Fresh tears came to Lily’s green eyes. “Oh Mar I…I’ve ruined everything.” 

“I don’t think that’s very likely.” 

“I ruined James and Sarah’s relationship, and whatever friendship James and I had and I…” Lily’s chin quivered. “I broke Fabian’s heart.” 

“He found out?” Marlene’s stomach sank. She’d been dreading this day since James had told them about the kiss. Lily nodded her head, a shameful look in her eyes. 

“He hates me,” she said, her voice breaking. “I didn’t even have the courage to tell him myself. He overheard James and Sarah’s conversation.” 

“Shit.” 

“I wish I could just lay in here and hide forever.” Lily grabbed onto the covers and pulled them over her head. Marlene was of two minds about it all. On one hand, she felt awful for Fabian who was surely hurting but, on the other, thrilled at the idea that perhaps, this was the kick in the butt James and Lily needed to finally realize what they both wanted. 

“He’s going to get over it,” Marlene promised. “He’s upset right now because he just found out, but if you give it some time I’m sure he’ll cool down. I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this Lily but it’s quite impossible to stay angry at you.” 

“That’s not true,” Lily’s muffled voice came from beneath the covers, “ask my sister.” 

“Well, Fabian isn’t your sister, thank Merlin, and I think he might be a little more easily persuaded.” Lily peaked her head out.

 “You think so?”

 “Yes. I think if you really want to fix things with him you can.” 

“But?” 

“But,” Marlene sighed, “I think now is the perfect opportunity to think about whether that _is_ what you really want.”

“You think we should break up?” Lily asked, her voice terrified. 

“I think you should follow your gut.” 

“I’ve made a right mess of things.” Lily sat up now, emerging from her fortress of protection. “Maybe I should just stick back here today, avoid the game…”

“Rubbish, you love Quidditch.” Lily attended every game, rain or shine, and cheered them on from the stands. She’d enjoyed watching the matches even before her friends had played. Marlene was not about to let her avoid something she loved all because of a boy. 

** X **

 The change rooms were bustling with energy, with only ten minutes to go before the game. Marlene was sitting on one of the benches, stretching out her legs, when Sirius sat down beside her. 

“Nice hickey,” he whispered in her ear, Marlene swatting him away.

 “Piss off.” She feared someone might notice them sitting there, a little too close to each other, and tie two and two together when they saw the hickey on her neck. Luckily for Marlene, today was filled with distractions. 

“Hey, have either of you seen Potter?” Gideon asked, stepping in front of them. 

“Nah, he likes to spend the last few minutes before the game alone. Why?” Gideon shifted anxiously from foot to foot, as though debating in his head whether or not he should answer Sirius’ question.

“It’s Fabian, isn’t it?” Marlene asked knowingly. Gideon nodded. 

“What’s going on?” 

“He knows,” Marlene, whispered to Sirius, who clued in immediately. 

“I don’t know if it’s best for him to be in the air today…” Gideon told them. “He’s a little…” 

“Tense?”

“Well, he’s out for blood to be more exact.” Marlene and Sirius shared an anxious look. It was bad enough having Fabian furious with James but, on a game day, when his position required protecting his fellow teammates, it was all the makings of a disaster. 

The door to the change room swung open and in came James; helmet tucked under one arm, broomstick in the other. He took his place at the front of the room, as he always did before a game, preparing to make his speech to the team. Marlene almost expected Fabian to jump forward, like a wild beast waiting for its prey, and attack James right there in front of everyone. Thankfully, he didn’t. 

James got through his speech smoothly and ended it with a team cheer and a reminder that everyone play their best and be proud of themselves no matter the outcome. One by one, players filed out of the room and onto the field ready to begin the match. Marlene, Gideon and Sirius stuck behind. 

As it turned out, Fabian had stuck behind as well. Marlene didn’t see him, sitting on the bench a few feet away, until she reached the front of the room, and by then it was too late. He stood up and in one swift motion thrust his fist into James’ face, the entire room erupting into chaos. 

Gideon held his brother back by his arms, Sirius and Marlene both rushed to James’ side.

 “You prick!” Fabian spat furiously. “You’ve been waiting for your chance to pounce on her!” 

“Oi! We’re supposed to be out on the field in a matter of minutes, don’t you think this could wait?” Marlene shouted at him. Fabian was seething.

 “Oh shut up Marlene, we all know you’re just defending Potter—” 

“You might want to speak to her with a little more respect,” Sirius warned him, getting right up into Fabian’s face. The whole scene was a mess.

 “They’re right Fabe, this isn’t the time or the place,” Gideon reminded his brother, still holding him in a tight grasp.

 “Fine,” Fabian agreed, not sounding at all happy about it. He pulled free from his brother and went stomping out of the room, the sound of cheers pouring in from outside as the door shut behind him. 

“Can you make sure he’s not going to hit us all in the face with a bludger when we get out there?” Marlene asked a rather helpless looking Gideon. He agreed and chased his brother out of the room, leaving only the three of them behind. 

“For fuck's sake,” Marlene said staring down at James, who was white-faced, wiping blood from his mouth. “We are _so_ going to lose.”

 …

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is part one of two! Ps. everybody stop being so mean to Alice, I promise she will come to redeem herself!


	15. Love Will Tear Us Apart (II)

Lily had forced Mary to accompany her to the Quidditch game. Usually, she would have gone down alone, found a familiar face in the stands and settled in for the next hour or so. Not today though. Knowing that hers was the last face Fabian would want to see before a game, Lily made sure they sat deep in the middle of the stands, among a group of Ravenclaw students.

 

The good thing about Mary was – she never asked too many questions.

 

“Has something happened, Lil?” She’d asked on their way down to the pitch. The game started in ten minutes. There seemed an endless stream of students around them, orange, and blue jumping out in the crowd.

 

“I’ve just…well, I’ve been a bit of an idiot.” Lily’s stomach sank. She’d been more than that – she had been a bad person. There was nothing she could say or do to change that.

 

“With Fabian?” Mary asked, keeping her voice down. They had their arms linked and their heads close together.

 

“I kissed James,” Lily confessed, regretting it the moment she did. What if Mary said something? Not that it mattered now that Fabian knew…soon it would be common knowledge that Lily was a cheating whore.

 

“Fabian found out then, I assume?” Lily nodded. Mary sighed heavily – letting Lily know she felt for her. “It’ll be okay,” she promised, “it’s all going to work itself out one way or another.”

 

“I’m not so sure.”

 

The conversation had moved on after that. They’d reached the pitch, the stands nearly full, and Lily made a point not to let her eyes dart in the direction of the change rooms.

 

Now, they were forty minutes into the game. The weather was wretched, wind blowing furiously so that every so often a player was blown right off course. Lily had brought a pair of binoculars in her bag and she and Mary passed them between each other every few minutes.

        

“Is that Ravenclaw player still—?”

 

“The Beater, Jenkins? Yeah he’s still going hard with the bludger.” Mary had a tone of disapproval in her voice that suggested she knew the Ravenclaw Chaser better than Lily might have expected.

 

“How do you know his name?” Lily asked, reaching for the binoculars Mary offered her.

 

“I could read it on the back of his jersey.”

 

“Christ, do I need my eyes checked? I can’t read a bloody thing.”

 

Lily looked up towards the game, her vision now magnified. The first thing she saw was James. He was unmistakable – hair sticking out in all directions, flying with a look of fierce determination. Lily could recognize him just off the way he rode his broom.

 

“ _Ohh_ , Fabian Prewett has knocked Penelope Watercrest right off her broom! That is Ravenclaw’s Seeker down folks!” Mike Healy, the game’s Ravenclaw commentator, announced from his booth. Lily turned the binoculars down and caught of glimpse of Penelope, safe on the ground, speaking to Madame Hooch.

 

Lily looked up and there was Fabian, zooming across to the other side of the pitch, ignoring the “boos” he received in plenty from Ravenclaws in the stands.

        

“Your turn.” Lily couldn’t stomach more than that. She just wanted the bloody game to end. Then she could talk to Fabian, apologize again, and…well, Lily hadn’t quite gotten past that part yet.

 

"Merlin, Potter’s off his game isn’t he?” Lily heard one of the Ravenclaw boys beside her say to his friend. “He hasn’t managed to get the Quaffle in once and he doesn’t even look like he’s paying attention.”

 

“That Beater of his is probably stealing his attention. They should take him off the pitch—”

 

“Holy shit, Charlie, did you see that?”

 

Lily’s stomach dropped. She gripped Mary’s knee. “What just happened?”

 

Even without binoculars she could see the player in orange go tumbling to the ground, Madame Hooch stopping his body before it could make impact.

 

“I think…” Mary cleared her throat, binoculars still pressed against her face, “Lily, I think that might’ve been—”

 

“Gryffindor’s team captain, James Potter has just been hit in the head with the bludger!” Lily’s skin ran cold. “It looks like he might be out of the game for good…”

 

“That Beater didn’t even try to block the bloody shot!” One of the boys exclaimed. “What an idiot.”

 

Mary pulled the binoculars down from her face. Just from the look in her eyes Lily could see the boys were right – Fabian had allowed James to be knocked unconscious and thrown off of his broom and it was all Lily’s fault. Not only had she hurt them both – now, she’d be the reason they lost their first match of the year.

 

“For fuck’s sake, why won’t he just stand up?” Lily demanded. She was standing, peering over the edge of the stand anxiously. Three professors surrounded James who lay motionless on the ground. Madame Hooch made a signal towards the commentator booth and then blew her whistle.

 

“Looks like we’ll be taking a fifteen folks,” Mike announced to the somewhat disappointed crowd. All of the players came flying back down towards the ground, Lily’s eyes following Fabian. She knew he was hurting and she knew exactly whose fault it was and yet she couldn’t fight the rage she felt well up inside of her towards him.

 

He had purposefully tried to hurt James when his job was to protect him, to protect his team. Lily started walking down to the bottom of the stand without really realizing what she was doing. Mary called her name once or twice but she didn’t stop, not even to answer her friend.

 

She got down onto the pitch and walked towards the centre, where all of the players stood waiting for instructions. The Professors were all still standing over James – Hooch, McGonagall, and Dumbledore. Lily didn’t walk towards them though; she made a beeline towards the back of the group, to the two auburn-haired men.

 

“You did that on purpose?” Lily kept her voice down, grabbing onto Fabian’s arm to catch his attention. He looked down at her, first with surprise and then contempt.

 

“You only have yourself to blame.”

 

“Guys, maybe this isn’t the best place to do this…” Gideon tried to reason with them.

 

“I’m the one who hurt you Fabian, not him.”

 

“It was both of you,” Fabian snapped. His tone was angry but she could see in his eyes that he was hurting. She was breaking his heart, and worse than that – she had ruined his seven years old friendship with James.

 

“We’re going to be taking Mr. Potter to see Madame Pomfrey. Now, Black, I believe Potter had you listed as interim captain?”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Sirius nodded.

 

"Well then, get one of your benched Chasers in the game and let's get a move on.”

 

Lily hid in the back, thankful for once to be short. She could see James, up ahead, being placed onto a stretcher that floated four feet off the ground. He looked so helpless laying there, the side of his face all red where the bludger had hit it.

 

“Is there anyone in the stands that can take him safely back to the castle?” Madam Hooch asked Sirius and Marlene.

 

“Remus could do it?” Sirius suggested, looking to Marlene for confirmation. She nodded her head.

 

“I’ll go get him, you guys get the game started.”

 

Lily stepped forward, Fabian pulling her back. “Are you going to go with him?” he asked, looking down at her. Players were getting back on their brooms, returning to the game above. Marlene was getting further away…

 

“Fabe, come on mate,” Gideon urged his brother.

 

Lily stepped back again, eyes darting towards Marlene, and then (taking the last chance she had) she ran after her. Lily knew it was wrong, to leave Fabian like that, his question unanswered so that he would be forced to spend the rest of the game wondering whether he would even have a girlfriend when his feet hit the ground.

 

“Marlene!” Lily cried, racing to stop her friend from disappearing in the crowd of students. Marlene stopped, turning before she reached the stairs, eyebrows raised.

 

“Lil, what’re you—”

 

“I’ll take him,” Lily said, completely out of breath.

 

“You want to take James to the Hospital Wing?” Marlene asked skeptically. “Lily, what about Fabian? He’ll know if you go. Everyone will.”

 

“I don’t care,” Lily shook her head, “Madam Hooch said he needs someone who will make sure he gets back safely.” She gave Marlene a pleading look. “I will make sure.”

 

“Okay,” Marlene agreed. “You should take him.”

 

Lily gave a little sigh of relief and then, before Marlene could ask anymore questions (before she talked herself out of the insanity which had become her life), ran back down the pitch towards James.

 

"Ms Evans?” Professor McGonagall, who had been standing watch by James, asked with a tone of surprise. “I thought that Mr Lupin would be escorting—”

 

“No, Professor, just me.”

 

“Well, okay then,” McGonagall shrugged. “Just be careful you don’t bump him into anything.”

 

“I will,” Lily promised, using her wand to guide James’ stretcher carefully off the Quidditch pitch. Lily kept her eyes set on James, ignoring the whispering and the stares as they passed people by. Lily had him halfway to the castle before she heard James make a sound.

 

He groaned and she stopped dead in her tracks, leaning over the stretcher.

 

 “James? Can you hear me?”

 

 “Lily?” He mumbled, squinting his eyes open. Lily couldn’t help but smile with relief. Part of her had feared she might never see those hazel eyes again. “Did we win?”

 

“The game’s still going,” she told him, watching the look on his face change.

 

“Then what the hell am I doing on this stretcher—” James moved, as if to get back on his feet, but Lily put her hands out, stopping him.

 

“You need to see Madame Pomfrey and besides, there’s no way in hell I’m letting you back onto a broomstick after the hit you took.”

 

James looked up in awe. “Let me?” he repeated.

 

“Yeah,” Lily nodded, reaching for his hand, “turns out I care about you.” She could feel the lump forming in the back of her throat, tears prickling her eyes.

 

James squeezed her hand back. “Turns out I care about you too,” he said with a lopsided grin.

 

* * *

 They were going to lose. Their first game of the season and they were going to fucking lose. Sirius couldn’t help but feel resentful towards Fabian, still sulking as he flew around the pitch, smacking the bludger in whatever direction he pleased. Their chances had been slim to begin with but, with their captain now out of the game, winning was unachievable.

 

They ended the game five points behind Ravenclaw (that being before the Ravenclaw seeker earned them the extra 150 points from catching the snitch). Truth be told, by the time the game was done Sirius was thankful. Nearly two hours they’d been going and it’d been difficult to keep his head in the game during the last stretch knowing that James was injured.

 

They shook hands with the winning team on the ground, heading afterwards towards their respective change rooms. Sirius caught up with Marlene, a few paces ahead of him.

 

“Hey, did you find Remus okay?”

 

“Right…” Marlene said. “About that, Lily actually wanted to take him.”

 

“Lily?” Sirius’ eyes bulged. “Why? Isn’t she in enough trouble as is—”

 

“Oh come on Sirius, you can’t be that daft,” Marlene rolled her eyes, stopping abruptly so that the people behind them nearly toppled over. “She and Fabian are done,” Marlene kept her voice down so that no one around them heard (most especially not Fabian).

 

She grinned at his stunned expression, heading forth into the change rooms. Gideon and Fabian were in their usual corner, Sirius making sure not to let them out of his sight. He wasn’t going to let Fabian off the hook for the shit he’d pulled. He’d cost them the game and put James’ safety at risk.

 

Sirius waited until most of the team had cleared out before approaching the brothers, Marlene watching from across the room.

 

“Fabian?” He stared up from the shoelaces he’d been tying. “Can I have a word?”

 

“I think I know what you’re going to say and I don’t care to hear it right now.”

 

“You cost us the game today.”

 

Fabian scoffed. “ _I_ cost the game? You might want to point the blame at your friend, the one who kissed _my_ girlfriend.”

 

“You have a right to be upset at James but that doesn’t mean you screw the rest of us over too!”

 

“I don’t need to sit here and have you tell me how to behave,” Fabian objected, rising from the bench. “Potter deserved what happened today.”

 

“You better get your brother out of my face before I hit him,” Sirius warned Gideon (who stepped forward immediately).

 

“Do it!” Fabian taunted Sirius the whole way out of the change room, being dragged by his brother. “Hit me!”

 

The door swung shut behind them, only Marlene and Sirius left alone. They stared at one another in stunned silence. If Fabian was behaving this way now what would he do once he realized he’d lost Lily to James completely?

 

“The castle is going to be a mess tonight,” Marlene finally said.

 

“Yeah. If we’re lucky they’ll be no murders by morning.”

 

“At the rate Fabian’s going I don’t think any of us are safe.”

 

They always did this – dodged around the question really at hand: were they going to have sex? They were alone, the rest of their friends distracted by all of the drama, no one would notice if they came back twenty, even thirty, minutes late.

 

“You did a good job today,” Marlene told him, “stepping in as captain.”

 

“I don’t know if you noticed but we lost,” he reminded her.

 

“You kept the team from crumbling under pressure.” Marlene stepped towards him. She stopped when there were only a few inches between them, her blue eyes eating him whole. “Not to mention, Captain Black has a nice ring to it.”

 

“Yeah?” He put his hands on her waist. Her breath was warm and smelt of mint. She always chewed gum when she flew.

 

“Meeting a handsome Quidditch captain is a dream of mine you know.” He could tell she was teasing, only finding a funny way to tell him she wanted to shag, but he went with it.

 

“Oh yeah? Well the captain has an order for you.” She watched him curiously, Sirius leaning in to whisper, “ _fuck me_.”

 

“Yes, captain,” Marlene, agreed, pressing her lips against his.

 

* * *

 Lily had escorted James safely to the Hospital Wing and then returned to Gryffindor tower before the rest of the house came back from the game. She knew chances were high they’d lose and she wasn’t in the mood for the energy that would soon fill the common room.

 

It was an hour before Lily heard the first sounds of movement from downstairs. She was sitting at her desk attempting to map out a pros and cons list (Marlene always forced her to make one when Lily struggled to make a decision). Break-up with Fabian or work things out? What the hell did she want?

 

There was a knock at her door and when it opened Mary stepped inside. She stared at Lily expectantly. If anyone deserved to know the full story at it was Mary.

 

“Well?” She asked, sitting on the bed. “You went to James didn’t you?”

 

“I went to yell at Fabian,” Lily clarified, “but yes, I did end up taking him back to the castle—”

 

“I knew it!”

 

“Did we lose?” Lily dreaded the answer she knew was coming.

 

“Yeah. Fabian’s downstairs by the way, not looking too happy.”

 

“Oh…” Lily turned back towards her notebook. Both sides had an equal number of points (she couldn’t even get a pros and cons list right).

 

"Babe, you’ve got to talk to him.” It was easy for Mary to say when she had nothing to lose. Lily would be giving up something good in exchange for something that made her insides feel like they were being scrambled up.

 

“I know…” and she did. She knew that there was no way she and Fabian could continue when James was always going to be in the back of her mind. She would spend the rest of her life wondering, what if? What if she’d given him a shot? What if there was a reason she felt this way, a reason she was behaving self-destructively for the first time in her life?

 

“I say you just march right down there and ask him to step outside for a few minutes. Just sit on the stairs and talk. Do whatever your gut is telling you to do.”

 

“My gut is telling me to change my name and get the hell out of doge.”

 

Mary laughed. “As tempting as it sounds, I think you might find a simple conversation will soothe all your worries.”

 

She was right; Lily knew she was right. Mary left to shower and Lily changed from the clothes she’d been wearing into something more comfortable: a blue turtleneck and black jeans.

 

Fabian was sitting downstairs by the fire with a sour look upon his face. He noticed Lily, standing at the bottom of the stairs, immediately, his head perking up. Her eyes shifted towards the portrait hole and he nodded, understanding.

 

 Fabian left first, Lily following, and went to the bottom of the flight of stairs (to avoid The Fat Lady eavesdropping). He sat down, Lily joining on the step below him.

 

“You went with Potter to the hospital wing?” he asked. She was surprised to find the anger in his tone lacking.

 

“Yes, I did.” What else could she say for herself? She had known when she’d done it how terrible it would make Fabian feel. She’d known it might mean the end of their relationship and yet, she’d done it anyway.

 

"You have feelings for him then?”

 

Lily knew her answer would change everything. She nodded her head, slowly – and not without guilt – giving Fabian the answer he’d been dreading.

 

He sighed, running his hands along his face and through his hair. Lily leaned against the wall, looking towards him trying desperately not to cry. She didn’t get to be upset when she was the one doing all of this.

 

“James Potter,” Fabian said in disbelief, shaking his head, “who would’ve thought.” Lily couldn’t quite believe it herself. “I was an idiot not to see it coming.”

 

“Oh Fabe…”

 

“You should go to him.” For the first time, he looked down at her, his brown eyes filled with tears. Lily’s face fell. It was what she wanted to hear, wasn’t it? He was giving her a way out but it didn’t feel as relieving as she might have expected.

 

“I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.”

 

“It’s not like that,” Lily insisted. “It’s not that simple at all…I love you—”

 

“Please, don’t say that. Not now, Lily, not after what you did today.” She sat back, head bowing shamefully. “I never thought that you of all people…” his voice broke, “I never thought you would hurt me like that.”

 

“I know.” Lily bit her lip to stop from crying. “I’m so sorry…”

 

She could hear the sound of him snuffling back tears, his breathing staggered.

 

“I don’t want to leave it like this,” Lily said, looking up at him. His hands covered his face. He looked up, his eyes red-rimmed, cheeks wet from tears.

 

“If he’s what you want then you should go,” he told her, keeping a stoic face. “Because I’m not going to be responsible for holding you back.”

 

“You never have,” Lily told him, tears brimming her eyes. “ _Never_.”

 

“I hope he makes you happy,” Fabian said, though he didn’t sound like it.

 

What else could she say? There were no words to convey the depths of her guilt. She had broken his heart, stomped on it, and now she was willfully walking away. This was it, the end of her first serious relationship. Once, Lily had thought she would marry Fabian. Now she didn’t know if he would ever speak to her again.

 

She stood, glancing once more towards him, his head bowed so that she couldn’t make out his expression, and then descended the next flight of stairs.

* * *

 No one in Gryffindor house was much in the mood to go down to the Great Hall for dinner and be reminded of their defeat in the game that afternoon. Instead, the Marauders (excluding James) had decided to camp out in the common room and gather as much food as they could from the kitchen to share.

 

Remus had drawn the shortest straw and, therefore, been forced to go down to the kitchen alone. He’d brought his book bag and two of the house elves that were fond of him helped him pack up an array of sandwiches, cookies, and pumpkin juice.

 

He was stepping out through the kitchen’s portrait hole when he noticed Leila come down the corridor from the direction of the Hufflepuff basement. Remus moved quickly out from under the stairs into the light of the hall.

 

“Leila!” he called out, stopping her in her tracks.

 

“Oh, Remus! What’re you doing down here?” She spun around, walking back towards him.

 

“Sneaking food from the kitchen. No one feels much like braving the crowds in the Great Hall,” he explained, Leila nodding understandingly.

 

“I heard the game was quite dramatic.”

 

“You should’ve been there,” Remus, said, a nudge at the fact that he had invited her to attend with him and she’d made up an excuse to turn him down.

 

“Should’ve,” Leila agreed, a small smile reaching her lips. Things between them were…off. They had been since the last full moon. Two cycles Remus had gone through so far and already the cracks were beginning to show. Leila wondered why he would become so moody and secretive in those days before and after a transformation. There was little he could say to excuse his behaviour that didn’t come off looking suspicious.

 

“Hey, um, what’re you up to now?” She asked, batting her long eyelashes. She really did have the most beautiful eyes…

 

Suddenly Remus felt the weight of the food in his bag and was reminded of his friends, waiting upstairs. They had agreed they’d eat in upstairs, share a few swigs of Sirius’ contraband Firewhiskey, and then visit James in the hospital wing. He couldn’t bail on the plans without seriously upsetting his friends.

 

“I can’t tonight,” Remus confessed, watching Leila’s face fall. “I promised the boys—”

 

“Don’t worry about it.” He could tell just from her tone that he should be very worried.

 

“Leila, I’m sorry, I would if I could—”

 

“Except you can Remus. You just don’t want to.”

 

“That’s not true…”

 

“You’re always busy! Either it’s your friends or you’re tutoring someone.”

 

“They’re my friends!” He reasoned.

 

“But I thought I was supposed to be your girlfriend?” He saw then what it was upsetting her so much: she thought he was avoiding her. Perhaps she figured he’d got cold feet, he wanted to flee now before they got in any deeper. How wrong she was…

 

“You _are_ my girlfriend,” he assured her, stepping closer. “Leila, I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel less than important. These past few months have been…” Something beyond my wildest dreams…

 

“The best,” Leila filled in for him.

 

“Yeah,” he agreed, smiling, “they’ve been the best.” Three months was the longest any of Remus’ previous relationships had lasted and he had Leila had been seeing one another for four now…

 

“I’m not used to this,” he continued, “being in a serious relationship.”

 

“Well me neither, but I don’t think it’s going to work if we never spend anytime together.”

 

“No, you’re right.” Remus took her hands and he was grateful when she didn’t pull away. Instead, Leila stepped closer to him, looking up into his eyes.

 

“I really like you, Remus,” she told him, hand caressing his cheek. “I’ve never felt like this about…well, anyone. Except maybe my dog Boris but who wouldn’t love him?”

 

“It’s true,” Remus chuckled. He’d met Leila’s Australian Shepherd Boris and he was _incredibly_ loveable.

 

“I just need to know that you’re as committed to this as I am.”

 

“Yes,” Remus nodded, his heart soaring. “Though, I can’t promise I’m not going to make mistakes and be, on occasion, moody.”

 

“Okay,” she nodded, “I can live with that.”

 

Remus was so thankful to have found her. Leila was kind and beautiful and warm. She made him feel safe, she always laughed at his somewhat lacking jokes and she had a soothing touch. In the few months, they’d spent together Remus had come to see what a light she was in his life (usually masked in darkness). Despite that all, he knew it’d never last. Soon, his promise of commitment would not be enough to curb her suspicions and their relationship would turn sour because of it. Because he could never tell her the one big truth…

* * *

 

Lily had walked from Gryffindor tower to the Hospital Wing with one thought in her mind – she needed to see James. She hadn’t figured out yet what it was she’d say or do once they stood face to face, only that if she didn’t speak to him now she might go mad. Her whole life seemed to have uprooted itself in all of twenty-four hours.

 

James was in one of the beds in the middle of the room. He sat up, his right eye bruised, wearing a pair of hospital pajamas. He looked over at the sound of the doors squeaking open and saw Lily immediately. There were two or three other students scattered throughout but none paid much attention to her.

 

“You just missed Marlene,” James said when Lily reached the edge of his bed.

 

“How’re you feeling?”

 

“Better now that I’ve been forced to down a few of Madame Pomfrey’s delicious potions.”

 

"Are you staying overnight?”

 

“Until she can be certain the concussion has passed.”

 

What the hell was she supposed to say _? “Hey James, just broke up with my boyfriend for you, want to date me?”_ She didn’t even know if she was ready to jump into another relationship. Was that what she really wanted, to date James Potter?

 

“You look like you’ve got something on your mind,” James said finally, drawing Lily back into the present.

 

“Fabian and I broke up,” she blurted out, heart pounding in her chest. James’ face changed from amusement to shock.

 

“Oh…”

 

“I could lie and tell you it had nothing to do with you…” she toyed anxiously with her hands, staring down at James who was now white as a ghost. “The truth is though…well…the truth is…” _The truth is: I’ve spent the past six years seeing you as nothing but an arrogant, privileged rich kid who had the world handed to him on a platter. Not until a few months ago did I realize you made me feel things I didn’t know I could feel for another person, feelings I didn’t know I had inside me._

“I’m crazy about you,” Lily confessed, shrugging her shoulders as if to say: no point fighting it any longer. She stared down at James, waiting in agony for him to respond, but he only stared at her, his face blank – his expression impossible to read.

 

“I feel I should also add that I am the least impulsive person in the world and that I’ve never felt this way in my life and…”

 

“Lily,” James interrupted, watching her closely. She could barely breathe with the tension between them, the gaping unknown. _This could be the beginning of everything_ , Lily thought, _or a terrible mistake_. “You don’t have to explain. Not right now at least.” She nodded, exhaling.

 

“Pull the curtains,” James said, a mischievous look coming across his face.

 

“I am not shagging you in the Hospital Wing,” Lily told him, arms crossed. James laughed.

 

“Believe me Evans, I would never assume you’d stoop so low.”

 

Still not entirely sure why it was she was doing it, Lily drew the curtains around the bed, sectioning them off from the rest of the room. James moved over in the small single bed, patting the side closest to Lily.

 

“Will you stay with me for a little while?”

 

Sure, she and James had shared one passionate kiss in the darkness of the Prefects office, Lily’s bloodstream still pumping with adrenaline. This was different though. Lily felt her heart race as she slipped out of her shoes and climbed onto the bed.

 

She laid on her side, staring into James’ warm, hazel eyes. He leaned forward slowly, his lips finding hers. Lily felt excitement swirl in the pit of her stomach; her fingers sliding up the back of his neck, into his thick black hair. He knew how to kiss, that was for damn sure, and Lily couldn’t help wondering what else James was good at…

 

They drew apart, James’ hand cupping her check. He stroked the hair away from her face, smiling. “I’m not entirely convinced this isn’t a dream,” he confessed, Lily giggling.

 

“I know.” In one day she’d been exposed as a cheater, broken up with her long-time boyfriend, and fallen into James Potter’s bed. None of it seemed real to her yet.

 

Suddenly, the curtain around the bed was drawn back and there stood three of the Marauders, and Marlene, all gob smacked.

 

“Merlin’s beard,” Remus gasped. Lily jumped up immediately, sitting on the edge of the bed with a guilty look (though truthfully, she was doing nothing wrong).

 

“You and Fabian broke-up then?” Marlene asked. Lily nodded.

 

“That explains why he’s locked himself in our dormitory and won’t let any of us in,” Peter complained.

 

“You’re here though?” Sirius grinned. “With James, _cuddling_.”

 

Lily looked over her shoulder, James looking a guilty as she did (though they both had smiles tugging at their lips).

 

“Are you two together?” Peter inquired excitedly.

 

“We haven’t quite gotten to that part yet, Wormtail.”

        

“Better than winning the game though I reckon?” Sirius was still beaming from ear to ear. “Now you’ve really caught the golden snitch.”

 

“Yes,” James agreed, “I have.”              


	16. She's Leaving Home

Within a week, James’ world had transformed from black and white into a kaleidoscope of colour. He woke up with Lily curled up beside him. It was the first night they’d spent together (sleeping only of course). She’d stopped by his room after her evening rounds and the two had got to talking, listening to music and snacking on the bag of jelly slugs James kept stored in his bedside drawer. At some point, they must’ve fallen asleep. 

 

He rolled over, the movement rousing Lily who stretched out her legs and rolled over to face him. 

 

“Morning,” she smiled, the side of her face creased from the pillow. 

 

Lily was still wearing her clothes from the night before (though she’d moved under the covers at some point). James still couldn’t quite believe it –  _ he _ was waking up beside Lily Evans. 

 

“Do you remember when we fell asleep?” 

 

“Not a clue,” James confessed. They didn’t touch, still nervous around one another. They were just getting used to the intimacy they now shared, the fact that James could kiss Lily whenever he wanted was shock enough. 

 

The sound of students leaving the dormitories and heading down to breakfast carried from behind the door. 

 

“Should we get dressed?” Would they walk down to breakfast together? Sit and eat side by side on the bench? James couldn’t help but worry that it would be quite a scene if Fabian were to see them...

 

“I think I have a better idea,” Lily said. With that, she scooted over and kissed him. He melted into the embrace. This was how he wanted to start every morning for the rest of his life. Merlin, one week in and he could already imagine spending the rest of his life with her. 

 

“We’ll be late to class,” James reminded her, Lily’s legs linked with his own. 

 

“I don’t care,” she told him, looking up at him with her green eyes, dark eyelashes batting. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

 

XXX

 

Fuck it, they’d said – James shocked by Lily’s willingness to blow off the rules – they weren’t going to their first-period class. Instead, after lounging in bed for a while, cuddling with the occasional snog in-between, they’d changed into fresh clothes and headed straight for the kitchen. 

 

“You’ve never been to the kitchen?” James asked in utter disbelief. 

 

“I don’t think it’s right! They spend all day slaving away, prepping food for us all. Whatever is left over in the kitchen is theirs. It’s the least they deserve.” James couldn’t help smiling; his mother had given him the same lecture many times before. 

 

“We don’t take anything they don’t offer. Besides, we’re friends.”  

 

“Sure,  _ you _ think you’re friends, but how do you think they feel when you’re the only ones benefiting from the relationship—”

 

“You’re spoiling all the fun.” 

 

“Sorry.” She smiled sheepishly. 

 

“I thought we were on a roll this morning, Evans. Skipping class, spending the night alone in the boys’ dormitory even though it's strictly against the rules.” 

 

Lily rolled her eyes, the pair of them rounding on the final flight of stairs. “I know how to break the rules.” 

 

“That’s debatable.” 

 

“I was the one who suggested it this morning, wasn’t I?” 

 

“A fluke,” James shrugged. Now he was just teasing her, a smirk tugging at his lips. Lily laughed. 

 

“I’ll prove it,” she told him. “I’ll help you pull off one of your infamous Marauder heists the next time one rolls around.” 

 

“You wouldn’t.” 

 

“I would.” She had her poker face on - not giving a thing away.  

 

They rounded on the painting of the bowl of fruit and Lily was barely able to contain her laughter when James stepped forward and tickled the pear, the portrait hole suddenly opening. 

* * *

Mary caught Marlene leaning against the wall, near the staircase to the basement, grinning at a piece of parchment in her hands. 

 

“What's got you looking so peachy?” she asked, coming up behind her. Marlene quickly slid the letter inside of her Potions textbook. 

 

“Nothing.” She was blushing. 

 

“Secret admirer?”

 

“Shut up.” 

 

“Come on, fess up!” 

 

“It’s from this guy…” 

 

“I knew it!” Mary couldn’t remember the last time Marlene had been seriously interested in any guy. Fifth-year perhaps?  

 

“Henry Fawley, I don’t know if you remember him. He was a few years above us and friends with Amy—”

 

“Your sister’s friend? The one you had a massive crush on when you were thirteen?” Marlene rolled her eyes, leading the way down the spiral staircase. They had five minutes before Potions began. 

 

“I wouldn’t describe it as massive but, yes.” Marlene had practically drooled every time Henry entered the room. Mary remembered one party, in particular, the summer before fourth-year, Marlene and Amy had thrown it while their parents were away. That was the last time they’d heard of or seen Henry Fawley. 

 

“He works at  _ Donovan’s _ now.” 

 

“ _ Donovan’s _ ?” 

 

“The pub in Hogsmeade?” 

 

Mary shook her head, dumbfounded. 

 

“The one the Marauders rave about.” 

 

“Ah.” 

 

“Well, he’s a bartender there. We ran into each other during the Hogsmeade trip.” 

 

“What did he say?” 

 

“That it was nice to see me again, we should get in touch, the usual bullshit you say when running into an old friend.” 

 

“Except you were never friends,” Mary said, eyebrows raised suggestively, “were you?” 

 

“He was my sister’s friend when I was eleven,” Marlene reminded her, “I highly doubt he sees me as anything but.” 

 

Mary begged to differ but they’d already rounded on the Potions classroom, filling up with students for the one P.M. class. She held her tongue and Marlene went over to join Lily at their cauldron in the back, Mary walking along the third row to hers…

 

There was someone else in her seat. He was rather tall with dark hair and, judging by the look on Emmeline’s face as he spoke to her, it was most likely Devin, her Hufflepuff conquest. 

 

“Mary!” Emmeline bolted up the moment she noticed her partner. “You remember Devin don’t you?” He looked over his shoulder and offered Mary a half wave. She glared in response. 

 

“Look, do you mind sitting with Reg for today?” Emmeline whispered, their heads close together. 

 

“What? No—”

 

“Please Mary, just today. I swear I’ll owe you.” 

 

There was no point in arguing. Emmeline had made up her mind and therefore, Mary would be exiled to spend the next three hours with Reginald Cattermole. 

 

Reg already had his nose buried in the textbook, reading it closely, as if Slughorn had already handed out their instructions for the class. He looked up when he saw Mary beside the table, smiling sympathetically. 

 

“Did they give you the boot?” 

 

“Yes,” she grumbled, slumping over into the seat beside him. “Wankers.” 

 

Reg laughed. “Yeah, Devin sure knows how to be a dick.” Mary was shocked by Reg’s harsh judgment, she imagined him to be a bit more like Peter Pettigrew – a blind follower of anyone whom he felt was superior (not that Peter wasn’t an absolute sweetheart). Perhaps she’d misjudged Reg...

 

“Why do you hang out with him then?” 

 

“Well, our families have known each other for years. We’ve hung out since we were children and I suppose we keep it up, from time to time, for memories sake.” Reg shrugged, “kind of like keeping your siblings around no matter how much you want to bludger them over the head.” 

 

Mary chuckled. Was that a joke? Had Reginald Cattermole just made her laugh? She would have never expected it but, as Professor Slughorn took to the front of the class to begin the lesson, Mary realized she didn’t much mind her new seating arrangements. 

* * *

Sirius was at one of the round tables in the far corner of the common room, textbook sprawled before him. He had to get through three chapters before his Transfiguration class tomorrow and he was barely halfway through. 

 

“Padfoot!” James’ voice, enthused, carrying from across the room. He rushed over, tossing his bag on the table so that it shoved Sirius’ book aside. 

 

“Not like I was reading that,” Sirius muttered, though James paid no mind. 

 

“I have a plan,” he explained. 

 

“A plan?” 

 

“Lily has insisted she can break the rules just as much as the next person.” Sirius could already see where this was going. Just the glint in James’ hazel eyes told him the chances of him finishing his readings tonight were slim. “I think we should sneak down to Hogsmeade, snatch our usual from Don’s and get smashed. We can do it in my room--"

 

“You do realize it’s a Tuesday night?”

 

“Since when did you become such a fun sponge?”

 

Sirius rolled his eyes. There would be no changing James’ mind - especially not if Lily Evans was involved. At this point, he had two choices - dig his heels in and insist he would sit this one out or…

 

“Fuck it,” Sirius shrugged, slamming his textbook shut. “What do you need me to do?”

 

Twenty minutes later they were sitting on the couches by the fireplace, Peter, Remus, Marlene and Lily joining them now. They had all agreed to forego their work for the evening in the interest of fun, more accurately - in the interest of James proving a point and impressing his new girlfriend. 

 

“Well then, what’s the plan?” Marlene asked.

 

“Sirius and I will take the secret passage to Hogsmeade and sneak into Don’s cellar to grab the alcohol. You lot will wait for us back here--”

 

“So we don’t get to have any of the fun?” Lily frowned. 

 

“You get to drink the alcohol, that’s the best part.” 

 

Sirius was happy to trade places with the girls. The last thing he felt like doing was taking a fifty minute trip down a dark, musky passageway just for a few bottles of Firewhiskey. Of course, he knew better than to question James’ plans. 

 

“We can play a game of Exploding Snaps,” Peter suggested, “while we wait for them to return.” 

 

“Did I hear Exploding Snaps?” Frank and Alice - who had just come in through the portrait hole - came over, holding hands. “I’m the Exploding Snaps champion,” Frank bragged. 

 

“Liar,” Alice mouthed to Sirius who did his best to suppress his laughter. 

 

“What trouble are you lot getting up to tonight?” 

 

“Oh, the usual,” James replied, grinning. Alice gravitated towards the girls, sitting on the couch, and Sirius watched as they came together, heads close, whispering amongst themselves. He knew there wasn’t a chance in hell they’d let the boys have all the fun. Of course, it was only later that he would regret not asking them what they were planning. 

* * *

“What a load of bollocks,” Lily said to the girls. They were in her room now - having left the boys downstairs after “agreeing” to James’ plan. He and Sirius would take the passage after dinner and meet them all back in James’ dorm in two hours. 

 

“Why do you want to journey all the way to Hogsmeade anyway? It’s freezing outside and it sounds like quite the mission.” Of course, it was easy for Alice to shrug the whole thing off. No one had suggested that she was a rule follower without a fun bone in her body. Lily was the one with something to prove. She wanted James to know that she was just as game as he was - she was only smarter about it. 

 

“It’s the principle,” Marlene cut in, sitting by the window. “The boys are suggesting that we would somehow not be able to pull it off as well as them. They think we’re safer back here in the castle.” 

 

“As if they haven’t had enough detentions to last a lifetime,” Lily grumbled. “We break the rules all the time, we’re just better at it.” 

 

“True,” Alice nodded. 

 

“Look, I’ve taken the passageway with James a hundred times. If you want to pull one over on them we can do it.” 

 

Lily perked up. “Really?” Marlene nodded, not seeming the least bit intimidated by the prospect. 

 

“We’ll leave while they’re eating. They won’t even know it’s happening.” 

 

“Brilliant.” The corners of Lily’s mouth turned up. 

 

“I’ll come too,” Alice interjected. “Can’t let the boys have all the fun can we?” 

 

So it was agreed - the three of them would make the journey instead of James and Sirius. The plan was to be back in the castle before the boys had even had the chance to leave - they would be shocked. 

 

Lily - who was Head Girl and still had responsibilities in the castle that evening - made a trip down to the Prefects Office before leaving. Tonight it was her turn to organize the patrol schedule and while she had no trouble breaking the rules - she also quite enjoyed following them sometimes. 

 

The room was small, just enough space for a long table to convene at. There was a schedule which hung on the back wall that Lily went straight for, finding the names of those on patrols for the night. 

 

“Lily?”

 

She jumped. She hadn’t even heard the door open. Severus Snape was standing at the other end of the table, dark hair hanging in his eyes. 

 

“What’re you doing here?” 

 

“I’m on patrols tonight,” he reminded her. “Susie and I were going to meet outside the office but I noticed the door was open…” 

 

“Oh,” she nodded, the tension in the room palpable. “I was just checking to see who’d been scheduled…” it was difficult to believe they’d once been the closest of friends. Now they could barely stand to be in the same room - at least Lily found it impossible. She couldn’t look at Severus without seeing the boy she’d once known and cared so deeply for but neither could she erase the reminder of the pain he had caused. 

 

“Is it true?” The question caught her off guard. “Are you and Potter…” he practically choked saying James’ name. 

 

“Yes.” Severus’ face fell and then his lips turned up in a snarl. 

 

“Why?” he asked - as if he were still her friend. “Why would you date  _ him _ of all people?” 

 

“What I do is no concern of yours,” she answered dryly. 

 

“You said you would _never_ date him.” 

 

“Things change, _he’s_ changed. James isn’t the same guy he was two years ago, can you say the same?” 

 

Severus glared at her. “I don’t think you have any right to judge me when you’re spending time with Potter and his goonies--”

 

“Oh please. James and his friends are innocent. They don’t attack innocent girls in empty corridors or threaten the lives of people because of their blood.” 

 

“That’s not--” Severus began to say, wanting so badly to defend the life he had chosen, the one Lily could never approve of. She shook her head. 

 

“I don’t want to hear it.” She didn’t. Not one excuse. There was nothing he could say to change her mind or the fact that only a few weeks ago his friends had attacked her for no reason other than the fact that she was muggle born. 

 

“Lily, please--”

 

“I have to go.” She crossed the room, brushing past him. She knew what came after the plead - he would beg her to forgive him, to give up James and return to their friendship. As if it hadn't crumbled years ago, as if they could somehow go back to what it had been before they’d both chosen their sides. 

 

Severus didn’t bother trying to stop her, he knew better than that by now, and Lily stepped out of the room, desperate to push their interaction behind her and focus her attention instead on impressing James Potter. 

* * *

Alice found Frank alone in his dorm, lying on his bed with a book in his hands - he enjoyed being alone with a book more than anyone else Alice knew. She’d come to tell him what they doing (at least one person in the castle should know where the girls had gone) and also to steal one of his warmest sweaters. 

 

“I still don’t understand why anyone needs to sneak out to Hogsmeade,” Frank said once Alice had explained the plan to him. 

 

“I don’t know, but James and Sirius are implying that we girls would not be able to pull off the heist as successfully as them.” 

 

“Silly mistake on their part,” Frank smirked. 

 

“My thoughts exactly.” 

 

“Come here.” He opened his arms and Alice slid from the end of the bed - where she was sitting - into them. He was warm and smelt of lemongrass soap. She snuggled up into his chest. Frank was her safe place. His arms were where Alice felt most at ease. Thinking about it now, it seemed implausible that she should seek comfort from any man but him. 

 

Except she had. Alice’s stomach sank with guilt as Frank kissed the top of her head. She had betrayed the person who meant most to her and sooner or later she would have to tell him. 

 

“Promise me you’ll be safe.” 

 

“Of course.” 

 

“And you’ll be back before eleven.” 

 

“Yes,” Alice agreed. She looked up, smiling at him, “can I borrow your sweater, the blue one?” Frank scoffed. 

 

“So that’s why you’re being so cute, huh?” Alice leaned forward, kissing him. “The second drawer,” he told her. Alice pulled one of the drawers on the side of his bed open and grabbed the sweater from within. 

 

“Everything I own looks better on you,” Frank said, watching from the bed as she pulled it on over her head. 

 

“Not true.” Alice climbed back onto the bed, lying on top of him, kissing his lips softly. “You’re quite handsome.” 

 

She ran her hands down along his chest, pausing when Frank reached for her left hand, staring disappointedly at her naked fingers. 

 

“I haven’t told anyone yet,” she explained. “We will--”

 

“When?” 

 

“Soon.” 

 

“You’ve been saying that for weeks Al.” She sat up, feet tucked beneath her. 

 

“I just don’t want anyone to...place their judgment on us.” That was true, sort of. Alice knew they were young - people would gossip. Many wouldn’t believe that the relationship would make it. Usually, Alice wouldn’t pay much mind to what others thought but this time - knowing how terribly she’d messed up - part of her agreed with them. 

 

“Who cares about anyone else.” Frank sat up, reaching for her hands. “The only person I care about is you.” 

 

“I guess, I also just…” Alice looked down into her lap, avoiding eye contact as she always did when the subject of her mother arose. “I wish she could know.” 

 

“She does,” Frank promised. “Where ever she is, she knows.”He stroked her hair, the way she liked and kissed her tenderly. How could she not want to scream from the rooftops that she was lucky enough to have a man like Frank want to marry her? 

 

“I’ll tell them,” she promised him as they pulled apart.”I’ll tell the girls tonight.”

 

“Okay.” He smiled and she could see that it relieved him to know soon the engagement would be real - once everyone knew it would become official. Questions would be asked and Augusta would be informed that a wedding needed to be planned (Alice dreaded that). 

 

“Go show those boys what you can do,” Frank said, giving Alice’s bum a playful smack as she stood up from the bed. “Then come back to me.” 

 

“Always,” Alice promised, pushing open the door. 

* * *

Marlene, Alice and Lily decided they would dress “incognito” for the evening. The three girls convened in Lily’s room dressed head to toe in black - Lily even wearing a black beanie to complete the look. It was laughable really, the three of them sneaking through the empty castle corridors looking like a couple of burglars.

 

Marlene had taken the passageway many times with James (and once or twice with Sirius - though she preferred not to mention  _ those _ occasions to her friends). She led Alice and Lily to the third-floor landing and paused in front of the statue of The One-Eyed Witch. 

 

_ “Dissendium,”  _ Marlene said, watching as the witch’s hump opened to reveal a short slide.

“How on earth did they find this place?” 

 

“It’s a bit of a long story.” Marlene slid down to the passageway first, feet hitting the ground hard. She stepped aside so that Lily and Alice could follow after her. Once they were all inside the entrance closed and the passage was suddenly masked in darkness.

 

“ _Luminos_ ,” Marlene, Alice and Lily all said at the same time. Light filled the tight space, the girls chuckling before Marlene stepped forward and took the lead.

 

“Well then?” Lily prodded. “What is this story?” They had an hour to go before they reached the village - forty-five minutes perhaps if they could walk fast enough, but Marlene wasn’t so sure they’d manage with three people.

 

“Do you remember Nick Henstridge?”

 

“Yeah, he’s a hard one to forget,” Lily scoffed - the way most did when reminded of Nick. He’d been in Amy’s year - four years ahead of them - and a constant source of irritation for every professor. Lily - in particular - had loathed him. He was a Gryffindor, and a popular one at that, but he took enjoyment in teasing under year Slytherins, Severus Snape being one of them. 

“He was fit, wasn't he?” Alice chimed in.

 

“Those freckles,” Marlene swooned.

 

“Oh please. He was average at best and a total dick head.”

 

“Just to play devil’s advocate,” Marlene began, knowing full well she was about to hit a nerve, “that group of Slytherins he used to target? They’re all followers now.” 

 

“It’s true,” Alice agreed. “You know I found a second year crying in the fourth floor bathroom yesterday. She was shaking because Avery warned her that something would happen if she continued to pretend she was a witch.”

 

“Alice,” Lily gasped, “that’s horrible. You should have told me--” she seemed to regret the words the second they came out of her mouth. It was obvious why Alice would not have brought the event to Lily’s attention - she was worried it would hit too close to home. They didn’t talk much after that, at least, not about anything that mattered and everyone seemed to forget entirely about the story. 

 

Marlene was thinking about reaching  _ Donovan’s _ , knowing Henry would be there. Part of her ached to see him though she knew it would ruin the whole plan. If he caught them he’d most likely have to tell Don and then the boys would know they’d fumbled the whole thing. No, she’d have to reserve her interest in seeing Henry for a later date (perhaps the next Hogsmeade trip?).

 

“There’s something…” Alice cleared her throat to get their attention. “I should tell you something while we have the time...I, um...well, FrankandIareengaged,” She sputtered out. It took a moment for the words to register and another for Marlene to digest the news that Alice - the most level-headed of all of them - was planning to get married before she’d even finished school.

 

“Wow,” Marlene heard Lily say from behind her. She didn’t dare turn her head - she was worried Alice might not like the look of disapproval she wore. It seemed to Marlene silly to rush to get married. If Alice and Frank planned to be together forever, why not simply wait awhile before rushing into lifelong commitment? Unless…

 

“Are you pregnant?” Marlene blurted out, unable to contain herself.

 

“No!” Alice’s voice bounced off the walls. “Nothing like that...Frank just...well, he proposed and I said yes,” Alice reasoned - as if it made any sense.

 

“It’ll be a long engagement then I suppose?” Lily asked.

 

“Yes. School comes first. I mean I...I didn’t even want to tell anyone yet because it still feels so far away - _marriage_.” Marlene didn't bother pointing out that Alice said the word like it was a death sentence. She offered Alice a simple "congratulations" and tried to pretend the rest of the journey that she didn't think it was a total mistake. 

 

They were all drained by the time they reached the ladder - and entirely grateful to finally escape the dank tunnel. Once again, Marlene led the way, quietly guiding the girls through the Honeydukes basement and out the front door - careful not to make a peep.

 

The fresh air was a blessing after being underground for an hour. They took big, grateful gulps of it, taking the road down to  _ Donovan’s _ . They weren’t very far - a minute in? - when they saw a man standing further up the road. He had his hands tucked into his coat pockets and paced back and forth.

 

“Shit,” Lily cursed, stepping back to try and avoid being seen.

 

“I think it’s okay,” Marlene assured her. “I think it’s Henry…” and it was. He noticed them a few seconds later, eyes practically bulging from his head. Marlene doubted she looked any different. The three girls stood - like deers caught in headlights - watching as he strode towards them purposefully.

 

“What the hell are you guys doing out here?” His tone was harsh - nothing like Marlene remembered him.

 

“We were just…” Marlene meant to explain but with the look on his face, she assumed the truth would only make matters worse. 

 

“You have to go,” he insisted, “go back to the castle  _ now _ .”

 

“Mate, you have no authority over us, chill out.”

 

“ _ Marlene… _ ” His tone left no room for argument. In the days to come, she’d regret not listening. It might have made all the difference.

 

“Fine,” Marlene agreed, glaring at him. The three of them turned back in the direction of Honeydukes, leaving Henry behind. Marlene didn’t mind - not when he spoke to her like an insolent child. What the hell was his problem?

 

“We failed,” Lily sighed. “This is going to be quite the embarrassment.”

 

“Not a fucking chance," Marlene shook her head. " _ The Three Broomsticks _ is across the street from _Honeydukes_ , we’re getting that alcohol.” No one argued - not that it would have made a difference at that point. They passed _Honeydukes_ , crossing the street instead towards the side of  _ The Three Broomsticks _ . They scaled the building in search of the cellar entrance.

 

“Henry was…” Alice began hesitantly. 

 

“An asshole,” Marlene finished for her. “Screw him.” Why the hell did she need to be chasing after some twenty-one year old guy she’d had a crush on when she was thirteen? He could be a total weirdo for all she knew. Besides, it wasn’t as if she were lacking in male attention, there was Sirius after all--

 

Suddenly, a hand clasped roughly over Marlene’s mouth, dragging her backwards as she choked on her screams. She was pushed against the side of the building roughly and then a wand was shoved into her throat, her own confiscated. She couldn’t see her abductor but she could smell the alcohol on their breath. She could tell it was a man by the way he held her - just close enough to make sure she was uncomfortable. 

 

Alice was shoved against the wall beside Marlene. From the sounds of it Lily was on her other side - though she couldn’t turn her head to look.

 

“What are your names?” Demanded Alice’s captor. None of them responded prompting each of the men holding them against the wall to remind them that they could die at any given minute. Marlene could feel the tip of his wand pressed into the back of her head now.

 

“We’re just students,” Lily insisted.

 

“Students, huh? What business do you lot have lurking about Godric’s Hollow at night?”

 

“We were going to get alcohol,” Marlene told him. For a second it really seemed like they might get away with it all. The men would realize they were no threat - they had come to steal a few bottles of Firewhiskey and would be on their merry way.

 

“What’re your names?”

 

“Amy McKinnon, the redhead is my younger sister, Marlene.” It was all Marlene could think to do to protect Lily’s identity - just in case.

 

“Alice Griffith.” 

 

There was mumbling between them men behind them. Marlene could only see the back of Alice’s head. She wished she could see her face, that they could assure each other with easy glances that everything was going to be okay.

 

“You’ll come with us.”

 

“What--”

* * *

The boys had returned to Gryffindor Tower after dinner prepared to say goodbye to the girls before they left for their evening excursion. Instead, they’d been met with surprise.

 

“Turns out you’ve been duped,” Frank announced when the boys entered the common room. He’d been sitting alone at a table near the windows, studying, but had risen to greet them the moment they’d returned. He had a piece of parchment, folded up four ways. 

 

_ Don’t worry boys, we can do all the hard work for you. _

 

James couldn’t help but smile. He had a sneaking suspicion Lily was behind it all - outraged at the thought of being excluded from all the fun. She had a need to be right. James was beginning to learn that trying to tell her what to do was useless. 

 

“I can’t believe this,” Sirius chuckled, “you convinced them to do the worst part.”

 

“Did they even take the map?”

 

It took James and Sirius a few minutes to figure out which one of them was currently keeping the map - it was determined after quite some deliberation that it was Remus who had used it last, to sneak down to the kitchen at night (he was a notorious late night snacker). 

 

Remus, of course, had gone to the library with Leila right after dinner and so they were tasked with rummaging through his things like a couple of crooks. 

 

“Aha!” It was in the middle drawer of Remus’ bedside table. Sirius discovered it and shook his head. “Rookie mistake.” 

 

“Frank said they left an hour ago."

 

"Shouldn't be long then," Sirius shrugged, tucking the map into the back pocket of his jeans. 

 

“Come on, we’ll wait for the others in my room.” James beckoned Sirius off into the hall and around the corner to the Head Boy’s room. The last person to sleep in there had been George Alderton and that had been in their fourth-year - after that, the Head Boy had been Ravenclaw for two years. Never in a million years had James expected to be the next one to occupy the room. He still felt like they would show up and revoke his badge at any minute.

 

“Come on, let's play a game of chess,” Sirius suggested. James also had a hidden mickey of Vodka that he hadn’t mentioned to Sirius. Sirius spread the board out on the table James had near his window. It was meant to be used for studying but most nights it served as either a dinner table or a chess board base. 

 

“Did you know?” Sirius asked, arranging his pieces as James fixed them both a drink. “That the girls would take charge?”

 

“I had a feeling Lily might,” he confessed. It was just an inkling - a curiosity in fact. He had wanted to see how far she would go to prove him wrong. James was impressed.

 

They played a heated game of Chess, finishing off two vodka mix drinks each. At some point the moved to the bed, both reassuring the other they weren’t falling asleep, not at all, the girls would not find them passed out when they returned…

 

“ _ James _ !” It was Remus’ voice, ringing urgently in James’ ear, that brought him back to consciousness. Sirius was already sitting up, rubbing his eyes sleepily. 

 

“What?” 

 

“They’re not back.” 

 

“Huh?” 

 

“The girls aren’t back!” Remus repeated - although this time more panicked. It took James a few moments to understand the words, coming slowly to consciousness. 

 

“What time is it--”

 

“It’s been over three hours,” Sirius announced grimly, looking down at his watch. 

 

“They’re just running late.” James reached for his glasses, rested on the bedside table. Peter was standing at the end of the bed, biting his nails. That wasn’t a good sign. 

 

“Maybe they had trouble getting into Don’s?” Sirius suggested, yawning. 

 

“Not if Marlene’s with them.”

 

“We have to tell someone.” 

 

“No.” Sirius put an end to Remus’ line of thought right away. “We have to try and find them.” 

 

“Don’t be stupid--”

 

“Oh don’t be such a wuss Remus.” 

 

“Please don’t argue,” Peter pleaded, as he always did. James couldn’t stand it - any of them. He reached under his bed for the map and scanned it closely. They were nowhere to be found in the castle, or even the passageway on their way back from Hogsmeade. Something was wrong. 

 

He stood up, ignoring the other three, and reached for his shoes, sitting on the edge of the bed to pull them on. 

 

“Where are you going?” 

 

“To find the girls. I’ll take the tunnel to Hogsmeade--”

 

“We should tell someone,” Remus stressed, “Dumbledore--”

 

“I’m with James, we find them ourselves. Chances are they got held up somewhere along the way.” James hoped that Sirius was right. Of course, Remus was still not convinced and - with one person on the edge - Peter naturally tipped towards uncertainty. 

 

They never got the chance to decide, not before there came a knock at the door. James answered and there was Frank, wearing his pyjamas, face drawn with concern. 

 

“I’m going to McGonagall,” he announced. James had no issue arguing with Remus about being a rule follower, but Frank Longbottom - who had planned to be an Auror since birth - was a more difficult sell. 

 

“Wait!” Sirius insisted from behind James. “Frank - please, we’ll find them--”

 

“Something is wrong, if things had gone smoothly they’d be back by now.”

 

“It’s only been two hours,” Sirius tried to reason. 

 

“It’s been _three_!” James could see the colour rising in Frank’s neck. He would never budge, not when Alice was involved. James knew he should feel the same way - his girlfriend was out there as well, after all - but he couldn’t bring himself to accept that any harm had come to them. The thought was too awful to bear. 

 

“Let him go,” Remus told them, “he’s right.” James knew it was no use - even if he wanted nothing more than to race down the tunnel and search for the girls himself. He gave in, sitting on the edge of his bed wordlessly, mind suddenly filled with every worst-case scenario on earth. Just a few hours ago Lily had been in this very room and now...well, now James hadn’t a clue where she was. 


End file.
